Chapter 11: All In

Sam had spent half the night hunched over his laptop reading articles or blogs about the night Purgatory's gate had been opened. He wanted to see if anything strange or supernatural had occurred in Nevada, specifically near the area where the hole had been opened. Yet he found nothing. Just stories about unusual whether in that area the night of the big opening.

Sam had been deluding himself into believing this would somehow lead him to Balthazar since he started the witch hunt. More like angel hunt. Yet he couldn't stop hoping.

Each day felt like an eternity. Each day he thought of all the things that had gone on unsaid between them and how he regretted never saying it when he had the chance. Now he feared he would never get that chance. Balthazar had disappeared. Almost like he fell off the face of the earth- or more like returned to Heaven without so much as a 'see yeah later, darling'. Sam was heartbroken at first. Except Sam wasn't one to take defeat easily. That's when the hunt started. He refused to let that cocky, arrogant asshole just vanish without an explanation why.

He needed some answers and he wanted closure. Even if it meant hearing that Balthazar wasn't interested in him and that it had only been a casual hook-up, nothing to start gushing about. That was the least that bastard angel could do for him, especially everything he went through to help get his grace back. So Sam went digging into every place or area he believed Balthazar would be. Trouble was, that looking for an angel is not an easy task. Sam ended up out of ideas and places within a few days. He even tried summoning him yet it didn't work. Nothing worked. He eventually decided to circle back around to the entrance of Purgatory. He felt like it was a loose end and he wanted to make sure nothing had escaped that day. If so, he planned on sending it right back, bags packed and with a knife in the chest.

But Sam didn't find anything. He was yet again, fresh out of ideas and places to find Balthazar. He would have to go back to hoping that Balthazar would grow balls, come back and tell him the truth. Why did he leave? Where was he now? What happened between them? He had all these burning questions and they drove him a little further and a little harder each day for the answers.

He wanted Balthazar. He craved him and lusted after him. Yet something changed after he had been zapped full of his grace. Touching that part of Balthazar's soul made Sam realize that the angel had more depth and love inside him then he ever let on. And with those new possibilities, somehow Sam's heart opened for him. Wanting to be part of that love and part of the man who held it.

Except he was gone. And Sam was back to square one.

He rubbed a calloused hand over his face, pressing his fingers hard into his eyes trying to wipe the sleep away. He needed a drink. He needed some rest. He needed Balthazar- no, wanted Balthazar.

Suddenly his phone rang. Glad to be interrupted from his current thoughts Sam answered it.
"Hey," Dean said on the other end of the phone. "Where you at?"

"A few miles outside Nevada right now," he paused, glancing at his wrist-watch. It was close to midnight. "I'll get an early start tomorrow morning."

There was a long pause on the other end. Finally after a moment Dean said, "Is there somethin' you wanna fill me in on?" He asked suspiciously.

Sam froze. Unsure of what Dean was hinting at. He hadn't told him about him and Balthazar. It was complicated enough without his older and slightly judgmental brother involved. Sure Dean had good intentions but Sam was an adult and could take care of himself especially in matters of the heart. Yet he was beginning to wonder if Dean had figured him out? But how? His mind began racing but before he could think of an excuse, Dean spoke. "Cas has been rather…" he hesitated, "closed off about Balthazar. Now you too?"

Sam held back a sigh, rubbing his temple. Cas had figured it out. Sam had been rather emotional the night Balthazar fell into the pit. Cas must have suspected something with him and Balthazar. Yet he hadn't shared this information with Dean.

Sam frowned in confusion. Cas and Dean were together now. It surprised Sam to know that Dean was ignorant of all this. Maybe Cas wanted to see how it panned out before Dean got wind of his little brother being romantically involved with a swallow, self-absorbed angel like Balthazar? It didn't help that Dean didn't seem too fond of the angel either.

"No- look Dean," Sam began to explain, trying to sound casual. "Balthazar is a complicated angel and he doesn't really like you…"

"Yeah- that I know," Dean retorted. "I just wanna know why you're still helpin' this guy after he nabbed his grace and took off?" Dean hesitated cooling his aggressive tone slightly, "It's kinda obvious he's not interested in having you help him anymore Sam. So why are you still trying?"

Suddenly Sam heard the flapping of wings in his motel room. He glanced around to the sound and saw Balthazar, leaning casually against the doorway with a sealed bottle of wine in his hand. Sam felt his heart flutter at the mere sight of him.

"Honestly," Sam answered, eyes locked on the handsome angel. "I have no clue." A mixture of excitement and anger began curling up inside Sam. "Can I call you back tomorrow, Dean? I gotta rest."

His brother muttered something then resigned to letting Sam off the hook for now and hung up.

"I came bearing gifts," Balthazar said in a cool, amused tone as he held up the bottle of vintage wine.

Sam could only stare at him in dull shock. He spent the last week trying to find him only to have him pop into his motel room. And it certainly didn't help that Balthazar looked roguishly handsome standing there before him.

His blond hair was a tidy mess, his clothes were his own style again with the designer black jeans, polished boots, and grey v-neck t-shirt with a classic dark blazer which curved perfectly over his toned chest. His hard, lengthy body screamed pure sexuality and utter male, making Sam sit straighter in his seat feeling the heat between them like a bolt of electricity snapping through the air. Yet the most breath-taking of all was the angel's steady, confident blue eyes. Bluer than the ocean and brighter than the sky on a clear summer's day.

"Have I rendered you speechless, darling?" Balthazar asked teasingly in his British accent.

Sam opened his mouth to retort but nothing came out. He had so much to say but he was caught off guard by his sudden reappearance and his own biting anger.

Finally after a minute Sam spluttered, "Why are you here?"

"Just wanted to pop by and say hello to an old friend," Balthazar said lightly. Sam narrowed his eyes darkly, which caused the angel to shrug, "All right- truth is, Cas stopped by."

"Cas?" Sam asked genuinely confused.

"Yes- the bloody bastard. He claimed that you weren't looking for me anymore and said that you could've cared less if I smitted myself." He explained frankly. "I didn't want to believe him- so here I am."

"Do you have any idea how vain that makes you sound?" Sam asked getting up from the table, desperately trying to feel indifferent towards Balthazar.

Balthazar chuckled, waving a few fingers over the wine. The cork popped itself out. "Yes, I know. I'm a very conceited little birdie."

Yet somehow Sam had fallen in love with him, he thought unhappily. "So seeing me has nothing to do with wanting to see me- and everything to do with satisfying your curiosity to see if I was what? Pining away for you?"

Balthazar seemed to debate the question then with a slight nod said, "Yes."

Sam felt like he was just slapped in the face. His anger beginning to ripple upwards on his usually calm surface.

"Oh- and one more thing," Balthazar said casually, obliviously to Sam's building fury. "I wanted to tell you something too." His steady gaze locked onto Sam's, "I'm madly and hopelessly in love with you."

Sam's shock was overwhelmed by his anger. Balthazar had pranced around safe, unharmed while he had been desperately searching for him, terrified and worried. And he had the nerve to strut into his motel and just drop a bomb on him? Sam was floored. He wanted to lash out and throw him against the wall and smother him with kisses all at the same time.

"And…" Balthazar said in utter confidence, "I believe you are too."

"Wow- you really are somethin'," Sam remarked icily.

Balthazar titled his head innocently, "Yes- I know." The angel crossed the room to grab two glasses from the motel mini-bar for the wine. "I got this at a little club in Pairs. It's divine. I think you'll enjoy it."

He wasn't in the mood for wine. When Balthazar turned, two wine glasses in hand, Sam confronted him. "Where were you?"

Balthazar set the glasses down on the table, inches away from Sam. The heat between them didn't flame out since their time apart instead it seemed hotter than before. He pushed the thought aside. Sam wanted answers at the moment not crazed, hungry sex.

"Here and there," Balthazar replied with a shrug.

"I've been searching for you the past week!" Sam hissed out, "I mean- you left, that's it. Not one word or an explanation why. You vanished. And what? You expect me to just take you back?"

"Exactly," Balthazar said softly, his hungry gaze straying over Sam's lips.

"I'm glad that you're all right, Balthazar." He replied coldly. Sam felt betrayed somehow. Balthazar had tossed his feelings away so carelessly and still expected him to give it again. "You have your grace back so now we can just go back the way we were before…"

Balthazar snorted, "We were practically strangers before Sam."

"Exactly," Sam said, mimicking Balthazar.

"Sam…"

"No," Sam stopped him as he tried to come near him.

"C'mon Sam," Balthazar began reaching out once again. Sam pushed his hand away with one hard shove. He reeled back, his cocky arrogance vanished.

"You had your chance, Balthazar." Sam moved away from him to the other side of the room. He waited with his back turn to hear the sound of flapping wings. But when he heard nothing to indicate Balthazar had left, he turned to see the angel still there and glaring daggers at him.

"I told you I love you," Balthazar seethed angrily.

Sam tried not to let that effect his heart but it did. Balthazar admitted to loving something more than himself. But how long would that last?

"You need to go, Balthazar."

"Don't tell me that I mean nothing to you Sam."

He said nothing. Sam wouldn't lie but he wouldn't tell him the truth either.

"Fine- you want me to beg…? Grovel? I'll do that for you, darling. Whatever it takes to make you believe that I'm in this- I'm all in." Balthazar retorted confidently. "What do you want to know? I'll tell you whatever you want, Sam."

"Why did you disappear?" Sam asked without hesitation. The question had been burning in his mind the past week. He needed to know why Balthazar had abandoned him that day in the tent, surrounded by blood and death.

Balthazar's face paled. "When I got my grace back- I got something else back in my birthday present," he tapped a finger to his temple. "A world full of hurt..." he sighed, "my memories of Purgatory."

Sam reeled, horrified.

"I didn't know how to handle it." Balthazar stared dully at the wine bottle, "I was overwhelmed, darling. I needed to 'deal' on my own. I didn't want you to suffer through that," He admitted, seeming almost ashamed.

Sam's brick wall around his heart began to crumble. "You could have stayed. I would have helped you, you know that."

"I do, that's why I chose to leave." Balthazar ran his hand through his hair, vulnerable and helpless. "I'm all right now. The occasional flashback is more startling then scary these days."

"So then why didn't you come back sooner?" Sam asked.

"I didn't know how," he replied honestly.

"That's not good enough, Balthazar."

The angel leaned heavily against the door now. His confidence from earlier drained away from his expression. "I wanted to, believe me. I wanted to see you- know how you were doing. But I was afraid…"

"Afraid of what?"

"Being in love with you."

Sam's heart swelled in blinding happiness. "What changed?"

"After Cas told me you lost interest…" he replied bitterly at first, then his sky blue eyes sparkled with sudden grief and pain. "The idea of loosing you forever Sam… was intolerable."

Sam stared at him, unable to speak let alone think of a reply that would match his.

"I love you my sweet darling," Balthazar said gently as he stepped away from the wall. "I just didn't see it because I'm a bloody idiot."

Sam bit back his absurd urge to smile as he replied, "At least you can admit it."

Amusement gleamed in the angel's eyes, "Yes- now you know everything. I've been miserable without you and whenever I think of you…" he trailed off, his heated gaze traveling down the length of his body. "I can't stop." The angel smiled lightly, "Now just tell me you're hopelessly in love with me too, you bastard."

Sam smirked, "That would be too easy."

Balthazar laughed in disbelief, "Fine- play hard to get, love. But I will hear you say it."

Suddenly Balthazar captured Sam's wrist and they teleported to the bed. Sam yelped and landed with a hard thud on the mattress. The bed creaked and groaned under their weight. Balthazar frowned, "I must say, Sam- you pick the best motels."

"It was in the price range." Sam muttered as he felt a spring from the mattress poke him in the back.

"This will not do," the angel said disapprovingly as he snapped his fingers twice and they were surrounded by sounds of waves crashing on the beach, moonlight filtering through the bedroom window and the smell of exotic flowers and the ocean filling the air. Sam glanced around, realizing he was laying naked now on a rather large bed.

Balthazar grinned as he hummed in delight and leaned in for a kiss. Sam, too distracted by the sudden bedroom change hadn't noticed Balthazar too was gloriously naked.

"Where are we?"

"Same place, just different scenery." Balthazar muttered and captured his mouth with a searing kiss. Sam's mind instantly went blank. It had been so long since they kissed that he nearly forgotten how good it felt. A small, weak whimper escaped the back of his throat as Sam grabbed the frisky angel around the neck and hurled his hard body against his. Balthazar chuckled happily as he let himself be taken control of by Sam, who devoured his mouth.

Balthazar trailed his hand up the length of his side and caressed his chest, palming his nipples. Sam inhaled sharply as Balthazar's mouth took over where his hand had left off. He tongued his nipple, then the other, making Sam squirm and groan in hot desire. Balthazar smiled up at him from his chest, "I missed that groan of yours…" he sucked hard on his nipple now until Sam's whole body tensed and his cock ached between his thighs. "I'd lay awake at night thinking of you groaning beneath me…"

"You don't sleep," Sam stated thinly, his breathing beginning to get choppy.

Balthazar sent him a coy smile, "It's an expression, love."

Sam snorted out a laugh then gasped as Balthazar's hand moved to his cock. The angel palmed him gently, taking the length of him and pulling with care and ease, teasing him. Sam cursed. The muscles in his legs tightened and his stomach clenched. He tried desperately to not jerk himself forward in Balthazar's soft hand like some greedy nymph.

Balthazar seemed to watch his suffering in delight. Sam glared down at him, blue eyes slamming against emerald. "You could grip a little harder, Balthazar…"

"I could…" Balthazar replied as he bent down and kissed Sam's hipbone, slowly making his way down to his throbbing cock. "You could admit that you love me." His warm breath tickled this side flesh.

"Nice try," Sam said breathlessly as his excitement grew. "Seducing the words out of me won't work, Balthazar."
The angel's hand suddenly stopped tugging. "Really?" he asked in mild amusement.

Sam's eyes shot open to see Balthazar's face flare to life with the challenge.

Balthazar moved away from him to reposition himself over Sam on the bed. Balthazar straddled him like a bull, legs clamped down around his sides and his body inches from his. Sam instinctively arched his back needing to feel flesh against flesh. But Balthazar simply hovered, tauntingly.

"When I'm through with you, love- you'll be more than ready to tell me what I want to hear," Balthazar mocked before he shifted his weight on his knees. Sam let out a surprise gasp as Balthazar rubbed the length of his own erection against Sam's.

He tried to arch into him, but Balthazar clamped a strong hand down on his chest as he slowly moved his hips, rubbing himself against him. Sam struggled, trying to free himself so he could bury his cock into Balthazar's taunting grind but the angel's strength outmatched his own. He whimpered in resignation. Balthazar simply smiled coyly down at his defeat as he continued to move agonizingly slow on top of him, the friction building into an incredible heat.

Their firm, hard cocks ached deliciously against each other. Sam saw the need grow in Balthazar's face as he began to move faster, picking up his pace until Sam was so rock hard and ready to burst. Sam desperately wanted to reach out and touch his angel yet he liked the idea of being dominated by Balthazar. It was hot.

"C'mon Sam…" Balthazar hissed out. His face drawn back in fierce resistance as if he were only a breath away from cumming. "Say it…" he demanded, his hips bucking now. Sam felt the bead of precum wet his tip and he nearly came then and there especially at the stunning sight of Balthazar astride him.

Sam kept his mouth firmly shut, refusing to succumb. He didn't want to say the words- not yet.

Balthazar sensed his resistance and abruptly stopped humping. Sam gasped and struggled again, forgetting the angel's hold on him. Balthazar suddenly moved. His inhuman speed and strength positioned Sam on his hands and knees on the bed, Balthazar behind him, his erection pressing against him.

A warm breath tickled his ear. Sam glanced over his shoulder to see the angel, who pushed his body against his backside. Sam trembled as he realized Balthazar had every intention to seduce the words of love out of him and that threat meant the angel would use all and any of his dirty tricks to get what he wanted.

Sam tried to escape his grasp but Balthazar simply pushed him forward roughly to his hands and knees again. He gasped when Balthazar trailed his fingers down his spine all the way to his ass, where he cupped and molded with his hands.

"Balthazar…" Sam hissed, still unable to move or touch the angel. Balthazar had complete and utter control of them.

Balthazar hummed in heady desire as he reached around and grasped Sam's cock once more. This time it was with a sure, firm grip. Sam moaned, his hips bucking into his hand. Balthazar pulled roughly and with his superior strength. Sam cursed, resisting the urge to come. Yet at this point it was like trying to stop a dam from flooding. Sweat trickled his brow, his heart raced, his breathing was frantic and his pulse choppy. He wanted to come so badly. Balthazar pulled ruthlessly now.

"Tell me Sam…" Balthazar whispered over his huffs.

"No…" Sam bit out, fisting his hands into the sheets.

Balthazar cruelly moved the pad of his thumb over his erection and pushed, over and over until Sam was delirious. He ground and pulled maliciously. Suddenly he felt Balthazar's tip of his erection push into his backside. Sam gasped. But he was so aroused that the pain was fleeting. Balthazar drove into, thrusting so hard that Sam lost his grip on the bed sheets. Balthazar held onto him with his strength, his forearm wrapping around his body and using his angelic power to hold them both in place as he fucked him senselessly. Sam groaned as the pain suddenly vanished and was replaced by mind-numbing pleasure. Balthazar pumped into him, groaning as his large cock quivered inside him, ready to burst.

The angel gripped Sam's cock once more, pumping his manhood with angelic speed and strength. Sam cried out his name and felt his cock tingle and his leg muscles tense. Balthazar gasped as Sam's body tensed around his cock.

Sam came with such fierceness his body jerked and his legs gave out. Balthazar held onto his limp, weak-limbed body as he pounded, almost violently, several more times. Sam groaned loudly, his body had become Balthazar's completely in that moment as the angel continued to mindlessly drive into him, each thrust pushing Sam that much further into complete and utter oblivion.

Balthazar cried out his name before finally peaking and with one final, earth-shattering thrust, he orgasmed. Balthazar's orgasm was just as overwhelmingly powerful as he fell against Sam.

He released Sam and they toppled to the bed together. They were a hot, sweaty mess of tangled limbs and fluttering heartbeats. After the blissful, sex euphoria slowly faded, Balthazar glanced over at Sam. Sam had given up trying to move. He laid, defeated, thoroughly exhausted and well-fucked with his legs outstretched and his head near the edge of the bed.

He felt Balthazar's warm hand cares his ass firmly before venturing upwards to his back. Sam sighed, loving the feel of Balthazar's touch.

"I got a little carried away… are you all right, love?" Balthazar asked. Sam heard the concern in the British accented voice. Sam rolled his head over to look at the angel.

"As long as I don't have to move from this spot… I think I'm good."

Balthazar chuckled and brushed a fallen strand of hair away, tucking it behind Sam's ear.

Sam captured the hand and kissed it. Balthazar smiled tenderly at him. Right then, Sam knew. He had to tell him. It didn't matter anymore that Balthazar had abandoned him or nearly broken his heart. What mattered was that he returned. And that he admitted the truth- that he loved him.

Unsure of how to say it, Sam blurted out, "I love you."

Balthazar's handsome face broke into a wide grin. "I knew I'd get it outta you- sooner or later."

"It wasn't very romantic of me," Sam said with a hapless smile.

Balthazar suddenly vanished from his spot on the bed and reappeared moments later with the bottle of wine and glasses. "Aw- here we go," he said as he poured the dark liquid into the wine glasses. He handed Sam a glass, "Now it's romantic…"

Sam laughed and sipped on the fine, and probably overly expensive bottle of French wine. The wine was just as rich on his tongue. "It's good," Sam commented.

Balthazar nodded, "Delightful really. I should take you to the club that sells it."

"Where is it?"

"Pairs," Balthazar said casually, his eyes smoldering over the rim of the glass. "I would love for you to see it."Sam returned the bold stare as he sipped his wine. Balthazar brushed a hand over his knee, "How about tonight?"

Sam polished off the wine and set the glass aside. He locked eyes with Balthazar as he leaned in and captured his mouth with a sultry kiss. Balthazar opened his mouth for the taking. They tasted of rich wine as they tongued one another thoroughly. Sam pulled back and began kissing alongside his cheek, over the stumble and down his neck. His heart raced in excitement. Balthazar hummed, his fingers trailing through Sam's thick hair.

"As long as if there's a hotel we can stay at..." Sam said between kisses.

"I can think of a few," Balthazar replied becoming breathless beneath Sam's love nips.

Sam noticed the growing erection between the angel's legs and smiled as he sucked harder on his neck. Balthazar gasped when Sam applied teeth. His semi-hard cock suddenly towered and pressed into Sam. He laughed lowly and moved his hand between the angel's thighs. Balthazar sighed, burying his face into Sam's hair.

"God- I love you," Balthazar breathed out the minute Sam brushed his lips against his nipple.

"I know…" Sam whispered as he licked his nipple. His heart soared with utter happiness. "Lucky for you I just happen to love you back."

Balthazar laughed, "I couldn't agree more, darling."

The End