The Impersonation of Samuel McCleary

"I can't possibly fathom how this plan will achieve anything. Other than expulsion."

The voice came from one Remus Lupin, who was sitting on his bed with an open book in his lap. This had turned into something of a ritual over the past six years—whenever he and the other Marauders were alone in the dormitory together, he would begin reading while they chatted, and as time ticked on, he would invariably give up on reading in order to join in on their conversation. Today was no exception; and what was more common a topic than the love interest of their messy-haired friend?

Sirius was spouting off yet another plan that would make Lily Evans fall head over heels in love, and as per usual, James and Peter listened with interest while Remus piped in with his doubtful remarks. These negative comments never stopped Sirius from pacing across with the room with a degree of authority, though, claiming that it helped him think.

"Stop being a Debbie downer, Lupin," James snapped, narrowing his eyes in annoyance. "So, let me get this straight, Sirius. We use that extra batch of Polyjuice—…" he began, but Remus interrupted him immediately.

"I still can't believe you guys made extra without telling me. You know how long it took me to acquire those ingredients?"

"I knew it would be useful for some future plot, and 'lo and behold!" Sirius proclaimed as he stopped pacing, spreading his arms for a moment before he turned back to James. "I'm sorry for his thoughtless interruption. Continue, dearest Prongs."

"Thank you, Padfoot. As I was saying, I use the extra batch of Polyjuice Potion and turn into Samuel McCleary for the night—…"

"Whom she is doing Prefect rounds with in only a few hours," Sirius pointed out.

"Since when do you use the word whom?" Remus countered, but Sirius quickly waved a hand in dismissal

"It's for the sake of the delivery, Remus, please!"

"I liked it, Sirius!" Peter chirped, at which Sirius gave a small bow of appreciation.

"You never told me how you happened to have McCleary's hair for the potion…" James blurted out, raising eyebrow in Sirius' direction.

"Oh, I keep a few strands of all the Gryffindor's hair on hand precisely for situations like this," he replied with a shrug.

Remus' eyebrows furrowed in confusion and he cleared his throat uncomfortably. "You say that as if it's completely normal…"

"You guys don't do that?" Sirius looked around at each of the Marauders, a hint of concern in his voice.

Three pairs of eyes stared back at him in discomfort, and the room remained silent until James continued relaying the plan back hurriedly.

"So… I then pretend to be McCleary, put in a good word for myself—and when I say myself, I mean James, not McCleary," he clarified, eyes widening.

"We know," Remus sighed in exasperation, shaking his head.

"Good. And then I try to pry some information out of her, and because the questions aren't coming from one of us, she'll actually reply honestly! Meaning she'll admit how much she's in love with me!"

"Exactly. This has got to be one of my best plans yet." Sirius grinned as he walked to James, patting him encouragingly on the back.

"So, no one finds any faults in this plan but me, then," asked Remus, looking expectantly between his friends.

"Nope," was their unison reply.

"No one thinks this will blow up in his face, just like when Sirius told him to send the singing cupcakes to Lily?"

"Nope."

"Or when Sirius told him to charm three dozen lilies to following her around all day, chanting her name?"

"Nope."

"Or when—…"

"Merlin, Remus, could you rain on my parade any more? This plan is idiot-proof!" Sirius defended sullenly, plopping down onto his own bed in defeat.

"I love it, Sirius—you get the hair, I'll get the potion?" James asked encouragingly, standing up before he began to rummage through his luggage for the excess potion.

"Don't have to ask me twice!" Sirius exclaimed exuberantly, jumping off his bed and crawling underneath it. A few seconds later, he shimmied out with a tray full of taped on bits of hair, a proud look upon his face.

"Voila!"

"Mcleary! You're late!"

Of course he was late. First they had almost mistaken some first year's hair for Samuel's, and then they realized that he was a good four inches shorter than James. This led to frantic clothes changing as they struggled to find which Marauder had clothes that fit. That was before they realized that Samuel also lived in their dormitory, which led them to borrow a few garments—Sirius insisted that it was only borrowing—before James was finally pushed out the door to find Lily.

"Yeah," James said, clearing his throat in surprise as he heard his new voice. "Sorry 'bout that. Shall we?" he continued suavely, tossing his head in order to flip his hair, only to realize that Samuel's hair was too short to flip.

"Are you alright?" Lily said doubtfully, narrowing her eyes slightly as they began down the hall. "It looks like you were convulsing…"

"Just an…Itch. On my…Ear."

"You could use your hand, you know," Lily replied doubtfully with a frown.

"Oh, it's very unlucky to scratch one's ear. It's said to cause… " He took a breath, grasping for a condition. "Spontaneous combustion…" James, who was usually quite adept at suave recoveries necessitated by moments like these, was astounded at his own loss for words.

"Ah… I've never heard that before," Lily faltered skeptically, turning her head to face forward with a nervous laugh.

"So," James began without preamble, clasping his hands behind his back. "Any boys?"

Lily turned her head to look back at him quickly, confusion written on her face. "Uhm…No," she hesitated, pushing a few strands of hair behind one ear. "Any girls?" she asked automatically, raising an eyebrow.

"Oh, none for me," James assured quickly, laughing for only a moment before stopping abruptly. What an odd laugh Samuel had….

"That's surprising," Lily remarked, and James was relieved to hear a note of friendliness in her voice.

"Is it?" James remarked with sudden amiability.

"I've always found you…rather attractive, to be honest."

James watched her smile demurely and look away—something he had never seen her do in his presence before.

"Really!" James rejoiced, a wide smile forming on his face.

"Really, Samuel," Lily murmured. James inwardly cursed, his smile disappearing from his lips—she was talking to Samuel, not him… "But frankly, I find myself in this…Dilemma of sorts."

James eyed Lily for a moment before finally prompting her. "Dilemma?"

What a surprise it was when she grabbed his hand and they slipped into an empty classroom. Closing the door behind them, Lily took a few steps inside before turning around abruptly.

"I'm so torn," she said in a quick whisper, sighing to herself. "Recently, I've had this urge to kiss you every time I see you… But… Oh, promise you won't tell?" she begged.

"Promise," he choked breathlessly.

"Well… I've also always had this thing for James Potter."

"What?" James exclaimed, his eyes widening suddenly.

"And I keep wondering—would it be wrong for me to kiss you and still want to be with him?" She was watching him with such desperation that he found himself struggling for words for several seconds.

"I—Well… I mean… Couldn't—… Why not do both?" he said in a strangled voice, his throat suddenly dry.

"That's not terrible of me?" she asked smoothly, taking a few steps towards him.

"N-No! No, I don't think that's t-terrible at all!" James assured, shaking his head violently. "As long as you tell James about how you f-feel, that is!"

When her face was only a few inches from his, she raised her eyebrows in surprise. "But why would you care that I tell James?" she asked sweetly, a soft smile playing on her lips.

"I-I… I just think it'd be the right thing to d-do!" James stuttered, his heart all but beating out of his chest.

"It couldn't be because you took a Polyjuice Potion to impersonate Samuel McCleary in order to convince me to fall for you, is it?" Her soft voice hadn't changed, ensnaring him for a moment until his mind finally registered his words.

"Wait… How—?"

Before he could finish, she slapped him resolutely across the face and taking a few irate steps away from him.

"You insufferable prat! You really didn't see any fault in this plan?"

"I-I… Who told you?" James muttered, rubbing his cheek dejectedly.

"Remus, of course," Lily countered, crossing her arms with a huff.

"But he was with me all ni—… Wait, he told me he was using the loo!" James exclaimed, a betrayed expression crossing his face. "Traitor…" he grumbled.

"Besides, Samuel McCleary? I've barely spoken two words to him! What makes you think I'd reveal anything to him?"

"So you have something to reveal," James pointed out in triumph, his defeated frown morphing into a grin.

"Don't change the subject. Do you know that I could get you expelled for this?" She moved over to him as she spoke, poking him sternly in the chest.

His grin faded quickly and he sighed to himself. "Are you going to?" he asked slowly, meeting her eyes.

James watched as her anger melted slightly and she averted her gaze. "No," she said unwillingly, uncrossing her arms. "I didn't want to patrol with him anyways."

"I knew it!" James cried, clapping his hands. "I knew you couldn't be attracted to him—he's ugly and unpopular," he said with distaste, sticking his tongue out at the thought.

"Since that's clearly what I go for," she replied sourly, crossing her arms once again. "Where is he, anyways?"

"Uh…In a broom closet…Somewhere…" he mumbled, looking down. "But Sirius did that part, not me!" he insisted with as much innocence as he could muster.

Lily merely rolled her eyes and shook her head. "I'm sure. Now get out before I change my mind and report all of you," she snapped, pressing her lips together sternly.

Just as James turned towards the door, though, she imparted another question: "Wait. How did you acquire this hair?"

James turned the knob slowly, grimacing to himself. "You could say Sirius is an…Enthusiast of sorts." Nope—it still didn't sound any better when he tried to say it.

While she tried to wrap her mind around those words, he ran a hand through his virtually nonexistent hair. "You're sure you don't want to kiss me, though?"

"Here's a deal," Lily said diplomatically, taking a few steps towards him. "If we ever patrol again—you as James—I'll kiss you. Alright?" she said, smiling charmingly.

"But…We're we're Sixth Years… That means I'd have to get Head Boy next year for that to happen," James retorted gloomily.

"Precisely," she declared with satisfaction, nodding him to the door. "Send Remus my regards."

James merely nodded as he closed the door behind him and began to trek down the hallway. And even as he looked down disgustedly at his Samuel McCleary hands, all he could think about were the chances of Dumbledore being crazy enough to make him Head Boy in a year.

Unlikely at best.

Haven't written a one-shot in a while, but inspiration hit and I had to follow it! I hope you enjoyed it—please let me know what you think!

Best,

Christine