BeeBeeBee-Bee Bee-BeeBee

The morning of April 25th came beautifully upon Mineral Town - the sun gleamed upon the gently-rolling plains surrounding the area, and the crevices and crags of Mother's Hill were cast into sharp relief. Flowers swayed and bushes rustled in a cool breeze - not too hot, not too cold. All you'd need would be a light jacket.

In Mineral Town's Rose Square, the residents had assembled. A slight buzzing filled the air as their curious murmurs mingled and merged, all asking the same questions: I wonder why we were called here? By him, of all people? Who is this guy?

The "guy" in question stood atop a stage assembled especially for his announcement. He wore a khaki safari suit, complete with hat, and thick, round glasses that always seemed to be catching the light and obscuring his eyes. He smiled contently beneath his bushy white mustache, watching as all eyes turned either to him... or to the large, mysterious white box behind him. An odd noise was coming from it...

"Good morning, Mineral Town!" the man greeted, waving. He clasped his hands behind his back and nodded as the crowd murmured their greetings back to him. "I am Louis. You may not know me - I live with Gotz on the trail to Mother's Hill."

"You tried to eat our chickens!" Popuri Aberlen cried angrily from the back of the crowd. "You're mean and crazy!"

Sympathetic clucks and mutters, as well as annoyed grumbles, filled the air. Louis observed Popuri keenly for a moment - or maybe he was staring in two different directions at once, nobody really knew what with the glasses. He may not have even had eyes, for all they knew.

"Young lady, I am not a savage," Louis assured her. "Chicken is delicious. You shouldn't raise it near me if you do not want it consumed."

"Get your own chicken, then! Leave ours alone!" Popuri's brother, Rick, snapped.

Louis tilted his head and pointed at Rick. "...You look like a girl. Now then!" He clapped his hands, not noticing or caring that Rick's face had gone red, "As I have said before, I am Louis. I live with Gotz, and I work with bees!"

The crowd fell silent. Baffled, puzzled stares assaulted him.

"So?" Karen Clark finally called. "Are we in danger of a swarm, or something? What the hell is this all about?"

"You," Louis responded, sighing, "dress like a whore. Now, then!" he said once more, as Karen fumed and tugged self-consciously at her halter top, "I work with bees, I say, and the research has been most rewarding! I have discovered many useful, fascinating things about bees, you see, and were it not for the wonderful care and expertise with which you - the people of Mineral Town - tended to your flowerbeds and such, I may never have gotten anywhere!"

"There are bees in my garden?" Anna Welvin growled. "Weren't you the one who gave me that insect repellent to ward them off? Have I actually been attracting them this whole time?"

Louis considered Anna for a moment. "...I would like to eat you out. Now then!" he said, yet again, as Gotz held Anna and her husband back from jumping up to kill Louis, "I say, my research has been very rewarding with the help you kind folks have given me. And I would like to repay all of you for your kindness."

"By insulting us?" Gray Smithson piped up, his voice incredulous.

Louis shook his head, and stared at Gray. "...You... will die alone. Now, then!" he said brightly, as Saibara silently agreed with his predictions and Gray cracked his knuckles, "I would like to reward all of you, I said, and I will!"

He turned to the gigantic white box behind him, smiling kindly. "This cost me a lot of money, you know, and I had to work very hard to save up for this surprise. But I think your kindness and helpfulness has made it worth the sacrifice."

"Is it a new car?" Manna Lipschitz whispered eagerly. "I'll bet it's a new car, I've always wanted one, a Porsche would be nice, but a Ferrari is just so sexy-"

"Manna, don't be ridiculous," Anna snapped. "Where would we park them? We don't even have roads. Perhaps he's procured brand-new televisions."

"A Wii!" Stu Farbess guessed.

"The sweet release of death?"

"Scotch!"

Louis now held a length of cord in his hand, which stretched to a corner of the large box. He stared impassively at the Mineral Town residents. "You are all incorrect."

He pulled. The section of the box facing the crowd fell with a loud thud, and the air went deathly still...

...But for the buzzing.

Popuri was the first to scream as the swarm descended upon them.

"YOU ALL GET BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEES!" Louis shrieked, gesturing dramatically to the crowd.

Cliff Hall jumped around like a madman as his arms flailed about, trying to swat away the bees. Rose Square was in chaos, everyone stumbling over each other to escape.

"INCOMIIIIIIIING!" Louis bellowed, spreading his arms out wide and tilting his head back, cackling like a madman.

Jeff Clark sobbed as he sank to his knees, and Anna shrieked "OH, GOD,THEY'RE IN MY HAIR!" as she ran out of the square. A Wilhelm scream went unheard in the flurry of shouts and yells and cries and angry, excited buzzes.

Louis simply watched the townspeople go absolutely bananas over their gift. A success, sweeter than precious honey!

"I plan to continue my research here forever!" he informed them, but nobody was paying attention to him anymore. Somewhere, the sound of glass breaking was heard. Fires started. Desperate, a few people jumped the cliff wall leading down to the beach and crawled towards the ocean on broken legs. Little May Yodel ran around, waving a Glock and firing wildly. In the distance, sirens wailed.

Louis chuckled lightheartedly. "Soon, you'll ALL remember who I am!"

They certainly couldn't argue with that.

Author's Notes: Anyone reading ever seen the Conan O'Brien parody where Oprah gives her audience bees? Or even just the gif version? And there's the inspiration. Plus, Louis is one of the more overlooked Back to Nature characters (along with Kano and Greg, all three of whom were taken out in the Friends of Mineral Town games), so I figured a little time in the limelight couldn't hurt. Feel free to leave a review, if you'd like.