Okay... Okay... I should really be doing homework right now. BUT! You have to do cracky stories while they're still fresh in your mind! Otherwise, they don't come out right! (For instance, how both The Swap and The Little Experiment ended up being multichapters instead of oneshots...)

So... I was just kinda thinking about all the different pairings people do... And I got an idea for the Nordics. Go forth.

"Denmark." Norway said, inwardly sighing. He knew what he was about to say would break the spiky-haired nation's heart, but what else could he do?

"Hey, Norge!" Denmark chirped merrily, turning towards him in the near-empty meeting room. "Watcha want?"

"I'm," mumbled the sailor, "I'm..."

"You're pregnant?"

"Wha- NO! I'm cheating on you!"

…

"W-with who?"

"Iceland. And... Finland. Both of them. Not only that, but..."

Denmark gasped. "Don't say it. Don't you dare say it."

"I'm seme to them both."

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOO-"

"Hello, Denmark! Hello... Norway."

Finland had entered the room, just barely stressing Norway's name. Denmark blew a gasket.

"You SLUT! What have you done, seducing my Norge?"

"Anko, please!"

Finland just stared for a moment. Then, in a way more devilish than anyone had ever estimated possible, he SMIRKED.

"Finally figured it out, huh, Denmark? Though you're not really one to talk, seeing as-"

"NO! DON'T-"

"YOU STOLE SU-SAN FROM ME!"

Norway raised an eyebrow. "My, Anko, getting a little hypocritical, are we?"

"It's not what you think!"

"Yes, it is! And not only that, Norway, but I know he's done it with Iceland, too!"

There was a sudden pause. Then, "You... defiled... my... BROTHER?"

"Umm... You have, too..."

"Don't forget me!" Finland piped up. They stared at him. He was about to say something in his defense when, right on cue, Sweden walked in.

"Oh, don't TELL me HE'S seduced my precious Icy, too!"

Sweden's reaction was immediate, unashamed, and harsh.

"I to'k 'is virginity."

The three others simultaneously fainted, then suddenly sprang right back up, saying again simultaneously, "HE TOLD US HE WAS RAPED!"

"'e was. By me."

"Oh..."

There was a moment of silence. Then, Finland muttered, "You know, the way I remember it, I'm pretty sure ICELAND seduced ME..."

Norway grunted in agreement, followed by Denmark yelling, "HOLY CRAP, YOU TOO?"

"So, are you saying my little brother's the real slut here?"

Hong Kong chose this extremely opportune time to burst in, blush embarassedly, and try to excuse himself from the room - unfortunately, before he could, he was pounced on by the four older nations, all demanding to know what he was doing there. He tried to answer, but his face had been shoved into the carpet.

"What was that?"

"Mmmph IIIIEEEEEEHHHHAAAAA!"

They let him up, swearing under his breath. "I swear, if this is another one of Iceland's jokes, I'm going to KILL him..."

"Wait, Iceland?"

"Er... yeah. He told me to meet him here. You do know he's my boyfriend, right?"

"Do you two... Do it?"

"No... Aren't we too young for that?"

To Hong Kong's dismay and confusion, all four of them smirked in self-satisfaction.

"Sorry I'm late!"

And here was Golden Boy himself, puffin at his shoulder, hair as disorderly as always. Suddenly, he stopped dead in his tracks. "Er, Hong, you're two hours early."

They tried to hold it back. They really did. But, suddenly, they couldn't.

"FLOOZY!"

"SLUT!"

"WHORE!"

"WHAT THE FUCKITY FUCK IS GOING ON WHY AM I BURIED UNDERNEATH A PILE OF NORDICS!"

… That sort of thing was hurled in poor Iceland's direction. The subject himself, however, maintained his cool-as-a-cucumber personality.

"Chill, guys. Don't pretend you don't do it, too."

"B-but..."

"And, besides, I'm not even cheating on any of you. The one I AM cheating on doesn't even mind." Turning to his shoulder, he cooed, "Right, Mr. Puffin?"

"FUCK YEAH."

There was another long silence. It was the long silence of all long silences. Even lower life forms like the cockroach on the floor, Mr. Puffin, and Hong Kong understood that this was truly a moment of silence.

Norway was the first to speak. "Well... I guess you're -"

"SHADDAP YOU'RE RUINING IT!"

"Oh, okay."

Fifteen more minutes passed before he dared open his mouth again.

"Well, I guess you're right. We Nordics are natural sluts, anyway. None of us can help it. Besides, everybody loves three..."

Finland got the gist and continued. "Or four..."

"Or five!"

"'r s'x."

"BUT HELL NO ARE WE DOIN' SEVEN!"

And with that, Hong Kong, still confused, ended up on the doormat outside while his former company made some special arrangements.

…

What...

Was...

This.

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