A/N: So in my head I'm picturing River spending a few weeks aboard the Tardis sometime in between 'Day of the Moon' and whatever big event with her comes next, and this little scene would take place somewhere in there.

Oneshot, bit of implied RoryxAmy and 11xRiver; more humor with canon pairings than romantic fluff.

Subtext

Knock knock knock.

"Amy. Amy. Amy. Aaaammmyyyy. Aaaammmyyyy."

"WHAT?" The Doctor stepped back and straightened his braces as he regarded the immensely irritated ginger who had poked her head out of her bedroom door.

"Finally. I've been standing here knocking for at least five minutes. What took you so long?"

Amy rolled her eyes and groaned in exasperation. "Yes, I know; I've been ignoring you for at least five minutes. I thought you'd have picked up on that after minute one. Now what do you want?"

The Doctor blinked at her. He couldn't fathom what he had done that merited such a discourteous tone. "I was just going to tell you that I've finished recalibrating the atom accelerator, so we should stop rematerializing 27.4 meters to the left of where we mean to, so hopefully we won't end up landing on the stages of any more Broadway musicals, and we can get on to Bermuda in—what are you wearing?"

Amy glanced down at her attire and cleared her throat, blushing profusely. "Oh, nothing."

"Why are you dressed as a policewoman again? There's plenty of clothing in the wardrobe, and I've fixed the glitch that put the swimming pool in the ceiling, so-"

"Doctor, look, ah, why don't we just, er, postpone the Bermuda trip?"

The Time Lord frowned. "Postpone? Why ever would we do that? That's one of the advantages of having a time machine, you don't have to postpone anything. What could you possibly want me to postpone the trip for? You've only been up for seven hours, so you can't need sleep."

Amy cleared her throat again and nervously pushed a strand of hair behind her ear. "Well, you know," she said as casually as she could manage. "Every now and then you just want to have like…a rainy day."

The Doctor was appalled. "A rainy day? Amy, what's-"

"I hope you're ready, officer, because the invasion of the hot Italians has beg—oh." Rory, dressed as a Roman centurian, no less, swaggered around a corner into the main room and froze. His smile dropped off his face and he took to fingering his cape nervously. The Doctor raised his eyebrows and Amy squeezed her eyes shut. "Hello," Rory said, voice warbling.

"And you say I'm strange. What are you two up to?"

"Rory, just give us a minute." Amy ignored the Doctor's continued requests for explanation as she exited the bedroom, closing the door behind her. "Doctor, look," she shuffled her feet, glancing around the corridor. "I know you're an alien and everything, and kind of an idiot when it comes to certain things-"

"An idiot!"

"—but even you must be capable of picking up on certain contextual clues." The Doctor continued to look very hurt. Amy rolled her eyes. "Look, Bermuda sounds wonderful and all, but I'd just kind of like to spend today…you know, with my husband."

"And you can't spend the day with him in Bermuda?"

Amy rolled her eyes again. "No, Doctor, I sort of want to spend the day with him…in a sort of, er, romantic way."

The Doctor smiled and threw his arms wide. "And what's more romantic than Bermuda? The sun, the beaches, the palm trees! A nice romantic walk on the beach, what beats that?"

Amy squeezed her eyes shut and took a very long breath before she opened them again. "Doctor…I kind of want to spend a romantic day with my husband…alone." When this failed to bring about an epiphany on the part of the Doctor she added, "In our room. Our bedroom." The Doctor's face was still blank. "You know…doing husband-and-wife type things." Still nothing. "I mean, we are still newlyweds."

She nodded pointedly at him for a moment more before the Doctor's eyes grew wide. "Oh," he said softly, "Oh. Oh!" His face suddenly twisted into something like disgust. "Oh! Oh, sorry." He took to wringing his hands. "Ah, well, can't you just, I don't know, postpone…that? I was all ready for Bermuda." Amy just crossed her arms. "Right, well." The Doctor threw his arms in the air. "Well what I am supposed to do?"

Amy sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose. "I don't know, that's not my problem." She shrugged. "You could go spend some time with River. What's she up to today?"

"I don't know. I'm trying to avoid her."

"Well, go spend some time with her. Maybe you could even spend some time, you know, with her."

"Why are you smiling like that?"

"Here, you can even borrow these." Amy took a pair of handcuffs off her belt and shoved them into his hands.

"What am going to do with these?"

Amy grinned at him and winked. "I'm sure you and River can think of something." And she had darted back into her room before he could protest.

He stood there for a few minutes just staring alternately at the handcuffs and the door. Where did all these women keep getting handcuffs and what exactly did they need them for? Come to think of it, these handcuffs looked a lot like the ones River had had in The Library…

"Doctor?" He looked up and spotted River at the end of the hallway. She was carrying some sort of gun. "Found this squareness gun in the movie theatre; can I keep it?"

"Sure; Jack must have left it here," he said absently, still examining the handcuffs.

"What are those?" The Doctor looked up to see that River had approached him and was looking at the handcuffs.

"Oh." The Doctor looked back down at the handcuffs. "They're Amy's. She and Rory are…" he trailed off and glanced at the door. He cleared his throat. "…occupied, at the moment." He held up the handcuffs and again. "She gave me these; don't know why. Don't know what exactly she expected me, well, us, actually, to do with them."

River's lips slowly widened into a mischievous smile. The Doctor didn't like that smile. He didn't trust it. (And yet, at the same time, he actually found it quite intriguing.)

"Oh, I'm sure we can think of something."

x

A/N: Oblivious!Doctor makes my life happy. Tell me what you think. Oh, and FUN FACT!: In the DVD commentary for 'Silence in the Library', Steven Moffat mentions that River's squareness gun really is Captain Jack Harkness's. He left it in the Tardis, where River picked it up sometime later and took it with her.