Are you ready to move on to the next so-freaking-cliché-that-you-just-might-die exhibit?

No? Good.

Dear readers, please take caution as you move; here, turn right. Please take an umbrella- the ones with pink sparkles will do. It doesn't really matter, because they're going to be blown inside-out with this exhibit, and no one will really be paying attention to them, anyway.

This exhibit will require just as many notes as the last one, my fellow examiners. Please turn your textbooks to page 879, and take out your clipboards…

Cliché Situation #3: In which Lucy puts herself into a deadly situation, serving as the catalyst for Natsu to realize, "0mG!11! I love her!" This is normally followed by, "No0o0o0o! U CanT d13! I N0 it in My Hart!1!"

Translation, for those of you who couldn't understand that: "I'm an idiot for not realizing my completely out-of-the-blue-but-true-love for Lucy, but now she's dying, and now we have to be angsty and tragic because of my stupidity!"…

"LUCY!" Natsu roared to the cruel, mocking heavens as they poured onto her fallen figure.

Damn it, this wasn't supposed to happen!

And there was so much blood… Natsu was shaking as he raced to Lucy's fallen figure, dropping to his knees like the tragic, angsty hero he was.

"Why…?" He took her into his arms, as if his body heat could bring her back to life or something. "Why did you take the hit for me?"

Lucy's lips parted; blood trickled from the corners, and Natsu could feel his entire body tense at the sight. He had (of course) already taken out the bastard that had done this to her, but it wasn't enough… seeing her like this… it was too much.

"Don't be dense," the blonde wheezed (but her hair was stained with blood- well, who knows? With the subtlety of exhibits like these, it could have been mud. Or rain mixed with debris. Or whatever- it might have been ice cream), and he leaned closer to hear her words so she wouldn't have to strain to get them out.

"W-what do you mean, Lucy?" He placed a head on her chest, listening to her feeble, beating heart (this was also a great excuse to use her enormous chest as a cushion, honestly).

"N-Natsu," she coughed. "Why are you so damn stupid?" She truly struggled to get the next words out coherently. "You would have… thought that with all the… epically sappy moments that the author put into the story before this moment… that… we had something… special…"

Natsu was dumbfounded (even though Lucy was right; the author had indeed included many, many moments of sexual/romantic tension, yet still somehow felt the need to emphasize it anyway, as if it weren't obvious enough). "Lucy, what do you mean?"

"Oh, you idiot," Lucy hacked. "We have a baby."

Natsu gawked, and all the wonderfully tragic feelings of a tense atmosphere evaporated instantly. It was a shame, seeing as how the author had obviously put in so much work beforehand to build it up. "You- you're pregnant?"

Lucy shook her head painfully, and the fire mage cradled her to his chest hesitantly; if he jostled her too much, would she break? She was beyond help- they were somehow conveniently miles away from anywhere and anyone that could help her, and he felt so damn… dead.

The least he could do would be to hear her out.

Holding her tenderly, Natsu listened as Lucy slowly grit out the truth.

"You see, that night the author decided that s/he was too impatient to have us wait for any more realistic development and stuff, s/he made us have romantic night of passion and lemon."

She paused to purposefully show that she was in pain. Natsu nodded encouragingly.

"So, anyway," she gasped out after a moment, "you forgot to use protection because you're an idiot. So I became pregnant and panicked, and went for help.

"And then… before I knew it, I had been somehow dramatically drugged and kidnapped for the sake of drama in the story. Against my will, in case you couldn't tell. And then there was some stuff about blackmail so I couldn't see you, and because I became so angsty, I ended up turning to another guy."

Natsu hissed his fury, but Lucy ignored it- she was busy with her depressing monologue, damn it!

"So anyway, I felt really depressed and years passed and you were looking for Igneel-"

(At this point, she was totally making it up; Natsu frowned in distaste. He had only gone out to get the groceries!)

"-and I had been married off. To Gray, by the way, in case you didn't know."

Natsu's jaw hit the ground, but Lucy only hacked a little and became a little more limp in his arms. He snapped back to attention.

"And then… a really poorly-written antagonist led us to this moment… and then I saw you, and it was like…" she paused for dramatic effect- Natsu waited with bated breath. "It was like seeing the sun after having lived in the dark for an eternity."

(D'aaww. How corny-yet-sweet.)

"Lucy, I never knew you felt this way!" Natsu said, with a rather matter-of-fact tone.

Lucy snorted. "Don't be stupid- we basically had intercourse. Don't tell me it was just sex."

Natsu shifted uncomfortably under Lucy's stare.

"So, continuing on with my story…" She weakly raised a hand to stroke his cheek, and Natsu became utterly aware of how abrupt this was- she was dying! His best friend, the one he trusted the most… perhaps even his lover.

And she was dying because of him…?

Tears were pouring down his face now as he continued; one fell on the corner of Lucy's mouth as she began to speak; "It was then I realized that during all of those years, I had been lying to myself."

"No!" Natsu gasped dramatically. Even in her maimed state, Lucy was able to nod sagely.

"I know, right? Truth was, I'd loved you all this time. Natsu, this is to make up for my sins. Forgive me."

His senses were just as acute as they were unwanted- he could hear her faltering, sputtering heart as it choked. His own answered unsteadily, thumping unevenly with pain.

Thump-thump. Thump-thump. (Note that dramatic onomatopoeic words are often used in a pattern to add an element of tragedy!cake to the story.)

"I love you, Lucy," he whispered jaggedly.

Thump-thump. Thump-thump. (See?)

"Forgive me," she repeated hoarsely; her voice was dying out. Natsu felt a sense of dread claw his senses into oblivion; this wasn't happening! WHY her? She was as pure, as innocent as-

"Natsu," she deadpanned, because she magically heard his thoughts (despite the fact she was, y'know, on her deathbed). "I'm not pure or innocent. We had sex."

"Oh. Right." Natsu reconsidered his thoughts. This wasn't happening! WHY her? She was as lovely, as bright and intelligent-

Thump-thump. Thump-thump.

"Much better," she breathed out, and with that, went her dying breath.

Natsu howled his rage to the stars as her body finally gave out, and her eyes glazed over. No longer would he be able to see the shine, the happiness in her eyes… He sobbed his rage.

(Note: the following line can be freely interchangeable with any other sappy line along the lines of 'I'll never forgetchuuu, babbyyy!' Anything that was relative to remembering Lucy would be relevant.)

She would live on in his heart.

…the story eventually concludes with a tragic scene involving character death (or something close to it, anyway), meant to be tear-jerking and heart-throbbing. In this case, the exhibit was too riddled with sarcastic comments from meddling authors to be truly angsty, but you get the drift.

Please note that the following scene can be an alternate ending to the exhibit:

The next day, Lucy was up and walking around again.

"Lucy!" Natsu gaped, and then wrapped his arms around her in relief. "You're alive-! But how?"

"Duh," Lucy rolled her eyes. "While I was busy 'dying', a magical portal had opened and sucked me into an alternate universe, where there was another Fairy Tail that was really, really different from this one. And you didn't have motion-sickness."

Natsu briefly considered that incredulously (not only did it sound really, suspiciously familiar, but he didn't have motion-sickness, somewhere in another world?

"Madness!" He gasped out. Frankly, the notion of anything like that was impossible to believe…

Lucy grinned. "Just shut up and kiss me."

The story ends with the character coming back from the verge of the death-bed, or a magical came-back-to-life-from-another-world scene. But hey, who does those? They're, like, so cliché.

…

In any case, dear readers, please dispose of your mangled, decapitated umbrellas here. I do hope your goggles haven't spontaneously combusted; we are currently having a deal with safety gear right now, however. Buy one, get one 50% off.

No? Well, it was worth a try.

We will now be proceeding to Exhibit Four.