For everyone who's kept reading all this time, I can't thank you enough! I really do hope you've enjoyed it! I never knew exactly how it would all end, but I felt a little happiness was well deserved, though a bit cliche. This is a hallmark for me, because it is my very first completed work of fanfiction, and writing it certainly gave me something to occupy my free time with in basic and AIT. I've always been curious as to what bands came to mind when you read this story. What did you imagine they sounded like? As for me, at the end of the story I'm including a soundtrack I compiled one night for funzies. ^^ Thanks again! Drop a review and let me know what you thought! :3
-letters
"Boy!" I cracked one eye open when the shadow looming over me spoke. The sun had begun it's descent, and the sky over the sea wore angry shades of purple and green in the distance. There were small flashes of lightning on the horizon. "Son, you gotta get on up outta here. You can't be sleepin' on the beach, now!" I felt like my eyeball audibly creaked as it roved over to look at the officer disturbing my sandy slumbering. I simply closed my eyes again, which was apparently the wrong answer. I immediately felt the sharp jab of a baton in my shoulder. "Come on, now! You been drinking tonight?" To the man's astonishment, I began to laugh as I sat up.
"No, sir," I got around to saying. "I'm leaving."
"You got a place to go to, boy?" I stared at him a moment. He sounded so sincere in his concern. And then it dawned on me that I was wearing my old, ratty jogging shorts and a plain white shirt with no socks or shoes. It was the only beach attire I could find kicking around my parents' house for my impromptu trip. I looked like a damn bum. It'd been two months since I'd gotten back to the states, and already I was stir crazy to get out of the podunk little town I'd been raised in. Why couldn't the Maxwell clan have settled in California? Then I wouldn't have even had to worry about finding appropriate beach garb. I hear you can wear absolutely nothing out there. The officer took a step back as I stood and dusted myself off, grabbing my empty, plastic water bottle.
"I'm fine, thank you. I didn't realize how late it was. I'll be on my way." I began to walk, as best one can in deep sand, and heard the sound of shuffling behind me. I suppose the officer had nothing better to do on his beat than follow some random guy for a spell.
"So, what's got you down, boy? Looked like you had a lot on your mind. You get dumped or somethin'?" As Quatre would say, Seriously? I just shook my head and kept walking. "Heh, I see! Yeah, it figures. You're a decent enough looking fellow, though you do dress a bit scruffy. You dumped her, then, and now you're having second thoughts."
"Sure, whatever." I offered, not really in the mood to divulge all of my relationship issues to some hick cop.
"Well, I'll be. You were in the military, weren't ya?"
I mentally cursed myself for curling my fists when I walked. It was always such a dead giveaway. I shook my hands out. "Yes, I was. What about it?"
"Well, I was in the military too! So that kinda makes us compadres, don't it?"
"...Sure."
"Served in the Gulf War, am I right? Man, you guys sure whipped their asses!" He laughed loudly. My shoulders stiffened, and I grit my teeth. "Ah, I wish I could have been there, but I was already retired by then. So, how many hajis you pop?" That was about all I could take. I whirled around in a rage.
"I didn't pop anyone! You and this whole damn country don't get it! You were in the fucking military, and you still don't get it!"
He nearly stumbled back in surprise. "Get what?" he asked, genuinely confused.
"That they're fucking people! Just like us! And that's all war is, people killing other people! It's terrible! It's disgusting! And people like you who spin it into some huge dick waiving contest are disgusting!" I took a menacing step toward him. He must have felt threatened, because his hand slid over to the baton on his belt.
"Now, hold on, son, I didn't mean it like that." I shook my head at him, and began walking away. "Look here," he called after me, "You gotta spin it somehow, otherwise you'll go insane! You hear me?"
I threw a hand into the air in acknowledgement, but kept walking till I reached my mom's old, cream colored Ford Tempo, her new Mustang Convertible being off limits, even to the person who bought it for her. I got in and laid my head on the steering wheel. Was that really the answer? To lie? I'd been lying to myself and the people around me for so long. Was that really the only way to get through it all? To get through life? I raised my head and brought my forehead back down into the wheel with a thud. I knew what I had to do, but oh God...how I dreaded it. I started the car and drove the three hours back to my parents' old farm house, which I'd paid off for them a couple of years ago. The next morning, I went to Fort Bragg to take care of some unfinished business, then I booked a flight to Houston and left. Once we landed, I took out my cell phone, the one Heero had finally persuaded me to buy back in the day, and dialed the number I'd retrieved from the many letters sent to my home address years ago. A young woman answered the phone.
"Yellow?" she dragged the word out with a Texas twang.
"Oh, hello," I cleared my very dry throat. "Um, I was looking for a Ms. Solo. Is this still her number?"
"Oh, you must be looking for my mother. She's getting her hair done, but I'd be happy to take a message for ya."
"Um...," I cleared my throat again. "I was just in the area, and...well, she's been trying to contact me for a while. I served with...with your brother in the late war."
I heard a sharp intake of breath. "Oh my sweet Jesus! You're Duo Maxwell, ain't ya?"
"Yes," I practically whispered.
"Where are you, darlin'?"
"I'm at the airport."
"Stay right there! I'll be there in fifteen." She didn't give me time to reply before she hung up. I walked outside to wait by the curve, and bummed a cigarette off the first person I could find. She was actually there in thirteen minutes. Somehow, she seemed to instinctively know who I was, and drove up along side me. The tall, tanned, muscular woman, who looked to be about thirty five or so, eyed me from a large, red pickup truck with green eyes. She had that same, wild blond hair, but it was held back by little red bandanna tied around her head. She leaned over and opened the passenger side door. "Duo, right?"
"Yes, ma'am," I said as I stepped up into the truck. Before I knew what was what, she had leaned over again and grabbed me in a tight, almost desperate hug. Not knowing what to do, my hands lightly rested at her elbows.
"Thank you so much for coming," she whispered, and I could hear approaching tears in her voice. "I know how hard it must be for you. And it really means so much to us." As I gazed down at the bandanna against my chest, it occurred to me that this was someone Solo had cherished and loved. Someone who had known him all his life, way longer than I had. Someone I'd left in the dark about her brother's fate for years. My arms slowly wrapped around her, and I held her tightly, closing my eyes. Eventually, she pushed away, wiping her eyes. "I'm sorry," she grinned, putting the truck into gear. "I know you soldier types ain't all emotional like that and stuff."
"There's nothing to apologize for," I told her, giving her my kindest smile. "I should have come sooner."
"Yes," she agreed, but she continued to grin at me. "You should have, but I understand why you didn't. I'm just glad you're here now. And I know he's glad, too." She patted my leg and we began to drive toward what I assume was their home. "I'm Nancy, by the way. Dan's older sister. My goodness, but he used to talk up a storm about you! I feel like I already know you!"
"Solo, I mean, Dan, used to talk about me?" I asked.
"Oh, all the time! You know he really had a soft spot for you. I think you were his favorite."
I said nothing, but it warmed me to know he had thought enough of me to mention me to his family. I smiled and gazed out the window at the flat lands speeding by.
"My goodness, but you do have long hair!" she commented with a sideways glance. "Looks too pretty to be boy's hair! I like it! Looks good on you!"
"Thanks," I blushed and scratched the back of my head. "I grew it out again after I got out of the military."
"Oh, what are you doing now?"
"It's gonna sound crazy, but I was in a band in Japan."
"Oh, no way! Dan always said you'd be such a bore if he weren't around. But I do remember him telling me you played guitar. Were you guys big?"
"Yeah, I guess you could say that. We kinda broke up this year, though."
"I see, so that's why you're in the states again."
"More or less."
"You married?"
"Was."
"Oh, I'm sorry. God, no one can stay together these days. I've been married, too. Rat bastard!" she snorted, turning off the highway to a smaller road. "Thought he was just Don Juan or something! You didn't cheat on your wife, did ya?"
"No!" I chuckled. "I found other ways to run her off."
"Ah, well, you seem ok to me. You'll meet someone nice, I'm sure." I just smiled again. She pulled up to a ranch style home at the end of a long drive. Out front, the POW MIA flag hung fluttering in the breeze. Nancy put the car in park and started to get out. "Mom should be home by now. I left her a note, trying to prepare her a bit. She's getting up there, ya know? Don't want to completely surprise her."
"I understand." I said, and I got out, too. But I didn't follow her. I didn't move; my feet felt rooted to the spot. She paused halfway up to the door and glanced over her shoulder. I think she could see the fear in my eyes, because she smiled, warmly, and walked back to me. Taking my hand in hers, she led me like a small child up to the front door where an elderly woman with recently dyed hair and very long, red nails was already waiting. She opened the screen door and stared at me, her mouth slightly agape. I stared back, at an utter loss for what to say.
"Mom," Nancy rescued us both, "This is Duo Maxwell. Dan's friend."
"Oh, yes! Of course it is! Come in, come in!" She stepped to the side and I entered the living room, standing nervously, with my hands behind my back. She began to stare at me again, but Nancy tapped her lightly on the shoulder, and she snapped out of it. "Please," she gestured to the chair behind me, "Have a seat. What can I get you to drink? Tea? Coffee?"
"Water would be great," I said.
"Have a seat, Mom, I got it." Nancy patted her shoulder and went into the kitchen, leaving both of us to stare at each other again. I swear, it was like the woman never blinked.
"They never told us what happened," she suddenly said, not taking her eyes off of me.
"I'm sorry?"
"They never told us what happened to Dan," she clarified. "I talked to everyone I could think of, and no one seemed to have any information about him at all. It was like they didn't miss him at all; like he never existed." I saw her eyes begin to mist. "Even now, he's still just a name on the missing persons list. One soldier even told me it was likely he went AWOL." A tear fell out of the corner of her eye and rolled slowly down her wrinkled cheek. "Can you believe that?" She whispered, clasping her hands against her breast. "My son would never! He wouldn't do that! Dan was so brave, always so brave. Even when his father left us, he dropped out of high school to get a job and help pay the bills, and I never heard one word of complaint." She sighed heavily and wiped her eyes.
"Your son was one of the bravest men I have ever met," I told her. "And he saved my life."
Nancy had returned with a tray full of glasses and a pitcher with water and lemons. At my words, she paused, and then quickly poured us all water and took a seat next to her mother, holding her hands. Now I had two big pairs of green eyes staring at me. So, I told them, as gently as I could, just how great a man Dan Solo was, and how he used his last moments of life to save mine. They both began to weep quietly, but it had to be said. "I've already spoken to our old commander," I pressed on, "He's going to ensure that Solo receives proper recognition for his service. He'll be in contact with you shortly."
I then fell silent, and looked down at my feet. Nancy recovered more quickly than her mother, and rose from her seat. "Come on, Duo. There's something I want to show you." She held out her hand again, and I took it, following her down a long hall to a closed door. There was an AC/DC poster on it. Of course it was AC/DC. She gestured to it, and stood to the side. I opened the door and walked inside the small room. Little model airplanes hung above a small bed with a plaid comforter, and music and movie posters were plastered everywhere. On the ceiling, glow in the dark stars and planets were scattered about, and there was a little red telescope next to the window. Heh, he was a nerd. I shoved my hands in my pocket and grinned wildly, gazing about. I walked over to his dresser where stacks of records and magazines sat. I looked at Nancy, raising my eyebrows.
"Go ahead." she said with a nod. I went through all of his music, then I went through all of his subscriptions. I spun the propellers on the little airplanes over my head and looked through the little telescope. I opened his closet, and found a box of old toys stored away, GI-JOES and little Matchbox cars. I wondered what Sergeant would think about me going through all his stuff. I wondered what he would think of me now. Nancy had quietly slipped away, shutting the door, and I stood in the middle of the room.
"I never thanked you for what you did," I said. "In fact, for a long time, I was angry at what you did. I was stupid. I didn't understand what you meant when you talked about living. And I've let you down." I closed my eyes, and I felt the sting of tears. "But I'm going to try harder from now on. I'm not going to waste the chance you gave me anymore. I won't be unhappy. Sergeant," my voice began to break, "thank you. I'll never be able to thank you enough."
I drew an old and tattered pack of UNO cards out of my pocket and placed them on the dresser. I then left. Nancy drove me back to the airport. Before I got out, she took my hand and pressed something into it. I looked down and saw a picture of Solo and me at the bus stop. He'd taken it with an old poloroid camera during one of our block leaves.
"Thank you," I said. In turn, I handed her a large envelope from my bag. She looked at it, curiously. "This is something I owed Solo from way back in the day," I explained. "You know, all those card games I lost," I winked.
"Oh, Duo, you don't have to-" I stopped her by raising my hands.
"Just open it later," I said. "It's got my phone number in there, too. Call if you ever need anything at all." I leaned over and hugged her again, planting a kiss on her cheek. "Bye, Nancy."
"Bye, Duo." she said. "And thank you."
I flew home, feeling weightless. It was as if a heavy burden had been lifted. For the first time in a long time, I felt free. I got back to North Carolina late that night, and received a phone call on my way back to my parents' house.
"Duo, honey, there's a strange man here to see you!" My mother whispered fiercely over the phone.
"Mom, why are you whispering? Who is it?"
"I don't know! I think he's Chinese or somethin'. You know, Oriental type! But he's tall! Seems real upset. I said I didn't know when you'd be back, and asked if he'd called you, but I don't know if he understands. I put him on the porch. Your father isn't happy at all."
"Put him on the phone," I said, ignoring the last part.
There was a long pause, and I could hear the front door open and my mother speaking to someone. She then picked the receiver back up. "I can't get him to come inside. Oh, Duo, he looks awful, what should I do? Should I call the police?"
"No!" I almost yelled. "Why the hell would you do that?"
"Well, I don't know!" she yelled back. "There's some strange Oriental man on my porch! And your father isn't happy at all!"
"Tell Dad to stave off the lynching for another half hour, I'll be there soon."
We hung up and I drove faster. What could be so important that someone came all the way from Japan to tell me? I practically skidded to a halt, leapt out of the car, and ran up the porch steps. My movement triggered the flood light, and I saw Trowa sitting on the porch swing to my left, with his head in his hands. Oh no.
"Trowa?" I walked over and shook his shoulder. "Trowa, what's wrong?" I knelt down trying to see into the man's face. He seemed to shrink further into himself and his fists were so tight against his forehead, his fingers were white. I saw my mother looming in the window, anxiously wringing her hands, and I nodded that it was alright and waved her away. "Trowa, come on, buddy. Snap out of it."
"Quatre's dead," he said, quietly.
I let him go and fell back on my ass, dumbfounded. "What...what happened?" I finally asked. Part of me really didn't want to know.
"He fucking hung himself," Trowa spat. He rose and started pacing the length of the porch. I followed him with my eyes back and forth. He had dark circles under his eyes, and his face was drawn and haggard. "I'm sorry," he started to speak very fast. "I know I should have called before I just showed up. But I didn't know how to tell you. Not over the phone. And I can't get in touch with Heero, and Wufei's somewhere in China, right now. Said he couldn't make it back. I got your parents' address from Nakamura. I didn't know what to do. I wanted there to be at least two fucking people at his funeral!" he ran a hand through his hair, sweeping his long bangs back before they fell over his eye again. "I wanted him to come with Miyu and me. We were going to France, and I remember how much he loved it there. Remember that time, when we were touring? And we went to Paris? Wasn't that fun? It was, wasn't it?"
"Yes," I said, still watching him pace frantically back and forth.
"I couldn't find him! I couldn't get in touch with him! The people at WM said he hadn't been around in days!" his voice was growing louder and louder in agitation. "So, I went to his place. I knocked, and no one answered. But I saw his car, and I knew something was up. I knew it! So I broke down the door, and, and..." he stopped pacing, and sank down against the wall. "Why?" he ground out through gritted teeth. "Why would he do this? Why didn't he tell me something was wrong? He knew I'd do anything for him! He knew that! So, why?..." His head sank back down between his knees.
I guessed that the little brat hadn't bothered to see to proper suicide etiquette and leave a note explaining why. Then again, I knew why anyway, but still...such a brat. I got up and sat next to the grief stricken man, putting an arm around his shoulder. "Trowa," I sighed, not really knowing what to say. "This isn't something you could have helped him with."
"It's my fault," he muttered. "I know it is...It has to be, or he would have told me."
I didn't say anything more. In a way, he was right. Trowa had saved him, and in the end, helped doom him all over again. But it wasn't really his fault. A man cannot choose whom to love. We stayed there for a while, my mother periodically leaning out the door to ask if we wouldn't like some iced tea while we chatted. Before long, from sheer exhaustion, Trowa fell asleep, leaning against me. I watched the fireflies glowing over the lawn. It was coming to the end of their season, and they'd soon all die as well. I knew why Quatre did it. He did it because he was tired of living on borrowed time. But he didn't realize, that we're all out there doing the exact same thing, just trying to be happy. I closed my eyes, feeling the moisture of dew forming on our clothes. I couldn't tell him then, because I didn't know, that we're all empty, but it's by loving other people, and being loved by those people, that we are given some kind of substance; something to go on.
I flew back with Trowa for the funeral. There were four people there, actually. Trowa's wife, Miyu, and Nakamura were there. Trowa passed me a bone fragment to keep, and the rest were put in a small chest. I stared at the tiny, little gray piece of Quatre that had survived the furnace and tried to make the connection that it used to be part of my coworker, my friend, but some things are just impossible to comprehend, though you may understand them. After the funeral, I went with Trowa and Miyu to their home to spend the night. I had already sold the condo, but I managed to track down my beloved Subaru and get it back. The next morning, Trowa and I sat at his dining table, while Miyu made breakfast and coffee for us. She really was a great girl, so sweet and gentle. I'd been so self absorbed, I'd never taken the time to get to know her, but I could see now why Trowa was so enamored with her.
"She's quite a catch," I said, once she was out of earshot.
Trowa, though still shaken, was doing a lot better now that the funeral was actually over. He smiled at me. "Thanks. She's my happiness." I could tell he meant it. I smiled and took a sip of coffee from the glass mug in my hand. "Duo, can I ask you something?" he said, slowly twisting his cup back and forth against the table.
"Of course."
"It's...kind of personal."
I quirked my eyebrows and shrugged. "I'll try my best to answer."
"Well, what happened that night Wufei and I found you in the rain? You were almost dead, so we took you to Heero's family's hospital, because we figured that was probably a good place for him to find you. We never really heard from you or Heero since."
I frowned, and looked into my reflection in the cup. "Ah, yeah, I should have thanked you. I'm sorry." Trowa just waived my apology away and waited for me to continue. "Honestly, I haven't seen Heero since either, but I met his brother, and, well, kind of found out some stuff. Some stuff that led me to believe it would be best for everyone if I just disappeared from their lives and went back to the States." I laughed, trying to lighten the mood. "I'm sure Wufei would agree with me!"
"Probably," Trowa smiled with a little roll of his eyes. "He's seen Heero during some really bad times, and it tends to make him very protective."
"I've done some horrible things," I said gravely. "Intentional or not, I've hurt Heero more ways than I can ever hope to atone for. I was just too much of a fucking idiot to realize it."
Trowa looked at me, thoughtfully. "That's true, perhaps. But, in a way, I've never seen Heero so functional. It's like...," he shifted in his seat, searching for the words. "It's like in trying so hard to take care of you, he held himself together."
"I don't want that," I said, shaking my head and rubbing my eyebrows.
"I'm not saying you do, but honestly, I'm worried about him now that you're gone."
"Well, his family's looking after him, now."
"Heh! They hate him," Trowa scoffed into his cup.
"I guess someone doesn't. His brother told me he's getting married."
Trowa almost dropped his coffee. "What the-?" I drummed the top of the table with my fingers. "Hold on, to who?"
"To the mother of his child, I'd assume." I looked him in the eye. He blinked for a moment.
"Oh, so you found out about that?" he finally asked.
"I met her. She's a good kid. Why didn't he tell me about her?"
Trowa shrugged. "Honestly, I think he was trying to forget. It's not like he was in a position to take care of her. And they sent the kid off to some godforsaken boarding school, so it's not like he could visit, but I know it hurt him. By the time she got back into the country, he probably just didn't know how to tell you." I swallowed his explanation, but it left a bitter taste in my mouth. "So, his family arranged this marriage to make some sort of decent man out of him, and he's going along with it?"
"I don't know," I muttered, glancing to the side.
"You're just going to let him go along with it?"
"Well, damn it, he's a grown man, he can marry anyone he wants!" I practically yelled. Miyu looked over from the kitchen in alarm, and Trowa gave her a thumbs up. He looked at me with a smirk. "What's so fucking funny?" I demanded.
"You are," he said with a shrug.
"What?"
"It's like you talk yourself out of everything."
"Maybe he just wants to see his damn kid more! I'd be a monster to try and stop that!"
"Maybe marrying somebody to do that isn't the correct answer," Trowa countered. He leaned over the table. "Duo, time is running, and no one ever knows when it will be out." He looked me square in the eye. "Do you love him?" I looked up, down, practically everywhere but into his eyes. "Do you love him, yes or no?"
I sighed, putting my head in my hands. "Yes...damn it."
"Then go and get him, before it's too late."
"He'll never forgive me."
"Of course he will." Trowa said as he rose to refill his coffee.
"How can you be so sure?"
"Because Heero loves you, too. I know he does."
I rented a hotel and set out for the only place I guessed I'd be able to figure out where Heero had gone, back to the hospital. But finding out private information is a little harder than one would think, even with star power. The front desk wasn't willing to just give out the Yuy estate address, and Heero's brother refused my calls to his office. After only being there about twenty minutes, I was approached by a security guard and informed that my presence at this hospital was now banned, and that I had to leave. I figured tossing the guard over my shoulder and making a break for it upstairs would just land me in jail, so I grudgingly saw myself out. Well, my first idea hadn't gotten me anywhere. As I walked through the second set of sliding doors and out into the sunlight, a woman in a white dress with a very large, white hat and yellow shoes passed me, her long, wheat colored hair blowing freely in the breeze. I heard her heels click to a stop, and looked over my shoulder. She had turned, and was gazing at me over the rim of her dark sunglasses, an unreadable expression in her blue eyes. I felt like I knew this woman from somewhere, and gazed back, searching my memory banks. She remembered first, and took a step toward me.
"I know you," she said in English, and I could detect a slight British accent. "You're Duo Maxwell."
"That's my name," I said, taking a step in turn. She extended a slender hand in my direction.
"I'm Relina Dorland, Heero's fiancee."
Feeling a little numb, I took her hand somewhat mechanically, and gave it a little shake. "Pleasure to meet you."
"You're practically all Heero talks about," She smiled prettily, but I could see something brewing behind her happy expression, along with a good dose of curiosity. "The pleasure is all mine. I was here to get Lita. The little darling just loves it at her uncle's hospital for some reason."
"Before that, could I speak with you for a minute?" I just threw it out there. I had no plans for what I would ask or say. She studied me for a moment, and swept some of her hair behind her creamy, white shoulder.
"Of course," she decided. "Let's walk; there is a little cafe right down the lane." I followed Relina to the coffee shop, and we took a seat at a little iron wrought table outside. She ordered a Café au lait, and I just shook my head at the server. After removing her sunglasses, she interlaced her fingers and rested her chin on them. "So, what is it you wanted to ask me?"
There was a bit of an awkward pause, as I searched for a way to approach the subject. "Well, I guess I just want to know how Heero's doing. Is he okay? None of us have heard from him."
"Yes, he is indisposed a good deal of the time," she commented lightly, and I saw her eyes darken again. She drew a slim cigarette out of her purse and placed it in a golden holder. I didn't even know people still used those things. After lighting it, she blew tiny smoke rings into the air, and looked at me out of the corner of her eye. "You want me to give you a way to get in touch with him?"
"Yes," I said, honestly.
"Well, I'm afraid I can't do that."
"Why not?"
"Because he's having enough trouble adjusting to what's required of him as is. I need all of his ghosts from the past to just stay locked up for now. You know how he is. He never sleeps, never eats. I think he very well may die before the wedding, anyway." She said it so casually, as if she would be completely indifferent either way. "If he can keep his silly head together long enough for this wedding, he can disappear for all I care."
"You're marrying him, and you don't love him at all?" I asked. There was no emotion in my voice, but I'd never been more tempted to punch a woman in the face.
"Love is a tricky subject, as I'm sure you well know," she smirked. "I've known Heero since he was very young. We danced in the Youth Ballet Company in Tokyo together. Well, until his condition made it too painful for him to continue." She blew a steady stream of blueish smoke and stared at the ground, lost in a memory. "He was beautiful, like something out of a dream. It was such a shame. Little did I know at the time I had received a parting gift that was to end my career as well." She smiled bitterly. "Our family has a long history of investment with the Yuy empire, so, when Heero's brother contacted me with a marriage offer to permanently tie the two households together, it seemed only natural to agree."
"You didn't answer my question," I said firmly.
"I loved what Heero once was. I loathe what he has become. Should I be thanking you for that?" Her eyes glowered at me, fiercely, but I held her stare and said nothing. "In any case, he said he wanted it, and I don't need you around to talk him out of it." She ground her cigarette into an ashtray and finished her drink. Pushing her chair back, she rose and put her sunglasses back on. "I admire your ardor," she said, placing her purse under her arm, "but I won't tolerate your interference. Please just leave it be."
"I'm afraid I can't do that," I echoed. "I will find him."
"Waste your time as you like," she shrugged. She then left me, along with the bill for her coffee. What a bitch. So, he had met her in the ballet. Sounded romantic. I personally knew nothing about dancing, only tidbits I'd picked up from Heero during our time together. That, and he did drag me to see A Midsummer's Night Dream. I remember threatening to tie him up if he didn't stop dancing along with his arms. Of course, he thought that was a great idea, so I had to just suffer his over enthusiasm for the finer arts the entire evening. I didn't recall ever claiming to have refined tastes, but I've always thought his motions were naturally graceful, and even I had to admit he must have been quite the site. Though the thought of Heero in a leotard made me kind of chuckle. That morning after, he was helping me with a particularly difficult rift, and after showing me how to do it for the tenth time, he stepped back and let me take a crack at it. I got through it alright, and then he did something I'll never forget. He closed his eyes, letting his head tilt slightly to the side, and gently folded his hands over his chest and let them fall in a circular motion. I stared, a little mesmerized by the simple beauty of the gesture, before Quatre snorting jerked me out of my trance.
"That's more of that gay ass ballet shit, isn't it?" I demanded, turning away quite flustered and red for some reason. He had just laughed at my obvious embarrassment, and gave my braid a tug as he walked past me to retrieve his own guitar. He always did these little, unexpected things, things that made me feel like life was indeed a wondrous thing; that life was beautiful. But looking back, I realized that it was always just him.
Heero...Where did you go?
I sat at the little iron table for a long time, resting on my elbow with my fist pressed tightly against my lips. Hundreds of people passed me on the streets, and customers came and went. Late into the evening, it finally came to me; a small itch of a voice in the back of my brain whose distant cries became louder and louder until the idea lit up my mind like a blazing furnace. I almost overturned the chair I was sitting in when I got up. Throwing money down on the table, I jumped the iron fence encompassing the outside dining area and ran back to my car like a man possessed. I knew what to do, but I couldn't do it alone.
"You gotta learn how to swim sooner or later, boy." My grandfather argued with me, as I stood next to the ledge of the public pool clutching a fuzzy, yellow towel around myself in terror. In my wisdom of five years, I heartily disagreed, and scooted so close to him that my head was bumping into his belly, which overhung his ridiculously loud swimming trunks. "Look, Duo, look at all the other people. Don't they look like they're havin' a good ol' time?" he pointed in the direction of all the splashing and noise, and I shook my head, clutching his leg.
"Dad, maybe he's just not ready yet. You know?" My mother walked over and patted me on the back. I could smell her tanning lotion mixing with the scent of chlorine.
"Nonsense, Therese. You baby the kid! He's gonna grow up to be a pansy!" Grandpa scoffed. My mother simply shrugged and stood up.
"Whatever you say, Dad," she surrendered and walked away. I began to run after her, but Grandpa hooked a finger in my swimming trunks, pulling me back. He let the elastic go with a little snap, and I yelped.
"Where you think you're going there, tiger?" He teased. "Now, did I ask you if you wanted to go swimming today?"
"...Yes," I pouted, twisting my foot back and forth against the rough concrete.
"And did you tell me, 'yes'?"
"But, Grandpa-"
"Ab! Bip! Did you or did you not?" He held up his finger.
"Yes." I answered, grudgingly.
"What are you so afraid of?" he asked. "Sure, it's different, and it's something you've never done before, but that ain't no reason to be scared, boy! That's what makes life fun!"
I looked out at the bright light reflecting off the surface of the water, and the mills of children with rainbows of floaties and tubes all screaming and laughing. It did kind of look like fun. "Ok..." I said at length, still looking at the activity down towards the deep end of the pool.
"That's the spirit, Duo! I'm proud of you, son!" I would have grinned, but he immediately grabbed an arm and a leg and flung me into the pool. I think my shriek pierced the heavens before I hit the water, flailing desperately. I remember my grandfather laughing, my mother yelling at him, and swallowing a shit-ton of water, but by God...I did learn to swim that day.
It took at least three months to prepare. Trowa really was a life saver, and I never could have pulled it off without him. When I told him my idea, he enthusiastically agreed to help in any way he could. He even got Wufei back into Japan and talking to me again. After all, drums were a part of my plan. And Wufei found us a keyboardist, some punky, little wisp of a girl with long, black hair. I remember thinking it was kind of ironic, and that maybe he'd done it on purpose, but once I heard her play, I changed my tune. I gave her the new song, and all of the scores of our old songs, and sent her home to study. The hardest part was talking Nakamura into sponsoring us, and booking the amphitheater down town, especially after we'd completely ditched him not less than a year before. And also, as he pointed out, we were now shy not one, but two original band members, and our popularity had already begun a steady decline. After all, in Japan, fame lasts all of about five minutes. But, like always, Wufei could argue his way into anything, especially after he got caught up in the momentum of a great plan. We all promised Nakamura we'd make it worth his while. I told him he could have as many T.V. cameras there as he wanted, the more the better. And Wufei pointed out that no matter what kind of show it was, there was always room for advertisement. And so, we got our venue.
Next, we hit the streets, thousands of fliers in hand. I put them in every bar and club I could find, anywhere where musicians might hang. I even put some in the old bar Wufei used to own and Heero used to work at. I personally invited everyone who would lend me their ear to the show. Once they recognized who I was, they more often than not got eagerly agreed to be there, especially if I signed an autograph for them. I signed many autographs, telling them all the while to tell everyone they knew.
The night of our hastily assembled performance, the place was packed. Lights fired off in every direction, and there were at least five media vans parked out front. Trowa glanced out across the multitude as we set up our gear. "Quite a crowd," he grinned. "Didn't think this many people still liked us."
"It might very well be the final performance. Half of them probably don't even know who we are." Wufei, ever the skeptic, sat behind his drum set, twirling a stick. He turned toward me. "Even if this doesn't work out, I want you to know it's been good to work with you again. I'm sorry I was such an asshole without fully considering the situation."
"No," I shook my head. "You were right. I was fucked up and way out of line. Thanks for realizing it."
"Yeah, but I could have handled it better."
"Alright!" Trowa shouted, rolling his eyes and shouldering his bass guitar. "You two can kiss and make up all you want, later. Let's get this party started."
"Wait just a second!" I cried. I took Heero's Gibson guitar I'd gotten out of storage, and placed it on a stand near the center of the stage. "Oh, please work," I whispered, plugging it into the amp. I nodded to Trowa. After everyone else was ready and had given him the go ahead, he signaled to the lights and sound support, and all of the lights went out, save one spotlight directly over Heero's old guitar. I waited a couple of seconds, inhaling deeply, before stepping into the light. This was going to be it's own special form of suicide. A cheer slowly erupted from the crowd, and I held up my hand, at first in recognition, and then to quiet them. "How we doing this evening?" I called out cheerily. Receiving an resounding ruckus from the audience, I continued on. "I want to thank each and every one of you for being here, tonight. It means a lot to us, especially me. I've done and said a lot of dumb things in the past," the crowd fell curiously silent, "A lot of things that drove the person I loved the most away from me. And now, with your help, I'm going to get him back." There had to be thousands of people there, but you could have heard a pin drop. I swallowed hard, and began to play. I played and sang the song I'd written for him.
I tried to tell him everything in the song I'd never been able to put into words when we were together. That he was my definition of light and beauty, and how I'd survived everything up to this point in my life just for the chance to meet someone like him. That he was my reason for living, and no matter what he decided, he would always have my heart. I finished the song and bowed my head. Briefly, I crossed my hands over my chest the way he had done long ago, and I gazed into the throngs of faces in the dark. "Heero," I said, my voice wavering, whether from emotion or the strain of singing, even I could not tell, "Please come back."
Silence reigned once more, as I waited for an answer. From somewhere in the crowd, a woman's voice rang out. "Heero!" she screamed at the top of her lungs in a voice I knew could only belong to one person. I looked and saw my ex wife leaning over the railing, shouting for all she was worth. "Heero! Go back!" God bless you, Hilde.
"Go back, Heero!" someone echoed from the other side of the crowd.
"Heero, go back!" The shrillness of a high school girl's voice pierced the air.
Before long, almost everyone in the crowd was cheering for Heero's return. They began clapping and stomping their feet, their force shaking the stage on which we stood. Wufei began hitting the step drum in time with their cries. Trowa slung his guitar on his back and called along with them. I slowly turned around to look upon all the nameless faces, utterly speechless. I didn't know it was possible to love people I didn't even know that much. Suddenly, there were ear shattering screams, and Trowa ran next to me, grabbing hold of my shoulder.
"Look! Look!" I could barely hear him at his loudest above the crowd, but I looked to where he was pointing. Somewhere towards the very top, left side of the crowd, people had begun to clear a path. Someone was slowly and deliberately stepping down the bleachers, sending the people into a frenzy as they passed. As the person drew nearer, I saw the baggy jeans, the wild mess of brown hair, an old, familiar red-striped shirt, and my heart began to climb into my throat. Heero slowly ascended the steps on the side of the stage and with a passing nod to Trowa and Wufei, he walked slowly up to me, his hands in his back pockets. His face wore no expression, as he gazed directly into my eyes. Like so many times before, I just let myself drown in his, and then they began to mist. He sniffled, and wiped his nose with something between a sob and a laugh. Shoving his hands back deep into his pockets, he grinned up at me and rocked back on his heels.
"You're just awful!" he said, quite cheerfully.
"So I've been told," I said. Leaning over and wrapping my hand around the back of his head, I kissed him, deeply. I kissed him for a damn long time, and I think all of Japan saw it. It sounded like the entire nation went crazy, as rockets and fireworks erupted over our heads. Damn Nakamura and his theatrics. I eventually released my hold, and he touched his forehead against mine.
"You owe my cat an apology," he scolded, quite breathlessly.
"I'll get right on that," I whispered, planting another kiss on his forehead. By that point, I guess Trowa and Wufei had decided we'd had enough alone time, and they group hugged us both.
"Really, guys, who came up with that flyer?" Heero laughed as Trowa ruffled his hair and Wufei patted him on the back. "'Join our epic, musical battle to win Heero back'? What the fuck? And who's that?" Heero pointed through our little huddle at the black haired girl standing awkwardly off to the side. I waived her over, and she got in on the love.
"Heero, this is Onda. Jenny Onda," Wufei told him.
"It's an honor, sir!" the poor thing bowed as best she could with all of the guys hovering above her.
"Aren't you cute!" Heero cooed. "But you've got some big shoes to fill. Come on," he shoved his way out of the group, scattering us. "Let's see your stuff, kid." And just like that, he became the person he had been the first day I met him, full of energy and of life. He slung the guitar sling around his shoulder, and after tossing a wink my way, he began tapping his foot to the rhythm of Wufei's drum line. I felt like I had at our very first show, and for a moment, everything was aligned once more, and my world was complete again and perfect.
Now, I would be lying if I told you things stayed that way, and we never had a care in the world again. After much fighting, mostly on my part, and threatening of legal action and negative publicity, Heero's family grudgingly agreed to let Heero visit Lita with no strings attached. And we were still a far cry from perfection, ourselves. I still got jumpy from time to time, though my anger was less severe, and Heero still made pancakes almost every fucking morning and never ate them, and drank beer at seven in the morning. We both had our ups and downs, and were rarely on the same page, but he didn't hide how he truly felt from me anymore. So, even though I witnessed some moods I'd never thought possible from him, it comforted me to know that he didn't just disappear. And in turn, I told him all of my past, and it afforded him a way to reach out to me whenever I became distracted and distant. And we're making our way through life, somehow, some way. He's currently obsessed with some kid's cartoon called 'Gundam Wing'. He watches it religiously every day, and he insists that they modeled the main character after him. I remind him that he's crazy, and he calls me a stupid ass. So it goes.
The End.
SOUNDTRACK
Arpeggio Fishes - Radio Head
Hey - Pixies
Mouthful of Diamonds - Phantogram
Lazy Eye - Silversun Pickups
It's Good to be in Love - Frou Frou
Divine (Sebastien Tellier) - Danger Remix
You Saved My Life - Cass McCombs
I Turn My Camera On - Spoon
Sacred Heart - Cass McCombs
How Soon is Now? - The Smiths
The Whale Song - Modest Mouse
Where - Ultraspank
Little Motel - Modest Mouse
You've Got the Love - The Source Ft. Candi Staton
Collect Call - Metric
Your Love is a Song - Switchfoot
M - Kiethevez