Kurt had learned a lot about clichés during his relationship with Noah. Sometimes the guy who acted like a badboy really did have a heart of gold. Sometimes the womanizer really was looking for someone special. Sometimes star-crossed lovers really could make things work. Sometimes the people who seemed purposefully, glaring, almost ridiculously different really could be a perfect match. All of these romantic movie basics Kurt had once hated were a large part of his life, and he felt effectively schooled by Hollywood.

However, the one cliché he'd been hoping proved correct actually turned out not to be true. Things were not always better in the morning. Especially when the morning had been preceded by a night of lousy and restless sleep. Kurt had a feeling he wasn't alone in learning that lesson, everyone in the household looked rather ragged when they came downstairs for an uncomfortably silent family breakfast. Finn wouldn't meet Kurt's eyes, knowing that he could have salvaged last night if he'd been able to find the words. Carole wouldn't look at her husband, and judging by the crick in his neck Burt kept rubbing, his father had spent the night on the couch. Even Sam looked miserable, feeling so awkward in the tense atmosphere that he took his pancakes to his room.

Kurt didn't exactly feel like he owed his father any measure of respect or obedience right about then, but well-ingrained good manners made him mutter, "I'm going to see Noah," as he walked out of the house. He didn't mention where (his boyfriend had texted him earlier and asked him to meet at Sonic of all places), and his tone brooked no argument. Burt grunted absently in his direction, which he took as unnecessary and unwanted permission.

Kurt parked his Lincoln away from most of the cars, getting out and searching for Noah and his truck. Eventually he located the monstrosity, and then felt guilty for mentally referring to the truck as such. He didn't need to judge Noah on something so small, and there was nothing wrong with the badass' truck. It could use some cleaning, a good vacuum, and an air freshener, certainly, but the vehicle itself wasn't terrible. At least, that's what Kurt's angry mind tried to convince him as he walked towards the driving deathtrap, purposefully trying not to think like his father.

"Hey, hot stuff," was the charming way Noah greeted him as he climbed into the unlocked vehicle. "What do you want?"

"For once I will forgo my usual comments on your choice of diet and get a burger and fries," Kurt said, angry enough that the thought of calories never flashed through his mind. "Oh! And a milkshake."

"A man with an appetite," Noah said with a grin as he pushed the button for service. "Finally." Then his boyfriend looked at Kurt just a little more closely and groaned. "Or a man so annoyed with his father that he's trying to… What? Prove you don't have any problem with anything I do? I don't think that strategy is going to work out well for you, princess."

As silly as it sounded, even just hearing Noah call him by that ridiculous moniker warmed his heart after the dismissive way his boyfriend had acted last night. "I wouldn't…" And then Kurt sighed, unable to deny the jock's statement. "I'm sorry, Noah, I just can't believe he acted like that."

"I told you dads don't like me; it's mostly the moms." Noah winked, making Kurt roll his eyes. He knew it was Noah's way of lightening the tension, but he didn't want to have any sort of discussion about his boyfriend's exploits with older women, not even a teasing one. "Princess, it's fine. I can handle your old man not liking me."

"Noah, he kicked you out of the house!" Kurt exclaimed. "The last time he did that…"

"Was when Finn called you a fag," Noah completed his thought, and then frowned at Kurt's infinitesimal flinch. "Sorry. I shouldn't have…" His boyfriend trailed off awkwardly, but it was the thought that counted. Purely because Kurt was sure the former bully had never before actually put thought into using that word or what it meant or how it hurt him.

Kurt couldn't exactly say it was fine, though he used that word in lie often, so instead he reached over the console between them and took Noah's hand. "I think he was just mad, I don't think he meant it."

"Princess, you know he meant it. You're just going all stubborn. Your dad doesn't want me in the house." Noah shrugged. "He didn't do the whole 'you're not allowed to see him anymore' thing, did he?"

"No, but only because he's intelligent enough to know that would only make me want you more," Kurt said with a sigh.

"Maybe he should do it then," Noah said with a grin, and Kurt realized his mistake as soon as he processed his boyfriend's words.

"No-not-I didn't mean-oh, shut up," Kurt said finally, giving up his sputtering and blushing. "You know what I meant."

"I did," Noah acknowledged, lifting their combined hands and kissing the back of Kurt's in a surprisingly gentle gesture. "But I do believe you said something yesterday, after I jerked you off," Kurt's blush deepened at the crass phrasing, "about wanting to talk. Specifically about our 'conditions.'" Noah's tone did not sound fond of the word.

"Could you take your mind off sex for one moment?" Kurt asked, trying not to be cranky in spite of his restless night and extremely-uncomfortable home situation. "My father hates you."

"Why does that matter if I still get to see you?" Noah asked, oblivious, and Kurt sighed with perhaps a touch too much drama.

"Because it's not just him, Noah, it's everyone," Kurt snapped. "Rachel, Mercedes, Finn, my father, and even Blaine, the king of weird romantic decisions, think that we have too much history to have any sort of clean slate as a couple."

"Well, do we?" Kurt glared in response to the question.

"Why would you even ask me that?" Kurt asked, eyes narrowing, because of course, they didn't… right?

Fortunately for his boyfriend, they were interrupted by the 'waiter' of sorts arriving and taking their orders. Noah ordered some bacon-cheese-beef monstrosity, and ordered Kurt's food for him. The countertenor knew the gesture was supposed to be romantic, but he resisted the urge to huff in frustration because it felt more possessive and controlling than he knew Noah intended it. His frustration with his father was coloring everything.

"I thought Rachel was all gung-ho about Pummel now," Noah said, possibly just an excuse to use the ridiculous couple name he had concocted. "She certainly seemed it last night."

"Yes, I know she stuck up for us, but she's only approving because she knows that deep, deep down, you're a good guy. I know she can't imagine that I've forgiven you for everything from dumpster dives to Operation Getting Into Kurt's Pants," he said coldly, noticing how his boyfriend flinched with a touch of vindictive glee.

"Not really my best moment, huh?" Noah muttered glumly, and Kurt sighed, taking his hand again and wishing they were anywhere but Noah's car so that he could cuddle up close to his boyfriend. Even if they had been in the Navigator, he would have leaned over the console to do so, but no one knew what mysterious substances could be covering the surfaces of the junk heap with wheels he was sitting in.

"And then there's Finn, who was totally supportive of our relationship until he actually faced the reality of my father's disdain and crumbled under the pressure." For a leader, Finn was not the best at standing his ground, and even though he loved both Noah and Kurt (in a friendly/brotherly way), he had failed to stand up for them when it really mattered.

"Finn couldn't exactly be dating Rachel if he had a spine, could he?" Noah asked, and though his comment was rude, his tone was fond. He and Finn got along very well and loved each other more than they were willing to admit.

"Nor could you have spent your entire childhood convincing him to do bad things," Kurt said, rolling his eyes at his boyfriend and step-brother's antics.

"Princess, that wasn't just childhood. You of all people should know that." Kurt smiled wanly, torn between not wanting to ever discuss the beginning of high school and being glad that Noah was so dismissive of his own idiotic actions. "Relax, princess, your dad will come around if I don't screw things up." Kurt was about to object to Noah's low opinion of himself, but the jock clearly wasn't done. "And even if he doesn't, it doesn't really matter. We're only a year from graduation."

"It matters because he's my dad, Noah," Kurt said, trying not to sound firm or bring up the fact that Noah couldn't quite understand the father-son relationship. "I want him to be supportive of my relationship; his opinion matters to me."

"Well, maybe it shouldn't. He's just being stubborn."

Kurt ignored Noah's comment, he knew his boyfriend well enough to know that talking too much about fathers would send the conversation downhill fast. "I just need to find some way to prove to him that you're a good guy. The dinner would have worked if it hadn't been for our little…" Kurt blushed thinking about it, "incident on the porch."

"Princess, you can't blame everything your dad said on the fact that he caught us fooling around."

"Do you honestly think he would have acted that way if he hadn't?" Kurt tried not to sound too demanding, but he was starting to feel a little defensive of his father, and that was all wrong. "We wouldn't have fought, I wouldn't have said anything about Mom, and the dinner would have started much better."

"Yeah, but he hasn't liked me since he found out about all the cougars. He thinks I'm a no-good piece of shit Lima loser." Kurt recognized the tone of self-loathing from many conversations he'd had with Rachel, Mercedes, Quinn, and even Finn over the past two years, and he resolved to dry-clean his shirt as he leaned over the console of Noah's truck and pressed a kiss to his boyfriend's cheek.

"You're not," he said firmly, but Noah still didn't look at him.

"Whatever. If you ask me, your dad just needs time to calm down and get over it."

Kurt sighed, leaning back over to his side of the truck. "He's not just going to calm down about the fact that we're dating, and the more passive we are, the more he's going to think that you don't care about me. We just need him to see you the way I do." Kurt played with Noah's fingers as he spoke, trying to think of a plan and coming up with nothing.

"That's never going to happen. Hell, after what happened with Blaine, he might not ever trust someone you date again."

Kurt rolled his eyes. "I don't want to talk about Blaine."

"How the hell did that little asshole make a good impression anyway?" Noah asked, apparently ignoring Kurt's comment. "He put you through all sorts of shit before you guys started dating and your dad didn't even seem to care."

"Blaine went out of his way to be a gentleman around my dad," Kurt replied, still wishing they were discussing anything but his ex-boyfriend. "Once he had made things right with me, my dad was willing to put everything behind him. And what Blaine did wasn't as… severe as some of the things you did, so Dad really believed that I could forgive him. And whenever he was over at the house, Blaine was charming and polite and-"

"Yeah, I get it, he kissed your dad's ass." Kurt wrinkled his nose at the phrasing. "I'm not going to do that, princess, and Burt wouldn't believe me even if I did." Noah sounded annoyed, but he explained why before Kurt could even ask. "And could you please not talk about Blaine like he's the fucking messiah?"

"Excuse me?"

"I get it, he was a better boyfriend than I am and he didn't pull all the shit I did. Now can you just shut up about him?"

Kurt bit back his annoyance at the harsh way Noah was talking. "You asked about him; I said I didn't want to talk about him, and I still don't."

"Right, because you're mad at him for something he said when you got coffee."

"I slapped him because he was talking bad about you," Kurt said very pointedly. "And Blaine was a terrible boyfriend. You do remember what he did, right? The whole reason that we're here? I could never care about him in that way again, ever, after what happened."

"The same thing most people would say about what I did to you during the first two years of high school." Kurt just stared at his boyfriend in disbelief.

"Why are we talking about this? You are my boyfriend, I care about you, and I've forgiven you for what happened back then. I don't want to talk about Blaine, he's in the past, can we just forget about him? I don't want to argue with you."

Noah sighed. "Look, babe, I'm sorry. It just pisses me off that everyone thinks he was so much better to you than I am."

"I don't. And that doesn't matter anyway, I'm not with Blaine, I'm with you." Noah didn't say anything in response. "All I'm asking you to do is trust that you're the person I want to be with; I don't even want to see Blaine again."

"I trust you, princess." Noah still sounded annoyed.

"What?" Kurt asked, trying not to let his irritation color his tone.

"Just wish it was a two-way street. I've been jumping through hoops for you, following all your rules, and you still don't trust me because of all the shit that happened before."

"Noah, the conditions have nothing to do with the bullying. You tried to trick your way into my pants! I just wanted to make sure that you were serious about this."

"What, so I'm no better than Blaine? I tried to trick you out of your pants and he tried to pressure his way into them, right, so we're the same? You trusted that asshole and look what it did for you. If I'm so much better than him, then why don't you trust me?"

"What makes you think I don't trust you?"

"You won't even take my advice about your damn dad, and I have probation-shackles because you don't think I actually care about you! I know I screwed up dinner last night, and I'm sure the fact that you can blame all of it on the hand job I gave you just tickles you pink and proves all your stupid rules right." Kurt gaped at his boyfriend for a moment. "Screw your rules, they're just so you can be a damn coward and not have to put your faith in me."

"Noah, the rules are there because you lied to me! And not all of them are even mine."

"No, the rules are you trying to make me into your perfect boyfriend," Noah accused, but even the anger was better than his cold and detached tone from the night before. "Making me take you on dates as often as you want and try to suck up to your friends and keeping me from hanging out with mine. I'm not a dog, Kurt, I don't want to be on your damn leash."

"Those football idiots aren't really your friends! And you agreed to all of this!"

"Weeks ago, when I had just fucked up all over again and I knew you had no reason to trust me! Now you're just using those fucking rules to try to protect yourself from me, and you should have to!"

"The only condition you care about is number five, Noah, and don't even try to pretend that's not what this is about! We're not having sex for a reason, because for the longest time, that's all you seemed to care about! Have you ever considered that if maybe you just stopped pushing for it, I would stop worrying that you're just trying to get into my pants? I don't want to be one of your whores, Noah." Kurt tried to remain as rational as possible, but it wasn't really working for him.

"You didn't seem to mind yesterday," was Noah's reply, as cold and detached as he had been the night before, and Kurt didn't even think about it before storming out of the car.

Since Noah had given up on the rules, Kurt had too, and as soon as he got home, he called Mercedes. "I…" he said as soon as she picked up, but he didn't realize until that moment how badly his hands, and his voice apparently, were shaking. "Noah…"

Mercedes sighed. "Say no more, white boy, we're on it."

'We?' Kurt wanted to ask, but he didn't bother. "What-"

"We're all in Columbus shopping," and that hurt, a little, the realization that he had become so absorbed with his boyfriend that his friends had stopped inviting him out because they knew he would be busy, but he supposed he deserved it; stupid Noah, "but we'll all come over tonight for a sleepover, all right?"

"All right," Kurt confirmed, feeling a little closer to steady.

"Love you, bo, stay strong."

"Love you, too, 'Cedes."

Mercedes and Rachel descended upon him the moment they arrived back in Lima, showing up at his front door and barging in despite Finn's confusion. Kurt had considered talking to his brother about what was going on, but he was still a little mad (perhaps unjustly at this point, considering the dinner would have probably gone south no matter what his step-brother said) and he knew Finn would probably be on Noah's side.

"Oh, honey," Mercedes said, giving him a big hug in the hallway as Rachel headed immediately for the kitchen, muttering about 'baking therapy' and cupcakes. Which sounded fine to Kurt, considering he had never gotten his burger that morning and he had been feeling too lousy to eat since then. "What did that idiot do?"

"Things just got a little out of hand, Merce," Kurt admitted, because yes, he'd been mad at Noah and he still was, but he could kind of understand what had happened. Mercedes and he had always talked about how Noah was passionate, and that was why he was good for Kurt. Sometimes that got a little out of hand, and frankly Kurt wasn't proud of what had happened at Sonic either. But apologizing to Noah and pretending nothing had ever happened wouldn't fix the underlying issues. Since the conditions had pretty much gone out the window the moment Noah and he had… well… broken number five, he decided to get a second opinion or five.

"Start from the beginning," Rachel insisted from the kitchen as Mercedes herded him towards the couch. "Tina, Santana, and Brittany will be here soon, they just wanted to drop their purchases at home because Santana's car doesn't have nearly as much storage as Mercedes'."

"Well, when Blaine and I broke up-" Kurt teased a bit.

"Not that beginning," Rachel said with a roll of her eyes. "Start from romantic probation, please, that was about the point you stopped telling us what was going on with you and Noah."

"After the shopping trip," Mercedes suggested, over by the living room movie collection looking for something appropriate for them to watch. "And don't worry, Santana's bringing all the Ben & Jerry's her car can hold."

"I'm not upset," Kurt said, and it was mostly true. "I'm just confused, and I could use the advice of my best girls."

"No more calling us bad mediators?" Rachel asked, obviously still annoyed by that.

Kurt sighed. "The whole 'romantic probation' thing didn't exactly go well, and I have a feeling it's mostly done."

"You and Noah broke up?" Rachel asked, sounding more curious than sad.

"No, no, we didn't, we just… need to find a new relationship equilibrium. One that doesn't include him being on a leash," Kurt said, because yes, the conditions had worked to a point, but things had changed in the past few weeks, and Noah had proven himself trustworthy.

"What he do?" Mercedes asked immediately, sounding irked. She still wasn't supportive of Kurt dating Noah, and the countertenor made sure to keep in mind that she would be firmly anti-Pummel and none of her advice would be unbiased.

"Start from the shopping trip," Rachel said as she whisked cupcake batter. "Mercedes, I think a romantic comedy would be the best choice, considering we're just trying to figure out how to fix a broken romance."

"My relationship with Noah is not broken," Kurt said, automatically defensive, then thought the situation through and sighed. "At least, I hope it isn't."

"How about Easy A?" Mercedes asked. "More funny and empowering than romantic."

"And it makes a powerful statement about virginity," Rachel said with a smile, revealing Mercedes' hidden motive without realizing it.

"Mercedes, we haven't had sex," Kurt said firmly, addressing their silent conversation aloud, but his best friend ignored him, clearly still against him being with Noah, and put the movie in.

"I have ice cream, bitches," Santana announced as she walked in the door with five or so grocery bags full of Ben & Jerry's, heading for the freezer. Brittany and Tina walked in behind her, joining Kurt on the couch before Mercedes could sit back down. Tina just smiled at him comfortingly, but Brittany cuddled right up to him, resting her head on his shoulder and her legs over his lap. He found that he didn't mind, as long as she kept her hands to herself.

"All right, story time," Rachel said as she joined the rest of the group, holding the over timer. "Start from the two of you disappearing at the end of our shopping trip and lead right up to whatever happened this morning."

"You all know about the conditions, and how Noah has tried to be so sweet to me and woo me in order to make a better impression," Kurt said, his introduction prompting Mercedes to scoff and roll her eyes. "At the end of the shopping trip, Noah bought me a promise ring," Rachel let out a little 'aw,' "and made a very sweet speech about what he was promising."

"Oh, speaking of the shopping trip, Hummel, I have your special underwear in the truck," Santana said with a wink, and he'd been hoping she'd forgotten about those. Apparently not.

Ignoring the flush that was rising to his cheeks, Kurt continued. "We went back to his place, chastely," he added hastily when all the girls went 'oooh,' "and we hung out for a while, taking care of Sarah. He… it's adorable how much he loves his little sister; he would do anything for her. We were talking about Rachel's sudden Disney obsession," Rachel huffed, but Kurt ignored her; he had decided not to tell his friends about his idiotic plan to have Noah and he act like just friends, because he knew the reactions would be neither kind nor positive, "and when Sarah asked if I sing and requested that Noah and I sing her a song from High School Musical, Noah assented." The other girls started again with the 'aw's, but Mercedes still looked unimpressed. "So we sang You Are the Music in Me, and I had dinner with the Puckermans that night."

"I bet Ruth loved you," Rachel said with a smile. "She was always fond of me due to our mutual religious ideas, but she is not the type to condemn you for being an atheist, and she's fond of anyone who actually cares about her son."

"Yes, Mrs. Puckerman seems fine with our relationship, though she did give me the third degree a little bit later. The problem is my dad."

"That's the only problem?" Mercedes asked skeptically.

"That would be the stem of the seismic shift in our relationship, yes," Kurt said, realizing the words were true as he said them. "I… Noah has trouble believing that he's a good guy and that he deserves me-not a word, Merce," he cut her off before she could start, "and no matter how many time I tell him that I care about him, he seems kind of insecure about us."

"What does that have to do with your dad?" Tina asked, but Kurt had gotten off track on how the story had run, chronologically, so he began again.

"After my dinner with the Puckermans, my dad made it clear he did not approve of Noah, and it would take a lot for me to get him to like my boyfriend, but he was willing to try, so we were going to arrange Friday Night Dinner. Then after our Disney Glee rehearsal, Noah and I went to BreadstiX. Unfortunately, we ran into Blaine there and… I got a little distracted by the fact that Blaine was on a date, which was my fault, but Noah interpreted it as jealousy and we got in a little bit of an argument. Even worse than that, Blaine texted me after that, once again extending an olive branch and wanting to meet me for coffee."

"Ugh, Hummel, that means your ex is trying to get into your pants," Santana commented, but Kurt ignored her.

"I knew that, but it was Blaine and I did miss him, in a way, so I decided to meet with him. But he spent the whole time just trashing Noah, and eventually I gave up, slapped him, and left. I mean, why am I the only person who seems how much Noah is worth? He has a big heart, you guys know that, just think about what he went through with Quinn and Beth! He cares, he really does, and he does his best to be romantic and sweet, and I know he's not perfect, but I care about him and I've forgiven him for all the stupid things he did in the past." Kurt was expecting commentary on that, but the girls had gone surprisingly quiet.

"Go on," Rachel said, fiddling with the oven time instead of meeting his gaze.

"It was after my coffee date with Blaine that Mrs. Puckerman gave me the third degree. Then I went to talk to Noah, and I told him what had happened and we…" Kurt paused for a moment, remembering the fervent way Noah had kissed him that day and blushing, "we made up. It was stupid for us to be arguing over Blaine anyway; I don't think him about that way anymore. Not since what happened with Noah." Kurt shook his head, trying to remind himself where he was in the story. "Noah agreed to come over for Friday Night Dinner, which happened yesterday."

"And since your dad doesn't like him, Puck's an idiot, and you two were still tense over your asshole ex-boyfriend, I'm guessing it didn't go well," Santana said derisively, texting like she wasn't really interested in the conversation.

"It wasn't Noah's fault… entirely. It was mostly my dad's," which, Kurt realized, was what he should have told Noah earlier, that he didn't blame Noah or their little incident for what happened. Fuck. "It was awful," was what he said aloud. "But for the record, we were not tense. We were having fun talking and laughing in the kitchen as I made dinner, but then…" Kurt trailed off, blushing, realizing he didn't exactly want to tell his girls what had happened. "I was getting upset and worried about the dinner, so Noah made us a little picnic and we went out on the porch." How the hell was he going to tell them this without hearing 'wanky' from Santana and being judged by Mercedes?

"You got busy with Puck," Santana said shortly. "On the porch no less, very naughty."

"Kurt-"

"Don't even start, Mercedes," Santana snapped, proving she could effortlessly handle all of his worries. "What happened, Hummel?"

"My father caught us." There were several sympathetic winces. "He, of course, panicked and started railing at Noah about how he was never allowed to touch me, ever, and how he shouldn't be taking advantage of me and all sorts of ridiculous things that weren't any part of his business."

"What happened to you two not doing anything?" The inevitable question came from Tina and it was phrased very gently.

"I trust Noah, I really do, and we were going to talk a little more about the conditions and what to do moving forward, only then my dad kind of interrupted us." His friends didn't need the exact details. "During the argument, I snapped at my dad that I wish my mom was still around, and I was more the one arguing with my dad than Noah was. Carole took over and sent us upstairs…" Kurt sighed. "Noah bought my a present, including the new Beyoncé CD, and he brought flowers for Carole, Rachel, and I. When we came back downstairs, Noah apparently told him he was a fan of a rival sports team, and then when dinner was finally ready…" Kurt sighed. "My dad made it very clear that his opinion had turned against Noah and he didn't want him in the house anymore."

"Noah got a job at the garage to spend time with Burt and try to win him over, but Burt has been ignoring him there and placing other mechanics in charge of his training," Rachel took over, since she had been there for the disastrous portion of the dinner. "However, this did help Burt find out about Noah's cougar days, and that, combined with Noah's history of bullying and sexual prowess, as well as their affinity between rival sports teams and the incident between Kurt and Noah on the porch…" Kurt tried not to flush at her pointed tone, but failed. "Burt made the ultimate decision that he didn't approve of Noah. He doesn't believe that someone could change so much, so fast, and he's unwilling to give Noah a chance to prove his worth," Rachel summed up quickly and without emotion.

"So, basically, your dad's being a dick?" Santana asked.

"I wish that were the end of it," was Kurt's reply. "That was last night. This morning, Noah and I went to Sonic to talk. We ended up arguing about my dad and Blaine, Noah upset that my dad, and certain other people, preferred my relationship with Blaine to my relationship with him. He just… couldn't get that I didn't prefer my relationship with Blaine, that I care about him and believe in him and only want him to try again with my father because I don't want his disapproval to be a stressor on our relationship. He… he thinks I don't trust him. But I do, even if I just realized it, and I want him to have the same faith in me that I do in him. If only he knew what I thought about him, how much I think he's worth, then maybe he wouldn't worry so much about us. I just… I don't know how to make him feel secure in our relationship." Kurt looked to the girls for advice to find them staring at him intently. Even Santana wasn't texting anymore.

"Oh, bo," Mercedes said, sounding sad and remorseful. When Kurt raised an eyebrow at her, she answered. "I can't believe it."

"Believe what?"

"After everything he's done to you, from the bullying to Operation Get Into Kurt's pants… if you still feel this way, there's obviously something I'm missing." He knew that was as much of an apology as he was ever going to get.

He stood up, heading for the armchair Mercedes was sitting in to hug his girl. "I really do care about him. And once you get to know him, he's not a bad guy. He hasn't always made the best decisions, but he is changing."

"You're an idiot, Hummel," was Santana's completely unprovoked nasty comment.

"Why?" he asked icily.

"We all knew you care about him," Rachel was the one to answer, her voice soft. "We just didn't realize that you're in love with him."

"I… what?" He was used to Rachel talking crazy, but everyone else was nodding in solemn agreement, like what she said actually made sense. "I'm not-"

"Please," Santana said with an unladylike snort. "Apparently, you can't hear the way you talk about him, but you sound like you've grown a damn vagina. I don't know if Puck'll be pleased or disappointed."

"What Santana is trying to say," Mercedes said with an icy glare in the cheerleader's general direction, "is that everything you've said so far has been punctuated with little speeches of either admiration or concern, and you sound… well, like you're in love with him, bo."

"I…" Kurt sat down on the couch, feeling what might have been the weight of realization on his shoulders. While he had been telling the story, he had been reaching for words, something to explain why he cared so much and why he couldn't understand how Noah couldn't see himself the way Kurt did… if 'I love him' were those words, he was in deeper than he had first expected.

"I think our advice is that you should tell him that," Tina said quietly.

"If we were still talking about the idiot Puck that I slept with, I would give you the exact opposite advice, because telling that Puck that you love him makes him run for the hills." Kurt wondered for a second whether or not Santana was speaking from experience, but then he noticed her looking over at Brittany and decided it didn't really matter. "But this new, sissy Puck that you seem to have created would be more than happy to hear it, I'm sure. Especially if that takes him off the leash."

"Telling Noah that I… Even if I do… That's not just going to fix everything." Mercedes roller her eyes at Kurt's avoidance of the words.

"The moment that you tell Noah you love him, he's on equal ground with Blaine," Rachel said, and all heads swiveled towards her. "You loved him, or at least you told him as much. Maybe that's what Puck is getting hung up on. That you loved and trusted Blaine, but he thinks you don't feel the same way about him, when you really do. Maybe if he knew that you loved him, he would be able to see how much he means to you."

"What if I'm not sure?" Kurt asked, hating how small and insecure his voice sounded.

"Love's a curious thing; it often comes disguised. Look at love the wrong way, it goes unrecognized… so look with your heart, and not with your eyes. A heart understands; a heart never lies. Believe what it feels-"

"Shut up, Berry, blood's gonna start coming out my ears soon," Santana cut Rachel off mid-song. "Listen, Hummel, I know you're being a chicken-shit about this relationship and that's the whole reason that you have those damn rules in the first place, but if you can't be sure that you love Puck, let us be sure for you. You're an absolutely disgusting sap about him in the way only people in love are. So shut up, stop arguing with us, and go tell him."

"And you should probably talk to him about the conditions as well," Tina offered quietly.

"Let's run through them quickly, shall we?" Rachel asked, pulling out her phone. "Exclusivity: this is a condition of any relationship, you should trust Noah enough to know he's not cheating on you. Date night: Noah's going to make time for you and try to be romantic without you have to force him. Spending time with us: I think this sleepover proves he has our favor."

"Number four I would keep," Mercedes said, peering over Rachel's shoulder. "The only thing football players do during those parties is be idiots."

"No, Kurt has to trust that Noah can control himself, even under the influence of alcohol," Rachel insisted, pulling the phone away from Mercedes. "Answer his calls: as your boyfriend, he'll probably do that anyway most of the time. Being honest is a condition of any relationship. We've already nixed bad mediators-"

"That was his rule, anyway, and if you girls are all actually okay with me dating him, I'm sure he won't mind me going to you for advice every once in a while. You were most annoying when we weren't yet together." Kurt was acutely aware of the condition Rachel had skipped.

"No definitions for Puck: I think you're the person he has to worry least about pushing him on that, though I personally vote he's pansexual."

"Please, Puck totally likes dick now," Santana said with a roll of her eyes.

"Puck's a dolphin?" Brittany asked excitedly.

"No," Kurt answered firmly at the same time Santana nodded.

"Ladies, ladies, try to stay on focus. The last one is that you're dating, and I have a feeling he just said that one to be cute. Everyone knows you're dating."

"You skipped one," Kurt corrected her, even though he was sure she already knew. "Condition number five: no sex."

"Lame," Santana said, standing up and heading for the freezer. "We might as well eat the Ben & Jerry's even if we don't need it."

"You already broke that one," Rachel pointed out. "You have to have some faith in Noah. If you two choose not to be totally abstinent, you'll have to talk things out and decide what's too fast or slow. Noah's a good guy, and beneath all of his teasing, I'm sure he won't pressure you." Kurt nodded, having already decided this before Rachel said anything.

Kurt put his elbows on his knees and his head in his hands. "I cannot believe I fell in love with Noah Puckerman," he mumbled, mostly to himself, but by the victorious exclamations, the girls clearly heard and took the statement as confirmation of their earlier claim.

"You need to tell him," Rachel insisted. "Contrary to your earlier belief, I think telling him that and releasing him from romantic probation really will solve all of your problems."

"What about my dad?" Kurt asked, the only loose end in their conversation. "He still hates Noah, and the fact that I'm even more convinced that Noah's a good guy isn't going to change his mind."

"I hate to sound like I'm on Puck's side, but I think that's something you have to fix with your dad, bo. Burt will never come around just because you're dating Puck, and I don't think another family dinner would go over any better." Mercedes patted his back as she spoke.

"If you're going to talk to both of them, I would talk to Burt before Noah," Rachel suggested. "The fact that Burt is more willing to accept that Noah is your boyfriend would be the cherry on top of the 'I love you' sundae topped with 'no more romantic probation' sprinkles."

"And 'you might have the chance to bang me' hot fudge," Santana said with a grin as she returned with Cherry Garcia. "And I'm not talking about the hot fudge being on the sundae." Kurt rolled his eyes.

"Do any of you know where my dad is?" Kurt asked.

"He walked in, saw us all on the couch, and retreated upstairs," Tina answered, probably the only one who had noticed his arrival.

"Wait, wait, wait," Brittany said as Kurt stood up. "What about Q?"

"What about Quinn?" Kurt asked her in return. "She's been on board with me and Noah since the beginning. Hell, she's been telling us we're in love for weeks." At least, that was the impression he had gotten from a very annoyed Noah.

"She's not here," Brittany said, sounding upset still.

"We might want to try talking to Quinn, she's right," Rachel said, apparently catching on to the blonde cheerleader's train of thought. "Whatever's going on with her, she's our friend and we can't neglect her."

"We'll call her," Mercedes decided. "White boy, you have bigger fish to fry upstairs."

"No chance I can call Quinn and one of you can deal with me father?" Kurt asked rhetorically as he headed up the stairs.

The door to his father's room was open, and though he hadn't spent much time in his father's room in the new house (for obvious reasons), Kurt welcomed himself in. His father was sitting in a comfy armchair in the corner, and the countertenor could tell from one glance that he was half-heartedly reading the book in his hands. The brightly-colored cover as well as Oprah's book club sticker suggested that Carole had given it to him to read.

"Hey, dad," Kurt said, resisting the habit of calling him 'daddy' before awkward conversations.

"Hey, kid," his dad replied, the haste with which he put down the book only further proving he'd been looking for any excuse to stop reading it. "Having fun with the girls?"

"They're calling Quinn right now," Kurt replied, not really answering his father's question. "We're all worried about her, but whatever's going on has been a long time coming, I'm sure."

"She's been through a lot," his father agreed with a nod. Kurt could feel the tense atmosphere, but he tried his best to ignore it. The last thing he wanted was for their mature conversation to turn into an argument, even though that seemed very likely.

"I called them over here to talk about Noah," he admitted, not able to think of another way to broach the subject more gently.

"What did he do now?" Burt asked gruffly.

"He tried his best to understand why you not liking him upsets me so much, even though he doesn't have a father and doesn't quite understand what it means to have one," Kurt said as calmly as he could, trying not to get defensive or blame anything on his father.

"Kid, I know Puck's had a rough life, but that doesn't excuse anything he's done."

"Of course not. Watching one parent abuse another from a very young age has no effect on the attitude you develop about relationships," Kurt said, giving into the urge to slip into sarcasm.

Instead of being immediately repentant, his father's eyes hardened. "I'm sorry to hear that." In those words, Kurt heard all sorts of comments about the cyclical nature of abuse, and he stood up a little straighter, letting his tone turn sharp.

"Having to protect his prematurely-born sister from her own father, being abandoned by said father at a young age, having his mother work long hours and force him to raise his sister… does absolutely nothing to a teenager."

"What's your point? That the kid's been through a lot? Well, so have you, and too much of it has been at his hands."

"My point is that Noah's not a kid," Kurt said, wishing he had planned out his argument a little better in his head before letting himself in. "He's never had the chance to be a kid. He's never gotten the right guidance, or support. Yes, his mother is a wonderful woman, and she tries hard, but her job is to support the family, and Noah raised himself. Do you honestly expect anyone to be able to do a good job of raising themselves after a childhood like Noah's?"

"And I'm sorry for him, but that doesn't mean he should have the chance to date my son."

"It means you shouldn't be so harsh on him for things he's done in the past, because he's trying so hard to change now that he finally has the right guidance… or any guidance at all, for that matter." Kurt stuck out his chin, continuing before his father could say anything else. "You know what Glee club has done for me, what it's done for Rachel and Quinn and Finn and every other one of the kids involved. Why can't you believe it's had the same effect on Noah?"

"Because Puck is up against a much harder opponent than you were. You just needed to find acceptance, as did Rachel and Quinn. Finn needed to find somewhere he could grow up and take charge and learn to be a leader. These are things all teenagers deal with, and it makes sense that a high school club can help kids mature. But it can't turn a boy who you claim to be an adult, already set in his ways, from a homophobe to gay."

Kurt's fists tightened at his sides, but he fought to keep his voice steady. "Noah was never a homophobe." Burt raised an eyebrow, reminding Kurt of where he had gotten the habit. "At worst, Noah was a conformist, willing to pick on me to show off to his friends and try to prove his masculinity. I was an easy target because of my flamboyancy. And maybe my sexuality is why some people chose to pick on me, but Noah wasn't one of them."

"How does why he chose to bully you make it any better?" The question sounded rhetorical, but Kurt was going to answer it.

"It doesn't." That got a rather shocked reaction from his dad. "You believe that Noah has gone from homophobic to… biflexible, and you can't believe someone could make that change. But Noah didn't have to make that change, because he was never homophobic. Young, yes, stupid, certainly, and perhaps a touch cruel, yes, but never homophobic. And with time, he's become a better person."

"That doesn't change the fact that he bullied you, or that he's slept with your friends' mothers, or that he's well known for being… promiscuous." His dad's tone suggested that he had a lot nastier ways to phrase that stored up for later in the conversation.

"No, it doesn't, but isn't being 'promiscuous' just a common high school problem that's changeable? Aren't you an example just like that?" Burt was silent. "You've always said that you were a bad kid in high school, and Mom kicked your ass into being a good guy. You've also always told me that I'm just like her, so why can't I have kicked Noah's ass into being a good guy?" Kurt put his hands on his hips for emphasis and waited.

Burt sighed, adjusting his baseball cap. "Every day, you remind me a little more of her, kid."

"Noah has changed, Dad. He stopped giving out 'extras' with his pool-cleaning business a long time ago, and he's given up pool-cleaning altogether since you gave him a job at the garage. He hasn't been 'promiscuous' since the beginning of Glee, because first there was Quinn, then Lauren, and now me. And I've forgiven him for bullying me."

"How?" Burt asked, his gruff tone returning.

"Same way I forgave Finn: by giving him the chance to make it up to me. And he has." Kurt dropped his hands from his hips, feeling less defensive. "He's trying to be a good man, and a good boyfriend." Burt flinched a little at the word. "He's not perfect, I know that, but he's changed a lot, and he deserves a chance."

"He's still a Bulls fan."

"Dad."

"What about juvie?"

"He's impulsive," Kurt said with a shrug, because he had never asked Noah about that particular incident, and he didn't care to know. "I've known that from the day that I met him. And he can be an idiot, but he's my idiot."

His father eyed him for a moment, then sighed. "You really care about him, don't you?"

"I love him, Dad." Admitting it out loud, even though he hadn't yet told Noah, was oddly freeing.

"Of course you do," his dad said, readjusting his baseball cap and proving Kurt had also gotten his sarcasm from his father. "I still don't like him."

"I don't expect you to," Kurt said honestly. "I want you to give him a chance… and let him back in the house." Kurt hadn't actually planned to follow that rule, but it was worth getting it removed in any case.

"One chance," Burt said firmly, but Kurt smiled excitedly anyway. "He gets one chance, and the moment I hear about him hurting you, I'm going to put him in the ground."

"I must insist this condition not be retroactive…" Kurt said slowly, and his father glared at him. "What? You try getting a self-proclaimed 'badass' into a serious relationship? Kicking someone's ass to get them to be a good guy is hard work!" Burt rolled his eyes. "And I'm sure Mom would agree if she were here right now."

"I think if your mother were here, she'd be too busy kicking my ass to worry about what Puck was doing," Burt grumbled, making Kurt smile.

"She was always on my side."

His father stood up from the chair, gesturing him over. "Come here, kid." Kurt went gratefully, letting his dad hug him tight. "Does that kid know you love him?"

"Not yet," Kurt said as his dad released him. "I was going to go…" He gestured out the door with his thumb.

"Call me if you're not coming home," his dad said firmly, and Kurt nodded, kissing his cheek before leaving.

Kurt realized his hands were shaking during his drive over to Noah's, but he was determined. The more he thought about it, the more he realized he was an idiot for not having realized before: he loved Noah. He wanted his boyfriend to realize exactly how much he loved him, how much he cared and wanted Noah to feel secure, to realize how Kurt thought of him and why he should think in the same way. There were certain moment Kurt thought Noah didn't need a bigger head, but everyone had their insecurities, and only by digging through his ego had Kurt found Noah's.

The countertenor didn't even hesitate before knocking on the door. However, the answer surprised him. "It's open!" Noah called out from inside.

Pushing on the door confirmed this fact, and Kurt entered the familiar house, closing the door and locking it behind him. "Given your neighbors, isn't it kind of dangerous to leave your door unlocked?" he asked as he fastened the deadbolt.

He heard a sigh from the couch, and turned around. Noah was sprawled out on his couch with a beer and Cheetos, in boxers and an undershirt, watching some kind of boat racing. "I thought you were Santana."

"Why would I be Santana?" Kurt asked, tamping down the instinct to be jealous.

"She's been texting me all night about your little sleepover." Something in Kurt's chest tightened at the misery in Noah's voice, as well as his actual words.

"Then you already know what I'm here to say?"

"Enlighten me anyway," Noah grumbled, and Kurt would have sworn the jock had gotten more sarcastic since they started dating.

The countertenor stole the remote from where it had been thrown on the ground, shutting off the television, and made himself comfortable on the couch. Considering he didn't see any bottles around and Noah's words were perfectly clear, Kurt would guess that he had been nursing that beer for quite a while, but wasn't anywhere near inebriated.

"I want romantic probation to be over," was how he decided to start the conversation, and that got his boyfriend's attention, Noah sitting up and looking over at him. "I trust you, Noah, and while some of those things, like honesty and exclusivity, are just basic conditions of a relationship, you were right this morning. Some were me trying to make you into the perfect boyfriend, and some were me not trusting you to make the right decisions."

"I was an asshole this morning," was Noah's opening comment. "I shouldn't have said that about your dad, or what happened yesterday, or-"

"Let's talk about my dad next, okay?" Kurt asked, cutting him off. "Conditions first."

"This conversation is two-fold?"

"Three-fold, actually," Kurt admitted, feeling his cheeks get warm, and while Noah looked at him curiously, he didn't ask.

"Do I still have to spend time with the Glee girls?" Kurt laughed a little.

"No, you don't. I… they all have faith in you, Noah," Kurt assured him, reaching over and taking his boyfriend's hand. "And since they're all okay with us dating, I hope you won't mind if I go to them for advice every once in a while."

"Of course not," Noah said immediately, lifting Kurt's hand to his mouth and brushing a kiss to his knuckles. "I'm still not sure what I am, sexuality-wise."

"I told you this when you first said that, and it's still true: as long as you're willing to admit you're attracted to me, I don't care. That's always going to be true; the last thing I care about is what you label yourself as."

"And I'm guessing we're still dating?" Noah asked with a cheekily-raised eyebrow.

"That was never a condition, Noah, you were just trying to be cute," Kurt said in his best mock-accusatory voice.

"What about sex?" he asked, and this was the more serious part of the conversation. So, of course, it had to be started by Kurt blushing like crazy. "Come on, princess, use your words."

With his free hand, Kurt pushed lightly at his boyfriend's shoulder. "Forced abstinence was my best attempt to protect myself, but I don't need to protect myself from you. You've proved that to me time and time again," he said, smiling at Noah. "And I can't deny that I enjoyed… what happened yesterday," his face felt supernova-hot, "with the exception of getting interrupted."

"No one enjoys that," Noah muttered.

"It's not that I don't want to have a physical relationship with you, but we need to take things at a slower pace. Because I'm not totally innocent," Kurt was very pointedly avoiding with word 'Blaine,' "but I am still a virgin, and I know you're miles from that."

"How far did you get with him?" Noah asked, as if he could read Kurt's thoughts.

"Just about everything but…" Noah grinned predatorily at him. "Just about everything standard," Kurt quickly amended his sentence, "except for…"

"Actual sex, yeah," Noah finished his sentence, and the countertenor resisted the urge to argue with his boyfriend about what counted as 'actual sex' because he knew what Noah meant. "Princess, we can take things as slow as you need, just don't blue-ball me entirely, all right? We can spend months perfecting hand jobs if that's what you want." Kurt blushed redder, but nodded. "Just let me know when you want to up the ante, because I don't want to be pushy." Noah scooted closer, removing the awkward distance between them, and leaned towards him, brushing a kiss just below his ear. "Feel free not to use your words."

Kurt couldn't help the shiver that ran through him, but he pushed Noah away. "Not now."

"Right. Two more folds left. Hit me with your best shot, princess."

Kurt rolled his eyes at the bravado. "I talked to my father today, and he's willing to give you a chance."

"How'd you manage that one?" Noah sounded suspicious.

"I reminded him that my mother kicked his ass into being a good person, and I am more than capable of doing the same thing to you," Kurt summarized the conversation quickly, and Noah cracked up laughing, relaxing back against the couch. "Plus, I pointed out why all of his arguments were stupid and how amazing a guy you are."

"That's what you tried to do last time," Noah said, still chuckling a little.

"It worked better when he hadn't just caught me with my pants down," Kurt admitted, not worried about Noah thinking he was blaming sex for his problems anymore. "He still doesn't like you, or our relationship, but he's willing to be a little more open-minded."

"I'm happy for you, princess," Noah said, brushing a kiss to his cheek, and Kurt ignored the implications that Noah still really hadn't cared about his father's opinion. Dads would always be a touchy subject with his boyfriend. "What's the third fold?" Noah asked as he leaned back into his own personal space.

"I love you, Noah," Kurt said before he fully thought the words through, and Noah stared at him in shock.

"What?" Noah sounded scared and hesitant and Kurt shouldn't push him, but he needed to say this, even if Noah was hesitant, or scared, or didn't feel the same way.

"You don't have to say it back, I just… I love you and I don't want there to be walls between us and I know this doesn't fix everything, but things are moving in the right direction and…" Kurt trailed off, because Noah looked almost green. "Noah?"

"Fuck," was all Noah said, mostly under his breath and obviously directed more at himself than at Kurt. "I…" Noah couldn't seem to muster any kind of appropriate response.

"You don't have to…" Kurt started to say again, but then Noah was looking at him and Kurt realized, yes, he did. He just couldn't say it. "Do you love me?"

"Fuck," Noah muttered again, "I hate talking about feelings," he said, and that was clearly directed towards Kurt. Kurt didn't stop him, or interrupt him, or tell him he didn't have to answer. He just waited, squeezing his boyfriend's hand gently.

There was a long moment of silence, but Kurt knew if he was the one to break it, he would never forgive himself. So he waited, even though he just wanted to explode because he knew Noah wanted to say 'yes,' to use those three little words and to make everything official.

"Yeah," Noah said finally. "Yeah, I do."

Kurt wasn't ashamed by the way he practically threw himself into Noah's arms, pushing him down onto the couch and kissing the breath out of him. Noah responded eagerly, pulling Kurt down against him and shifting so they were pressed up against each other, so intimately that Kurt could see this going further.

Kurt was out of breath and he was sure he looked like a mess when he finally pulled away, staring down at Noah, his Mohawk gone and his lips swollen and his expression riddled with carefully concealed caring. "I love you," Kurt said again, not caring how breathy or elated his voice sounded.

Noah opened his mouth immediately, and for only a split second Kurt harbored the hope that he was going to say the same thing. Instead, Noah's oh-so-romantic comment was, "Does this mean I get to have sex with you now?"

"Not a chance," Kurt said with an evil grin, leaning down to kiss his boyfriend.

FIN(N)

A/N: Oh, my gosh, guys, this is the end! I considered an epilogue/writing something to wrap up the sex storyline, but after such a long wait and such a long time on the story, I think it ends well here.

I always, always, always apologize for taking a super long time, and I am sorry, but I've been off fanfiction for a few weeks due to some personal things I've been going through due to some new stressors in my life and... it's a long story. So, I'm sorry and I finished this up today and yay!

THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH FOR STICKING WITH ME THROUGH THIS STORY! It started out as a short little venture and turned into a monster than I could never quite keep up with (as well as being wildly-unplanned), so thank you all for reading this and being so patient. I love all of you guys! Yay! It's done. I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter and this story :)

Songs used/mentioned:
'You are the Music in Me' from High School Musical 2 (mentioned)
'Look with Your Heart' from Love Never Dies

Reviews are Love!