I know some people may be a little ticked at my decision to redo this story, but I really think that this version is way better and more thought out. I wanted to give you Bella's background and what led up to her change into a vampire and her change of attitude.

Summary: Edward left Bella in New Moon. She doesn't get close to Jake and never jumps off the cliff. She is changed into a vampire. Eighty years later, she runs into the Cullens where it all began. Bella is now a loner and very resentful. She doesn't trust or forgive easily and her past is part of that. Will Edward be able to break through her misery?

Chapter one: whole/hole

Bella's point of view:

{Whole}

Pain. Self-pity. Some numbness here and there. That is all I feel right now. That is all I have felt for the past three weeks.

This sucks!

I felt like one of those clichéd girls from 80's movies who were just dumped. That is what happened, but why must I wallow? Oh, yeah… I was dumped! I threw my head into my pillow and tried to stifle the sob pushing through my lips. All I have been thinking since he left me is, 'why me?' It was pathetic but I didn't care.

I was in the middle of turning from my stomach to my side - the first movement I have made in well over twenty minutes - when the door to my room flew open. I blinked my eyes rapidly at the intrusion of light into my room - or cave, as my father has so nicely been referring to it as. Once my eyes adjusted to the bright lights, I noticed the figure standing before me.

"Mom?" My voice was hoarse from lack of use and endless crying.

When the heck did my mom get here?

She said nothing as she marched over to the foot of my bed. It was then that I noticed her livid expression, the square of her shoulders, her clenched fists, her heavy breathing. I had never once seen my mother this angry. She was always so happy and care-free. There was never a worry in her mind. So, seeing her like this frightened the heck out of me. I sat up as quickly as my sore muscles would allow and looked at her warily.

"Mom, what are you do-" my question was cut off by my blanket being dragged from me. The blanket was wrapped so tightly around my body that I ended up falling on the floor as it she unwrapped it. I landed with a quiet 'oomph.'

What the heck is wrong with her?

I looked up from my spot on the floor and opened my mouth to ask her what her problem was but she cut me off.

"Isabella Marie Swan!" Her voice sent chills down my spine. She has never used my full name like that. I was seriously thinking that she was going ballistic and was about to beat the crap out of me.

"What is wrong with you? You have your poor father, downstairs, worried sick! Do you want to give him a heart attack? Hmm?" I opened my mouth to reply, but she didn't give me the time. "I know you are upset, baby, but this is ridiculous! Oh my…" She looked away from me and started pacing. She stopped in front of my window and wrenched the blinds completely off the window ledge. I had to look away from the bright light shining directly at me.

Oh, so it is daytime…

The days tend to mold together when you barely leave your room.

It was days like this that Edward would be out hunting with his family. His beautiful skin shimmering in the sunlight…

I was brought out of my inner musings by sharp pains going through my arms. It was then that I noticed my mother had forcefully pulled me off of the floor, her fingernails digging into my upper arms. She brought my face close to hers and just let me have it.

Bad.

"Are you going to let a little BOY define your life, Isabella? Did I really raise you that way? I thought you grew up to be a strong and independent young lady… girl, you have proved me wrong! This is heartbreaking, Bella, HEARTBREAKING! You can only wallow for so long before that becomes your whole life! Do you want to still feel this way in a year from now?" Her last question was less of a yell and more of a whimper, as she set me down on my bed.

I couldn't help the sobs leaving me as I buried my face in my hands. She is right! I have let Edward define my life. It's like I am nothing without him. I most certainly do not want to feel this way a year from now - hell; I don't want to feel this way a week from now. The pain is too unbearable.

I looked back up at my mother's towering figure. She looked down at me with her arms crossed and I realized that she wanted an answer. I sniffled and shook my head no. No I didn't. I wanted to get better. I wanted to have a life for myself that didn't include a terrible gaping hole in my chest that used to belong to the Cullens. I wanted it to heal. I spoke up this time as I shook my head with fervor.

"No, Mom. I don't. I w-want t-to be bett-e-er." My voice hiccupped with sobs making it difficult to speak, but I could tell that she understood. Her anger faded as she took a seat next to me, pulling me into her arms. She smoothed my hair as she spoke.

"I want you to feel better, too, Bella. So does Charlie. We can't stand you being this way. I know you feel betrayed and you are hurt, but that is no reason to just stop living. This isn't the end of the world and you will move on. It may seem impossible right now, but eventually you will get better. That isn't going to happen if you don't get the hell off your ass and try!" She squeezed me once more before pulling away from me and looking me straight in the eyes.

"I came here to take you home with me, but I don't think that would be for the best. You need to face your issues. Your father tells me that you don't even listen to music anymore and I know why you are doing that. You don't want to be reminded of him. I get it but, honey that is just no way to go about things." Never have I ever seen my mother actually sound and act like a mother.

She was guiding me, taking care of me instead of the other way around. This thought brought on another round of sobs. She waited patiently until they subsided. I knew she was right. This was ridiculous. I was letting one person force my life onto a harmful track. I couldn't continue this, but I didn't know how to stop it. I voiced this to my ever patient mother. She smiled and listened to every word, even the ones I had to choke out.

"How? How am I supposed to fix this, Mom? I feel like I am already too far gone into this… This depression." It dawned on me then. There was no other explanation to this. I was in a depression. I struggled to focus back on my mother as she whispered words of encouragement into my ear while running her fingers through my hair, trying her best to comfort me. I was all too surprised to see that it was beginning to work.

"It hurts so much, Mommy." I cried into her shoulder.

I could practically feel the joy surrounding her at the word I used to address her. I haven't called her that since I was… five, I think? It felt nice to depend on her. But that wasn't what she was here trying to get me to do. She was trying to tell me that I shouldn't depend on anyone, I should be independent. I will. I just need a little help. I need a little push to get me started.

"Bella, Charlie and I have arranged for you to start seeing a therapist. I hear they can really help, but you need to agree to this since you are legally an adult that should be able to take care of herself."

I didn't miss the meaning in her words. I should be able to take care of myself. I nodded my head enthusiastically and offered her a smile, which most likely came out as more of a grimace.

I am on my way. This is just the first step to healing. I would heal. I would be whole again.

[.][.][.][.][.][.][.][.][.]

Another three weeks have gone by. My mother's little visit showed me a new way of living. She showed me that I didn't need Edward. It didn't even hurt to think his name anymore. For that, I was grateful, since everything still brought up memories of him.

Everything was day by day, but I was making progress. Having an unbiased party to explain my feelings to was wonderful. My therapist, Tracey, was wonderful. Sure she got paid for our conversations, but that didn't mean she didn't help. She listened, she offered suggestions and she helped. I see her two times a week and I treasure every session, because at the end, the hole in my chest closes that much more.

It is an amazing feeling to know that tomorrow is full of hope and possibilities instead of sadness and despair. I don't think of tomorrow as another day without the love of my life, no, I think of it as another day of healing and getting better. It is so much more satisfying than lying in my bed - I had to burn the sheets from lack of washing - and wallowing.

No more wallowing for this girl. Just living. Edward isn't coming back. That still hurts to think or say, but it gets easier. I need to realize that I can't wait for him to never come back. That is absolutely no way to live.

I have learned and I am moving forward.

[.][.][.][.][.][.][.][.]

Graduation day.

Today I leave high school. I have no plans of going to college… yet. I am taking the year off to grow more into my newfound Bella-ness. As much sense as that doesn't make, it still sounds right.

I am the same Bella as I was before, only now, I am more independent. I can take care of my own emotional baggage. I don't go to anyone else for help with that. I stopped seeing my therapist because I knew that her help was no longer a necessity and she whole-heartedly agreed.

'Bella, you have made so much progress and you have absolutely no one but yourself to be thankful to. All I did was listen and offer some advice. Everything else was all you. You have healed and you can move on.'

Her parting words to me will forever be embedded in my memory. I can move on. I have moved on. Though, I know that part of me will always feel something for the Cullens, I will never let it handicap me like it did. It is all a distant memory.

So on this day of my graduation, I say a loud 'good riddance' to the old Bella and a heartfelt 'where the hell have you been' to the new Bella. Old Bella has been tucked away to the back of my mind where she is out of my reach. She is out of anyone's reach, actually.

I am healed.

[.][.][.][.][.][.][.]

{Hole}

Riding fast, the wind in my hair, at least the hair that is not tucked under my helmet. This is the life, really! I have acquired a taste for motorcycles in the past year. It is exhilarating. It is daring. It is… freeing. It is just what I need.

I am on my way home from my job at the Forks library. You'd think that that place would be peaceful, and that was why I took the job in the first place but, boy was I wrong!

All these little children come in and play on the elevator and yell and leave books lying all over the floor. It is frustrating as all hell but somebody has to do it. I decided to take on that burden. I needed the money anyhow. I didn't want to continue to mooch off my father. I mean, really, I am closer to twenty than I am to eighteen. It is time to leave the nest and spread my wings and all that jazz.

I pulled into my driveway and noticed my father's police cruiser. But there was another one there as well.

Odd. Charlie usually isn't one for company.

I hopped off my bike and tucked my helmet under my arm.

"Dad?" I called, as I walked through the front door. All the lights in the house were turned out.

He couldn't be sleeping already?

I walked to the light switch located under the coat rack that hangs next to the door. I flipped it a few times but had no result.

Hmm. Did Dad not pay the bill?

"Dad?" I tried again. Still, there was no answer.

"Charlie?" I called, now feeling a little uneasy.

The house is eerily calm. I stepped into the kitchen, hoping to find a working light or even a candle. My shoes stepped in something like a puddle.

What the hell?

All in one second, the lights had snapped back on, like after a storm has died out. I started to look around. I didn't feel safe. Something wasn't right. I could feel the panic in me coming off in waves and bouncing off the walls just to hit me again. I swallowed thickly and looked down. My once white tennis shoes were now smeared with a thick red. My eyes widened when it clicked in my head.

Blood. Lots and lots of blood.

The blood covered a good part of the kitchen floor and was smeared on the furniture and appliances.

Oh, God!

I walked through the kitchen, scared at what I might find. There was a laugh behind me. I turned around quickly and nearly doubled over in pain at what I saw. There, standing in front of me looking even more deranged than the last time I saw her, was Victoria. She wasn't what had my stomach in knots though. What had me gasping for breaths and clutching at my chest was what - no - who she was holding her hands.

Charlie. Dad.

She held his pale lifeless body by the arm as she laughed. One question loomed over my head.

Why wasn't she attacking the blood?

I looked pointedly at the splattered life of my father that lay all over the kitchen. I heard a thump and noticed that she had dropped my father to the floor. She stepped over his body, never taking her eyes from me.

"Oh, Isabella. Don't be upset with me. I am not the one who killed your daddy." She laughed at my tortured expression but continued on.

"I believe you know them as Leo and Adam. Your father's coworkers."

Leo and Adam? Why would they do this?

"Go ahead and cry. They will be the last tears you shall ever shed. And also, if you are wondering why those men killed your father, it was because I paid them. Of course, I drained them before they could cash in their checks." She laughed. "You can't trust people nowadays!" She stood directly in front of me.

They killed my dad for money?

I was horrified. Why would they do that? I never knew them to be so… so…God; I can't even come up with the right word for it. I tried to keep my eyes away from my father. I couldn't see him like this. It was too painful. I looked into the dark red eyes of Victoria. She just smiled her sick and twisted smile.

"It was genius, really. Getting those men to off your father this morning." She looked to be deep in thought, the smile never fading.

"I had them come as soon as you left for work. I wanted to take someone that you loved away from you like you did to me. And since - Edward was it? Yes, I believe so - decided that he was fed up with you, I couldn't kill him. What would be the point? You don't get to see him either way. So I had them kill your dad, make it bloody so you would be ten times more horrified, but then I had them mix bleach in with the blood, so I wouldn't be so tempted. I wanted to make sure I had enough room to thoroughly enjoy you." Her words were making me ill.

I was so close to exploding with vomit at this point. I couldn't hear anymore of this. I tuned her out completely and doubled over. She was still speaking, but I couldn't hear it. I couldn't hear a damn thing. All that registered was the disgusting liquid leaving my mouth. The smells of the room, her words, everything was weighing down on me and it all came out.

I vaguely remember being lifted up into cold arms and carried into the equally cold night.

[.][.][.][.][.][.][.]

"Wake up, sleepy head," a melodic voice sang in my ear. The voice sounded familiar.

Who was it? Then I remembered what had happened. Through the tired haze of my mind came terrible memories. Recent memories.

Blood. Victoria. Charlie… oh, no! Charlie.

I rolled off of my back and onto my side, crying, sobbing and hiccupping. Please let that be a nightmare. It didn't really happen. Please? Please? Please…

"Oh, stop your whining child. We are going to have so much fun!" she clapped her hands together.

Fun? No, this wasn't fun. I tried tuning everything out.

Hours passed and we were still having fun. It seems her idea of fun includes burning my skin away with a lighter, throwing matches on my chest, slicing away my skin with her fingernails and beating me with sticks. I was a bloody pulp seconds into this fun. I was surprised by the amount of restraint she showed.

I pleaded with her to stop and just kill me. Her only responses were, "You can thank your little Edward." or "It's their fault." Everything she said clicked with me. I agreed. I wouldn't be in this mess had I never met them. Or if he would have just stayed with me. I wouldn't be in this mess if he hadn't left me unprotected. Was I so insignificant to them that they would leave me here to this torture?

Alice had to of seen this. But they didn't show. I was in the middle of blacking in and out of consciousness when Victoria leaned in close to my ear.

"You will live alone forever, just like I have to." Her words were spat at me through gritted teeth.

She sunk her razor sharp teeth into the exact same place James had all that time ago.

Then there was pain.

The Cullen's fault.

Was my last thought before the pain swallowed me whole.

Please review and share your thoughts. Reviews are inspiration.

I am having some serious mental block. I try to write shit down and it comes out… bad. I am trying though.

Short but it explains why Bella is the way she is. Next chapter is when things really start, so stay with me!