Heaven Doesn't Glow in the Dark…Or Does It?

"Come on, Cas! I know you can hear me! Get your feathery ass down here!"

Silence was Dean's response.

This one sided conversation had been going on for the last hour or so, Dean yelling up at the ceiling fan and the occasional banging followed by "Hey dick! Shut the hell up!" from the downstairs guests in the motel. Dean had been shooting the shit with Sam and Bobby all morning – the topics varying from Eve's demise to Castiel's partnering up with Crowley, the latter being the cause of the current situation.

Bobby being the ever pragmatic one thought it was best to not go in gun's blazing and had suggested that the three of them stick to the old adage "keep your friends close and your enemies closer." This immediately set Dean off because it suggested Cas was no longer their friend, despite the fact he had called to question that very relationship to Cas' face. Dean had regretted his harsh tone after he had said that to Cas, especially after seeing his entire demeanor fall, which he hadn't thought could drop any further.

The atmosphere of the room only worsened when Sam had suggested that Bobby wasn't completely unfounded in his thoughts,

"Look, Dean we need to look at the bigger picture! We all love Cas, but he knowingly sided with Crowley – pretended to destroy him! God only knows how long he's been lying to us, Dean! He betrayed our trust, especially yours, Dean! Bobby is just trying to- "

"I fucking know what Bobby is saying, Sam and I damn well know what you're saying! It is crystal fucking clear to me what Cas did and I can assure you I am NOT brushing it off or in denial! And as far as Cas' betrayal goes you of all people should know not to throw rocks in glass houses, ok? You aren't exactly a pillar of trust."

"Enough!" Bobby had yelled. "This…" he gestured all around them "is bad enough without you two idgits turning on each other! Bringing up old wounds is not going to help us right now where Cas is concerned so knock it off!"

"Yeah…Yeah I'll knock it off. Call me when you find something." Dean had said offhandedly in a brisk tone before grabbing his keys and slamming the door behind him.

Tearing out of the parking lot and leaving a burnt rubber trail was the response Sam and Bobby received after calling for him to come back.

Despite the speed limit being 55mph, Dean found it more to his benefit to drive 75mph all the while blasting Zeppelin and cussing up a storm in between smacking the steering wheel.

"I've broken every other rule, what's one more?"

Two hours and three tickets later – one for speeding, one for ripping up said speeding ticket, and one he assumed would be mailed to one "Mr. Dudley Hyman" as a warrant for his arrest for driving off while the cop was looking up the license he swiped from a demon's vessel he had killed – he had come back to the motel to find it empty with a note that read:

Bobby is off researching and I'm casing the

town for any leads – try not to "Dean" things

up while we're gone.

-Sam

"Did that bitch just use my name as a verb? Awww man I'm seriously gonna kick his ass…"

The oppressive silence of the room did little to chase away the thoughts Dean had been drowning out with his music and he was once again face to face with Cas' betrayal. The last time he has spoken to Cas had been right after they had left him in the ring of holy fire and Cas had shown up later because they had messed up the marks to keep him out.

"I told Sam that arc was supposed to be on the right side of the symbol…Are you happy now, Cas? See this is what happens when friends do shady shit behind people's backs! I defended you Cas! You hear that? I knew you were guilty, but I defended you! Oh so what? Now you're ignoring me? The one time we need to work shit out and you're choosing to finally acknowledge personal space?"

"Come on, Cas! I know you can hear me! Get your feathery ass down here!"

To be honest, Dean didn't blame Cas for ignoring him. Cas was many things – socially inept, comically serious, unbelievably naïve for one so powerful, but also very perceptive and sensitive to other's emotions, which would make him want to steer clear of the Winchesters for a while even if it meant forever.

Dean didn't even have to turn around, but he slowly did after saying "I honestly didn't think you'd show up…"

Behind Dean was a fallen angel or at least what appeared to be one. Where there once was a stoic angel who held his head high even when confounded was a surprisingly human looking man, shoulders sagging and mouth in what seemed to be a permanent frown. Castiel's eyes in the beginning were of the clearest, purist blue and could search out things in your heart that even you did not know of. Those eyes looked the same to the untrained eye, but Dean knew his angel's eyes and could see that they were duller, as if they carried all of the pain and turmoil of 10,000 human souls – perhaps they did? Cas had said once that he felt everything Dean did, but on a higher level so maybe that included other human's as well? If only Dean knew the half of it…

"Despite everything, Dean I will always come when you pray for me – I won't ignore your call."

"Why, Cas?" No yelling, no sarcastic remarks, just a softly spoken question; more dangerous than a loaded gun.

Castiel knew that wasn't directed at his answering him no matter what. Why….why indeed? Castiel couldn't answer that question no matter how many times he asked it or who he posed it to. Why…Why had the Winchesters been chosen to fight evil? Why had he been chosen to raise Dean from Perdition? Why did God leave? Why? Why? Why?

"I don't know, Dean…why do you continue to call for someone who you lost all trust in? Why do you continue to let me into your life even though I only seem to be hurting you?"

"Dad always said I had bad habits…Maybe you're just one of the bad habits I can't seem to kick despite my best efforts."

Castiel chanced a few steps closer to Dean, poised to say something but struggling with the words.

"Dean I know what I'm about to say contradicts everything that my actions have caused, but I never meant to hurt you, Sam, and Bobby…especially you. I couldn't make you understand - "

"No, Cas. Let's get something straight." Dean closed the distance between them and raised his hand to Cas, pointing an accusing finger at him, "It's not that you couldn't make us understand it's that you didn't try. You went behind everyone's back, Cas. You went behind *my* back and you were the only person…angel…*mythical being* who hadn't done that to me! And I'm really pissed off!" Dean's volume had been increasing with each word and became pointed and stinging at the end.

Castiel matched Dean's volume; his warm breath alerting Dean to his nearness despite the harsh tone and he mentally berated himself for the effect it was having on him, "Would you have understood, Dean? I honestly don't think you would have if I had said to you I want a "dead" (Castiel used exaggerated air quotes for this) demon to help me win my war!"

Dean shoved Castiel away in anger, surprising both of them, "You should have asked us first, Cas!"

Castiel's stance became menacing and for a moment he looked like the ominous angel that ruled heaven. Dean remembered when he and Sam had been cornered by Raphael soon after they were pulled from the bizarre reality Balthazar had sent them to – Cas had appeared in time to save them; his proud, long black wings burning a path on the wall behind him as he moved protectively towards the boys. Dean had thought to himself he was glad to never have been on the other side of that angel, oh sure Cas had kicked the shit out of him before, but that anger paled in to comparison to the danger Cas radiated when that which he loved was in danger or falling apart. That Cas was currently directing his attention to Dean.

He advanced on Dean and grabbed him tightly by his shoulders, giving him a quick shake before putting him against the wall, responding in a deep tone, "I was not aware I needed the permission of a *human* who has no earthly concept of my world."

To say Dean was hurt would have been a gross understatement. So this is how he wanted to be? Fine. He had already blown up on Bobby and Sam and he wouldn't have this happen again with Cas.

"You know what? I don't give a damn anymore. You wanna saddle up with demons and make deals that go against everything you used to fight against fine. Go. Go do whatever the hell you want I don't care."

*Yes you do, Dean* a voice in his head told him, but he ignored it,

"But let me ask you something, Cas…"

Castiel looked up at him from his position on the bed, his head in his hands, fingertips running through his tousled hair.

"Is this war and making deals with backstabbing demons like Crowley really worth the results? Is it worth alienating everyone who cares about you, who lo…love you?"

There. He had finally said it. His furrowed brow and tense face were trying to remain disconnected and angry; the only real sign of emotion that belied his true thoughts was in the quiver of his supple lips as he finally came to terms with the possibility that Cas may already be lost to him, a gesture that did not go unnoticed by Castiel.

Castiel stared up at him in blatant shock. Dean loved him? He always knew that Dean cared about him as a friend and at times like a brother, but this declaration…this was not meant casually. What could he possibly say? That this entire time he's been making dangerous deals, allowing innocent people to be killed, and destroying the last semblance of family he had he'd been naïve as to the implications? Not only would that be a boldfaced lie, but it'd be a disservice to Dean who currently was taking his silence as confirmation that he was finished with them.

"I guess so…" Dean walked over to the desk and picked up his bag, prepared to head out for good when a small package crudely wrapped in newspapers and held together with rubber bands and what appeared to be duct tape fell out of the top compartment. A sudden look of apprehension and hopeful sadness washed over Dean's face as he surveyed the small item he had been carrying with him for three weeks now. He snorted to himself and shook his head as Castiel pondered the small package that was causing the muscles in Dean's strong jaw to contract.

Dean let the bag slide off his shoulder and bent down to pick up the rectangular package, staring at it thoughtfully before he tossed it to Castiel without so much as a warning. Castiel caught it with one hand and gave Dean a puzzled look before turning his attention to the feel of the light parcel.

"I've been carrying that around for a few weeks now for….well for you actually. Would have given it to you, but you were too busy betraying us to pop on in."

Castiel chose to ignore that remark and instead turned his attention to the item, he noticed Dean had stopped walking towards the door and wondered if it was because of the object in question, although he couldn't see what was so important about a small cube shaped item decorated with colored depictions of people and animals in unusual settings with words written above their head.

"For what it's worth, Dean…thank you. I've…I've…."

What on earth was this item? It seemed very mundane to be considered a gift, but he had already hurt Dean enough and he wasn't about to reject a gesture of kindness however inappropriate the sentiment was currently in Dean's eyes.

"I've been meaning to analyze more closely the everyday troubles that face…Charlie Brown? And what appears to be a morbidly obese orange feline."

Dean just started in utter confusion at Cas…what in fucking hell was Cas talking about? He watched Cas carefully inspect the gift he had bought for him, feeling the outer texture and slowly turning it in his hand to read the….wait….

"Oh my God…are you kidding me?" Dean couldn't believe it. Cas thought the Sunday comic's he used as wrapping paper was the gift!

That was the Cas Dean knew. Dean shook his head and took one last look at Cas who just at that moment looked up at Dean with a completely fake smile on his face, pretending to be enamored with what he thought was the gift. Dean busted out laughing and Castiel's face became even more confused.

"Cas…" He was about to tell the dumb shit that wasn't the gift, but he decided he'd like to have a little more fun before letting Cas off the hook.

"So Cas…if you don't like it you don't have to keep it." Dean made a move to take the present away, but Castiel batted his hand away and moved over closer to the pillow.

"No! I…I've never received anything like this! Truly, Dean it's more than I deserve right now and I will cherish it. Every time I…" He squinted his eyes trying to make out the smudged newsprint,

"Every time I see what appears to be a very opinionated cat kicking a rather unrealistically drawn dog off a table in order to eat Italian food I will think of you."

Could Cas be anymore devoted? Even in the face of betrayal, war, and loss he managed to put it all aside in order to save face for a "gift" he clearly only appreciated because it was given to him by Dean. For that moment, Dean put aside everything else because he found he could not simultaneously feel anger towards Cas while he lovingly cradled a gift trying to show true appreciation.

Dean walked over to the bed and sat down, putting his right arm around Cas' lower back while leaning over with his left arm to put his hand atop the gift and lower it from Cas' eyes so he could focus on him. Without removing either hand Dean spoke,

"Cas, that isn't the present. That is a newspaper. Rip apart the paper and you'll find the real gift you dork."

Castiel halted his meticulous inspection of the comics and looked up not realizing Dean was as close as he was despite feeling his nearness. How could Dean stand to be this close to him? Hadn't they just spoken out in true anger at each other? Castiel was about to voice this observation when he felt Dean tugging at one of the rubber bands holding the package together.

Castiel places his long fingers atop Dean's strong calloused hand and halting his movements.

"Dean…" He said quietly, afraid to speak any louder, "Dean I don't understand why you're allowing me to receive a gift and hear your laughter after all we've been through."

Dean signed and moved himself from Cas, leaning back onto the bed with his hands and tilted his head toward his chest,

"Don't ask me things I don't understand…despite everything we both know we don't hate you…*I* don't hate you. This isn't my first supernatural blowup and if the three of us continue to ban together I'm sure it won't be my last."

"You have every right to be angry with me."

"Oh don't worry I am," Cas looked as if Dean had just delivered him a fatal blow and he leaned back up and playfully shoved Cas' upper body to the side with his shoulder, "But it's not for the reason you think…I'm mad because you didn't talk to me about this, Cas let me finish; you, me, Sam…we're a team we rely on each other because we're all we have on this earth and it really hurt, Cas to think that you didn't share the same trust in me as I have in you…"

Castiel immediately spun around on the bed to face him and took Dean's wrists in his hands, "Don't ever think that I don't trust you, Dean…you're the only one I do fully trust. Dean…I'm a soldier I'm not a leader like you are Dean, but I was made one and I was lost."

"But why didn't you ask for help, Cas? Why didn't you talk to us?"

"I couldn't, Dean…the moment I made my first decision I knew it would be impossible to tell you."

"But you didn't know that, Cas!"

"Dean I know you better than you do; I watch every movement, I listen to every word, and Dean, you are such a strong and devoted leader that you sometimes refuse to accept any flaws in others. Yes, Dean I made a mistake, but we all have made mistakes."

Dean was silent, he was ashamed to admit Cas had a point, but his pride refused to admit it out loud, "But you're an angel, Cas! You're better than humans!"

"I'm sorry I wasn't aware that in addition to the plethora of knowledge you already had you also wrote the rule book for angels," Dean glared at him at the mocking tone, but remained quiet.

"Dean what was Lucifer? Lucifer was my brother. He was an angel and look what happened to him. He fell, Dean. He lost his grace and he fell because he made a mistake. Angels and humans were all created by God so why is it impossible to think that they share the same character flaws? We have free will, Dean, we have desires and hopes but we aren't as lucky to act on them so willingly as you are."

Gift forgotten, Castiel took Dean's face into his hands and leaned against his forehead, smelling the soap and leather coming off of Dean,

"You say I am your friend, Dean. You say we are a team. Forgive me, Dean. I need you to forgive me because this war, this fight…it will be worthless to me if I lose you in it."

Dean knew he didn't want to lose Cas either, he loved Cas and wished none of this had happened. Cas' remained on his face and he gave a tired sigh as he contemplated everything; he was just so exhausted, he didn't have answers and that didn't sit well with him. Instead of trying to find the words he slowly just moved his arms to the sides of Cas' hips and brushed circles with his thumb against the bone, his fingers splayed out on the curve of his lower back. They sat there like that for a few minutes just thinking every emotion they couldn't speak and hoped their actions would speak louder than words ever could or would. Castiel broke the silence.

"So can I open my gift, Dean?"

Dean opened his eyes and smiled, "Well yeah, I mean I got it for you…don't look that much into it or anything it was just there and…well ya know I just figured….yeah go ahead open it." Dean moved back to an upright position and sniffed while rubbing his nose, failing at appearing indifferent and no nonsense because his eyes belied his true anxiousness of Cas opening the present.

Castiel just shook his head and smiled, "Of course." He began to slowly remove the rubber bands around the package and was loathe to rip any of the paper as he began to separate the paper from the tape and…well apparently Dean had cut himself on the paper because there were small droplets of blood he had tried to cover.

Slowly the contents within became visible and Dean became a little more fidgety in his seat, as if he was second guessing his gift.

Paper and rubber bands fell to the floor and what remained in Castiel's hand was none other than a necktie, but this wasn't just any tie…Dean Winchester had gotten an angelic soldier and leader of heaven a novelty necktie.

The background of the tie was black, not too bad, and was very soft to the touch, but it was peppered with obnoxiously bright yellow stars of all different sizes. Castiel inspected it *very* carefully, not sure of how to react to the gift. What on earth had possessed Dean to get him this? He realized his silence and baffled look may be misinterpreted by Dean and he didn't want him to feel bad so he turned to Dean and gave him the widest eyed look he ever had and said with strong emphasis, "You really shouldn't have!" He had heard that line in a movie the boys had left on in the background a few months ago and hoped it was appropriate to the situation at hand.

"How could this guy have lied to me? God he's so transparent" he thought and smiled as he shook his head in a similar manner to Cas, but he was still kind of worried Cas didn't like the tie.

"Well ya know…your tie is kind of frayed and well…I just think you need to change it up a bit! Not anything dramatic like getting a new coat, but maybe change your tie every decade or so to throw people off!"

Sweet God Dean was serious. Not that Castiel had any aversion to changing his wardrobe necessarily, but he had the distinct feeling that this tie was not exactly mature. Perhaps he had been associating with humans for too long, but he couldn't help but feel silly holding this tie while at the same time genuinely happy that Dean had taken the time to find him such a personal gift.

Castiel unrolled the tie and laid it on their laps, fingering the stars sewn onto the black materiel, inspecting it further.

"Cas if you don't like it you don't have to wear it…" Dean was surprised at the slight twinge of hurt he felt at the thought of Cas rejecting his gift and made a move to take it away, but Cas grabbed onto the other end and tugged it sharply out of his grasp.

"No! I love it! Really…I just…well what inspired you to get me such a tie?"

Dean was kind of embarrassed, "Well…I saw it and…."

"Yes?"

"Look it's just…well ok on earth we have this image of ya know…a big golden gate and fluffy clouds and naked angel babies flying around in heaven…"

"Dean I can assure you there are no nude children frolicking in- "

"I *know* that, Cas! And did you just say frolicking? Never mind…anyway I thought that this tie…ya know…it was kind of like how I used to picture where heaven might be when I was a kid…" Dean looked away completely embarrassed now and tried to get the tie, but Cas put it behind his back and gave Dean a look that said "Stop taking my present!"

"So…" Cas moved closer to Dean again and took hold of his hands, "What you're saying is…" he smirked at Dean and Dean saw the little crinkles on the side of Cas' eyes, "This necktie is how you see heaven?" Cas was teasing Dean, thinking it was a wonderfully funny insight into Dean's mind.

"No one thinks you're funny, Cas…"

"Oh I think if I put on this tie I'll be very funny…Dean don't get up! Dean come on!" Castiel grabbed Dean's hand and pulled him back down, "I'm sorry, Dean…I really do love it! I shall wear it every day!" Castiel was so worried that he had gone too far in his teasing that he was rushing to show Dean how much he did appreciate the little token.

"Dean…could you help me put it on?"

Dean quirked an eyebrow trying to see if he was just playing with him or not, but when Cas held out the tie in earnest and said "Please?"

Dean relented and stood up, motioning for Cas to stay where he was on the bed and knelt between his knees.

Castiel gave s sharp intake of breath as Dean moved between his knees, he felt him slide the trench coat past his shoulders along with the suit jacket so he could have better access to the collar. Dean's green eyes looked so beautiful in that moment as he was trying to unknot the original tie, they were focused entirely on the situation at hand and the tie was clearly winning as it had been knotted for some time. Castiel noticed that Dean's tongue was peeking out of the corner of his mouth as his brows knotted in consternation. Castiel couldn't stop his hand as it reached for Dean's stubble covered face.

"You really are too perfect."

Dean looked up suddenly having been entirely focused on the task at hand and smirked at the hand on his cheek,

"Well one of us has to be…there!"

He slowly slid the long tie from under his collar, the only sound being the fabric on fabric swishing. Cas' collar was unbuttoned at the top and Dean had a difficult time looking away, especially since Cas was still holding onto him. Without breaking eye contact, Dean reached for the novelty tie and moved upward so he could get the tie around Cas' neck.

Castiel saw Dean's strong, thick arms reaching over his head and he slide his fingers underneath Dean's arm, causing a shuddering ripple in his body.

"Cas do you want me to do this or not?" Dean asked shakily, wondering if there were better things he could be doing with that tie…

"Of course, Dean," Castiel looked on innocently, "Why would you think otherwise?" He gave a crooked smile as if tempting Dean to contradict.

Oh he was asking for it, luckily Dean had a few tricks up his sleeve…

Dean leaned in closer than he needed to and began measuring the length on each side of the tie, taking time to deliberately slide his fingers down Cas' chest and smirking every time he heard the quick intake of breath.

"You know, Cas…you really need to learn how to do this, especially if you start dressing up as an agent with Sam and I…"

"Why would I need you when I have you so conveniently here?"

The necktie was tied and as Dean went to tighten the knot around his neck he pulled Cas in closer, his hands slowly moved up the column of the tie and as he brought the knot up to his neck he pulled Cas in closer until their noses were touching.

Castiel's eyes were closed and he knew he had brought this sweet torture on himself.

"Cas?"

"….Yes, Dean?"

"I have one more surprise…turn off the light."

Castiel definitely heard him correctly, but no matter how much he willed his mind to work so he could turn off the light without moving he found the only thoughts running through has head involved what could happened once the lights were off. Finally, he was able to concentrate enough to flicker the lights off and only heard Dean's voice as he felt his hands run up his chest underneath the tie.

"Look down, Cas…" Had his voice always been that husky?

Castiel looked down and couldn't believe it…

The tie was glowing in the dark.

Dean had gotten him a glow in the dark starry night necktie and expected him to be able to smite demons all the while wearing it.

As Castiel's eyes adjusted to the darkness he could feel Dean's body shaking in silent laughter.

"Dean are you quite alright?"

"Y-Y-Yes….w-why wouldn't I…" Dean couldn't contain himself. He busted out laughing – he hadn't expected the stars to be *that* bright and Cas' expression was priceless.

He watched Cas just look at him completely straight faced watching him die of laughter with a look of "I'll speak when you have it aaaaalllll out of your system. Just let me know…."

When it became clear that Dean was nowhere near ending his tirade of laughter Castiel shifted and pulled Dean in closer to him as he was still kneeling on the floor. Dean had only one second to react and he felt Cas' legs tighten around his sides as he leaned in, the feel of his cheek against his own as he whispered into his ear, his warm breath tickling the outside.

"If you're quite finished I'd like to thank you for your gift…"

Dean didn't move as he felt Cas' eyelashes fluttering along the side of his face, his soft dark hair against his brow. His hands were tracing lazy patterns on his neck and he couldn't help but let out a sigh of content as Cas finally deposited a feather light kiss to the outer shell of his ear, right below the lobe. He whispered,

"Thank you for the tie, Dean…Now I have two reminders of the heaven I once knew on Earth."

Dean moved a little back and with a groggy voice asked, "Two?"

Castiel shifted and placed a light kiss on each of his eyelids and Dean wrapped his arms tightly around him as he rubbed his nose against his,

"Well, the first reminder is of course my…lovely…necktie."

Cas really wasn't gonna let him live this tie down was he?

"And the second?"

Dean felt Cas smile against him.

"I thought that would have been obvious," Cas gave him one final Eskimo kiss as he looked back at him.

He placed his lips softly against Dean's and gave a gentle suck to his lower lip, relishing in the sound of Dean growl in the back of his throat.

"You."

Dean leaned in further wanting more, but Cas pulled away. Oh so that was how he wanted to play?

"Cas…I think there's one more use for neckties that I should really make you familiar with…."

Fin

Possible sequel involving neckties? Who knows...Hope you enjoyed!