After Christmas it had become painfully obvious to the Woodhouse/Knightly household and Harriet Smith that Emma did not want to speak about Mr Elton. Whenever his name was mentioned she grew cold, shivery, and pale. She sleepless nights as she was haunted by nightmares and she flinched away from any male touch. It had become a rule in Hartfield that the topic of Mr Elton was unwelcomed and discussing diseases would be more preferable.

Unfortunately no one had bothered to tell Miss Bates this rule.

"I could not believe it when I heard it;" Miss Bates said enthusiastically, "according Mr Cole, who is of course Mr Elton's confidant, Mr Elton had decided that Highbury was not the place for him. He had of course written to the Bishop to secure Highbury a good and decent replacement but what are we to do in the mean time? The church is of course part of our community and we will all be lost without it. Then Mr Elton had told Mr Cole he was thinking of matrimony and settling somewhere a bride of good fortune would prefer that was when I thought I had to come and see you. Miss Woodhouse surely knows the matters of a heart, I thought, she would have known this and spare us all a few words of comfort and so...well here I am."

"Yes," Emma agreed quietly, "here you are. Would you like another cup of tea and perhaps a cake, Miss Bates?" she offered, privately hoping that Miss Bates would say no. Emma's hands were shaky and unreliable, they had been since Christmas, and while Miss Bates can be annoying Emma did not wish to accidentally spill hot tea all over her. "You could tell me about Jane's recent letter. I have been eager to hear about her new accomplishments."

She was eager to hear about anything other than Mr Elton.

To her surprise Miss Bates took one of her hands into her own. "Oh, Miss Woodhouse, I may be a silly old maid who cannot stop talking, but I do understand," her eyes were filled with sympathy and a tender respect. Emma let out a little gasp of horror, how did Miss Bates know? Was Miss Bates more insightful and worldly, than Emma was left to believe? "I also could not bring myself to marry because I felt it was my duty to stay by my mother's side. It is hard to see members of your age marrying but you must remind yourself that you have good friends like Mr Knightly, and the Westons to keep you company, and there is nothing but honour in being a dutiful daughter."

Emma took it all back. Miss Bates obviously did not know what was going on nor was she worldly and insightful. Though her words did struck home as Emma decided years ago to never marry and spare her father the pain of losing another daughter. Now Emma could not bear the idea of marriage because of the harsh memories of Mr Elton abusing her so.

She subconsciously touched her lips, the bruises had faded and disappeared like the snow outside but the memories and unbearable pain did not.

She prayed more so these days thanking God for sending her the two Mr Knightlys. They had gone down to the vicarage on dark night and threatened Mr Elton into leaving Highbury forever. While Emma will probably never feel safe again, she did feel a little safer knowing Mr Elton was miles away from her.

She just wishes she could be normal again.

EWEWEWEWEWEWEWEW

Mrs Weston was filled with good intentions, however, much like her previous charge; Mrs Weston had a habit of matchmaking and jumping to conclusions. It was no wonder Emma had been a romantic and determined to make matches with such a fine role model she had as a child.

It was at the Cole party that Mrs Weston came with the brilliant idea as she watched Mr Knightly attend to Miss Fairfax and Emma slowly warm up to her stepson Frank Churchill. Would it not be wonderful for a double wedding? Mr Knightly and Miss Fairfax and Frank and Emma? She knew she could not rush things between Frank and Emma - after poor Emma's ordeal, it would be no wonder if Emma could not bear the thought of marrying – no she must encourage them and keep Emma feeling safe by always being there.

She thought she had done it perfectly. Emma seemed content in Frank's presence on the rare morning walk and dinner parties, so when Frank asked Mrs Weston to allow him five minutes alone with Emma to tell her something secret, Mrs Weston thought there was no reason to not give those five minutes.

"I'm afraid his aunt is terribly ill," Mrs Weston said in the Woodhouse parlour, "Frank is so low but he had said he was not leaving without seeing you." Emma gave her a small smile that was almost painfully shy for such a confident girl. "He was most particular," Mrs Weston placed a hand on Emma's, "I shall leave you alone," she said standing up.

Emma immediately grabbed hold of her wrist. "Surely he will not say anything that you cannot hear also?" there was a little fake laugh and Mrs Weston began to question she was doing the right thing when Emma's complexion began to match the grey dress she was wearing.

"I'm sure he can," Mrs Weston said knowingly before leaving the room.

Excitedly and rather nervously Mrs Weston hovered behind the door to listen in. She could hear the warm murmur of her stepson's voice and then-

CRASH!

"EMMA! Please wait, Emma!"

Mrs Weston quickly opened the door to find the dearly departed Mrs Woodhouse's favourite vase smashed on the ground, Frank looking like a lost little boy and the French windowed doors wide open as a fleeting figure was running across the garden.

Oh, what has she done?

EWEWEWEWEWEWEWEW

Emma ran as fast as she could.

Her heart was pounding in tune with her feet, fast and furious, desperate and dreading, terrified, just plain terrified.

She knew Frank Churchill was not intending her any harm but she just panicked. She could remember being in so close quarters with Mr Elton, Mr Churchill may be more charming and good looking than Mr Elton but he too had dark hair and dark eyes and that was all she could see. She could almost feel Mr Elton's breath on her stinking of wine and feel his fingers digging into her skin.

So she threw a vase at him to keep him away and ran as quickly as she could to the one place where she knew she would be safe.

For now she will keep running until it was safe. She will not cry. She will not show a sign of weakness. Not until she was safe.

She began to slow down when Donwell Abbey came into full view; she only stopped to a halt when she saw Mr Knightly strolling across the gardens, probably on his way to see the farms or even to visit her.

"Emma?" he said softly. Her resolve to not cry broke as she threw herself into Mr Knightly's arms and wept. "Oh Emma," he murmured as he stroked her hair and held her, "What happened?"

"M-M-Mrs Weston, she left me alone with F-F-Frank and I know...but...Mr Elton...and then...just panicked...I'm scared!" she sobbed into his waistcoat, a small dribble of guilt as she realised she was getting it dirty. "I'm sorry...I just wanted to be safe!"

"Dearest Emma," Mr Knightly said, "you have nothing to fear. I am sure Mrs Weston will smooth everything out with Frank Churchill and it will all be forgotten."

"She left me," Emma sniffled, "why did she leave me, Mr Knightly?"

He remembered her looking up at him just like this when she was five years old, snotty nose and red eyes, asking him the exact same question only that time it was about her mother.

This time it was about the woman who was like a mother.

This time he had a proper answer than 'God wanted it so'.

"Mr and Mrs Weston have desired a match between you and Frank," he said as he led Emma into the Abbey, he knew Mr Woodhouse would never forgive him if he let Emma stand out in the cold. "Frank has been paying you some attention and Mrs Weston probably thought he would confess his admiration for you."

It was a sudden realisation that hit Emma. Three months ago she thought she would never learn love because her view of it had been tainted by Mr Elton. She thought she could never stomach the mere thought of a man touching her and yet she was content and safe in the arms of Mr Knightly. She had always loved Mr Knightly; he was her dearest friend, her greatest protector, and her sternest critic. She could always trust his opinion and know he held no hidden intentions.

The idea of marrying Frank Churchill who made her nervous and fearful was nauseating. The idea of marrying any man other than Mr Knightly made her sick to the stomach.

Mr Knightly was right she had learned to fall in love. Or maybe he is wrong and she had always been in love but now with something to compare it to she knew it truly was love.

Her head was spinning a little.

"I cannot marry him," Emma said defiantly. "I will not marry him."

"Frank has many flaws Emma but he is no Mr Elton," Mr Knightly said. "In fact he is a lot like you used to be before your ordeal."

Emma sank down onto the sofa, her hands were clutching onto his tightly, "I...am not able to love him..." she said numbly. "How can I when all I feel is anxiety and the desperate need to be safe?"

"Oh Emma."

"I am sorry," Emma gasped as she could feel tears building up once more.

"Whatever for, Emma?"

"For bothering you," Emma said pulling out her handkerchief from her sleeve and using it to wipe her tears away. "I know when you do marry I cannot always come when I am afraid."

"Marry?" Mr Knightly laughed. "Good God, with whom?"

"Miss Fairfax, Mrs Weston was telling me of your admiration and love for her, and I know I will only be a bother if I kept coming to you for my fears but I was just-"

"Emma, I have no intention of marrying Miss Fairfax," Mr Knightly said sternly. "I have a feeling Mrs Weston and I will be having a long depth conversation about her own matchmaking talents."

Emma could not resist but giggling a little at that. It is nice to know she was not the only one getting told off all the time for paying an interest in the romantic lives of others.

Mr Knightly smiled. "That's better, I hate seeing you so distressed, I am glad you can smile once more."

She smiled just for him and a small little part of her wished with all her heart that he would never be intimate with another woman as he is with her. She could live with him never seeing her more than an afraid child but she could never live with him marrying another woman. If God could not turn Mr Knightly to her then let him not turn Mr Knightly to another woman.

EWEWEWEWEWEWEWEWEW

Emma only went to the Weston's ball because Mr Knightly insisted upon it. He had promised she would only have to dance at least once if she feels that uncomfortable and spend the rest of the night in company of Mrs Weston who recently found out she was with child and could not risk losing the baby. Emma did find the night very enjoyable, she had danced the first dance with Mr Weston who kept his distance and accommodated her wariness with grace. Afterwards she spent the first set of dances in company of Mrs Weston, Miss Bates, Miss Goddard and occasionally Harriet or Jane depending who was dancing with Frank Churchill at the time.

It was a very enjoyable evening overall.

"How are you feeling?" Mr Knightly asked concerned after the dinner.

"I am fine and enjoying myself," Emma admitted, "thank you for insisting on me making an appearance. It has been a long time since I dressed up and enjoyed myself."

It went unsaid that the last time she had dressed up and enjoyed herself it was the Weston's Christmas party. Mr Knightly admired her pale pink dress that he had not seen before and Emma kept silent that she had purchased it – or more accurately she sent money to Isabella who purchased it – after she hacked her emerald green gown into pieces.

She did not want a single material reminder of that night in existence.

"Are you going to dance again?" Mr Knightly asked after a moment's silence. "The music is about to start and it would be a shame if you did not show Highbury your dancing one last time. You never know when there is another ball."

"I might if you ask me," Emma said quietly. She saw him dance with both Harriet and Jane earlier this evening and thought he was a remarkable dancer. She had wanted more than anything to dance with him before the night was out.

"Dearest Emma," he breathed, he held out his hand for her to take, "Will you dance with me?"

"Yes," she murmured taking his hand.

He led her to the dance floor and they danced to a slower tune. There had been moments where she was literally in his arms and she felt dread in her heart when she had to pull away from him. It was that dance that had made the night so magical in her mind.

Her uneasiness around the male gender has faded. She could almost look upon Frank Churchill and see someone who is most definitely not Mr Elton. The nightmares were long gone as were the bruises. She no longer flinches when she is close to a man as she had in the first few weeks (it had been one of the most heartbreaking sights when she saw her Father's expression when she flinched away from him) and she was no longer shaking uncontrollably in general.

She felt...normal. Fixed. Recovered. Mended. Whatever is the word for someone who has return to who they are after such a painful ordeal.

Eventually she might be able to bring herself to tell Mr Knightly this and then find the courage to tell him that even though she no longer fears other men she would still prefer to marry him above others.