This was kinda inspired by a picture I saw on Tumblr where Heather Morris's arms were spread wide and someone captioned her "Kurt was THIS BIG!"

I this takes place sometime in season two after "Furt," but before he transfers at the end of the episode.

ONESHOT, ENJOY!

"And it was this big!" Brittany said, spreading her hands about a foot and a half apart.

Everyone's heads snapped around to look at Kurt, eyes fixing on his crossed legs.

"Oh god Brittany it is not!" Kurt almost screamed at her, face bright red from a mixture of anger and utter embarrassment.

"I would hope not," Puck commented. "Otherwise I'd think you'd faint every time you got a boner."

Brittany smiled. "I know Kurt. I didn't mean it was always like that, I meant that it's that long when you have an erection."

Kurt's eye twitched while everyone's eyebrows raised.

Kurt was mortified. About 10 minutes ago Brittany made some absent-minded comment about making a list of the size of penises in this school as soon as Mr. Schue had left the room to go yell at Sue. Of course this led to Puck making a comment about him being at the top of the list to which Brittany replied, "Mm, near the top, but way below Kurt."

And now Kurt's junk was the blue of the conversation.

"And when have you seen Kurt erect, Brittany?" Tina asked.

"Okay, can we please stop talking about my man parts!" Kurt said sharply, cheeks flaming.

"God no! This is juicy!" Mercedes squealed, slapping a hand playfully over Kurt's mouth.

"Okay, so you remember when Kurt wasn't capital-G gay for a week?" Brittany began.

Kurt made distressed noises from behind Mercedes' hand which only made her press harder over his mouth.

"Well I gave him a blow-"

"Okay! We're done!" Kurt burst out, stomping over to the piano and plunking out a tune from a song they were all working on. "One, two, ready go," he attempted to begin, singing loudly.

"Shut up Hummel, I want to hear about this," Puck said, leaning forward and propping his elbows on his spread knees.

"NO!" Kurt said with finality.

"So do you want to stay here or outside?" Puck asked Kurt as he peeled back the neon pink tape wrapped around Kurt's head so he could answer.

"I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU'VE TIED ME UP WITH BONDAGE TAPE YOU MUTHER-"

"Inside it is!" Puck said as he adhered the tape to itself again. Kurt rocked his chair around, trying to break the self-adhering tape that was tied around his wrists, ankles, and mouth. It had taken Puck less than 2 minutes to wrestle and tie the smaller boy to his chair then gag him.

"So... Santana. Do you always have bondage tape in your purse?" Mike asked nonchalantly.

Tina pouted. "You thought Santana gave Puck the tape? I gave him the tape."

"I love you," he breathed, capturing her into a deep kiss.

"Give it a rest you two, I want to hear this story!" Santana said, moving even closer to Brittany.

"But San, I've already told you. You told me that you wanted to hear it last time we had a sweet lady kissing session."

That comment was virtually ignored though when Brittany began her little story. "So I went to Kurt's house a lot while we were dating and one time I laid on top of him for a good 20 minutes and I finally felt him starting to get a little interested-"

"I can't take this. Kurt is my brother now, I don't want to hear this," Finn said, standing up and walking out. Rachel took his chair, now closer to Brittany.

Kurt screamed against the tape, but Finn passed him and walked out. Good brother he was.

"I got excited because I really wanted to blow him because he was so nice to me all the time and I knew he wasn't going to do all the weird things the guys I usually date do like thrust and make me choke. I started grinding really roughly against him and was able to make him get a boner and I was really proud of myself. So I forced my hands into his pants so I could see what I did, but he struggled and I was only able to get one hand in, but once I touched his penis, he relaxed a lot."

"I thought you said you blew him?" Rachel said, totally engrossed in Brittany's story.

Kurt rolled his eyes and hung his head.

"No, shh, this parts good," Santana said excitedly, obviously having heard this story before.

"When I touched him, I was really surprised by how long he was, and thick too!" Brittany said, spreading her arms out again for emphasis. "I started at the base and when I pulled my hand down I thought it was never going to end. Suddenly my panties were really really wet, like how it usually is before I have sex, but it happened sooner than usual. I stroked him for a while until he was relaxed and I took his pants off. I tried to take my shirt off, but he told me to keep it on and put his pants back on."

"Good lord, Kurt!" Artie gasped, staring at Kurt. "I know you're gay, but how do you seriously turn that down?"

"Don't worry Artie, I didn't put his pants back on. I took off his boxers and shirt instead. When I saw his cock for the first time, I got even wetter and was kind of leaking on his leg. Kurt's is really big like the ones you only see in those kind of movies."

Kurt growled at her. He tried to speak but it only came out as a series of grunts.

"Oh yeah, he sounded just like that!" Brittany said.

Kurt hung his head.

Tina glanced around at the group. Everyone's jaw was open as they listened to Brittany weave her erotic tale and Tina noticed all the little tents in every single guy's pants.

"He really really didn't want me to do anything for a while, but I just kept stroking him and he wasn't swatting my hand away anymore. I finally told him that it would feel really good if I blew him and that it would make me feel good too. Not to mention that if Ms. Sylvester heard that I turned a gay guy straight, she'd have to move me up a row in the pyramid. So he finally covered his eyes and gave in."

"Here comes the best part," Santana whispered to the group, looking like a child who was about to be read her favorite bed time story.

"I started off really slow and only wrapped my tongue around the long part because he wasn't leaking the cloudy stuff-"

"Precum, dear," Santana offered.

"Yeah!" Brittany clarified, eyes sparkling. "That stuff. It's my second favorite flavor in the world. My first favorite is strawberry."

Tina's eyebrows reached her hairline.

"After a few minutes through it was like, everywhere," Brittany continued, fanning her hands out. "It was all on my cheek before I even noticed and I made Kurt lick some off because I think it's kinky. But everything I did with Kurt felt really kinky to me. By the way Kurt, did you like that?"

Kurt was somehow even redder than before, eyes shut tight.

"Brittany, we need to write a porno together," Artie blurted, but was silenced by a loud "SHH!" from everyone.

"Whatever. I finally put him in my mouth and went slow at first but he just tasted so good so I went a lot faster than I usually do. At first he was only grabbing the couch until I told him that I didn't mind if he pulled my hair. He was really fun to blow because he didn't thrust up or anything. I knew he wanted to because his thighs were quivering and his stomach was really tight, but he loves me and didn't do all the annoying boy things I hate."

Kurt rolled his blue-green eyes once again.

"I really wanted him to come in my mouth, but after 10 minutes he still wasn't so I told him to imagine something that turns him on. When I started flicking my tongue over the slit he started mur-"

Kurt struggled against the bonds again and was shouting something. He shook his head back and forth.

"Don't worry Kurt," Brittany soothed. "I won't tell them that you called me 'Finn.'"

Kurt's expression was priceless. It literally screamed "Kill-Me-Now."

"So after he started saying... 'a-certain-boy's-name,'" Brittany said to Kurt with a knowing wink. Kurt groaned in annoyance. "His nails started to dig into my scalp, but they weren't all jagged like most boys so it was okay. I swirled around the head a bit more and then finally he came really hard. And he's so long that I tried to pull away a bit, but he was still practically down my throat, so I just swallowed. I usually never swallow, but I was so happy that he came and he tasted so-so good. I thought I was going to orgasm too, but then I remembered that nobody had fucked me yet. When he was finally done I licked him clean while he stroked my hair in a loving way. It made me feel good and I hummed until Kurt told me that it kind of hurt since he just orgasmed. I buttoned him up then he told me he felt bad that he wouldn't return the favor for me since even though I just gave him a blow job, he had 'no intention' of having sex with me."

Puck stood up awkwardly from his chair, holding a notebook over his waist as he did so. "I need to go to the bathroom," he mumbled as he tried to walk out.

"No, no! There's more!" Santana practically squealed.

"There's more?" the entire room echoed.

Kurt thumped his head against the back of the chair. Puck sprinted back to his seat, staring aptly at Brittany.

"So I told him that he didn't need to put his penis in me, even though I think he would be great at it, I told him that there were other ways that he could make me climax. Like with fingers or with his mouth."

"And I'm guessing he just fingered you right?" Rachel said, as if this story was moving too slow for her.

"He was going to... at first."

Kurt was close to tears by now, he started pushing the tape that was over his mouth down with his tongue. It was working a bit.

"Then I reminded Kurt that I had just put his parts in my mouth so the least he could do for me was do the same for me," she said with a smirk.

"YOU. DID. NOT," Mike said, jaw dropping as he stared at Kurt who shrugged.

Brittany made a low moan and uncrossed her legs to wipe her palms on her thighs just below her plaid skirt. "Mmm, no he did. He. Did. And let me tell you, for a virgin, he was the best I'd ever had."

Artie glared at Kurt for a second as did Puck.

"He was hesitant at first except it kind of turned me on even more because he was so clumsy. Then I told him to do some things and it ended up nice. Very nice. I almost came the second he put his tongue in me and his thumb on my clit, but I made myself hold back since it felt so good. When I finally did climax though I almost passed out."

Kurt was finally able to get the tape to fall onto his neck, away from his mouth, but the story was done. "Yeah," he had to add, not sure how this could get any worse. "Her thighs started shaking like crazy against my face and I thought she was having a seizure. It was at that moment I learned about the internal combustion of the female orgasm." He turned his head to Brittany. "Boo, now that you've finished your mortifying tale, can you please untie me? And... never speak of this around Blaine?" he asked everyone.

"I feel like I'm forgetting something," Brittany said to herself as she got up to untie Kurt, leaving a damp spot on her chair. She straightened her skirt then began unrolling the tape around his wrists. "Oh yeah, and then he made me swear to never tell anyone about this... but I forgot about that part up until now," she said meekly. "Sorry Kurt."

Kurt sighed again. "Not much you can do now. Hey, where did all the guys go?" Kurt suddenly asked, rubbing his wrists.

Tina looked outside the classroom to see all the guys banging on the bathroom stall screaming at Puck to unlock the door. Artie started wheeling himself towards the locker room and Mike followed him.

"I feel so lucky to be a woman," Mercedes began. "You know, never having to be worried about erections and stuff."

"I don't know about you Mercy," Rachel said a bit dazed. "But I've definitely got a lady-boner. And oh my god I wish I didn't respect myself enough to stay a virgin till I'm married."

Brittany looked at Kurt from where she was untying his legs.

"No."

She gave a little grin. "I'll give you another blow job."

"That's not really much of an incentive right now," Kurt deadpanned.

"Just help Rachel out. She's our friend... and I can always give your future dolphin some tips..."

Kurt raised an eyebrow, intrigued. "You'd give my future boyfriend, whoever that may be, tips on bj's?"

She nodded.

"You promise?"

"I won't exactly be embarrassed to," Brittany said matter-of-factly.

Kurt looked over at Rachel whose eyes were extremely dark and was fidgeting like crazy in her seat.

"Oh fine!" Kurt announced, finally getting up and walking over to Rachel. He took her by the hand and stalked off in the direction of the abandoned Science room with her.

"Kurt! Whe-where are we going?"

"Shut up. I'm only doing this for my benefit!"

About 3 minutes later the remaining girls in the music room could hear Rachel Berry unleashing a perfect high note that echoed from the Science room.

Lot of dialogue! Please review! This is just a ONE-SHOT!