Disclaimer: Don't own, never have, never will.

A/N: This story is a spin-off/side project to my story 'Dearest J". This story would probably make more sense if you read at least the corresponding chapter to that one first. Enjoy!

*This letter from is a response to Tonks in the chapter "Dear Jo, Much love Tonks"*

Wotcher, Tonks.

(Yes, I am using your catchphrase. You know why? I'm the author. I created you. I can do whatever I like)

Firstly, I will say that I most certainly do not hate you. Where did you get that idea? I gave you what every fangirl could have ever wanted- a free pass at two Marauders!

I understand your concerns and I will admit I may have given you a hard time. At the same time, consider the fact that I also made Ron extremely insecure, giving him a hard time, killed everyone Harry had ever loved, had Snape pine for years, made Charlie the 'forgotten Weasley'...

All in all, you are not the only person to have a hard time.

About the name, it does have a meaning. Did you ever consider that?

Everything I wrote, I can assure you, I did for a reason; everything always happens for a reason, in my books at least.

I noticed in your letter you were rather sharp with me. I also noticed that you seemed to be the first person to get my address (there was a reason I put you in Hufflepuff, you know) and the repeated threats I have received from yourself and certain family members. Considering this, I have come up with a rather interesting game.

Either you stop owling me such things or I will recall the fifth, sixth and seventh books. I will then replace every single time I have previously written the words "Remus" and/or "Lupin" in connection with you to the words "Severus" and/or "Snape".

Not only will your new husband be desperately in love with another, it will mean, if you haven't already guessed, every single thing that happened between you and Remus will be between you and Severus.

Every single thing.

Whether it was mentioned explicitly within the books or not.

I'm sure you have changed your mind by now.

Sending 'much love' back,

Jo xx.

...

Joanne,

DON'T. YOU. DARE.

Okay, fine, kill me, kill my family, kill Remus, have Bellatrix dance on my grave for all I care!

Just not Snape.

Please. I mean... c'mon... that's mean...

Shagging Snape?

I would have to gouge my fucking eyes out!

You really do have an evil mind, don't you?

...I'll be good.

Feeling quite revolted,

Tonks.