Lying

An Outsider Fanfic by:AlexisLe97

Betaread by:Independence Undervalued

Dedicated to: Readers,writers,reviewers, and betas. We make fanficton a better place.

Disclaimer:I do not own the Outsiders even if i dream of it. Well, Susie, my birthday is coming, (wink,wink) you KNOW what I want. Incase you don't,I want to own all of your books and the movie stars from the movie. :)

A/N: This is post-book. It has a nice twist in the story. I won't tell TOO much, it'll ruin the fun. :)

School was a bore to me, even though I had lunch with Two-Bit and Steve. We didn't stay in the Soc infested lunchroom; they would cause trouble and blame us. We went to the grocery store on the corner to get Pepsi and cigarettes. Two-Bit used his five finger discount while Steve and I paid.

After I got home, I started on homework. I didn't have a load; just science and math. Steve had gone to work and Two-Bit went to Buck's for 10 drinks or 12. The time's five forty, maybe I should start dinner, I thought. Darry always come home exhausted and hungry.

Tonight I'm making a chicken for Darry. Also some mashed potatoes and rice to go with it. Steve was coming over today too. He liked to stay over for dinner sometimes.

BAM! The door slammed. I heard somebody come in from behind me. It was Soda. My heart fluttered for an unknown reason, but it was nice.

"Hey Pony, how was school?" Soda asked coming in the kitchen.

"A bore; work?"

"Boring too; just flirted and filled up tanks." Soda smiled his movie star smile and I blushed. It felt like a long time since I've seen that smile.

Soda took a swig of chocolate milk from the carton and went to the living room. I looked over to the wall and saw him throw his shirt over the couch. He removed his shoes. Soda hates shoes. It's been a while since I've seen him take off his shoes. Weird.

"Hey I got any mail?" Soda questioned as he sat down on the couch turning on the TV.

"Nah." I replied as I heard the door slam again. It must be Darry. He was home earlier today.

"Hey little buddy, who are you talking to?" Darry asked me as he came into the kitchen to help with the chicken. He turned off the TV on the way here.

"Soda's watching TV," I answered absentmindedly as I put the bird in the oven.

As soon as I said that, I regretted it. Darry's face changed expressions, from confused, to mad, scared, and worried.

"Pony, Soda died in the war." Darry said slowly. He spoke carefully, like if he didn't, I'd go crazy and rip his head off.

I broke out in a cold sick sweat. I remembered now. I remembered everything. The funeral. The nightmares. The depression. The tears.

Flashback

Today's the day Soda and Steve are coming back from 'Nam. I've waiting to see them for about six months now. I was really excited when I heard the president was doing Vietnamization. It was replacing American soldiers with Vietnamese ones.

I know I get letters from Soda but I really wanted to see how they both changed physically. Soda told me that Steve often gets nightmares. I don't blame him though. From the books I had read at the library, the memories of war can be terrifying.

At the place where we were supposed to pick up Soda and Steve, Darry told me to stay close to him or Two-Bit. Since Two-Bit was flirting from a couple of foreign girls, I decided to stick with my brother. It was kinda funny because the girls Two-Bit was chattin' up looked confused and scared. I wonder if they even have a clue what he's saying.

"Hey Pony, is that Steve,'' Darry suddenly asked.

I looked over to where he was pointing. Indeed it was Steve. He now had a buzz cut, but that familiar bitter expression was still in place.

He was slouching against the wall, strangely alone. I frowned, wondering where Soda went. Steve will know. He always knows where Soda is.

"Hey Steve."

He turned his face towards us and I saw it all. He still had the bitter expression he had always had, but there was something new in his dark eyes. They were pained. They held memories of things he didn't need to see. They hid behind the newer, colder appearance he had acquired.

"Hey," he replied dryly. He tried to smile, but it faltered and failed miserably.

"Where's Soda," Darry questioned.

I kinda felt bad for Steve. A small tear fell from Steve's eyes. Oh God, no. It could only mean two things; he was remembering the last few months of his life or Soda.

"Soda," Steve managed to choke out, "'s gone."

My jaw dropped, my heart plummeted to my feet. He didn't just say that. there was no way that what he said was true.

Steve continued quietly, his voice cracking now and then. "He was supposed to leave with me the next morning, but those bastards planned a surprise attack in the middle of the night. We were just sleeping as we heard an explosion. The alarm rang and we got into hiding.

"We didn't know where we were going, but we just ran into a trench to be safe from the gunfire. There were shots fired everywhere around us and I saw people just droppin', just layin' there in their own pool of blood. We stayed in the trench for hours.

"It was so cold, so boring. To pass time we played truth or dare. Soda even dared me to shout at the top of my lungs. I did it too, 'cept nobody but Soda could hear me over the guns." He chuckled dryly and reached up to wipe away his tears.

"We stayed there until we heard the coast was clear. We thought it was and our commander told us we could get on out. We musta been on their territory, 'cause as we got out, people started screamin' and hollerin'. I dunno what they were sayin', but it couldn't have been good. Those damn bastards.

"We made it out though. We were so damn close to gettin' outta there, but on our way to the base, this guy just started yellin' and he shot Soda. I – I lost it. I just grabbed his gun and killed that asshole.

"Soda was still alive and I talked to him the rest of the way back. I had to keep him awake. But he just kept mumblin'. I told him to calm down, to stop freakin' out. He told me he loved us and just...gave up.

I've seen entire platoons wiped out man, but Soda...watchin' Soda just go like that. I ain't gonna forget it. Never. I loved him, man."

When Steve was done with his story, everyone was sobbing quietly. Knowing that Soda had been so close to seeing us, so close to safety, but didn't make it, made us cry even more. Breaking the golden greaser rule, I thought vaguely. The tears fell harder and I clung to the only brother I had left.

End Of Flashback

"But, Darry! Soda was just here!" I shouted so loud the whole town would probably hear me. I didn't care. All I cared about was Soda. I needed my brother here again.

Darry looked sad and shook his head sadly. "No Pone, he wasn't."

He never left our hearts, I knew, but I know I just saw him. He was here. Talking, smiling, and living. I never went down to the cemetery to visit him. He was never there; only his body was. His soul was somewhere else, somewhere heaven causing mischief. He wasn't dead, he just moved.

I didn't want to scare Darry anymore than I already did, so I quickly excused myself. I went to the sofa and saw Soda's DX shirt still there from when he just walked in the door. It was proof. I grabbed it and smelled it. It smelled like Soda; gas and girls.

I held the shirt tight, breathing in his scent slowly. Now it made sense to me why my heart felt so happy at the sound of his voice, the sight of his smile. I felt my heart ache. A tear slipped down my cheek and I closed my eyes tightly. I told myself I would get over Soda's death, but I knew it was another lie.

I lie to myself all the time.

I never believe myself.

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