Convincing

"Care to tell us why we're having an impromptu meeting, America?" England crossed his arms in irritation, waiting for a response.

"And why it is only the male countries." Germany muttered.

"And people too awesome to have a country." Prussia added, patting Gilbird who chirped contentedly. Italy raised his hand.

"By any chance will there be pasta?"

"More importantly, will this take long?" Russia asked, smiling with his eyes closed, "You see, I have a hockey came against Canada soon that I need to be training for."

America slammed his fists on the table dramatically.

"That's exactly why I called you all here!"

"Hockey?"

"No, this!"

He clicked a button on the remote in his hand. A screen lowered into view while America connected his laptop to the projector. The image that appeared was a Google map of Canada.

"Mattie's in danger! And as his heroic brother, I have a duty to fulfill, a sacred calling to protect him from the evil in the world!"

"And what does this have to do with us, burger bastard?"

America's eyes narrowed dangerously.

"Mattie's amazing. He'll stay up to watch horror films, let you cuddle in his bed when you have a nightmare, and even make super-awesomely orgasmic pancakes for breakfast the next day. But he's too nice, too naïve, and too damn sexy for his own good. His generosity could easily be taken advantage of by any of you perverts."

He glared at the nations gathered before him.

"This is absolutely preposterous! Why on earth would you accuse us of wanting to do something so… France-like?"

America turned to face England.

"Dude, don't give me any of that 'how dare you accuse me' shit. I bet you secretly have a thing for twins. With our combined sexiness, I can understand the appeal, but Mattie's not that kind of guy!"

The majority of the nations were smart enough to stay quiet at this point, mainly because they were thinking 'so America's that type of guy, then?' There is always an exception, however.

"Ve… so Canada's gay?"

Without missing a beat, America brought up a photo of Canada. He was sprawled out on a couch, sleeping, while Kumajirou lay curled up on his chest. It was so adorable, not to mention perfect blackmail material.

"Just look at that angelic face! Those long, girly eyelashes! That freakishly soft, curly hair! Don't tell me none of you have ever wondered what hair products he uses!"

France stroked his chin. "Now that you mention it…."

"Alfred! What the hell do you think you're doing?"

Canada, who had been silently turning red this whole time, finally managed to speak up.

"Oh, hey bro! what'cha doin' here?" Canada glared.

"You sent that email en masse to all the male countries. That includes me, remember? Now answer the question."

"Oh, relax, Mattie-Matt! I'm just keeping the perverts in line, making sure they know you're not available, protecting your virginity – typical shows of brotherly love!"

"Al, I'm not gay. If there's anyone here that's gay, it's you. I'm not the one who has the hots for my former father figure. No offense, England."

"…None taken?"

"Wait… so you're not gay?"

"Um, no."

"Pffffft-AHAHAHAHAHA! Good one, Matt!" He slapped Canada on the back, wiping a tear from his eye.

"I'm serious. I even have a girlfriend and everything."

"Reeeeeaallllllllllyyyyy. Who's that?"

Canada's eyes flickered fearfully over to Russia. He bit his lip, looking away.

"Ukraine," He admitted.

America's eyes widened.

"DUUUUUUDDDDEEE! You're with Ms. Knockers? How the hell did you pull tha-"

Before Russia could utter a single kol, Canada had pulled a hockey stick out of thin air, and proceeded to smack his brother with it.

"How. Dare. You. Disrespect. Her!" With each successive whack against America's skull, the pair inched closer to the door.

"She's beautiful, kind, intelligent, fun to be around, nonjudgmental, and-"

"Okay, I get it! Stop hitting me!"

Canada grinned; placing both hands on the hockey stick and leaning like it was a cane. It was nice to get his way once in a while.

However, his victory was cut short as the room temperature dropped by a few degrees. America, who was still on the floor, started trembling as the tall figure behind Canada caste a dark eerie shadow over the both of them.

"Kol kol kol…."

Canada eeped as he was picked up and thrown over Russia's shoulder.

"We'll be back soon. There's something I'd like to… discuss with Canada."

America gulped.

"Okay,"

After Russia exited the room, America stood, clearing his throat to regain composure.

"Um, well, the hero's work is done. Meeting adjourned!"

And then he collapsed.

The other nations exchanged glances, no one exactly sure of what had just transpired.

"Mon Dieu, that was close."

Canada whispered into the comforting darkness of the storage closet. Two muscular arms wrapped themselves around his shoulders.

"Da, it was. And no, I don't mind you using Ukraine as a cover-up story. It'll keep others from trying anything with her for a while. Thanks for protecting her honor for me."

Canada turned around to face Russia, slipping his arms around his waist.

"No problem. She's my friend, and besides, it was the right thing to do."

"We could probably head back now – tell them that we came to an agreement." He chuckled, ruffling the Canadian's hair.

"Won't they be a little suspicious if I don't have bruises or a black eye or something?"

"Bruises?"

"They think you're upset at me for 'dating your sister.' They'd probably expect you to get a little protective and… violent."

"So you want bruises?"

"Well, it would make it more convi-"

Whatever else Canada was going to say was cut off by a very rough kiss as Russia pushed him against the back wall of the storage closet.

"I can give you bruises," He whispered in his ear. Canada shivered as he began to nip along the junction of his neck and shoulder.

"Nnn, you know what… would also be convincing?" Canada asked, his voice now high and breathy.

"What?" Their eyes met. Russia recognized the look in Canada's eyes. It was a combination of mischief and lust.

"If I had a limp to go with those bruises."

If Russia's eyes didn't reflect the same look, they sure did now.

Disclaimer: I don't own the awesomeness that is Hetalia.

The things I write instead of studying for finals. I was reading one of those "Rules for Dating Canada" stories and thought, 'but what if he wasn't gay?' or even better, "what if he already had been dating?' RusCan is my guilty pleasure, anyway, so I couldn't resist throwing it in there.

And England totally has a thing for twins. It must be obvious, since non-atmosphere sensing America knows. Unless America has the same obsession (wink).

Anyway, thanks for reading, and please let me know how it was. Once finals are over, I can focus on some fun stuff I've been pushing off. There's a PruMano, CanIta, and a weird cracky idea for the Bad Touch Trio. Hmm, what to start first….