The Fool - Chapter 8

When you came to, you were floating backwards. Well, drifting, really, without a particular destination. You'd expected to die the minute you sealed Nyx. Why you were still able to think, then, was a total mystery to you. You tried to open your eyes, and found you couldn't. For an indeterminable amount of time, you floated around like that, with no senses at all.

You finally stopped when you bumped into something soft.

"You did it," someone said quietly. The voice was familiar.

"Ryoji…?"

"You got your miracle." Your awareness came back, and for the first time, you felt something. Slender arms wrapped around your middle. Ryoji's voice was soft and warm- the voice he'd had while he was human.

"You really are amazing," he sighed. "I never expected anyone to go that far." You felt his hand wrap around yours, the one that was still wearing his ring. "Why did you do it?" A tiny smile crossed your lips. You thought of your friends, still fighting down below.

You thought of Aki.

"The world's a pretty ok place."

"Nyx wouldn't have been able to appear if everyone in the world hadn't wished for it," Ryoji pressed. "The Fall is what everyone wants." You shook your head. At least, you thought you did.

"No it's not."

"Why did you fight so hard against the inevitable?"

"I stopped it, so it's not inevitable, right?" You paused. "Do you think my life was a waste, Ryoji?" He was silent for a long while, gently massaging your hand with his thumb.

"No," he finally said. You smiled briefly, satisfied with that answer, before the reality of your own death sank back down on you.

"I'm just sad that I won't be able to keep my promise."

All of you, the team, had promised to meet on the roof on Graduation Day.

You all knew that it was likely you'd all lose your memories of the Dark Hour. Even now, Tartarus was a hazy, distant memory, evidence that your efforts had succeeded. Before you left to fight Nyx, it had been Junpei's idea to decide on a place to meet, and Yukari had picked Graduation Day. The cheerful optimism your friends had expressed felt like it happened years ago, and not earlier today.

Assuming it was still January 31. You were kind of limbo, so it was hard to tell.

"I'm not going to be able to meet everyone," you whispered. Ryoji squeezed you a little tighter.

"That's not true," he said. "I think you have a little time left." That surprised you. You hadn't exactly given your life up before, but you were pretty sure that when you had decided to make the Ultimate Sacrifice, you had done it correctly, and you were supposed to be dead.

"Really?" Somehow, you could hear Ryoji smile.

"I'll take you back, dearest."

The air around your body was getting heavier. The unsettling glow that permeated everything in Nyx's realm- in Tartarus- was fading. You were dizzy for an instant before you felt your body solidify, and right itself, and suddenly, your feet were touching solid ground.

The bells of Tartarus chimed above you for the last time.

"Where are you?"

"If you can hear us, answer!"

Your eyes opened.

"What happened?" you asked weakly. They were the first two words you thought of. But as you asked it, your ears perked up, and your eyes came into focus, and your friends appeared before you, in three dimensions and very much alive. They all looked elated to see you. Had they thought you were dead?

Well, technically you were, but no use dwelling on it now.

"We thought you were gone," Fuuka gushed. Junpei and Yukari were in tears. Mitsuru had her eyes closed, her lips turned up into the most genuine smile you'd seen from her. Aigis bowed her head. Ken was giving you his bravest face, but his lip was wobbling. Koromaru barked and wagged his tail.

You had never thought you'd see people looking at you with those eyes. Usually it was pity, or disgust, or something indefinable, but slightly less than neutral. Now, your friends were looking at you like you were some sort of hero. In spite of yourself, you felt a deep satisfaction.

You did it. You protected your friends.

You tried to smile at them, but the energy needed to pull your face into a grin made your legs give out. Akihiko ran up and caught you. Grateful, you relaxed your muscles and used him for support. The strength seemed to leak out of your body, and you squeezed your eyes shut. So, this is what Ryoji had meant by "a little time left."

"Thanks, guys," you said out loud, though you weren't sure if anyone besides Aki could hear you. "Thanks, Aki."

"We can celebrate tomorrow," he said, smiling at you. Immediately, the rest of the team was abuzz.

"Another party!"

"Ooo! Should we get sushi again?"

"I'll see what I can arrange," Mitsuru smiled. The nine of you made your way back to the dorm, exhausted but ecstatic, spurred on by pure joy and relief.

Epilogue - One Month Later

"Junpei and I are going to see a movie. Want to come?" You looked up at Yukari, who was standing in the doorway to your room. She had changed out of her school uniform, and she was wearing a fun pink dress. Her cheeks were flushed with excitement. You yourself, by comparison, looked like a homeless invalid.

"Not really," you said, pulling your blanket back up to your chin. "Ask Kirijo-senpai or something."

"Ugh, no thanks." Yukari invited herself in and came over to your bed. She curled her lip in disapproval at your disheveled hair and possibly also the fact that it was four o'clock and you had skipped school, were still in your pajamas, and were still actively refusing to get out of bed.

"You should really get out more," she said. "I'm worried about you."

"Yeah? Well, I'm worried about you," you mumbled childishly.

"Is this about school?"

"No."

"Is it about Akihiko-senpai?"

"Please leave me alone." You didn't mean to get short with Yukari, you really didn't. It's just that your head was pounding and you weren't in the mood for questions you couldn't answer. Yukari didn't know that, of course, and you didn't want to tell her, so it was only natural for her to get offended.

"Fine," she said shortly. "But don't think we don't notice when you don't show up to school. I don't know what you've been telling the teachers, but there's no way you're still sick." She got up and flounced her way back out of your room.

"Have fun at the movies," you called after her. If she heard, she didn't answer.

Having Junpei and Yukari at the movies was a good thing, though. You went through your mental checklist.

Junpei and Yukari were going out. Shinjiro was still in the hospital- they'd tried to move him back in, but he'd had an accident and had to be readmitted. Fuuka was at cooking club. Mitsuru and Ken were locked in their rooms studying, and unlikely to come out. Aigis was avoiding you even more than you were avoiding her. And Akihiko-

Aki was at boxing practice. He was getting ready for college try-outs.

Satisfied that the coast was clear, you tumbled out of bed and pulled on some dirty clothes. Your joints ached while you did it, as if you were forcing your body to do something unnatural. Once you found a pair of shoes that matched, you tip-toed out of your room and down the stairs. Koromaru was napping in the living room, but when he heard you coming, he sat up and wagged his tail.

"Hey, Koro-chan," you greeted. "Wanna go for a walk?" He barked his approval of that idea, and you opened the door and followed him out onto the street.

Port Island was getting warmer, and you found you didn't even need the light jacket you were wearing. The leaves were beginning to reappear on the trees.

You had to admit that it was pretty.

You allowed Koromaru to lead you to his favorite place, the shrine. You sat down on the bench under the big tree. Maybe it was the influence of the time you'd spent here with Akinari, but for whatever reason, whenever you sat here in this location, your memories were particularly lucid.

You were dying.

Two was almost enough to make it a pattern. If anyone knew about the number of terminally ill people who had wasted away on this bench, they probably wouldn't let their kids play at the shrine anymore. Like you did every other time you came here, you reached into your pocket and pulled out a tiny notebook, one you carried with you almost constantly. You opened it and looked inside.

The first page was a calendar, with Graduation Day circled in red. The word "roof" was scrawled underneath it, exactly where you'd managed to make a quick note before leaving to fight Nyx on January 31.

The rest of the pages were blank.

You still had Akinari's notebook too, of course, but it was sitting at home in your room. You didn't feel like perusing his wacky story today. What fascinated you weren't the words, anyway- it was that Akinari had had so much to write down before he died. But you, day after day, stared at your blank pages and felt nothing.

Your original plan had been simply to write down that you were dying, since you couldn't remember it half the time. You wanted to write down what happened, all of it, so that your friends would know. But the harder you tried to pin down how, exactly, you'd given up the ghost, the faster it slipped through your grasp.

All you could remember was a pair of arms wrapped around you, and Ryoji's voice whispering that you still had a little time left.

"Maybe I should've stayed dead," you muttered. You were answered by a sharp whine. Looking down, you were surprised to see that Koro-chan had curled up at your feet, obviously affected by your distress.

"Oh jeez," you said quickly. "I didn't mean it, pal." You reached down and patted his head. "Tomorrow's graduation day. Don't forget." He yipped and wagged his tail. Satisfied that Koromaru had been appeased, you went back to your notebook.

Maybe you should write out some sort of last will and testament? You didn't have any money, or anything of value, except for your armor, and it felt weird to will that to a group of people who hopefully wouldn't need it. Your precious naginata was, presumably, still buried in Erebus's leg.

You sat for a long time, staring at those blank pages, Koromaru napping at your feet, until the sky was getting dark and all of the elementary school kids had been taken home. Koro-chan nudged you to tell you that he wanted to go, too, and the two of you walked back to the dorm.

Fortunately, even though your trip to the park had gone on longer than you'd planned, there was only one person sitting in the dorm lobby.

Unfortunately, that person was Akihiko.

"Hey, Aki," you greeted, doing your best to act normal. He was engrossed in some sports magazine, and you startled him. He relaxed when he saw that it was you, but only slightly.

"Hey," he said. "Were you walking the dog?" Nope- the two of us were just sitting on the front stoop, for funsies.

"Yeah."

"Cool." You went into the kitchen and cobbled some food together, even though at this point, you had pretty much no appetite for anything. Plate in hand, you sat down on the couch next to Akihiko. He almost didn't react to your being there.

"What are you reading?" you asked.

"I've been thinking," Akihiko said, almost at the same time. He blushed a little, from the awkwardness, but he pressed on. "We barely even see each other anymore. You don't get out of bed-"

"I just took the dog for a walk."

"-and you don't go to school," he finished. He reached out and tried to hold your hand, but you pretended not to notice. "The way I feel about you hasn't changed at all," he continued, "but I'm worried, and I'm going to college next year- hey!" You were rude, but you didn't care.

You stood up and left in the middle of his sentence.

First Yukari, and now, Akihiko. What, did everyone suddenly decide to worry about you today?

You dragged yourself back to the third floor- you forced yourself to ignore the fact that you almost didn't have enough strength for all the stairs- shut yourself in your room, and flopped down on your bed. Someone knocked on the door, but you pretended to be asleep.

Today was over. Tomorrow would have to be better.

When you awoke on Graduation Day, though, "better" was not the word you would use to describe how you felt.

Your alarm hadn't gone off, you were clearly going to be late for school, and no one had bothered to wake you up. That part was normal.

The abnormal part was the sensation of waking up from a very long dream- or rather, nightmare.

You remembered everything, from the first time you summoned a Persona to the last. Your brain was getting clearer. Your memories were coming back. You didn't want them, but there they were. You saw Chidori, Takaya, and Jin, dead in front of you. Ikutsuki, and Mitsuru's father, on top of Tartarus. Shinjiro, slowly bleeding out as Fuuka screamed for an ambulance.

Reaching for your notebook, you wanted desperately to write it all down. But the calendar on the first page stared up at you, with its glaring red note, and you realized that you had to meet your friends. You were already late.

At least a whole week had passed since you'd bothered to go to school. The train ride to the island felt like it took an eternity. When you reached Gekkou High, dressed in the basic sense of the word but still looking like a vagrant, someone was waiting for you outside the school gates.

It was Aigis.

Aigis had been avoiding you for the entire month of February. For a moment, you were convinced she was looking for someone else. It wasn't like her to miss classes, though, and from the way her face lit up when you approached, you knew she couldn't be looking for anyone else.

You remembered that night on the Moonlight Bridge when Aigis had fought Ryoji. You remembered her crumpled, broken body.

"Hi, Aigis."

"The others don't remember," she said abruptly. "They don't remember, but I remember everything." Those weren't the words you'd been expecting, but it certainly explained why she'd been avoiding you for a month. She was obviously troubled.

"I know," you said. Aigis didn't say anything more. "Why don't we go up on the roof and wait for everyone?" Aigis didn't look so sure.

"Is it all right to miss the ceremony?"

"Who cares?" you shrugged. You hated ceremonies. Plus, they'd feel terrible for giving you detention once you died.

Aigis accepted your invitation, and the two of you slipped through the crowds headed towards the auditorium and climbed up onto the school's roof. Winded from all the stairs- hopefully Aigis didn't notice- you plopped down on one of the stone benches and stared out at the water.

Ryoji had told you that every time he saw something beautiful, he felt unbearably sad.

You understood how he felt.

"I've been thinking about my life," Aigis said suddenly. She'd probably gotten quite a bit of thinking done, since she hadn't spoken to anyone since January.

"Oh?"

"I think that what I want," she continued, "is to be by your side. To protect you, always." Memories of Aigis flooded your brain. You tried to remember why she was always wanting to be near you.

"Is this about Death?" you asked. "I don't think you need to feel guilty anymore. I mean, you saved the world. That's something to be proud of."

"You saved the world," she corrected. The words hit you in the chest. "When I thought I might never see you again, something became clear to me. What I wanted most." Aigis sat down next to you and whispered, so quietly that even you could barely hear it:

"I want to be your strength."

"You can be my strength, Aigis," you replied with a little smile. You reached out and held her hand in your own. Aigis's hands were cold, hard, and dangerous. You knew those tiny fingertips disguised functional artillery. They also belonged to one of your closest friends.

"Thank you," she said.

You stayed like that for a long time, staring at the ocean, in the world that hadn't ended.

The door to the roof burst open. Your friends flooded the deck. Everyone was there, even Ken, who must've skipped out on school or something. Shinjiro was at the back, trying to hide a limp. Koromaru had come with Shinji, and had somehow managed to get through the school without being kicked out. He barked excitedly and ran in circles, adding a layer of chaos that the crowd really didn't need.

They made a funny picture. An objective observer would have no idea why you were all friends.

I want to be your strength. That was what you had been for your friends, wasn't it? When you stepped into the moon to fight Nyx by yourself? Bolstered by their confidence, you had managed to stop the apocalypse. You had stared Death in the face, and accepted it gladly. Thanks to your friends.

Your life was actually pretty ok. Not something to write about in a history book, maybe, but better than most.

Somehow, while all of this was happening, Akihiko ended up next to you. You were tired, and you leaned into him gratefully. The way he wrapped his arms around you had an urgency that told you all of his memories had come back.

You'd missed being held like this.

"I'm so sorry," he said. "I'm sorry I forgot it all." Normally, he would never be like this in front of other people. You sensed that Mitsuru was looking away, embarrassed.

"It's ok," you said. "Everyone else did, too."

"It's not ok," he shot back, but he was smiling. "Thanks for saving the world."

"No prob, Aki. I did it for you." Your eyelids fluttered closed. Your cheek rested on his shoulder. The sun was beating down on you. You felt warm and sleepy.

Was this it? You made it to the graduation meet-up, and now this was the end?

Well, that was what you had asked for.

"Are you ok?"

"Just tired," you lied.

Time to go, dearest.

And at that moment, you asked yourself if you were sad that you were going to die. And you looked at the world, and your friends, and at Aki, alive and healthy, and the answer was no.

"Don't worry," he told you. "I'm staying right here." You smiled into his shoulder, and let yourself fall asleep. You said your last words in a whisper.

"Thank you."

And, BAM. This took me ages to write. I've never written a "deathfic." I enjoyed writing the scene with FeMC and Ryoji the most. The inspiration was- WAIT FOR IT- Animorphs. Remember when Rachel dies, and she has that conversation with the Ellimist? Because I do.

Again, I tried to keep it close to what happens but edited a bunch out to cool down the cheese factor. I almost cut out Aigis entirely, but then I left her in there. I also loved writing the FeMC as a depressed vagrant. I find it hard to believe that everything would be totes back to normal after the Nyx fight, even if no one remembered it.

In any case, I have an idea for a semi-sequel, focused on Akihiko, following the same basic idea as "The Answer" but, of course, my own version of it. Without all the weird time suck being trapped in the dorm Aigis robot feelings crap. So, here is my question to all of you:

SEQUEL, or NO SEQUEL?