Guidelines to a smooth and problem free* time traveling enviroment for use by the Doctor's companions, including but not limited to: River Song, Amy and Rory Williams. Non applicable in alternate universes.
*Nothing with the Doctor is ever problem free.

Rules of the TARDIS: Seasons Five and Six.
1 River and Amy are not allowed to shoot any more of the Doctor's hats.
2 Even if he thinks wigs are cool now.
3 Calling Rory "Mr Pond" is only funny the first few times.
4 I MEAN IT, DOCTOR!
5 The same goes for calling Amy "Pregnant Pond"
6 Amy isn't allowed to steal River's journal anymore.
7 Because one person saying "SPOILERS!" is bad enough, that's why.
8 Pointing over the Doctor's shoulder with a scared face and then acting like you don't know why you did it is just plain mean.
9 Time does not exist in the TARDIS.
10 Therefore, neither does April Fools Day.
11 So you can put Jack back where you found him, thank you very much.
12 Yes, the Doctor wore that coat once. It was a bad time.
13 Wearing it around the TARDIS and giggling is not nice.
14 The sonic screwdriver is not to be used as a flashlight.
15 Ever.
16 Landing on that planet where they only sell shoes was a fluke.
17 So quit asking to go back, Amy.
18 And you too, Rory.
19 You know River, three against one is hardly fair.
20 We never interfere.
21 Unless there are crying children.
22 Or Jelly Babies.
23 Or Cracks in the Universe
24 Or unless we feel like it.
25 But still. We never interfere.
26 Every so often, the Doctor eats fish custard.
27 We don't really know why
28 Just go with it.
29 Oh, and don't forget:

30: The Doctor is worth all the monsters.

Without reviews, my brain starts only giving me depressing self-insert stories because it feels sad. You wouldn't want me to post any of those, would you? *End feeble attempt at blackmail*

Here, have a jelly baby.