Psych is one of those shows you just can't help but ADORE. Lassiter is so adorable it makes me want to glomp him. :)

Warnings: SPOILER ALERT FOR SEASON 1 EPISODE 2 – 'Spelling Bee'.

Disclaimer: No I don't own psych; if I did Lassiter would be talking about me all the time! YAY!

Anyway here is a short one-shot characters study of Shawn, I love Henry really but you can't help but notice he really isn't the world's best father. The dog house scene in 'Spelling Bee', really struck a chord with me, it just seemed so emotionally harsh of Henry and so my brain spewed out the angsty little piece below! Enjoy!

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~o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0~

The most terrible poverty is loneliness

and the feeling of being unloved.

- Mother Teresa

~o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0~

Shawn kicked at the pile of wood which was his old dog house and watched it collapse with a weary sigh. Everyone knew he didn't get on well with his dad, but they all assumed it was just a personality clash, a rebellious grudge he held onto and that secretly they loved eachother anyway.

Shawn knew he played the part well, and sometimes he couldn't distinguish the truth from the lies. Yet every so often memories returned, memories like building this dog house, and he remembered why truthfully he really, really didn't like his father.

The dog house seemed like a silly thing now but Shawn remembered the feelings the issue had brought up; the anger, the bitterness, the loneliness, and all of it caused by one person.

Henry Spencer.

All Shawn had ever wanted was a chance to be who he wanted; to not have to conform to his father's stupid wishes, his stupid rules and his stupid plans. So what if he wasn't the world's most mature person, so what if he hadn't held down a proper job before? It was what made him, him. Why couldn't he just see that?

At the time Shawn remembered he'd desperately wanted a dog, someone to look after, a loyal friend. He had always had Gus but it wasn't the same, Gus had a proper family to go home to, a mother that looked after him and a father who was proud. Shawn hadn't had any of those things.

Noticing the dog in the park with that other kid Shawn had known straightaway if he could just convince his father to get him one he'd never have to be alone again, he'd always have had a distraction from the loneliness.

Of course Henry Spencer could never make things easy.

Thinking back Shawn couldn't blame him for trying to show him how much care and time went into a dog considering he hadn't had the best track record with responsibility, but Shawn had only wanted to be given a chance. He could still remember his dad's face, and his words: "Dog's are a lot of responsibility Shawn, you've done nothing to make me think you are capable of handling that responsibility!" Shawn could recall the way a knife had slid into his heart at those words, they way the ice cold metal had felt plunging into his heart and literally taking his breath away.

Henry would never know just how much those words had hurt him.

He could recall standing there opposite his father holding his breath, wondering why his dad hadn't noticed how much effort he put into trying to get his attention every day. How since his mother left his dad had practically ignored him in every way, besides his police training games and to criticize him, that he had had no way of proving himself to his father. Had his father, his dad, truly not noticed? Did he really care so little?

That thought had hurt more than any of the others and Shawn had had to dig his nails so hard into his palms that they had broken his skin, just to keep from sobbing out loud there and then. He thought he'd gained his chance when Henry had said if he could build the dog house himself he'd have earned the right to get the pet. He'd never been so excited; he'd worked all day, cut himself four times, smashed his thumb with the hammer twice, gotten bruises everywhere and so many splinters he'd been picking them out of his hands for days.

When his dad had come home and seen what he'd built he had criticized, snarled, mocked and thrown sarcasm at his effort until Shawn was surprised he was still standing from the way each comment felt like a physical blow.

He had been 12.

Henry had told him he wasn't good enough and so wasn't getting a dog after all; he'd lost his chance, proven himself a failure. Shawn had gone to bed that night feeling as if he'd run a marathon, he was exhausted and in pain, barely able to find a side to sleep on that wasn't covered in splinters or bruised. His chest was completely hollow yet it felt as heavy as concrete, and it ached with a deep sadness he didn't think he'd ever get rid of.

That night he had resigned himself to being mostly alone, decided it wasn't worth trying since he'd never win anyway, it was after that night he'd become a lot closer to Gus. Gus had been the only one left and he couldn't bear the thought of losing him too so he'd used every skill he had to stay his friend, to become his best friend.

He knew he'd become too attached and that Gus had turned out to be the only friend he ever had but it was better than having nothing, and he couldn't bring himself to let go.

It was still the way it was today.

Sure Shawn talked to Juliet, annoyed Lassiter, even talked to Chief Vick and Buzz sometimes, but never outside of cases. They never bothered to contact him outside of a case either; it did nothing to help Shawn's fear of abandonment. He never let anyone in, barely let anyone get close, he could admit himself his dad had messed him up, but most days he could forget just how much.

He could hide behind his jokes, his laughter and his eccentricities, mostly they weren't an act but they did help him forget, disguise the bits of him that didn't fit, that didn't work. Shawn looked at the fallen pile of wood that had triggered this memory, and sighed again.

It still hadn't changed; he didn't need to do what his father told him anymore but looking at this failure Shawn couldn't help but want, couldn't help but ache to try and get his father to approve and to be proud of him. Propping his injured leg at an odd angle he narrowed his eyes and began.

The dog house seemed like a silly thing now but Shawn remembered the feelings the issue had brought up; the anger, the bitterness and the loneliness.

…..would it be any different this time?

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Woah! Very angsty, but sometimes I watch psych and when Shawn talks to his dad instead of being annoying and rebellious he has this exhausted and upset aura which just makes me want to hug him, and also inspired this angst. Hope the characterisation was okay.

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Ceyphsus. :)