Grimmjow has loved Ichigo for as long as he can remember.

Ever since they were snotty babies who likes to hide things up their noses and in their ears. Between them they could successfully tuck away an entire lasagne.

Ever since they were 9 and Grimmjow cried at the end of Godzilla when the giant sky scraping reptile died and Ichigo let him eat the rest of his popcorn to make him feel better.

Ever since puberty hit them with a vengence and they were both covered in spots and excessive body hair. Even when Ichigo had bum fluff on his upper lip, Grimmjow still wanted him to suck his cock.

Ever since they dared each other to throw rocks at that creepy house down the road and after hours of arguing about it, Ichigo screamed 'Fuck it!' and threw a brick the size of his own head.

Ever since he realised that something more than 'like' even existed, Grimmjow has loved Ichigo furiously.

The feeling is so intense and consuming, the only word that Grimmjow can think of that even comes close to describing how he feels is fever. But it's a fever that never breaks; he burns for Ichigo - all the fucking time.

What makes it worse is that he's convinced that Ichigo's feelings don't measure up to his own. The only way Grimmjow can stop himself going mad with doubt and self-uncertainty is to fuck Ichigo to within an inch of his life to try and drill it in; to stain him with his blood and sweat and tears.

He fucking loves his strawberry.

It's wonderful. Now, at least. It wasn't always so simple.

Sometimes Grimmjow still hurts a little bit when he remembers how long and how much he had to suffer before, finally, after 23 years of enduring the agony he felt, he was able to say it.

"I'm in love with you, you fucking asshole. You make me hard."

Maybe not the most sensitive way to confess himself, but he didn't have much time to think in the spur of the moment.

He knew, even before he spoke, that Ichigo didn't love him back.

Grimmjow had unfortunately seen and heard just how straight his best friend was ever since Ichigo realised breasts weren't just for raising babies and there was something oddly attractive about the mysterious V between a girls legs. They had grown up and spent their whole lives together after all.

But Grimmjow wanted to wipe that fucking cocky smirk offa Ichigo's face.

They were arguing and Grimmjow wanted to shock Ichigo into silence. He said the only thing he knew would take Ichigo down a peg. He knew Ichigo would feel bad about the whole thing, even though it wasn't remotely his fault.

Ichigo would feel like he should have seen it sooner or been a better friend so as to not mislead him. He would feel bad and this was what Grimmjow wanted. He wanted Ichigo hate himself just a little bit, then Grimmjow wouldn't feel so guilty about his own secret self-loathing.

Deep-seated issues much?

But Grimmjow never used to give Ichigo enough credit.

As soon as Grimmjow spoke and Ichigo grasped his words, he also realised the way in which they were supposed to affect him.

"Go fuck yourself." He screamed at Grimmjow, before punching him in the face as hard as he could.

It took two years to get back into Ichigo's good graces again, but it was never the same.

There was too much negative space between them; they were almost afraid to touch each other. Grimmjow didn't want to push it. He was too conscious of doing something to make Ichigo uncomfortable so he withdrew from physical contact all together. Oh god, you can't possibly understand how badly he wanted to touch Ichigo and not always in a dirty way. There would be awkward pauses that used to be filled with hugs or wrestling or knees touching on the sofa. Grimmjow missed it like he missed daylight.

Then one day, Ichigo said exactly that.

"I miss you."

Then they were touching frantically, trying to make up for lost time. When Ichigo pressed his lips to Grimmjow's throat the blue haired boy wondered if he had died in his sleep and gone to heaven. Finally their lips met and Grimmjow knew his mouth would never feel the same; like someone had lit a load of sparklers and then shoved them down his throat.

Then they were naked and Grimmjow had three fingers up Ichigo's ass.

The rest, as they say, is history.

Afterward they were holding each other in silence. Ichigo had his face pressed into Grimmjow's neck; something which would later become an unbreakable habit.

The silence stretched into hours before Ichigo finally spoke, his voice hoarse from so much screaming.

"I missed you so much; I wondered if you were still in love with me and then I... didn't want to believe it, but Jesus Christ, Grimmjow, I missed you... so fucking badly." He was rambling mindlessly, trying to explain it to himself as well as Grimmjow. After a few minutes he realised he had gone slightly off track as he was talking about great Grimmjow cock was, so he paused, regrouped and said as quietly as he dared "Then I fell in love with you."

Grimmjow couldn't say anything. There were no words he knew how to use for this situation because he thought it would never come to be.

He could only nod and hope Ichigo understood.

After the initial euphoria, Grimmjow began to question what was happening to him.

He struggled to come to terms with everything. He found didn't trust the sudden good luck and despite now living the life of his dreams, he just couldn't comprehend it was real. He couldn't understand how someone like him deserved everything he had.

He found it hard to trust Ichigo's feelings; a part of him never will.

Sometimes, when the depression gets really bad, he wants to... hurt Ichigo.

Not kill him, not cut him up, but Grimmjow craves to see the distress in those brown eyes of Ichigo's. He wants to test the boundaries, to push Ichigo away, to hurt him, but then reel him back in because Ichigo always forgives him and they are soul mates.

Grimmjow is aware this is more than a little fucked up.

Or maybe he just wants Ichigo to understand. He loves Ichigo too much to ever sincerely want to inflict pain upon him. He wants Ichigo to understand how much he loves him, he wants him to understand how repressed he felt for the first 20 years of his life, he wants Ichigo to understand how badly he needs him to stay and not ever, ever leave him alone, ever again.

Occasionally, when he is feeling particularly vulnerable he will fuck Ichigo a little too hard so that, even if Ichigo wanted to, he couldn't go anywhere, he couldn't move a muscle.

He couldn't get up and leave.

Grimmjow wonders sometimes why Ichigo puts up with it when he is excessively rough. Why doesn't he complain?

He doesn't put up with dirty pans in the sink or patronising behaviour or Grimmjow not doing his fair share of household chores.

So why?

He wonders if Ichigo knows that Grimmjow needs this, if Ichigo lets Grimmjow do this because he feels he deserves it.

Grimmjow hopes that's not the case.

Because despite the emotional trauma Grimmjow has suffered at the hands of an entirely oblivious Ichigo over the years, he still worships the ground he walks on and would rather hurt himself before ever see Ichigo cry.

Grimmjow is naive to think this way, though.

Ichigo doesn't feel like he deserves sex so rough it makes his ass bleed, but he puts up with it anyway.

He does so because, even if it does feel like he is being impaled by a knife, Grimmjow makes his body shake, his cock rupture and his heart concave all in the space of four seconds as they come together in a rush of perfect imperfection.

Because little does Grimmjow know that actually, Ichigo is caught up in a fever as well.

Sometimes Ichigo gets so hot he can barely stand it. He skin turns to ash and his soul is burnt to a crisp by the feelings that burn inside his chest, licking at his heart.

Grimmjow thinks he's got it rough.

He couldn't be more wrong.

Length of time makes no difference.

This POV is new to me, do you like it?

I'm FIANLLY free from exams and coursework and other boring pointless shit that lost its appeal to me about 4 years ago. Moving on.

I'll be updating B+E in the next few weeks; I think it's time I finished it. You all deserve that much, sticking by my fickle, lazy ass for months upon months. Thank you :)

Catch ya on the flip flop.