Disclaimer: I do not own the movie, Drive Angry, nor any of its characters. They are the property of Summit, Warner Bros., 20th Century Fox, and whoever else. Please do not sue me.

Author's Note: This story was an interesting experience. It took me a month to finish it, because I would only ever be able to work on it on Saturdays while my husband was at work. It was like clockwork though. Every Saturday, I got more written. Four (or was it five? I can't remember) Saturdays later, I finally completed it. This was written purely because I wanted to write Accountant/Piper smut. I wound up writing a whole lot more than that, but I had an absolute blast with this thing. My husband has encouraged me to upload it here, so here it is. Feedback is greatl appreciated. :)

Warnings: Strong sexuality at the end. Lots of language.

Hold On Tight, It Has Quite the Kick

He smells strong and overpowering, like something burning. He smirks and watches her like she's cute and entertaining; like the way someone might would look at a dog doing something stupid and funny.

Piper wants to slap that smirk right off his face - and she would, too, if she wasn't on the clock. But if he comes anywhere near her once her shift ends, she'll deck him. She doesn't care if it dents him or not. It'll make her feel good (and she's got a nagging suspicion he won't bother hitting back). What better reason does she really need? With him anyway.

He orders a cup of coffee but never bothers to drink it. Not even a couple of fake sips. He stares at her. Sometimes he glances at other waitresses, and Piper has to focus on her job really hard not to go over and dump that hot coffee on his lap. Apparently smug, sarcastic demons aren't that different from human guys after all.

At the back of her mind a worry begins to form. Piper doesn't pay it much attention until a couple hours have passed, and he's still there. Then she briefly considers it, but abruptly shoves it back to the far recesses of her mind. It isn't until her shift is finally coming to an end and he's no longer in the diner but waiting outside that she lets it back out and then can't tuck it back in.

Panic grabs her.

He's there. He's there and waiting. He's there for her...or maybe April...or something. Something bad.

Eventually it's time to leave, and she has no choice but to walk out the door - knowing full well he'll pounce on her the moment she's out - and head for her car.

"Evening, Miss Piper," he greets her; chipper, smiling with self-satisfaction over God only knows what.

Piper huffs and finally gives in to the urge she's been resisting for over two and a half hours now.

Like she'd suspected, he doesn't hit back. Hell, he doesn't even try to dodge. He lets her, and then sighs, gives her an indulgent look, and asks, "Feel better now?"

"Yes, actually," she bites back as smugly as she can and curves her lips in a condescending, self-satisfied smile of her own. There is no way in He...on Earth that she is letting him get away with his superior act. Oh, no, she can handle him. Even without that handy shotgun that apparently is the only thing that can actually hurt him.

Least that's what he thinks.

"Now, if you don't mind, I want to go home, shower, spend time with my baby girl, and go to bed." Piper doesn't wait for his response - she's sure he'll give it anyway - and continues walking for her car.

"All sound good. I think I'll join you."

Piper turns back to him again and stares. "What?" she hisses, and her temper is raring and ready to go. The urge to punch him is already back in full swing.

The Accountant smiles at her and speaks as though to a child. "I said, I think I will join you. With great enthusiasm in the second and the fourth of those activities." He moves to the passenger side of her car and waits for her to unlock it, still giving her that patient, indulgent smile - but all Piper can do is gape at him.

For a moment she wonders if she imagined what he said. Or if he's fucking around. Or if she's actually dreaming, she's sleeping in and late for work, and her day will actually be free of him. Then she remembers she's awake because her feet are killing her, her back hurts, and no way in He...on Earth would she have this kind of dream with him.

"Are you going to unlock your car, Miss Piper?"

The situation - and everything he said - hits her, and Piper narrows her eyes. She raises her middle finger to him and spits out, "Fuck you!" Which, admittedly, isn't the smartest thing she's said given the context of the circumstances, but she's still in shock. Piper thinks that's a good enough reason to not be at the top of her comeback game. "Go back to Hell and score some serial killer bitch or something, because there is no way I'm giving you a ride, let alone to my place, nor would I ever, ever let you in!"

On the other side of the car (infuriatingly out of reach for her to punch), the Accountant chuckles. "I'm afraid it's not really up for debate. Now unlock the car, please."

"I'm not aiding and abetting my own would-be rapist, I don't give a flyin' fuck if you're a demon or not!" Piper shouts back.

The Accountant sighs and snaps his fingers. Her car unlocks, and the sound of it takes her focus off him long enough to suddenly by right beside her. He holds his hand out. "Keys, Miss Piper. We can talk in the car."

Piper wants to say no. She wants to knee him in the groin now, because punching is too good for this asshole. But she's tired. She wants to sit down. And arguing with him is utterly pointless - because she is, sadly, lacking that wonderful shotgun that could kill him. Glaring, she stabs the keys into his hand and storms over to the other side and gets in. And sulks. Then she gets back out.

Already in the driver's seat, the Accountant tilts his head and watches her come back around, yank the door open and gesture for him to get out.

"No, fuck this. I'm driving."

"Are you going to be cooperative?"

Piper flashes a sarcastic smile. "Sure. I'll be a little angel."

The Accountant slides out and rises to his feet. He gives her a brief look over and nonchalantly comments, "Attractive enough, but worn demin doesn't quite work with a halo."

"You're annoying."

His smile curves up a tad more for a moment. "Flattered. Shall we go?" He steps back and gives a little bow, gesturing for her to get in. Anyone else would look ridiculous doing something like that as far as Piper is concerned - and honestly, he does kind of look ridiculous doing it. Somehow he also makes it seem the slightest bit intimidating.

"Fine." Piper gets in the car and snatches the keys from his outstretched hand. "But I ain't letting you anywhere near that baby girl," she stubbornly tells him as she starts her car. Under her breath she adds, "You'd probably fuckin' break her."

"Unless your memory has become faulty since we last saw each other, you know very well I won't break her, and in fact can hold her the proper way one holds a baby," he corrects her.

Oh, right. He had held her very carefully.

"You still ain't touchin' her."

"Piper? Drive."

Jaw clenching, Piper puts the car in gear and speeds out of the diner's parking lot. She drives like a maniac again, because she's pissed and April isn't in the car and Webster isn't around to fuss at her (just like a real dad). Plus, she kind of likes watching him brace a hand on the dashboard so he doesn't sway back and forth every time she swerves or makes a turn.

"After all the trouble Webster took to fix this thing, I would think you'd be more careful with it."

"Well, see, that's where you went wrong. You thought you could predict me."

He chuckles, softly, and the constant sneer becomes a genuine smile for a moment. "Yes, I do believe you're right."

"Damn right I am." Piper glares at the road because she can't afford to glare at him right now. But she starts thinking about the last time she saw him, which makes her start thinking about Milton again. She softens a little bit, because she misses Milton, and she remembers the things he said about Hell. She remembers the demon next to her saying the devil or whatever he calls himself was gonna be angry. She remembers holding that shotgun on the Accountant and hoping for a moment that if she pulled the trigger, everything would be okay. Milton could stay, and he could play the role of father figure (not that Webster isn't good at it, but...).

"Milton is fine. Well, as fine as one can be in Hell. Actually, he's better than before."

For a moment, Piper gets scared. She glances over at the Accountant, eyes wide with worry. "Can you, read my mind?"

He laughs at that - not a chuckle, a real, deep laugh. He looks at her with a grin, his eyes twinkling. "Oh, no, Piper. Though I would certainly love to. No, I cannot read minds. But I can read faces, and, well, yours was plainly written in English."

"Oh." Relief melts away some of her tension, but then she glares at him again.

"Manners, Miss Piper."

"What?" she asks, genuinely confused as to what he means.

"You didn't say thank you."

Piper can't help but roll her eyes and snort in contempt. "You ain't getting a thank you from me."

"I gave you the information you wanted. Without waiting to be asked - and you were going to ask it, though it might not have been until later, possibly after the shower and the hot water and feeling of being clean rendered you more vulnerable and too tired to keep your curiosity in check. Or perhaps while playing with Milton's granddaughter, when your memories of him are strongest. Then again, maybe you'd simply wait until after we fucked, and you figure there's no point not asking after everything we would have done. But now you don't have to worry about when to ask. So, Miss Piper, I believe you owe me a thank you."

"...the fuck I do!" Piper keeps looking back and forth between him and the road, staring in disbelief. She's beyond pissed off now. Now she doesn't want to punch him or knee him, she wants to jam her pink dildo down his throat and tape it there so he can't ever say something that fucking crazy (and egotistical) to her (or anyone else, for that matter) again.

To bad she left it with that pathetic excuse for a boyfriend slash ex-fiance. And now that he's dead - or so she's heard - who knows who has the thing.

"Piper, let me make this clear," he starts to tell her, with his annoyingly matter-of-fact voice. Again, he's speaking to her as though she's a child. "We are going to fuck. We are going back to your place, you can send Webster home, play with your daughter, put her to bed, and then we can talk as long as you like beforehand. You can have as much foreplay as you like. But," he stares straight at her, and she has to stare back, "Make no mistake. We will fuck."

Well. That's new. And so incredibly strange and surreal that Piper isn't sure how to react. She's no longer angry, she's just plain ol' flabbergasted. A million ways to say no and fuck you spring to mind, but all she gets out is a choked, "Why?"

The Accountant sighs and looks out the window. "Because."

Piper waits a minte. He doesn't continue, so she snaps out, "That isn't a reason, that's a statement!"

He smirks a little. Then he relaxes more into his seat, and his smirk becomes an expression of resignation. "Because I have a tendency to become wrapped up in things I find interesting but don't quite understand. It's how I wound up giving Milton his shot at revenge. I rarely ever get curious or intrigued by things, I'm not an easily interested man. But I am also very much a man in many ways. We share some of the same...weaknesses."

Piper blinks and watches the road as she listens to what has to be the oddest way a guy has ever told her, 'You're hot, and I'm obsessed with you and need to fuck you out of my system.' Oddly, it's kind of flattering.

"So, I guess you could say that I want to sate my curiosity, and I, oh, what is the phrase you mortals like so much? I 'need to get laid.'"

Despite everything, Piper bursts into a fit of giggles. "Seriously?" she gasps out through her laughter.

The Accountant gives her a cheeky smile. "I'm a serious man."

This only makes Piper laugh harder. The situation is so ridiculously outrageous, and she wants to be pissed and smack the demon, guy, whatever, but she just can't. Hell, she's actually kind of tempted to give in. She isn't sure why; maybe it's that his confession is so out there yet strangely flattering that she's grown curious herself, or maybe it's because she hasn't fucked since Milton came into her life, and hasn't had the chance to buy a new dildo or even a vibrator. A girl's got needs, and fingers or the bathtub only go so far.

But, this is the Accountant. He threatened to kill her on multiple times, took Milton away, and is simply an all around crazy bastard.

But then, this is the Accountant. He could rape her and kill April and do all sorts of unspeakably bad things, and ultimately she's got no way of stopping him without that shotgun.

Fear and anger return a little. "Haven't you ever heard of asking first? Making sure the girl's interested, too?"

He flashes a very smug smile her way. "You're interested."

Fucker.

...she kind of is.

"I ain't makin' no promises. And if I say no, you are going to take no for an answer." Like she can make him do that.

"It won't always be no."

Piper snorts. "What, you gonna woo me into lettin' you fuck me?"

He shrugs. "Something like that. But I assure you, I won't force myself on you. I've stated I'm after sex. Not control."

"Ain't it the same thing for some guys?"

"Not me," he tells her in a firm tone - and Piper believes him. Then he smiles. "Now, keep your eyes on the road, please?"

"Yeah, yeah," she mutters and focuses her attention on driving, and only driving. After a few minutes, she mumbles under her breath, "Thank you."

The Accountant's eyes twinkle. "You're welcome."

She's made up her mind. She can't quite believe the choice she's gonna make tonight, but she's made up her mind. She's tired of saying no. Not because the Accountant's endless patience and played up longsuffering has lost its amusement or entertainment value. Not because she's scared of what might happen should he finally get tired of no and decide he doesn't need her to agree to it.

Honestly, she just wants to get fucked.

Piper has a good life. Webster's a great guy and a great father figure (even if he's a substitute for a substitute). Little April's perfect. There's no other way to accurately describe her adopted daughter. They ain't exactly livin' it up, but they're in Florida (Webster was kind enough to relocate for her) where it's always warm and rarely sunny - though when it is, it's gorgeous - and yeah, there's a helluva lot of insects but she's used to it. Florida's home. Got a nice place near Webster's garage, and doesn't have to pay out the ass for daycare.

Plus, the police aren't going to come looking for her anymore. Mostly thanks to the Accountant.

"Are you trying to arrest this woman?" He'd asked the question like he was asking a child if they were really sticking their hand in the cookie jar in front of him. He'd winked at her, and Piper had wanted to deck him, because she was sick and tired of being a continuing source of amusement.

(Though she was doing the same thing every night he stopped by and she said no even if she didn't really mean it. That was different though. Payback.)

"This woman is a willful fugitive and a fuckin' cop killer." The redneck cop was all business when he'd shoved her head harder against the hood of the car to emphasize the cop killer part. Funny how for being a cop killer the cops hadn't tried looking for her very hard until she'd ended up serving one coffee, and he just happened to recognize her.

The Accountant nodded before pulling out that little coin of his. He flipped that magic coin and caught an FBI badge. "This woman is a Federal informant who was framed. So if you'd kindly get your fucking hands off my property, I'd be much oblidged." His words sounded real polite, but his tone sounded bossy, smug, and like a warning shot before a kill.

The cop had - wisely - uncuffed her, sputtered excuses of ignorance, and quickly left.

So, yeah. Piper's got a good life.

But she's single and dildo-less - and diapers, baby food, and clothes are more important than a decent vibrator.

Relationships aren't something she's looking for. She doesn't need a man, and April's got Webster in her life. She'll have all the stories of Milton that Webster and Piper can share. Her daughter isn't lacking on love. And the men Piper usually winds up involved with would only bring instability into April's life, not a more stable and complete family unit.

Fuck that.

But Piper still wants a good fuck. With someone who won't get crazy jealous later on, or think that now he owns her because he's fucked her and so he can show up drunk in the middle of the night to terrorize her until she lets him blow his load in her asshole. So while the Accountant may be unpredictable (sometimes), he sure ain't that type of guy.

Plus, he is rather good with April whenever he comes to...'visit.'

So she's made up her mind to quit with the no and finally say yes. He just wants a fuck. Well, that and to annoy her beforehand. Ugh, maybe even after. He better be a good fuck. He sure as hell won't stop before he gets what he wants, so it's bound to be a win-win. She gets a good fuck, he gets a damn good fuck, and hopefully either stops coming around alltogether or at least stops trying to be a snarky pain in her ass. Yeah. She's saying yes.

Naturally it's a week later when he pops back up.

When he doesn't show - again - at the diner before her shift ends, Piper's about ready to go home, go online, and do a little shopping for herself. She's sick and tired of her fingers. It gets really boring after a couple of weeks, let alone several months, and now Mr. 'I'm a smug, sarcastic demon' isn't even around when she's decided to say yes. So as she leaves the diner and strides towards her car with a nice batch of tips in her pocket, Piper's making up her mind again.

And then she sees him standing next to her car on the driver's side, one hand on the roof and one in his pocket with his legs crossed at the ankles. That damn smirk on his face and a twinkle in his eyes. Like he knows.

Shit, he probably does.

"Where the fuck have you been?"

He shrugs and smoothly pushes himself from the car and walks around to the passenger side. "Torturing Jehovah Witnesses in Hell, it's nice to see you too. Shall we go?"

Piper rolls her eyes and gets in. She's not sure if he's bullshitting her or if that's the honest truth. She wouldn't be surprised either way. Buckling up, she glances over at the barely subdued, gleeful expression on his face. Damn it, he probably does know. As infuriated as she is, Piper stupidly questions, "Why are you in such a good mood?"

"Because. You are going to tell me something."

"You sure you don't read minds?"

He casts a sideways grin her way. "Miss Piper, I told you. I read people, not minds. And you are one very, very easy read."

She rolls her eyes - again - and puts the car in gear. Fine. He wants to be that way, no problem. She's got her own game she can play. Piper drives out of the diner's lot, keeping one hand on the stick. Her thumb idly continues to brush over the top of the handle; her fingers remain wrapped around it. She's glad tonight's a scorcher, because she doesn't normally wear her shortest shorts to work these days. She's damp enough to look hot without looking sleazy and gross. Heck, Piper's pretty sure she looks damn fine tonight.

The way the Accountant sits there watching her fingers from the corner of his eye while thumbing that coin of his reinforces this opinion - and makes her smile smugly just a tad.

"So. You know I'm going to say yes tonight. You finally get what you want."

"And what you want, too."

"I'm going to ignore the smarminess in your tone. But since I am going to say yes and give you what you've been wanting, think you can finally give me a name? I mean, I tend to be vocal during sex -"

The Accountant chuckles and actually licks his lips before murmuring, "Oh, I'm certain of that."

Piper goes on. "I tend to be vocal, and I like to have the guy's name."

"Piper, you can call me whatever you want," he replies and winks at her. "But things are a little different down there, and my name - if I even have one, which you don't even know for certain I do - ultimately is not important, nor necessary. You can make up a name, or simply insult me during sex if it makes you feel better."

She sighs and shakes her head a little. "You are such a stubborn, smug asshole."

"Then simply call me asshole during sex."

"I think I will."

"Just don't wake April."

Piper's jaw clenches, and she takes her hand off the stick shift to punch him in the shoulder. She doesn't care that he merely laughs, she doesn't care that it didn't actually hurt him. It felt good. "Shut up. And stay outta sight until Webster's gone, I -"

"Still don't feel like explaining this time. I know."

Satisfied, Piper doesn't bother to keep conversation going. She sits back and focuses on the road - and tries to ignore her second thoughts creeping in. What the hell...heck is she doing? Okay, she went over the pros and cons before, but really - what the fuck is she thinking? She's going to have sex. With a demon. That she hates. Sort of.

That has to rank pretty high on the road to hell list. Before she'd told herself she was probably headin' there anyhow, so why not enjoy the ride? But shit, this was Hell. And it was real. And yeah, sure, she knew at least one person down there, but shouldn't she be turning her life around for the little girl that man had given her? Not staying mixed up with it in the form of Hell's accountant? And even if they do have sex and somewhere down the line she finds redemption, there are bound to be other consequences - and shit, how does she really know she can trust this guy? Not that he's ever been the overly deceptive kind (with her), but still.

Aw, heck, what if she gets, what if he gets her...can that really even happen?

"You're doubting your decision, Miss Piper."

"I'm not going to get...pregnant, am I?"

Beside her he laughs. Then he tries to get a straight face, opens his mouth, then laughs again. "Oh, I do like you. No, Piper. You will not get pregnant from this," he assures her. "My kind aren't the breeding kind. And this isn't Rosemary's Baby or End of Days, I'm merely the accountant after all."

"End of Days?"

"Schwarzenegger movie, the devil must impregnate a specific girl by a specific deadline. Cheesy, but, underrated."

"Oh." Piper simply nods. That does sound kind of familiar, but she doesn't like religious movies. Even before John Milton entered her life. She feels a little better though. For some reason, she believes him. Maybe because he's behaved like he said he would, and hasn't tried to force her (though there's been obvious eye-fucking stares and a few brief touches followed by the look of a man tempted to deviate from his path). Maybe it's because he never lied to her or Milton, never tricked them and in the end helped them out. Whatever. She believes him, and she feels a little better, and those second thoughts aren't too strong anymore.

Really, it isn't like he'll leave any time soon, and if she's honest with herself, he's not a bad looking guy (ignoring the smarmy smirk). He promises there won't be a devil baby, and she needs a fuck.

"Is this a go to hell for sure deal?"

"Depends on you, I suppose. I don't have you in my books. Yet. This won't necessarily change that."

Piper blinks at that revelation. Then she grins to herself, cause that makes her feel pretty good. And her good mood makes her even hornier.

Oh, yeah. They're fucking tonight.

Getting rid of Webster takes an infuriatingly long time. Piper swears it's twice as long as usual - he has to tell her every little thing April did tonight, ask how work was, tell her all the other job opportunities he's seen advertised in the area, offer to give her money if she needs any help. It never ends. She smiels tightly and pretends to be interested. She doesn't want to snap at him, she doesn't want to hurt Webster.

He's good to her. But sometimes she really wishes he'd get himself some friends to talk to and brag about April to, because he's too damn lonely. And there are some nights she just doesn't want to chat it up with him.

Like tonight.

Eventually he notices the impatient edge to her voice. He smiles warmly, sheepishly, and says goodnight. "I'm sure you're exhausted. I'll let you be. Have a good night, Piper," he tells her. He pats her shoulder like always, and through her irritation and horniness, Piper relishes the simple, casual contact from someone who loves her like his own.

"You too, Webster. See ya tomorrow." She smiles wearily, waves at him as he drives off, and then practically sags against the door frame.

"That took long enough," the Accountant - or Asshole, as she's tempted to call him tonight - states in a slightly irritated voice despite his almost chipper smile. He stands to her right, halfway in already.

"Do not start with me, he's gone, we can get to business now," Piper snaps back while turning away from him and heading in. She doesn't bother to hold the door open or bother with an invite - he comes in whenever he pleases anyhow, and she's already said yes, so there's little point. Piper lets her hair down and heads for her daughter's room. "Let me check on April real quick."

Asshole doesn't respond, merely walks past her and into the bedroom. Already loosening his tie.

Piper gingerly opens the door to April's room and slips in. She knows where the floor creaks and carefully avoids those spots. Reaching the crib and hardly making a sound, Piper looks down at her little girl - and everything else goes away for a minute. The lingering irritation, the maddening craving for sex, the stress of her still insane life. Everything just stops, and there's only April. Her baby girl is sleeping peacefully and quietly sucking on her thumb and simply being the most precious thing in the world.

"Hey, Baby," Piper whispers. "Momma's home. I'm late, I know. But don't you worry, in a couple of days I'll have a day off, and we can go for a nice long drive, and go to the park, and it'll just be you and me. All day long. I promise." Out of reflex, Piper pulls the blanket a little higher and gently rubs April's tummy. "Sleep tight, lovebug. And when you're older, please don't judge me."

April coos in her sleep and wiggles. Then she stills, and Piper quietly slips out to let her baby rest.

When she enters her bedroom, he's standing and looking at the pictures on her dresser - her with April, with her car, a couple with her, April, and Webster. His coat and tie are off and draped neatly over a chair; Piper'd half expected him to be undressed considering how long she took to come in. Asshole glances her way, shirt still buttoned.

Piper studies him; she's loathe to admit it - though she has before, and it was painful then - but he is handsome. She likes that he's still got that scar on his left cheek, where Milton almost blew his head off with that wonderful revolver. It proves he isn't completely invincible; a permanent mar on his perfection. Still, he's tall, and she was always a sucker for tall. Leaner than her tastes usually go, but it's not a deal-breaker. She can't figure out if his hair is neat or messy; right now she'd say it's a little more on the neat side.

That's about to change.

"I would ask if you see something you like, but I find the question cliche - and more than a touch obvious," he states with a grin and walks over to her.

"You are such a smug bastard," she mutters as she closes the door. "Just remember to keep your voice down."

Asshole grins wider. "You're the vocal one, Miss Piper," he cheekily reminds her with a wink.

"Yeah, yeah, shut up." Piper raises her hands to his shirt, starting to unbutton it. She feels overwhelmed - even a little lightheaded. The situation is heavy, and not lost on her at all. She is going to have sex with him. They are going to fuck, and she's actually kind of looking forward to it. Piper isn't sure what that says about her, but he did tell her she wasn't in the books yet.

He doesn't move while she unbuttons his shirt. He watches her, curiously, with his head tilted ever so slightly to one side. His grin has faded, he doesn't look as smug anymore. Not in this moment at least.

"Speechless at last?"

The Accountant inhales deeply. "Savoring the moment."

Piper flashes a half-smile. "Kept you waiting, didn't I?"

"Knew you would."

Her smile grows a little; "Liar," she tauntingly whispers. "Told ya you were wrong to think you could predict me."

The Accountant bows his head slightly. "Point, Miss Piper," he concedes, though he doesn't look too humbled by the admission. "But I didn't really think it would happen that first night, either. Perhaps I did underestimate how long it would take."

Piper grins rather proudly; no, she didn't easily give in. That makes her feel better about this, too. Knowing she didn't roll over and let him win, didn't just say yes out of fear or desperation. She ain't easy, and she proved that. Besides, even if her priorities have changed, and sex isn't as important as it used to be, what she told Milton still holds true. Nobody ever reached the end and didn't think, 'Wish I hadn't fucked so much.' And unfortunately, Asshole here is her safest bet for sex.

"So how long has it been?" she asks, deciding to make small talk as she finishes with the shirt's buttons and lets him slide it off and neatly lay it with his jacket. She eyes his muscles while doing it; he might be leaner than her tastes, but he's more defined than her backfucking fiance ever was.

He pauses, thoughtful. His brow furrows for a moment after he turns back to her and then, "Roughly a decade as you percieve time."

"Wow. That is a long time."

He shrugs. "Not for us. Though I admit it began to feel longer while I was up here chasing Milton."

Piper smirks. "Why, cause you were also chasin' my hot ass?"

"Not just that. Though that was one reason, certainly," he replies, quickly licking his lips. He appreciates her 'modesty'. "When I'm here, time passes for me as it would anyone else. It slows down. Becomes quite the drag, really, no matter how much fun I'm having."

"So, is it a drag now?" Piper questions while trailing a fingertip over the skin right above the front of his pants.

The Accountant's grin fades. He looks down with that curious expression again. "Yes. Though not as badly."

"How about now?" She undoes the fly of his pants and starts pushing them down.

"Yes."

"Less than before?"

"Quite."

Piper's grin might be the tiniest bit wicked now. She's beginning to have fun with this. "I bet I can keep this night from draggin' at all." Her fingers absently brush over the skin just above Mr. Asshole's now exposed, nicely endowed 'package' - which she takes a quick peek at. Her curiosity ruins her attempt to keep eye contact until she can make him crack.

Asshole takes a deep, shuddering breath and exhales. He grins back at her. "If anyone can do it, Miss Piper, it's you." His voice has a huskier edge to it now, which pleases her to no end. "But I do believe we are a little uneven, and I rather appreciate balance." Without any more warning than that, he has her on the bed. His pants are fully discarded - somewhere in the blur of movement he must have taken off shoes and socks as well - and his body over hers is a warm, welcome weight.

Fuck, it really has been too long. There's something so instinctively arousing about their position.

She's an independent woman, sure as hellfire, but even Piper enjoys having a man - or, a male that for all intents and purposes practically is a man - on top of her.

Above her, Asshole gets a look that says she's easy reading again. He studies her with that self-satisfied smirk and brushes some of her hair away from her face. It's actually kind of a turn on; thinking about who and what this guy is, ignoring how annoying his smug attitude can be, he seems utterly fascinated by her. It's that more than the sexual attraction that turns her on; she's seen the way he looks at other women. He ain't no saint. He's as easily aroused as any mortal man, and somehow Piper doubts fornication with human women is looked down on where he comes from. He's here with her after all.

But as far as she knows - and she's fairly certain she knows enough to be right - he hasn't chased after any of the other girls. That's flattering. And definitely arousing. She's grabbed his attention and kept it, without really even trying.

So when he finally leans down and kisses her, Piper easily kisses back. He cradles her back with one hand while the other starts unbuttoning her shirt, and she starts running her hands over him. He's busy, she's free to explore.

"Tell me, are there any female, whatever you are, down there?" Piper asks while he moves his head and kisses her jaw. Her palms slide down his back; her fingernails then scrape up.

The Accountant groans - which is a very rewarding sound - and pins her arms down so he can get her shirt off at last. "Certainly. Technically we're genderless until we come up here. Some of us are more masculine, some more feminine. We, well I suppose you could say we acquire genders when we enter this world."

"Huh. Interestin'." Piper lifts up enough that he can pull her shirt out from under and toss it aside. She grins and reaches down, wrapping her fingers around his dick without warning. She licks her lips when he groans again. Starts pumping, slowly. "Still draggin'?"

He kisses her again; this time his tongue invades her mouth - cheesy wording, but that's really what it's like. He groans into her, and his dick twitches when she rubs her thumb over the tip. "No, Miss Piper. I don't believe it is." He makes very quick work of the remainder of her clothing. "Now. That's more like it."

Piper giggles a little and arches her back so her breasts press to his chest. Shit, it feels damn good to be naked with a naked guy again. She can't remember the last time she had this - unlike the time she caught Frank cheating on her, they're rarely done it buck-naked in the past couple months beforehand. It feels as though she's on fire now; he's feverishly warm, which really shouldn't surprise her, and it's already a hot night. Piper lifts her head and nibbles on his earlobe. "Yeah, I think I agree."

Asshole, or Accountant, or A - whatever - breathes harshly against her neck and moves a hand to one breast. His thumb circles the nipple until it perks up, and he watches her eyelids flutter while she tries to stay focused on her own task. He lays down on her a little more, making it difficult for her hand to move, and smirks while very gently pinching the now hardened nipple between his forefinger and thumb. "You make the most adorable faces when you're trying not to look desperate." He just can't stop being a prick, but he places a little kiss to her temple after the smug comment. He moves down and replaces his fingers with his mouth, removes the hand that's under her and places it on her other breast, and watches as Piper fails to keep from moaning.

Loudly.

She's going to make him pay for that. She really is. Right after he's done...oh, fuck, that feels so good.

He's kneading her other breast - ignoring that nipple, which is maddening - and using a knee to spread her legs so his dick - with her hand still wrapped around it - presses to her sex. They both can now very distinctly feel how fucking wet she is, and it's almost embarrassing, but his teeth and tongue are doing very naughty things to her nipple, so she doesn't really care.

Piper bites her lip when she feels him twitch in her hand - against her pussy - and manages not to hiss out a curse. Her hips buck a little though, and her legs spread wider, heels digging into the mattress.

"You can talk, Miss Piper," he tells her - as if she needs his permission, damn is he annoying - while finally rubbing his thumb over her neglected nipple.

"Do you ever shut up?" she irately whispers. "You know what? Never mind." Moving fast so he hopefully is taken off guard and she can get the upper hand, Piper shoves and rolls them over so she's on top. She straddles his thighs and looks smug for a moment. Her breasts feel cold already, and she misses the contact, but she needs to teach this asshole a lesson. "I'm gone give you somethin' to talk about."

Asshole quirks an eyebrow and lays there. It would annoy her that he's so compliant - maybe even amused - but he's cooperating, and unfortunately she needs that.

Leaning over, Piper braces her hands on his chest and places a kiss on the scar on his cheek. She feels his hands on her thighs, the fingers gripping ever so slightly. She smirks. "Sensitive, are we?" she teases before kissing over his neck and jaw. She feels a pulse, which for some reason she finds odd. She supposes it shouldn't, he breathes after all - but that could be more just a reflex of being in this world. A pulse makes him flesh and blood and disturbingly human.

Well, gotta have blood to have a hard-on, right?

Asshole doesn't respond, merely takes a deep breath and sharply exhales. Maybe he's keepin' his mouth shut to give her a break for once. His fingers loosen, and the palms of his hands gently rub her thighs in a circular motion.

Piper curls her fingers to scrape the nails down his chest and stomach. She drags her tongue over his neck, nips a little over one shoulder, kisses her way across the other. She feels him twitch; fingers digging in the tiniest bit. She grins, laughing into his skin. "Like that, huh?" Feeling even bolder - why the fuck did she put this off again? - Piper moves to a nipple and bites. She imagines a guy like him might enjoy a touch of hurt; she's been with plenty of guys that liked it (though more often the other way around, but a couple were kinky). She doesn't bite too hard, then she tugs gently with her teeth.

His fingers dig into her flesh a little firmer.

Grinning and feeling actually kinda powerful, Piper places feathery kisses across his chest and gives the other nipple the same attention. "Wouldn't want this one feelin' neglected," she murmurs after a nip.

Asshole chuckles huskily and moves one hand to comb his fingers through her hair. "No, can't have that." The hand still on her thigh lays flat and cups the back of her leg. His thumb moves in a tiny circle on her skin.

She has to admit, she's quite enjoying herself. She feels warm and maybe a touch lightheaded; her heart's pumpin' fast, her blood's goin' at a quick and steady pace, she's wet, and - for the moment - in control. Piper doesn't even think about who it is she's teasing, just who it is she's scraping her nails down the abdomen of. She kisses lightly over him, down him, and digs her nails into his hips. Aw, hell, doesn't fucking matter at this point anyway. She's having a good time - and judging by small tear of pre-cum leaking from his tip, he is too.

When Piper places her mouth on the tip of his cock, he lets out a sharp hiss of air that causes her to giggle around him. It twitches against her lips. Tauntingly, she licks up the salty droplet seeping out. She feels silly, but she's disappointed he isn't spicy. She was half positive he'd taste spicy; hot like tobasco sauce maybe. Piper giggles again, and Accountant looks down at her - with dark, half-lidded eyes - and tilts his head. She doesn't bother to explain and swiftly takes the rest of him in. She's good at deepthroat. Lots and lots of practice built up a nice resistance to her gag reflex - which comes in handy, because he actually is rather...tall.

It's very rewarding when A actually grunts out, "Fuck." The hand in her hair grips the back of her head, but he nicely refrains from holding her down. "You have quite the talented mouth, Miss Piper. My hopes have not been let down."

Piper rolls her eyes but she's grinning as best she can around him. She sucks hard on him, slowly lifting up until it's just the tip again. She applies a tiny bit of pressure with her teeth - carefully, delicately - and flicks her tongue at him.

A few more F bombs detonate.

One hand moves to his sack and gently fondles. Her head slides down again, until he's hitting the back of her throat. This time she applies a bit of pressure with her teeth at the base of his cock. She sucks, presses with her tongue, and moans loudly around him. Piper can feel him tensing up more; every so often he bucks. She continues, starting to bob her head up and down at a faster pace.

Accountant grips her hair tighter. His head is back, eyes fully closed now, and he's cursing up such a storm that she knows no way in, well, 'hell' does he have a Momma.

You're insane, girl, Piper tells herself. But she continues the blowjob with gusto, every intention of making him climax - heck, she even plans to swallow. Normally, she's not a swallower - she only ever did it with Frank, and only when he'd been extra nice to her. Tonight though, she's going to. She kind of wants to; Piper isn't sure why. Maybe it's because of how fucking good she feels, or how powerful and sexy she feels. Maybe it's cause swallowing is easier than making a mess or breaking the moment to walk over to the trash can. Plus, she figures if she did it with Frank, she can certainly do it with the Accountant.

He's a lot more polite than Frank ever was.

It doesn't take too long for him to finally come - with a low hiss that turns into a groan that gets her even wetter - though he lasts a lot longer than any of the other guys she's hooked up with. That was kind of expected though. He does hold her head down then, fingertips curling at the back of her skull and keeping her there so if she hadn't made up her mind to swallow, she'd have a long wait to spit out. His hips jerk, and his dick twitches when she licks at him after the last spurt of cum hits the roof of her mouth. He groans again, then finally lets go while his body relaxes.

Piper pulls her head up and gives a tiny nip before sitting up with a smug grin on her face. She licks her lips, wipes her mouth, and asks in a very proud tone, "Ever got one that good before?"

The Accountant grabs her by her left arm and yanks her up. He has her on her back, already recovered, and returns the smug grin. "No, Piper, I can honestly say that was the best damn blowjob I ever got. I look forward to outdoing you."

"You arrogant asshole," Piper mutters. But she's looking forward to it too.

He hovers over her for a minute, one hand stroking her hair while the other holds him up. His head tilts, eyes twinkling and lips curled in a Chesire Cat grin.

"I must be really interestin'," she finally comments. Truth be told, she feels a little unnerved by that stare. Her hands awkwardly tug and play with the sheets. Before she had the illusion of control. Now it's his turn, and Piper has no idea what he wants. Does she touch him? Does he want her to remain still?

No fuckin' way. He's made it damn clear he wants her. Not just sex. Sex with her.

A's smile softens a little. "You are. Quite fascinating, in fact." He winks.

Piper shakes her head a little; she doesn't get it (not that she doesn't think she's a cute, sassy thing with a hot body she works hard to keep). But hey, whatever, least she's getting sex from someone who won't try to beat her ass or jerk her around emotionally or make any attempt to hurt her baby girl. She idly trails her fingers over his sides while he finally stops hovering and leans down to kiss over her neck.

He lowers onto his elbow, and the hand stroking her hair moves to a breast. His fingers resume what they were doing before she blew him, but his mouth is slow to return. He kisses the side of her throat, over her jaw; his teeth tug gently at her earlobe, which causes her to moan out an F bomb herself. He chuckles, and she pinches his side. He either doesn't feel it - unlikely - or simply ignores it - likely - before trailing his mouth to the crook of her neck. He kisses, he bites, he tugs, and then he sucks on the sensitive flesh.

Shit, it already feels like heaven, and he ain't even at her chest. Well, a hand is, fingers almost absently toying with her nipple, but it's only a tiny bit of stimulation. More like a warm-up. Piper's head lulls to one side, giving him more access. Another F bomb; a little louder this time, and she automatically bites her lip immediately after. Dang it, she can't wake April up.

Asshole is not going to make that an easy accomplishment.

When he's finally done with the crook of her neck - leaving the first hickey she's had since she was seventeen - he kisses her mouth briefly, fiercely, before he returns to her breast.

At fucking last, is all she can think.

The hand toying with her nipple pinches while he suckles the other one. And then he moves his hand down, one finger tracing a zig-zag pattern down her stomach. It pauses at her navel, circling and then almost tickling her there.

Piper hisses and then giggles, trying to struggle. He lays on top of her fully, keeping her pinned there while he tickles her mercilessly with one finger. "Stop!" she gasps out between breaths. "Please, for fuck's sake!" She laughs louder, so she burrows her face into his chest to muffle the sound.

Asshole, meanwhile, watching with a grin. After a few minutes of torture, he finally stops. "Sorry. Couldn't resist," he states before that finger slides down to the apex of her thighs. He shudders when he touches her and feels how slick she is.

Piper wants to smack him. She pants for breath, and one hand manages to get loose from between their bodies. She moves to hit him - not hard (not that it'd matter) - but then his finger is at her pussy, teasing her. Her hand does move to him, but she doesn't hit him; her fingers curl and clutch at his arm. Her nails scrape at the firmness of his bicep while his finger slides up and down. "Oh, fuck..."

He grins against her breast. His finger moves to her clit, and he slowly strokes it. When she bucks under him, up against him, he inhales deeply and slowly exhales against the nipple he'd been suckling. The coolness of his breath on her wet skin makes her writhe a little. He chuckles again and continues to stroke. He kisses her breast one more time and then lowers down. Kissing her stomach, her navel, her hips, he slowly makes his way to her pussy. His tongue replacing his finger, and Piper's hand flies to her mouth to muffle the loud cry she can't help but make.

Holy fucking hell, she'd forgotten how good it was to get head. Piper's hips arch, because she wants more. Oh, fuck, does she want more. She bites her lower lip while one hand grips the Accountant's short hair. The other clutches at the sheet. Her legs bend slightly at the knees, heels digging into the mattress while she continue grinds against his tongue.

Mercifully - perhaps to make up for the tickling - he doesn't tease like she did. Now that he's down there, he licks at her clit; fast and steady and constant. He suckles on it every few seconds, and the pressure is sinful and warm. His finger doesn't let her be either. He slowly slides it into her; Piper can't help letting out a spew of swear word at the delightful sensation of something fucking her. He gets her warmed up and used to it again, then moves it in and out at a swift pace to match his tongue.

Why on earth did she put this off?

It's the fastest she's ever climaxed. He doesn't have to work long before she's covering her mouth - while also biting her lip again - as her lower body jerks. She's trembling all over, violently; she can't see, hear, can't even think for several moments. Then it's too much, and she's practically crying while her body squirms to get away. It takes several minutes to fade out.

The Accountant removes his finger, but continues to lick at her clit - lightly now - dragging out the ride.

Piper pants heavily. She's covered in sweat, and her body's still alight, but her senses are slowly returning. Too drunk on endorphins to care, she easily blurts out, "Hot damn, that was the best orgasm I ever had."

A is kind enough to only smirk smugly at her - though with the lower part of his face all wet, he looks kind of funny. He crawls back up and lays on his side next to her. Again, he just watches for a few minutes. "Afterglow suits you, Piper."

Laughing a little, Piper shrugs. "What can I say? I'm a gorgeous girl."

"That you are," he agrees. He kisses the side of her neck, smearing her own wetness over her neck and shoulder. He sniffs her hair, bites her ear. "Ready for the main event?" he whispers against her ear and trails fingers over her lips.

"Hell yeah," Piper quickly replies.

The Accountant grins. "I want to make my intentions for tonight very clear. We're going to fuck. A lot. Several rounds. I can assure you I have far, far more stamina than all the men you've been with put together. I have no problem with the 'cowgirl' position - in fact I intend to enjoy many different positions with you tonight - but the first time, I'm on top."

Piper just stares up at him, already exhausted and looking forward to the wild ride tonight's bound to be. When he's done, she's too excited - and feeling way too good - to argue. "Okay."

"Good." The Accountant moves to lay on top of her again, one arm holding much of his weight. He kisses her. His free hand moves down, positioning his cock at her entrance. "Hold on tight," he murmurs, "It has quite the kick."

She laughs drunkenly for the brief moment before he enters her - and then she clutches his body tightly as he fills her. Between pants as he - finally - fucks her, Piper moans out, "You know I'm gonna have to say the exact same thing to you when I'm on top."

The Accountant laughs as he thrusts into her, not bothering with build up to a fast pace, and whispers huskily, "I wouldn't expect anything less, Miss Piper." He kisses her again, and her nails dig into his back.

It's gonna be one helluva night.