"I was just thinking about how awesome I am for being able to cope with this absurd situation."

−Kyon, Season 1, episode 11

Haruhi Suzumiya. Goddess. Reality warper. Brigade Leader. If you're reading this, you've probably heard of her. It's hard to know which label to apply from time to time. And I have to try my best to keep her under my control most of the time. It's tough. I've almost been killed at least three times. I've saved the world from radical alterations at least twice. And I still always get stuck with the bill for lunch.

Once upon a time, Haruhi tried to rewrite the world. And, for some reason, she brought me with her, into whatever new world she was planning to create. I can't think why I'm so important. She's already got an Interface, and Esper, and a Time Traveller to play with, not that she knows that (I hope. I really hope so. If she's been playing dumb all this time, I swear, someone's going to get hurt. Probably me, but still.).

Don't get me wrong, there's a certain thrill involved in trying to keep a leash on one of the most powerful high schoolers in existence. Haruhi isn't perfect (definitely not!) but one thing she's not is boring. Koizumi tells me she's in love with me. But, this is Koizumi talking. I can keep Haruhi in check most of the time, it'd suit him for me to attach myself to him, to reign in the closed spaces. What happened in Closed Space that time makes what he said at least plausible, but...

Sometimes, it feels like the entire world is conspiring to throw us together. Koizumi pretty clearly wants it to happen, he keeps talking about how much he envies my connection with Suzumiya. Nagato and Ms. Asahina probably wouldn't object. We keep getting thrown into situations from messed up romantic comedies –that cave on the island, Closed Space where I was literally forced to kiss her if I wanted the world to keep its rationality− everyone seems to want me to hook up with her. And, knowing Haruhi, that's probably not accidental. Everything is pushing me towards this one, beautiful, fascinating girl who occasionally walks around in a bunny-girl costume for no good reason. There's no reason for me not to go along with it, except for this one voice in the back of my head, that's screaming at me not to go along with the others.

Problem is, this voice...I think it's mine.

It's not as though I hate Haruhi. But, I'll never know if the emotions I have are real or just what she wants to happen. I won't always have Nagato to save me...do I really have to chain myself to Haruhi for the rest of my life, just to keep the world the way it is? And while Haruhi isn't one to force herself on me, if I look at some other girl, things go downhill fast. So, I literally have no other options. And, honestly, that's the one thing that pisses me off most.

Not that I'd take them if I had... Ms. Asahina's off limits in case of paradoxes. After what happened in December, I'd just get Nagato in trouble −and anyway, I'd never know if she really wanted it or just wasn't capable of raising a contrary opinion.

Turns out, I'm actually getting a reputation as the 'voice of reason' of the Brigade. I got an award from the film club for narrating 'The Adventures of Mikuru Asahina', It turned out to be a surprise hit. Tanaguchi even has "Someone standing off camera is going to step into frame and kick your ass dammit!"as his ringtone. Like Asakura before she went into stab mode, they all want me to exert my 'influence; on Haruhi. I'm unique.

Yay.

I have another year left with the Brigade. I've got to make Haruhi calm down before she graduates...or the Organisation or the Data Entity will do something to make sure I stay holding the leash...forever. I don't hate her, but forgive me for preferring some illusion of autonomy in my existence.

On the plus side:

Did you just flip off/make out with/punch out/have tea with/scam Cthulhu?

Why, yes. Yes, I believe I did. Now I just need to find some reason for her to have tea with Mom.

First person narration isn't my favourite thing to do, hope this is okay. I can't read Japanese, so the source I'm drawing on is just the anime, sorry folks. Please review. Compliments are by no means compulsory.