A/N: So I was at McDonald's the other day and it reminded me that I need to get a job and that my friend Robyn works there and she HATES IT.
So I thought…what if Jimmy got a job? And this happened! Tada!
REVIEW PLEASE!
Disclaimer: I DON'T OWN AI OR MCDONALD'S BUT I AM NOW A WARBLER WANNABE!
Whatsername: Jimmy…
Jimmy: *grumbles*
Whatsername: JIMMY!
Jimmy: *waking up* Whaaaaat?
Whatsername: WAKE UP. It's one in the afternoon.
Jimmy: Cool. *falls back asleep*
Whatsername: *pulls his head up* No. Wake up.
Jimmy: Stop being a bitch…
Whatsername: Stop being a lazy freeloader.
Jimmy: I'm not freeloading.
Whatsername: Let's see…you sleep on my couch, you eat all my food, you steal my money, then you go out all night and sleep til noon. You don't even pay rent!
Jimmy: I did!
Whatsername: An IOU doesn't count.
Jimmy: Dammit…
Whatsername: I think you need to get a job.
Jimmy: But I have a job.
Whatsername: A REAL JOB! Johnny has a real job.
Jimmy: Johnny's a washed up loser and you only like him because you think he has a nice ass.
Whatsername: NO….that's not the only reason…it's a big factor, but—OK WE'RE OFF TOPIC!
Jimmy: *laughs*
Whatsername: YOU'RE GETTING A JOB!
Jimmy: Make me.
Whatsername: *hands him a filled out application* Already did.
Jimmy: *grabs application* I WASN'T SERIOUS!
Whatsername: *laughs*
Jimmy: Where is this even from? *looks at logo* Oh no….NO.
Whatsername: Oh yes…
Jimmy: I'M NOT WORKING AT FUCKING MCDONALDS!
Whatsername: *bursts out laughing more*
Jimmy: *grumbles* I'm not turning it in…
Whatsername: Ok, then I'll do it.
Jimmy: NO!
Whatsername: Too late…I sent one in weeks ago. They hired you in a flash.
Jimmy: YOU LYING BITCH! HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE?
Whatsername: Very possible. Now get ready…you start your shift today…
Jimmy: *grumbles* fucking bitch….
Whatsername: WHAT DID YOU CALL ME?
Jimmy: *runs from the room*
***later***
Jimmy: *in awkward McDonald's employee clothing*
Boss: Well, hello there! I'm your boss!
Jimmy: I have a boss?
Boss: Yes! I tell you what to do and stuff!
Jimmy: No one tells me what to do, bastard.
Boss: You're new at this aren't you?
Jimmy: Yeah.
Boss: Well, ok! So first we're gonna start you off at the register. It's a simple job. All you have to do is take orders and collect the money.
Jimmy: *shrugs* I guess I can do that.
Boss: Good for you! Now, I'll be in my office and I'll come to check on you in a little bit. *leaves*
Jimmy: Huh. This job thing isn't so hard. Yeah. I'll show her. I can so totally work.
Customer: Oh, hi. Um, can I get a um….uh….
Jimmy: …..
Customer: Um….
Jimmy: Today would be nice…
Customer: Uh….
Jimmy: Ok, new rule. If you don't know what you want DON'T GET IN FUCKING LINE!
Customer: Well, excuse me!
Jimmy: Excuse yourself, you and your fat ass.
Customer: *appalled*
Jimmy: Yeah, that's right. You're fat.
Customer: *runs out* I'M GOING BACK TO JENNY CRAIG!
Woman Customer: *walks up cautiously* Can I get a Happy Meal for my son?
Jimmy: I dunno. Can you?
Woman Customer: Yes. I would like that.
Jimmy: You know what I would like? To get in your pants, but we all can't get what we want, now can we?
Woman Customer: EXCUSE ME?
Jimmy: What, am I making you uncomfortable?
Woman Customer: *nods*
Jimmy: Awesome. That means this job is working.
Woman Customer: *slaps him and walks away*
Jimmy: *hopping the counter* GET BACK HERE YOU FUCKING BITCH!
Boss: *running to him* JIMMY! NO! Bad boy…. *squirts him with water bottle like a dog* We do NOT harass customers or jump the counter or make threats…. I know this is your first day, but I'm giving you a warning. I'm afraid I have to move you to drive-in duty.
Jimmy: Eew. No.
Boss: GO!
***later***
Jimmy: *sighing and twiddling his thumbs*
*car pulls up*
Guy in the Car: *snickering* Hi.
Jimmy: Hi.
Guy in the Car: Do you steam your buns? *snickering*
Jimmy: Yeah. All the time.
Guy in the Car:…..
Jimmy: Who the fuck is this?
Guy in the Car: No one! You don't know me!
Jimmy: Is this Will?
Guy in the Car: NO! *zooms off*
Jimmy: FUCKING JACKASS! *grumbles*
Car #2: Hi, can I order a…
Jimmy: *groan*
***50 cars later***
Jimmy: Welcome to fucking McDonalds…where health issues obviously don't matter. Place your fucking order or don't waste my fucking time…Wait, don't you fucking drive away! COME BACK HERE, FUCKER!
Boss: Uh, Jimmy, seeing as you were generally unsuccessful there, we're gonna have to put you in the back. Hope you can cook!
Jimmy: *gets pushed to the back*
Theo: *popping out from the fry greasers* JIMMY? Wait..GODDAMMIT THIS IS HOT! *jumps out*
Jimmy: NOOOO! PLEASE TAKE ME BACK UP FRONT!
Theo: *huggles Jimmy* YAAAAAAAY!
Jimmy: NOOO! I'M BEING RAPED!
Theo: I didn't know you worked here!
Jimmy: Just started…*under his breath* and just quit too…
Theo: THAT IS SO FUCKING AMAZING. HEY CO-WORKERS, LOOK! IT'S JIMMY!
Co-Workers: *grumble and go back to work*
Theo: They'll come around eventually.
Jimmy: Great…so…now what?
Theo: I dunno…make food fried in grease…
Jimmy: Sounds boring.
Theo: Yeah…
Jimmy: How 'bout we, uh…lighten it up? *pulls out drugs*
Theo: OH MY GOD! I'M GETTING HIGH WITH SAINT FUCKING JIMMY IN THE BACK OF A MCDONALD'S!
Jimmy: DON'T SCREAM THAT!
Theo: Sorry…I, you know….got excited.
***thirty minutes later***
Both: *laughing their asses off for no reason*
Theo: Oh my God I love laughing my ass of for no reason…
Jimmy: Wait…what?
Theo: I dunno…
Both: *laugh again*
Jimmy: Oh Jesus, I haven't acted like this on a high since…well…never.
Theo: it's the fumes…
Boss: Uh, Jimmy? Can I see you for a second.
Jimmy: *laughing still* Ok….
Boss: Can you please explain to me why this customer asked for a Big Mac and then received said Big Mac with a used condom on it?
Jimmy: Eew. Please tell me they didn't put that in their mouth…
Boss: THAT'S NOT THE POINT!
Jimmy: I dunno…I don't carry that shit around. THEO. STOP PUTTING CONDOMS IN THE FOOD.
Theo: I'M NOT.
Jimmy: Aw, shit that was me…
Boss: Are you…impaired in any way?
Jimmy: You mean like retarded? HELL NO! WHAT MAKES YOU THINK THAT?
Boss: No. Are you high?
Jimmy: Fuck. What gave it away?
Boss: Oh, I dunno…maybe the bag of heroin in your hand.
Jimmy: *giggles* Oops…
Boss: Yeah. You're fired.
Jimmy: NO. YOU CAN'T FIRE ME. I QUIT.
Boss: Ok! Even easier! GOODBYE!
Jimmy: Whatever… *kicks over a garbage can* JIMMY'S OUT, BITCHES! *He leaves*
Theo: Aw, dammit…back in the fry grease…
***later***
Jimmy: *getting home*
Whatsername: How was your first day at work?
Jimmy: I quit.
Whatsername:….
Jimmy: The boss was a jackass. Not to mention I got raped by Theo in the back room.
Whatsername: O….k….
Jimmy: I'm so done with working….
Whatsername: Ok….but…how do you feel about Wal-Mart?
Jimmy: Motherfucker….
A/N: Well, time to go look for a job…. See ya!
Reviews?