The Art of Seduction

Amy knew it was going to be the start of a bad day when her dork of a little brother returned home late looking like a disoriented mess. She sniffed the air around him. He smelled a lot like liquor, a substance that no underage mischievous ninja lord in training should have access to.

"Are you drunk, dweeb?"

He looked at her, a huge grin plastered on his face. "You're pretty. I luuuuurve you," he slurred before starting to bawl his eyes out. "So muuuch!" He enveloped her in a hug before trying to slobber kisses all over her cheeks.

'Eeew. Gross.' Amy pushed him off her. He looked like he was going to fall over in a drunken heap of idiocy in a second. 'Well, that definitely answers my question.'

She knew Dan could be an idiot but she had at least thought that he would be sensible enough to abstain from underage drinking. Then again, this was him she was talking about. 'Sensible' was a word that didn't exist in his vocabulary. In fact, she'd be surprised if he claimed he had ever heard the word before in his life.

He could barely stand still. His nose had turned red, and his complexion had become a bit ruddy. She was about to lecture him, but then he gagged. The expression on her face turned to one of alarm. She hurriedly locked him into the bathroom. She didn't want an artistic masterpiece of barf on the floor of her apartment or on her— especially not on her.

Dan woke up with the worst headache in his life. It felt like someone had extracted his brain form his skull and steamrollered it before sticking acupuncture needles in strategic locations and putting it back in his head.

"What on earth did you do, Dan?" He winced as he heard his sister's voice. It felt like someone had rigged his ears with loudspeakers. Every little sound seemed amplified a billion times. Even the most infinitesimal of noises made him want to go swimming in outer space.

"Go away," came his muffled voice from underneath the covers. She pulled the blankets off of him.

"Tell me," Amy demanded.

'It's official. She has completed her metamorphosis," He thought miserably. He really wasn't in the mood for this. 'She is now fulfilling her role as CEO of Ms. Big Sister Bossypants and Co.'

"Tell me," she repeated. "Before I open the windows and let the sunlight attack your eyes."

He groaned. "I got drunk."

"Yes, I know that, dweeb. That's as crystalline clear as the fact that cats are not dogs and the fact that you are by dictionary definition, a dweeb." She snatched the pillow away from him. "What was the prelude to your drinking and coming back as a delirious drunkard in a drunken stupor looking like a baboon?" He looked at her, confusion etched on his face. She sighed before repeating herself exasperatedly. "What happened before you got wasted? Why did you get wasted?"

"The other ninja lords of the world told me how awesome sake was. So I drank it."

"You mean the ninja lords of the world that are just as real as flying green unicorns that fart gold?" She rolled her eyes. "Then what happened?"

His head hurt from trying to remember what had gone down the night before. Then, he paled. "I have some bad news." She looked at him expectantly. "Cobra was there."

"Which one was it?" she asked. 'Please let it not be the jerk. Please let it not be the jerk. Let it be the spoilt slave to fashion.'

"Ummm…your lesser half," he half-squeaked, starting to feel a bit scared. His sister could turn into The Incredible Hulk when she was terribly vexed. He could almost see the vein threatening to throb on her forehead. "There's more," he added in a barely audible whisper. Amy cursed. This could not be good.

Amy narrowed her eyes. "What do you mean by 'there's more'?" Dan quaked in his awesome ninja in training outfit. Was she ever pissed or what?

"Well…whenIgotdrunk, Isortofmadeabetwithimandlost."

She whacked him on his head. "Slow down, dobe. I can't decipher what it is you're saying."

"Promise you won't kill me," he whispered.

She frowned. "Fine. I won't."

"I made a bet with Cobra and I lost."

"So what did you bet? Our house?" She raised an eyebrow. "My sanity? Because I have to say there's not much of it left when I'm dealing with you."

He took a deep breath and averted his eyes. "You. I bet you. You're basically his servant for the next two weeks."

Amy screamed.

"WHAT?"