Disclaimer: this is another way that I think things could have gone, after Edward and Bella consummated their marriage, and Edward got all upset about bruising her. It's a re-write, not intended to replace the original nor to defame it, just intended to amuse me, and maybe you. Feel free to prefer the original version!

I woke up on the most wonderful morning of my life, to find that Edward wasn't beside me, and there was a strange noise, almost like a very quiet cough repeated over and over.

I looked around the room.

There were feathers all over the bed. I wondered if Edward had sprinkled them. Did he think that they were somehow safer than rose petals? I looked around to tease him.

Finally, I saw him. He was curled up on the floor beside the bed. His face was hidden from me and his shoulders were shaking.

I wondered if he was laughing. But, I wasn't sure what was so funny. The feathers maybe.

Before I made a fool of myself and asked Edward why he was laughing, though, I realised that the strange sound was coming from him. It wasn't a laughing sound at all. Nor, now that I thought about it, was it a coughing sound. It was sobbing.

It was the first day of our marriage and my new husband was curled on the floor next to our marriage bed, sobbing, and hiding his face from me.

"What happened? Edward, are you hurt?"

He didn't look at me, but he stopped sobbing and said, very quietly, "of course not. You are."

I frowned. Then I trembled, what had he finally realised about me? Had he discovered something that made him regret marrying me?

I shouldn't be surprised, of course, I knew that I didn't deserve him, but, well, he had never realised that and after all this time, perhaps I had begun to hope that he never would realise it. What aspect of me had distressed him so?

Maybe it was my looks. Last night had been the first time that he'd seen me naked. Maybe it was something that I'd done in bed. Or, considering how nervous and hesitant I'd been, maybe it was something that I hadn't done in bed that he had wanted, or even expected, me to do.

Maybe it was something to do with my personality. We had spent a lot of time alone together on our honeymoon. In fact, what with the plane and the boat and then last night, we had spent more prolonged time alone together than ever before. What if I'd bored him? He'd told me before that vampires found life boring rather easily. Maybe he had already lost interest in me and was dreading spending an entire holiday alone on an island with me, with nobody else to talk to. Maybe he was sobbing at the thought of being married to someone as boring as me for all eternity.

Maybe I'd said something in my sleep.

Dreading his answer, I asked anyway. There was always a chance that I might be able to change and please him after all.

"What am I?"

"You're hurt, Bella," he said, his voice a little muffled by his tortoise pose, "I hurt you."

"No," I said, "you didn't." I pulled myself up into a sitting position and suddenly pain blossomed all over me. My arms ached, my thighs throbbed. I felt as though I'd been run through a mangle. "Oh!" I gasped at the shock. "Alright, I am a little hurt. What happened?"

"I happened. Last night, when I was . . . I wasn't paying enough attention. I . . . I am so sorry, Bella. I didn't know what I was doing. I lost control."

I wriggled my limbs tentatively. It felt like bruises, and aching muscles. "Did you bite me?"

Edward finally looked at me, his face utterly aghast, "No!" he shouted, "no, Bella, I promise, I didn't do that."

"Well, you didn't lose control then, did you? I don't think that I am all that badly hurt, Edward. I think that I'm just a little bit squashed. You didn't attack me, sweetie, you just lay on top of me a bit. Maybe next time we could try putting me on top." I blushed madly. I'd only had sex once, it felt rather embarrassing to talk about positions.

"Next time? Are you mad? We are never, ever doing that again."

I sighed, and decided to drop this conversation for now. Edward was terrifyingly stubborn, and there was no point getting into a head-to-head argument with him. If I wanted to change his mind about something, I needed to be more subtle, to approach it from more of a tangential angle.

"How long have I been asleep?" I asked, surprised by how exhausted I still felt.

"Six hours," Edward said. "I probably woke you. You should go back to sleep; I'll be more quiet now."

"I can't fall asleep without you by my side, and I don't want to. What's the point of being married if I can't fall asleep in your arms?"

He chuckled softly at my sulky tone. "Of course I'll hold you, Bella." He slid across the room and onto the bed. He wrapped his strong arms around me and kissed the back of my neck. "Better?"

"Much better." I relaxed into his hold and felt the bed begin to drift. It reminded me of the boat journey we'd taken to get to the island. I remembered watching Edward, strong and confident as he hauled sails and commanded the tiller. I remembered his broad grin. He was so happy to sail away with me. He was so comfortable in control of the boat; so manly and sexy. Now those strong arms and sure hands were wrapped around me, carrying me safely into my dreams.

With one long contended sigh, I fell asleep.

It wasn't Edward who woke me the next time, it was someone else. I could hear an angry voice.

"I'm not going to examine her without her permission."

I recognised the voice, or at least I thought that I did, it sounded very familiar, but somehow not quite right.

"I hurt her!" That was Edward, at his agonised, self-hating best. "You have to check her over to make sure that I haven't done anything serious. What if there's internal bleeding? What if I cracked her ribs? What if I crushed her spleen? What ever happened to the Hippocratic oath? Aren't you obliged to examine her? She might die! Will you just stand there and let her die?" Edward was getting louder and more distressed with every word he spoke. I wondered if he was about to explode.

There was a strange sound, a crack like a cricket bat hitting a ball.

Edward shut up suddenly.

Then the first voice replied, softening slightly, "if anything serious were wrong, I would smell it and you would have discovered it already." Now that he was a little calmer, I recognised Carlisle's voice. It had been hard to identify it before, because this was the first time that I had ever heard him yell. "You know that she's fine, don't you?"

"Yes, sir," I heard Edward mutter very quietly.

"You know that Bella is not seriously hurt. So, why am I here, Edward? Why have you called me to interrupt your honeymoon?"

"I . . . I don't know. I saw what I'd done. She is covered with bruises, Carlisle, I'm not upset about nothing. And I panicked. I didn't know what to do. I was afraid of what I might do. So, I wanted you here. I wanted someone to stop me."

I was staying very still, not wanting to move and disturb them. I thought that, if they knew that I was awake, they might lower their voices so that I couldn't hear them any more.

"I'm not going to stop you making love to your wife on your honeymoon, Edward. You know that."

"Yes, sir."

"Honestly, I'm pretty annoyed that you've got me here at all. On the phone, you made it sound as though something was seriously wrong. I bought a helicopter! That's not inconspicuous behaviour. And, now that I am here, well, I'm rather embarrassed. What is Bella going to say about all this? She isn't going to be pleased to see me. You've put me in a very difficult position"

"Sorry, sir."

Carlisle sighed heavily. "This is something that you need to sort out with Bella, not with me. Discussing this with me is useless. You need to talk to your wife. Please, Edward, tell me that you will try and deal with this properly. I know that you're scared, and I know that this is new and different, but you must try."

"I'll try, sir."

"Fine, well, once again, congratulations on your marriage. I wish you a very lovely honeymoon. Now I'm going to fly my ridiculous helicopter back to my own wife and leave you to talk to yours."

"No, Carlisle, you can't be serious. You can't leave! What if something happens? What if I lose control? I need you here."

"Edward! Are you mad? I'm not staying."

I couldn't help imagining Edward grabbing on to Carlisle's leg, trying to hold him back. The image made me laugh. I tried to smother it, but of course that was no use. The vampires heard me.

"Great," Carlisle said, "she's awake. What do I do now?"

"It would be rude to go without taking your leave," Edward said.

I could almost hear Carlisle's eyes roll, "you're incorrigible There is no proper way to act when you've been coerced into gate-crashing a honeymoon. Go and tell your wife that I'm here, and tell her why I'm here. I don't want to take the blame for this. If Bella wants to speak to me before I leave, then I will talk to her, but I am going as soon as I can."

I heard the door open and Edward walked in. "Good morning, Bella," he said, "did you sleep well?"

"Very well."

"Um . . . Carlisle's here. He wanted to check that everything was alright. He would like to examine you, if you'll let him."

"Edward!" I said, halfway between laughing and scolding, "you liar! He's here because you called him and convinced him that I was at death's door. You tried to force him to examine me and he refused."

"How long have you been awake?"

I giggled, "long enough to know that Carlisle is the proud owner of a brand new helicopter."

"I should have offered to buy if from him."

"I don't think that's the point. He's not really annoyed about the helicopter. I think that he's annoyed that you called him and made him rush all the way here because you're panicking about being married. Let me get dressed, then I'll come and help you see him off."

It might have been nice for Edward to stay, talking with me, while I dressed, zipping up my light frock at the back. But, he slipped out of the room to find Carlisle again.

I didn't waste time showering. I really needed to let Carlisle leave as soon as possible. I just pulled on some clothes, tied my hair back and washed my face. Carlisle wouldn't be expecting much, he knew that I'd just woken up.

I found them both out on the porch. They stood when I opened the door.

"Bella!" Carlisle said, "I hope that you will forgive the intrusion. Edward was very upset on the phone, and I misunderstood."

"It's no intrusion," Edward said stiffly, "we didn't have any plans. So, you could stay for a while, relax after your journey."

I bit back a smile.

Carlisle sighed, "Edward, go and fetch some orchids, they grow at the far end of the island. I will take a bunch back to Esme."

Edward looked suspicious, but he nodded at Carlisle any way, and went to do as he was told.

As soon as he was gone, Carlisle indicated a small sofa. I sat down and he sat next to me.

"It won't take long for him to find the flowers," he said, "so I hope you won't think me too short. You may need to force Edward to talk to you about this. He probably won't do so of his own accord. He can sometimes be inclined to hide from problems rather than to face them. He needs to be . . . shall we say 'encouraged' to tackle things that scare him?"

I opened my mouth to reply, but Carlisle put a finger to his lips, indicating that now was not the best time.

He was right, Edward walked around the corner, carrying a pretty bunch of orchids.

"Oh," Carlisle said, "you found the yellow ones. Were there no pink? I think it looks prettier when there's a mixture of colours, and a little foliage, just to set them off. I had to be troublesome, but having come all the way out here on a fool's errand . . ."

Edward scowled slightly, but he said, "it's no trouble, of course. I will try again."

"Quickly," Carlisle reminded me.

I nodded, "how am I going to get Edward to do something he doesn't want to do?"

Carlisle laughed suddenly, "you have far more experience doing that than I do," he said. "You have already, in the last two years, persuaded Edward to change his mind more often, and to make more compromises, than I have managed in all the years I've known him. Be strong for him, Bella, he knows that he isn't always right, he just doesn't know what to do about it."

Then Carlisle stopped speaking and Edward returned, carrying a stunning arrangement of orchids and greenery I gasped.

Carlisle smiled, "that will do nicely," he said, "and now I must be off. I am sorry to have intruded. I hope that you will enjoy the peace and quiet from now on." He settled the flowers on one of the seats of the helicopter, that waited a little way from the house. Then he dashed back to us with a smirk, "one last thing, before I go. Edward, may I see your phone for a second?"

Edward fished it from his pocket and handed it over. Carlisle closed his fist, crushing the phone into tiny pieces.

"My apologies," he said, "I should be more careful. I will purchase a replacement before your return. In the meantime, you have Bella's, which I'm sure will be adequate in the event of any emergency. Goodbye, Edward, Bella." He dipped his head in an old-fashioned greeting and ran back to his helicopter, leaving Edward staring in shock.

"He broke my phone deliberately."

"Yes, sweetie, I think you're right."

"Why would he do that?"

I laughed, "I think that he wanted to prevent you inviting any more members of your family to join us on honeymoon."