Title: Twinkie

Summary: A collection of one-shots and two-shots all revolving around Columbus, Tallahassee, and the ever elusive spongy, yellow, delicious bastards that are Twinkies.

Warnings: I've only seen Zombieland once and am guaranteed to fuck things up. Feel free to correct me and help me improve. I've never written anything for Zombieland before so I have no grasp on the characters. So...yeah. Anyway, stories can vary from very dark and gruesome to light and fluffy to very inappropriate and smutty.

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

A thick moan filled the air around him, making Columbus squirm in his seat as he looked over at the Floridian hick before quickly looking away. "Do you have to make that sound?" he asked, eyes looking out the window of the car at staring out at the dark sky that loomed overhead.

"They're so fucking good," Tallahassee countered, before tossing a Twinkie over his shoulder and hitting the younger man in the shoulder with the snack cake. "Put a goddamn Twinkie in your mouth and you'll forget about all of your problems!"

"I prefer Sno-Balls," the brunette countered as he handed the plastic-wrapped dessert back to the man that was driving.

"You are one sick and twisted spit-fuck."

Shrugging his shoulders, the jittery man turned back to looking out the window as he began to chew on the drawstring to his hooded sweatshirt, jumping at another moan. "Seriously?"

"Live a little, spit-fuck!" the Floridian said with a chilling grin as he pulled the car over to the side of the road before twisting in his seat to get a look at the skinny man directly behind him. "You need to put some meat on your bones and I ain't usually the sharing kind, so take the damn Twinkie and eat it!"

Blinking, Columbus reached over and carefully took the delicate package that was being pointed at him. "...You do realize that Twinkies aren't healthy, right?"

"Oh, and pink fucking Sno-Balls are?"

"...Touché..." he muttered as he began to unwrap the sugary snack, raising an eyebrow as Tallahassee continued to stare eagerly at him. "...Is something on my face?"

"Eat the damn Twinkie," the Floridian said as he grinned. "Quit yer bitching and eat it." Rolling his eyes, the younger man took a bit of the spongy treat, trying to ignore the bright smile that overcame the older man's face. Reaching over, the hick ruffled the mass of curls upon Columbus's head before turning around in his seat and resuming driving. "Good boy. Next house we find I'll so ya some of the other things you can do with them delicious bastards." Tallahassee could not help but laugh at the sputtered choking from the backseat as he drove down the car laden highway.

Clapping himself on the chest a few times, the skinny brunette looked at the muscled man with large eyes and a red face, "I'm sorry, what?"

"Look there, spit-fuck, we got a town twenty miles from here!" the Floridian said as he glanced at the younger man through the rear-view mirror. "You're really going to love Twinkies, kid."

Review for more. More of a dabble than a one-shot.

Thanks for reviewing:

MayaDarkling: Aww, thanks! I'm trying! It's not like FFVII; I have Cid down pat (at least, I like to think so) in that! Wow. Thanks.

Rawrluver: Aww, thanks!

Paul Blart Mall Cop: No problem!

Jolly jamacian janitor: Aww, thanks! Heh, let the good times roll!

jessica499499: Here's more for you!