Flutter

He should have known that he wouldn't be able to get a break. Cause when hell takes you, hell takes you forever. There is no escape, for it lingers inside your mind, your soul, your being. You feel that pain constantly and you know nothing that can soothe it. Sam is no longer a comfort to him, he's off with Ruby when he needs him most. So who does Dean turn to? No one. He can think of no one.

He wakes up screaming like he usually does, except it's worse this night. The pain is more pronounced, more real and it literally takes your breath away till you're practically hyperventilating. He knows Sam is there, but it's not a nice surprise. In fact, he wishes he was off with Ruby. He only makes this worse. He makes you feel guilty that you can't get past hell. But you shouldn't have to feel guilty, you know that but you can't accomplish that.

Sam's hand touches Dean's shoulder in something that used to have provided comfort. But it doesn't anymore. It doesn't cause you can feel the filth of Ruby in that touch. And her filth compares to Alistair. And you can't get past that because you did go to hell. It wasn't a dream. And there was no way that Sam could ever comprehend that.

Dean jumps off the bed as fast as he can and runs for it. He locks himself in the bathroom and curls up on the floor. You don't want to understand why this is happening to you, but you do know why this is happening. You must deserve this if you can't get past it. You think about what it would be like to dream of hell for every single night for the rest of your life. Dean curls into himself tighter and starts to cry his eyes out, not caring that Sam is outside, no doubt hearing him and wondering about whether to kick the door down.

Just go off with Ruby and leave me alone. You can't help me cause you don't get it. You don't get me anymore, Sammy. And it hurts that you don't have my back anymore. Why why why?

Meanwhile, Sam is doing what Dean has guessed. He is halfway towards kicking the door down, but before he can give it another thought there is a rush around him, a sound of feathers. An angel named Castiel appears at the door and he walks towards Sam. Sam opens his mouth to say something but before he can do anything Castiel disappears. He can hear him appear in the bathroom mere seconds later and he sits down on the bed. He'll come when Dean calls him. If he calls him that is.

Castiel looks down at the shivering and sobbing form lying crumpled up on the floor. Dean's soul is aching and he has felt it for days. Has longed to reach out and touch him but held back for the sake of serving heaven and heaven alone. But he realizes he can't stand aside anymore, Dean needs him now and he has no one else. No one else to soothe his whimpers and despair. He knows he has been reliving hell, each night getting worse and worse until Castiel is sure he will burst the next. So he comes to Dean. And he will come to him more and more now because he truly cares for this human. This gorgeous human whose soul is so bright even amidst the shadows of hell shielding its beauty.

It is at this moment that he decides to do something really special for Dean. He has a bond with his charge that allows him to do this and only this. The human cannot see his true form, but he will give him this. His wings unfold and he can feel before he sees Dean glance up through his tears and wet face to look up at him, so vulnerable and so…so innocent. Castiel walks closer, leans down, and scoops him into his arms. Though he still remains on the ground while he gathers the very breakable human to his chest. He flexes his wings, getting feeling back into every feather, and he wraps them around Dean. He watches his eyes, the vivid green staring up at him with curiosity and awe. And this makes Castiel so happy. So happy that Dean can see a part of him that he has so desperately for so long wanted him to see.

A little smile spreads across Dean's features and he sinks back into the angel, never taking his eyes off the wings that surround him, protecting him in a beautiful black embrace. It is nothing like the darkness of hell. No, this black is angelic and safe and powerful. He knows he does not need to say anything, Cas could never expect him to. But he wants to say something.

"Is this for me, Castiel?"

"Dean, he strokes the human's cheek, wiping away a few tears, this is for you."

"They're so beautiful."

And that right there would've taken Castiel's breath away if he was a human.

Dean clears his throat and smiles a little more.

"Can I call you Cas?"

The angel looked down at Dean more clearly, wondering what had brought this on. He said the name a few times in his head, liking it and especially liking how Dean said it. It made him seem closer to Dean. It made it seem like some sort of secret they now shared. Just the two of them.

"Yes Dean. You may call me that."

Dean knows he'll never have to worry about hell again.

FIN