Disclaimer: I don't own the DBZ crew, a rich Japanese man does. I only borrow them to play with. Written for pleasure not profit.

Summary: Bulma is desperate to find herself a husband and goes on the television show 'Blind Date'.

"Blind Date"

May 2002 Debs-dragon & ssj4_Vegeta

In a television studio somewhere on the planet Earth a program is about to be beamed into the homes of many poor unsuspecting individuals.

* Applause *

Host/Piccolo : "Good evening Ladies and gentleman and welcome to Blind Date... the dating show with a difference; the difference being we don't give a damm who ends up with who! No, seriously, we take one desperate girl and three unsuspecting men and subject them to a variety of tortures before the final selection and the date of a lifetime. So, without further ado let's meet our love deprived female..."

A blue haired bombshell walks onto the studio floor and shakes hands with the host.

Piccolo: "Welcome to the show, Miss Bulma Briefs."

Bulma: "Why thank you Mr Piccolo, I'm really happy to be here and hope to find my perfect date... Scratch that, I hope to find myself a husband!" (smiles at the camera and waves)

Piccolo: (runs finger around collar and swallows) "Ohh-kay then, let's see what happens on the show, but before we start let's find out a bit more about you."

Bulma: "Well, I am an extremely intelligent individual to the point of being a genius. My office is decorated with Nobel prizes. As you may know I am the heir apparent to the Capsule Corp. I'm 5'6" have a hour glass figure and want a man that is tall, good looking, and has a reasonable intelligence. But then again I'm not all that fussy and will settle for anything I can get."

Piccolo: (mutters) "You don't want much do you?"

Bulma: "Huh... what was that?"

Piccolo: "Umm.. Modest... You forgot to add modest."

Bulma: "Oh yes, so I did. Well I'm extremely modest as well."

Piccolo: ( cough cough ) "Well thank you very much for that enlightening insight into the Bulma behind the blue hair. Now, if you would please go with our model here to the booth and put on your earphones we will introduce to the audience the three, 'dragged off the street' bachelors that are vying for your hand."

Bulma takes the arm of the model, aka Goku, and proceeds to run her hand up and down his upper arm, exclaiming at his muscles.

Bulma: "My, how strong you must be."

Chi chi: (off stage waiting in the booth with the head phones) "Grrrrrrrr."

Goku places Bulma in the seat in the booth and Chi chi positions the head phones on either side of her ears then lets them go.

* THWAP*

Bulma jumps as the earphones connect with her ears and skull.

Bulma: (thinks) 'Geeze I'm glad I didn't go on the Weakest Link if this is how they treat you on this type of show.'

Chi chi: (smiles sweetly) "Comfortable?"

Chi chi then closes the booth door rather loudly and taking a possessive hold of Goku, moves off stage.

Camera cuts back to main studio where Piccolo is standing with a tall, long haired youth wearing an orange Gi complete with a blue tie.

Piccolo: "Welcome to the show; Blind Date, where we attempt to find you your perfect date. You are contestant number 1. Please tell us a little about yourself."

Yamcha: "Well, my name is Yamcha and I like to train and hang out with tough guys. I'm currently single and looking for that special someone."

Piccolo: (mumbles) "So why did you come on this show then?"

Yamcha: (whispers) "Do I get my money now?"

Piccolo: "Shush you idiot, we will discuss your fee later, you haven't finished yet."

Yamcha: "This is gonna cost extra you know."

Piccolo: "Doesn't it always?"

A tall, blonde android takes Yamcha by the arm and leads him to sit on one of the chairs beside a panel.

Yamcha: "Wow, if I get this chick then I won't charge anything for my services."

Piccolo: "Okay time to meet contestant number 2. Please welcome, Vegeta."

A blue spandex clad figure makes its way reluctantly to the studio floor and stands with arms folded glaring at anyone that looks his way.

Piccolo: "How about you tell us something about yourself?"

Vegeta: "No."

Piccolo: "Errrr... Pardon?"

Vegeta: "No, not until you show me where this training chamber is. The one you said I could train in and would guarantee that I get strong enough to beat Kakarot."

Piccolo: (starts to nervously tug at his antennae) "Not now Vegeta. That comes after the show has finished."

Vegeta: (Scowls) "You never said anything about waiting till the end of the show."

Piccolo: "Umm, didn't I? Oops, sorry about that."

Vegeta: "Humph. You will be..."

Piccolo: "So, any more information forthcoming about yourself Vegeta?"

Vegeta: "Humph.

Piccolo: "Right then, time to move on to the next contestant."

The blonde android returns to escort Vegeta to his chair next to Yamcha. Vegeta brushes her off.

Vegeta: "I can get there by myself, woman!"

Juuhachi: "Touchy... touchy..."

Piccolo: "Okay, here is our third and final contestant, please welcome The Turtle Hermit or as he is also known... Master Roshi."

Master Roshi: "He, he, he. Hi there all, it's great to be here. Now where's the girls?"

Piccolo: "Welcome to you too, Master Roshi and there is only the one girl to be won and you have to beat the other two contestants to win her."

Master Roshi: "He, he, he, that won't be too hard considering I'm a former world martial arts champ, eh?"

Piccolo: "Okay shorty, take your seat and let's get this show on the road."

Juuhachi comes across to escort Master Roshi to his seat. Master Roshi begins to hyperventilate and his eyes stick out.

Master Roshi: "Oh wow... Where did you come from, gorgeous? How about you and me getting together and take a walk around my island?" (wink wink)

*Whack!*

Master Roshi is laid out on the floor.

Juuhachi: "Don't you ever try to pinch my rear again you perverted old man or that's not all you will get."

Juuhachi walks off to the side of the studio leaving a stunned Roshi to pick himself up and get seated.

Yamcha: (whistles) "She sure packs a punch."

Roshi: (rubbing his cheek) "I wouldn't mind seeing what else she packs."

Piccolo: "Errr... Okay you three, it's time for a word from our sponsors."

camera cuts to an ad break...

Camera returns from the ad break...

Vegeta is sitting, sending small, random fireballs around the studio, Roshi and Yamcha are discussing the prospects of them both leaving with a partner, Goku is trying to calm a rather wild Chi chi and Bulma is sitting on the other side of the screen attempting to look glamorous.

Piccolo: "Right it's time for the show to get started. For those of you not familiar with the format, our lady gets to ask three questions to our fellas. The guys answer the questions as honestly as possible and at the end our girl will choose who she wants to go out with on her blind date. Without further preamble, let's get started. Your first question, please."

Bulma: "What's your idea of your ideal woman?"

1) Yamcha: "She would be a little shorter than me with soft skin, silky hair, nice body and a voice that is music to my ears... Just like yours."

Piccolo: "I think I'm gonna be sick."

Vegeta: "You have certainly gone a lighter shade of green."

Piccolo: "Alright let's get back to the question. Your answer please, number 2."

2) Vegeta: "My ideal woman is one that shuts up and leaves me alone to train. Oh and she must be a good cook."

Piccolo: "Right."

Bulma: (rolls her eyes) "Is this guy for real?"

Piccolo: "Your turn number 3."

Master Roshi: "My ideal woman... he, he, he. Now that's a tough one. There are so many lovely girls out there. I suppose she would have to be good looking with a nice body. And young. But definitely a nice body. Fit and athletic with a nice body."

Piccolo: "Okay, okay, settle down, I think we get the picture. So which one of those answers do you like the most, Miss?"

Bulma: "Now let's see. Number two seems to be more interested in getting a slave. Number three wants a show piece so I think I will have to go with number 1 this time, Mr Piccolo."

Yamcha punches the air and grins, Vegeta looks bored and Master Roshi is beginning to look a little lost.

Piccolo: "Now let's move along. Your second question please, miss."

Bulma: "If we were stuck on a desert island and you could choose one thing to have with us, what would you choose?"

Yamcha: "Now that's a tough one. I'm not really sure as I think I would have all I needed with you."

Bulma: "Oh, how sweet."

Piccolo: "I think I'm getting cavities with all this sappiness. Number 2, your answer please?"

Vegeta: "A gravity machine."

Bulma: (scratches head) "Huh?"

Piccolo: "Number 3?"

Master Roshi: "A camera."

Bulma: "A camera?"

Master Roshi: "Yep, then I could, he, he, he, take all sorts of nature pictures... he, he, he."

Yamcha glares at Roshi...

Master Roshi: ( puts hands in the air) "What? What did I say ?"

Piccolo: "Nature pictures?"

Master Roshi: "Yes. Errr, nature pictures. Anything wrong with that?"

Yamcha: "Depends on the nature..."

Piccolo: "That's enough. Which one this time, miss?"

Bulma: (taps side of her head as she contemplates) "Hmm, well I don't really want to spend my time with nature or photography, and I'm not sure what a gravity machine is so I think I will take number 1 again, Mr Piccolo."

Yamcha grins from ear to ear, Vegeta humphs and re folds his arms, Master Roshi's glasses flash as he realises he's not getting anywhere.

Piccolo: "It's time for that all important final question."

Bulma: (deep sigh) "If you were going to show me a good time where would you take me and what would we do?"

Bulma crosses her legs as she waits with baited breath for the answers. Roshi is trying to bribe Yamcha with a fist full of dollars and the promise of some personal training. Vegeta is looking thoroughly bored. Yamcha shakes his head at Roshi's final offer then clears his throat.

Yamcha: "Let me see. First I would take you out to a really classy restaurant so you could choose anything off the menu. I would order the most expensive wine on the list and wine and dine you in style. When the dinner was over I would take you to a movie of your choice and then drive you home."

Bulma's eyes are shut as she dreamily envisions the scene.

Piccolo: "Okay. Number 2 you're up."

Vegeta: "I would take you to the world martial arts tournament so you could watch me beat the living crap out of that thing they call Kakarot. That's if I ever get this special training I have been promised. As a prince it's demeaning that a third class warrior such as him should be more powerful than I."

Vegeta gloweres at Piccolo.

Piccolo: (pretends to ignore Vegeta) "Number 3?"

Master Roshi: "He, he, he. What was the question again?"

Piccolo: "If you are going to show me a good time where would you take me and what would we do?"

Master Roshi: (looking shocked) "I wouldn't take you anywhere Mr. I'm afraid you're not my type. Not that I have anything against your type..."

Piccolo: (splutters) "Hang on I think you have got this all wrong."

Master Roshi: "Now there there, it's not something to be ashamed of, I'm sure that there's lots of, ummm, male species out there that would be more than willing to take you out, it's just that I'm not one of them."

Master Roshi moves a little closer to Vegeta. Vegeta gives him a death glare and Master Roshi moves back again.

Piccolo: (groans) "How did I get myself into this mess?"

Master Roshi: "Maybe it was a deprived childhood?"

Yamcha: "Sounds like a reasonable explanation to me."

Vegeta: "Or maybe that's what comes of only having a race of males."

Yamcha: "..."

Master Roshi: "..."

Vegeta: "Have you ever seen a female Namekian?"

All shake their heads.

Vegeta: "I rest my case."

Piccolo: (now tinged with a nice shade of red) "Excuse me, but do you think we can get back to the show?"

Audience: "Yes, please."

Piccolo: "So miss, which one this time?"

Bulma: "I know this sounds really weird but I think I will go with number 1 again."

Yamcha does a victory dance.

Piccolo: "Now comes the moment of truth. You have had three matches with bachelor number 1, no matches with bachelor number 2 and no matches with pervert number 3. So it would seem that your ideal match would be number 1. However, I will give you a minute to think things over and then I expect an answer as to which will be the lucky man to go on tonight's Blind Date."

Music springs up as the camera swings around and focuses firstly on Yamcha who is sitting there with a triumphant expression on his face. Then to Vegeta who is doing his best to look interested in what's happening but failing miserably. Then to Master Roshi who is quietly trying to pick his nose and finally moves quickly to Piccolo who is deep in thought pondering his sexuality.

*Ding*

Piccolo: "Time's up. So, who is going to be the lucky guy? Will it be 1, 2 or 3?"

Bulma: "Well, after much thought and deliberation I have made my decision. It's guy number..."

*Drum Roll*

Bulma: "It's guy number 2."

Yamcha faints, Master Roshi goes into hysterics and Vegeta turns a rather fetching shade of purple as he chokes on his saliva.

Piccolo: "You sure?"

Bulma: "Oh, absolutely. I need a challenge. While number 1 sounds really sweet and certainly knows how to treat a woman I'm not sure if a guy can really be that genuine. Number 3 sounds as if he is either a dirty old man or a total queer or both, but either way I don't want to find out. So that leaves number 2. He sounds really interesting, arrogant, self centred, modest and not to mention a prince. Not that that has any bearing on my decision. Him being a prince I mean. I just think he would be mentally stimulating to share a date with."

Piccolo: "Well there you have it. Our girl has made her choice and the lucky man is bachelor number 2. I would ask you to step down here to the front of the studio where you can meet the other two unlucky guys."

Bulma walks to the front and stands next to the partition that separates her from the guys.

Piccolo: "The first contestant was a young man who enjoyed working out and hanging out with tough guys. Bulma, please meet Yamcha."

Yamcha walks down and around the partition to see the woman of his dreams standing there. He strolls over and swiftly takes Bulma into his arms, dipping her low to the floor he sweeps his lips across hers and locks them in an earth moving kiss. Then he returns her to her feet releases her from his grasp and saunters off stage giving Piccolo a funny look as he brushes past.

Piccolo: (cough) "Ahem..."

Bulma is still looking a bit dazzled from Yamcha's display.

Piccolo: "Bachelor number 3 is a more mature gentleman who lives on an island somewhere in the ocean. His hobbies include staring lustfully at girls on the aerobics shows and collecting all editions of Playboy, Penthouse and anything else he can lay his grubby hands on. Bulma, please meet Master Roshi."

Master Roshi runs down the stage and around the partition. He stops in his tracks as he spies Bulma. She shrinks back and hides behind Piccolo as Roshi attempts to get his arms around her and kiss her.

Master Roshi: "Aww come on, it's only one little kiss."

Bulma: "I don't care, you pervert, I have no intention of kissing the likes of you. I know your type."

*Whack!*

Bulma decks Master Roshi.

Medics rush on and stretcher Roshi off.

Master Roshi: "Wow, that girl sure can get under your skin... She's a fiery one."

Then he promptly passes out again.

Piccolo: "Now it's time to meet the lucky guy. Bachelor number 2.. He comes from the planet Vegeta somewhere far away, his only purpose and sole focus is to be the best, the strongest and to beat the shit out of Goku. Bulma Briefs, please meet your blind date, Vegeta."

The partition slides back to reveal a scowling Vegeta, arms folded and back turned. Bulma stares at the spandex clad figure.

Bulma: "Ohh Vegeta, how did you know I have a fetish for spandex?"

~ TBC ~