A/N: Idk... I just thought it'd be funny to read about Naruto's first "morning after" ^^

Morning after (really sucks.)

By General16

The house was silent around him, the quiet hum from the fridge in the kitchen and the TV on the lowest volume setting blending into a pleasant white noise in his ears. Kakashi turned the page lazily where he was stretched out on the couch, deep into the latest volume of Icha Icha. He made an absent note to himself to go over and thank Jiraya later, for giving Naruto the very first book all those years ago.

Iruka was asleep upstairs, having grown tired of the movie a couple of hours ago and Naruto was out with some friends, doing only god knows what. Kakashi wasn't so concerned though; he and Iruka had taught Naruto the importance of taking responsibility for his actions and to bear the consequences for whenever he got into trouble. And at seventeen, Naruto sure got into trouble a lot.

Kakashi still howled with laughter and Iruka still blushed furiously whenever the topic of the "Incident" came up. The one where they'd caught Naruto and Sasuke in flagrante delicto on the couch, with the feather duster, a bottle of chocolate sauce and a pair of Velcro ribbons. Kakashi didn't know who'd been more embarrassed, Iruka or Sasuke, though if asked Kakashi would've put his money on Sasuke.

It was he, after all, who'd been trussed up and covered in chocolate like a Christmas turkey with a very engrossed looking Naruto between his legs. Iruka had purchased a new couch the day after, given Naruto a lengthy and stern lecture about "I don't care if you have sex as long as you wear a condom and don't have it on the couch!" He wasn't able to look Sasuke in the eye even after four months.

Kakashi had just smirked at the pair of silly boys whenever he could, and had upped the teasing another notch by leaving books, "Safe, Sane and Consensual, your safety guide to BDSM" on Naruto's desk, in his school bag and one in his car.

The epic howling from his son had been well… epic. Kakashi's quiet chortle rang muted in the dimly lit lounge, the echo from it almost gone when his phone chirped. Having a bad feeling, Kakashi picked up his cell and sighed when he saw Kiba's name flashing on the screen.

"What did you do?" Kakashi wondered when he answered, not even bothering with a "Hello" first.

"Um... nothin'?" came Kiba's slurred reply and Kakashi put the book still clasped in his right hand down, brows knitting in a scowl.

"Kiba, are you drunk?"

"…No?"

Kakashi sighed again. "Where are you? I'll come and pick you up."

Kiba's voice was small despite the inarticulate quality and the ruckus in the background. "At Sai's…"

"Alright, I'll be there in ten." Kakashi snapped the phone shut, shaking his head but still feeling somewhat calm. Naruto really should know better. To succumb to underage drinking when you had Iruka to come home to… Kakashi was starting to severely doubt Naruto's intelligence.

As quiet as he could – which was as silent as a cat – Kakashi got his keys and jacket and headed out to get his wayward son home.

They pulled up on the driveway an hour later, Naruto slumped against the passenger window and looking rather green around the gills. Kakashi had collected Naruto, Kiba, Sasuke – who'd been scowling but sober, thank god – and a passed out Shikamaru, and had piled them into the car, driving them home.

Itachi had only smirked when he'd opened to door to Sasuke, wondering why he wasn't drunk. Never having been able to figure out their fucked up relationship, Kakashi had left Naruto's boyfriend in his sadistic brother's dubious care and then dropped Shikamaru off. He'd gotten a tired nod in thanks from Shikaku while Yoshino had dragged an almost comatose Shika inside by the ear, yelling all the way.

Kiba's mom had answered the door when Kakashi knocked and when faced with his mom's wrath, Kiba had turned a whiter shade of pale and promptly puked on the doorstep. Kakashi had quickly retreated to the car before witnessing Kiba's doom.

Now alone with Naruto, Kakashi turned off the car and waited, a small smirk tugging at the corners of his mouth.

"Aren't you mad?" Naruto mumbled with closed eyes, throat working as he had trouble swallowing, or was trying to keep himself from puking. Kakashi was banking on the latter.

"I'm just waiting", the silver-haired man said as he leaned back in the seat, nonchalantly crossing his arms over his chest. Five, four, three… Kakashi counted in his head, keeping his eyes directed forward.

"For what?" Naruto wondered and in the next second he was out of the car and bent over the bush separating their driveway from Jiraya's, retching noisily.

"For that", Kakashi told his son as he came up behind him, a pale hand rubbing soothing circles on the blond's heaving back. Kakashi winced in sympathy with each convulsing, thinking back a little nostalgically on the times when Naruto had been small, adorable and so easy to manage.

It was true, the saying that goes: Small kids, small problems. Big kids, big problems. He retracted a tissue from his jacket pocket once Naruto stopped throwing up, bending down slightly to dangle it in Naruto's face. His nose wrinkled at the foul smell wafting at him, and he took a step back as Naruto slowly straightened and fumbled with the tissue, trying to wipe his face.

Too painful to look at, Kakashi took the tissue from him and wiped the stains off Naruto's chin and neck, clucking reproachfully with his tongue. Not caring about the small residue of puke in Naruto's hair – how had he even managed that? – Kakashi cradled his face in his palms and met watery, hazy blue eyes.

"Now Naruto, what have you learned from this experience?"

Naruto looked about three seconds away from passing out, what with the way his eyes were unable to focus on his dad's face for longer than a second before closing.

"To-" he had to pause to retch a little more, but luckily for Kakashi's legs and shoes, nothing came up. "To never, ever, mix tequila, vodka and absinth again."

Kakashi's brows shot up, surprise written all over his face. Absinth? It was a small miracle Naruto was even breathing if he'd been drinking that kind of stuff. And slightly worrying.

"We're going to have a long talk about drinking tomorrow", Kakashi sighed and hauled Naruto to his side, arm coming around the blond in a hug. After all, Kakashi was just so, so glad that Naruto was home, safe and not passed out in a ditch somewhere. They'd been adamant and always made sure to let Naruto know that no matter what he did, he should never be afraid to come home.

"Are you gonna tell dad?" Naruto muttered, his voice muffled from where he had his face buried against Kakashi's shoulder. His head brushed the underside of Kakashi's chin, and with a small pang of painful recognition Kakashi realized that his little sunshine was almost an adult.

"I don't know… do you think he should know about this?"

Even drunk, Naruto knew – for once – what was best for him and he heaved a great, drunken sigh into his dad's jacket. "Yes."

"Alright, we'll talk more tomorrow, now it's time to sleep."

Naruto hummed in agreement and let Kakashi guide him inside, help him to his bedroom where he undressed and let Kakashi wrestle him into the shower. He didn't even protest when Kakashi had to undress and step inside the shower to keep his son from fall asleep under the rays.

Later, when both were dry and dressed, Kakashi tucked Naruto into bed. Being the man he is, Kakashi was foreseeable enough to strategically place a bucket beside the bed, if the need for Naruto to use it would rise at some point during the night.

Leaving his son snoring, Kakashi could finally get into bed himself, huddling close to a warm and sleepy Iruka, who stirred enough to grunt at him questionably. Knowing that Iruka would freak out and storm into Naruto's room as soon as he'd catch wind of their son's latest "Incident", Kakashi just chuckled a little despondently and hugged Iruka closer to his chest.

"I'll tell you tomorrow", he promised.

The next morning found a terribly pale Naruto staggering down the stairs, hair and t-shirt askew as he came into the kitchen and stopped dead in his tracks. Iruka was standing at the stove, cooking up a storm and Kakashi was seated at the table, reading the morning paper.

"Morning", he greeted loudly, making Naruto wince and clutch at the doorframe.

"Want some breakfast?" Iruka yelled from the stove, smirk hidden by his back being turned towards the blond. Naruto swallowed hard and a slightly green tint to his skin started to creep up his neck.

"Ah, no thanks, dad, I just… really want a little water. And Advil. Lots and lots of Advil."

Iruka turned around with a concerned frown, the spatula in his hand carefully placed on the countertop when he moved to stand before Naruto, reaching up to place a cool hand on his forehead.

"Are you okay? You look a little… shabby."

"I'm okay dad, really", Naruto tried to reassure, too weak and shaky to protest when Iruka dragged him to the table and forced him down opposite Kakashi.

"I'll go and get the thermometer and Kakashi, do you remember if we have any of those suppositories left?"

Ignoring Naruto's shocked exclaim, Kakashi hid his smile behind the paper and replied blandly,

"In the second bathroom cabinet, I think."

"Whoa! Hold on, I don't really need all that, Iruka please!" Naruto pleaded, one hand cradling his aching head while the other clung to the edge of the table. It was rare of him to slip up and call Iruka's given name, something he'd almost never done since he was seven. Kakashi's smile turned evil. He was really panicking then.

Iruka turned to regard Naruto with exaggerated worry painted on his face. "But what if you're sick? We need to make sure you don't have a fever."

Naruto, not being the brightest crayon on the box, was still smart enough to catch on to the quick, amused glance Iruka shot Kakashi, and slumped over the table, forehead landing on the shiny surface with a loud thunk.

"You two are the most evil dads. I know there's a level in hell reserved, just for you", the hung-over teen moaned, and his dads laughed loudly, not able to hold it in anymore. While Iruka was still so mad at Naruto for drinking in the first place, he figured that Naruto was already suffering enough and saved the lecture about drinking to later.

"So, Naruto. What have you learned from all this?" Iruka asked with a small pat on Naruto's shoulder, parroting Kakashi's words from the night before.

"To never mix tequila, vodka and absinth again and to never, ever, let the two you be around the morning after", Naruto groaned, glowering at his chuckling fathers. Kakashi and Iruka shared a glance, a silent question passing between them. Iruka shrugged and turned back to the stove.

"It'll do. Now, do you want any ramen, Naruto?"

Suffice to say, Naruto never drank that much again and he never, ever forgot about his first "morning after the night I would love to never repeat" thanks to his dads being sadistic assholes, who loved and lived to torture him. And also because he threw up and wasted a delicious bowl of ramen fifteen minutes later.

FIN

A/N: As always, please leave a comment! ^^