Disclaimer: I don't own Junjou Romantica.

Chapter 8

The first time he said "I love you" to Akihiko was when they were riding the Ferris wheel. What was the color of the sky that night? Black? Deep purple? Were there stars? He couldn't remember. If only he knew that he won't be able to see that same sky again, he should've paid attention to every detail of it. All he could remember was the feeling of Akihiko's cold hand entwined with his.

Akihiko has cold hands. What amazes Misaki was how those cold hands could bring him warmth, that warmth that he missed for three years. He wasn't expecting to feel that warmth again, wasn't expecting to feel his former lover's hand stroking his face, to feel his comforting embrace again.

"Misaki, I'm sorry it took three years for me to remember. Please, don't run away from me again." Akihiko's words echoed in his head. Like a dream, he was with him, right at that moment when his world turned into a sea of blackness.

Slowly, Misaki opened his eyes. Darkness greeted him. Is the light off? He thought.

For the past years, he's always afraid to wake up in the dark. Often times, he would panic, thinking that he couldn't see anymore. But, right now, it felt different. He thought maybe it's because of the familiar cold hands holding him.

"Misaki," Akihiko breathed his name.

"W-what happened?" his voice broke. He intended to make it sound strong but he failed.

"You fainted."

He felt the older man squeezed his hand. He couldn't see his face but he could hear the pain in Akihiko's voice.

"It's a good thing Takahiro came."

"Usag- I mean Usami-san, could you turn on the light?"

There was no answer from the author. There wasn't even an inch of movement.

The brunette slowly sat up. With agony in his voice he said, "Please." His heart was racing wildly. The fear that he tried to contain for a long time was starting to escape. But, he couldn't just face the reality. He held a small hope in his heart that he was wrong. That maybe the light was just off, that Akihiko was playing tricks on him. He pleaded again and again until the author let go of his hand. For a moment, he smiled, relieved that he was right. That it was dark because there's no light and not because he's already blind. But, his smile faded when he felt Akihiko wrap his arms around him. Instead of feeling comforted, he panicked. He tried to block the thought that the light was already on.

"W-what the hell is wrong with you?" Misaki's breathing turned ragged. He jerked, attempting to free himself from the blonde's embrace, but his lover was far stronger than him. He sent punch after punch on Akihiko's back. But still, he didn't let him go.

"I SAID TURN ON THE LIGHT! TURN ON THE LIGHT!" He shouted, giving all his strength to back away.

"Misaki," Akihiko once again breathed out his name, his breath penetrated through the fabrics of his sweater. "Misaki…"

Misaki felt warm drops on his shoulder, Akihiko's tears. He dropped his fists weakly, tears streaming down his soft cheeks. For the last attempt to escape the reality he begged, "Usagi-san… please… please turn on the light. Please…"

There was no response. He just felt Akihiko's embrace grew tighter. It broke the walls Misaki had built all those years he was away from the man he loves. Like a child, he wailed, pouring all the fears and loneliness he hid inside him.

Misaki thought that he was ready for this. He had been telling himself that one day he'd be blind, that it was inevitable. But, now that it had happened, he couldn't help but feel hopeless, alone, sad and afraid. He cried until he had no strength left. It took a long while before he calmed down. And, when he did, the first thing that came into his mind is that he had to send Akihiko away.

"I… hate you…" he whispered a lie. With little strength left, he pushed the older man away. "Go away… I… hate… you."

The author didn't let go though. He held on to the brunette, hugging tighter as he was pushed away.

"I won't go away. I'll stay beside you even if you don't want me to."

Akihiko's voice sipped into every fiber of Misaki's being. Deep inside him, he had wanted to hear those words. But, he never wanted to burden the man. He doesn't want the man he loves to be tied to the responsibility of taking care of him.

"I love you, Misaki."

"I don't…" he managed to say despite feeling weak for all the crying and shouting. He was again slipping into unconsciousness but he was fighting hard not to, determined to push his love away.

If I show weakness in front of Usagi-san, he thought, he'd want to stay all the more. If he'll have to say hurtful words, he will just so Akihiko would stay away from him and live normally. He mustered all his guts and uttered painful words which had hurt him more than it had hurt Akihiko. "I hate you, Usagi-san… Why would I… want to stay with you… when you're the reason I'm blind… go – way… don't need… your… pity."

His last words were barely audible, but he knew Akihiko had heard it. Out of energy to fight, he unwillingly closed his eyes and succumbed to sleep.

He fell into a dream where it was dark and raining. Standing on a highway, he watched as policemen and medical aides rushed to a crashed car. His heart was racing as he saw a body being pulled out of it. Slowly, he walked to the scene and as he came near, he realized who the man was. It was Akihiko, covered in blood. His face was pale.

Misaki kept telling himself that it can't be happening. He reached out for the body but his hands just went through it.

"Usagi-san! Usagi-san!" He called, but his voice couldn't reach him anymore.

XXX

Misaki woke up from his dream, panting. His ears were filled with the heavy pattering of rain on his roof. There were occasional claps of thunder and his dark world was flooded with faint light from time to time. He was so scared that he unconsciously called out Akihiko's name. But, there was no response.

"Usagi-san!" he called out again while his hands searched beside him. He was met with an empty space. It was then that he realized he was alone.

He left?

"Usagi-san!"

He left me. There was an awful pain in his chest and a lump formed in his throat as the thought struck him. He did tell the man to leave after all. But, he didn't want anything bad to happen to him. The thought of Akihiko being involved in a car accident, the thought of him being dead, had made Misaki panick. He clumsily stood up and ended falling on the floor as he called out for Akihiko over and over again. He struggled through the darkness, bumping into chairs and tables, breaking glasses and vases as he made his way out of his apartment.

For the first time since his parents died, Misaki had wanted to be selfish. He wanted to go after Akihiko, beg him to stay beside him.

He managed to get out of his apartment and into the rain. Not minding the droplets soaking into his clothes and the coldness of the earth against his bare feet, he wandered outside without really seeing or knowing where he's going.

XXX

"Takahiro, I'm sorry I didn't tell you about our relationship. And, I'm sorry Misaki's like this. If not for that accident…" Akihiko said, looking at Takahiro straight in the eyes. "I… love your brother more than anything else in this world."

After Misaki had fallen asleep, he decided to talk to Takahiro who was just living right next to Misaki's apartment. He wanted to settle everything between him and his best friend. It might be three years late and he doesn't know what the other man would say, but, he reckoned he'll have to talk to him sooner or later. He'd do anything anyway so Takahiro would consider him as his brother's lover.

He held the cup of coffee his best friend had laid in front of him. Takahiro had a warm smile all the while which somehow comforted Akihiko.

"Akihiko."

The author felt weird as his best friend called him by his name. It only happens when Takahiro's being serious.

"Don't blame yourself. As you've said, it was an accident."

You know, I think I've known about you and my brother long before the accident. I just couldn't find the courage to ask." Takahiro looked down on his own cup, pausing for a long time. "Misaki smiles often when he's with you. He'd never been that happy since our parents died. It's enough that you make my brother happy for me to accept you. Akihiko, are you sure you want to take him?"

"Takahiro…" was all he could say. He wasn't really sure why his best friend would ask that kind of question.

"It's a big responsibility – taking care of Misaki. That's the reason why he stayed away from you. He… didn't want to be a burden."

"I know it would be difficult. But, I'm ready for it. I can't live without your brother… without Misaki. I'm willing to do everything just to keep him beside me."

"Usag – "

Takahiro was cut off by the faint sound of shattering glasses from next door. It could barely be heard due to the noise of the heavy rain.

Akihiko readily stood as he heard his name being called by his young lover. In seconds, he was already out the door. In the rain, he saw Misaki, soaking wet, calling out for him. His heart shattered at the sight of his lover struggling in his dark little world.

"Misaki!" He shouted to call the young man's attention, hoping that it would make him stop. But, it seemed like his voice was drowned in the rain's pattering. He panicked as he heard a car coming while Misaki wandered dangerously near the street. He ran as fast as he could, pulling Misaki out of the car's way in time.

He painfully groaned as his butt hit the pavement while Misaki was tucked safely in his arms.

"Idiot! What do you think you're doing? You almost got yourself killed!"

"Usagi-san?"

Thin arms wrapped around his torso while he felt his beloved's warm breath penetrated into the fabric of his shirt, face buried in his chest.

"Usagi-san… Usagi-san…" Misaki called out his name over and over again, breathing heavily as he did. He couldn't see Misaki's tears, but Akihiko knew he was crying. And, he felt sorry for not being there in all those times that he had cried.

"Misaki! Usagi!" It was Takahiro rushing to their side. "You okay?"

"I'm okay." He turned to the younger Takahashi. "Misaki, are you hurt?"

The brunette slightly shook his head. Akihiko lifted him and brought him inside the apartment. After Takahiro had helped him in drying Misaki up and putting some new clothes, the older Takahashi had left the lovers on their own so they could talk in private.

The two found themselves sitting quietly on Misaki's bed. Akihiko was leaning on the headboard while Misaki's head rested on his chest. For a long time, they stayed quiet, like none of them know what to say or have the courage to speak up.

In that moment, Akihiko contemplated on how small Misaki felt in his arms. The brunette was small compared to other men of his age, but he had never felt as fragile as he was now. There was also a solemn expression on his face.

As far as Akihiko could remember, his beloved had always been cheerful and energetic. He would often smile and there was a glint in his emerald eyes that never fades. The glint wasn't there anymore, but, for Akihiko, he was still as beautiful as before.

"Misaki…" The name rolled sweetly in his tongue. He loves to say it over and over again. "You're not eating well, are you?"

He would've punched himself for that question. I've searched for a month just to ask him if he hadn't been eating well? What a stupid question… He thought.

"W-what?"

"You're thin. I think thinner than what I remember." He let out a small chuckle.

"Usagi-san, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said those words. I don't hate you."

"I diot, do you really think I believed you when you said you hate me?" he chuckled, not really waiting for an answer. "There's a young man that's always standing on the doorstep of my apartment every night, like he's waiting for me to come. That person wouldn't be standing there if he hated me, don't you think?

"You knew?"

"Haruhiko had told me everything. I should be the one apologizing. I wasn't there when you needed me most."

"It wasn't your fault. Everything was meant to happen. Maybe destiny tested us?"

Akihiko just smiled. He never thought he'd hear something about destiny from his little lover.

"I love you, Misaki. I won't let anything keep us apart again."

"U-usagi-san…" Misaki tensed. Akihiko rubbed his hand on the other man's thin arms, encouraging him to continue. "I… I want to touch you."

Akihiko's smile turned to smirk. "Oh, you missed me that much to say something like that, huh? Of course you can touch me. In any way you like." He said smugly.

"You're still a perverted old man! That's not what I meant!"

"And now you're calling me old? Do you want me to prove to you that I'm still as capable of pleasuring you as I was three years ago?"

"Usagi-san! I'm serious here." Misaki freed himself from the older man's embrace and faced him, his two hands roaming from Akihiko's chest then up to his face. His fingers traced the contours of the author's handsome face. He smiled at the feeling of Akihiko's skin in his hands. "Still feels the same as before."

Without a warning, he cupped Akihiko's face and placed a gentle kiss on his lips.

If Misaki could see, he would've seen the very rare surprised expression on Akihiko's face. he imagined it though, and it made him giggle.

"That was…"

"What? You didn't like it?" There was a slight disappointment in Misaki's voice.

"No. It's quite the contrary." Akihiko claimed his lover's thin lips, giving a deep lustful kiss. He didn't stop until both of them were out of breath and t their lips swollen. "You made me so fuckin' hard right now."

A blush tinted the brunettes pale cheeks. Akihiko thought it was beautiful. He pushed Misaki to the bed and hovered upon him.

"Misaki," he held his little lover's hand and put it on his chest. "You feel how fast my heart is beating?"

When Misaki nodded, Akihiko continued. "That's how much I want you right now."

Blushing madly, Misaki said it was okay. Akihiko laughed and asked what he meant by okay.

"Baka! You know what I meant!"

"I don't. You have to tell me." Akihiko teased.

"Tell me Misaki." He whispered so closed to his lover's ear, letting his breath tickle the man beneath him. "What do you want me to do?"

"Y-you can do anything you want to do with me."

"Anything?"

Misaki answered "Yes, anything" while he clutched onto Akihiko's broad torso. "Anything"

Akihiko smiled then kissed Misaki passionately. He had missed the sight of Misaki shivering, panting, and moaning beneath him. Amidst the rain outside and inside the warmth of Misaki's little room, they made love, making up for the past three years.

They have not plan of what should be done for the future yet. They'll do it. Maybe tomorrow, Akihiko thought. No matter what, he knew nothing would keep them apart now.

Author's note:Hey everyone! Sorry it took me long to update. laptop's broken. So... updates take long. Thank you for supporting this fiction. So, what do you think? I was planning to post an epilogue. Or is this enough? Tell me your thoughts.

Thank you for the reviews and the favorites and the alerts! I appreciate all of them. If not for you, I wouldn't be able to finish this. so thank you from the bottom of my heart! :)