I don't recall Ryan's middle name ever mentioned on the show, and Wikipedia's entry on Ryan Atwood ( .org/wiki/Ryan_Atwood ) lists his middle name as Francis. I could see it as Frank, but Francis just doesn't fit in my mind, especially as used in the beginning; I think you'll understand. So, I took some poetic license.
This story was not beta'd, so all mistakes are mine. I apologize in advance for them.
Takes place early in season 1; Ryan hasn't been with the Cohen's very long, before the whole Oliver debacle, only about a month or so.
"Ryan James! Kitchen! Now!" Sandy bellowed towards the pool house. Ryan could tell Sandy was pissed. He made his way from the pool house to the main house quickly and quietly.
Ryan cautiously entered the kitchen with his eyes trained on the floor, but he could tell that Seth was already at his stool at the island counter. "Park it", Sandy told him in his best fatherly/no-nonsense tone while pointing to Ryan's stool next to his foster-brother. Ryan carefully took his place on the stool and folded his hands in front of him, keeping his gaze on his hands, only sneaking chance glances at his guardians to see how mad they really were. Kirsten winced as she saw the black eye and fresh bruise on her foster son's right cheek.
He had just promised a few weeks ago to stay out of trouble and that he would stop fighting, and already that promise was out the window. He was almost certain that he would be following right behind it by the time the night was over. Who would want him around if he couldn't keep a promise like that for a couple of months, at least?
Kirsten brought him out of his thoughts and worries by starting things off, "Dr. Kim called us today and wanted to see us about the two of you. I couldn't meet with her today, because I was in meetings all day."
Sandy continued, as if in tandem, "And I was in court all day. So we're going to be meeting with her first thing in the morning. You guys wouldn't happen to know what will be on the agenda, would you? Perhaps it has something to do with that nasty looking bruise on your cheek and that black eye, Ryan?"
Ryan looked up, off to the side of the 3 Cohens and looked at them all with one of his sideways glances quickly before saying quietly, "I got into a fight today with a couple of the water-polo players. I know I promised I wouldn't get into anymore fights, and I'm sorry I lied to you about getting into trouble. I've got my stuff packed; I'll just go get my bag."
He got up to leave, and Seth quickly looked at his parents pleadingly, about to speak, but Sandy was already there. "Everybody hold it! Ryan, sit down. No one's going anywhere." Ryan sat back down with a slightly confused look on his face and Sandy made his way next to Ryan and put a reassuring hand on his shoulder. Sighing before he started, then indicating Kirsten, he said, "Yes, we are upset and a little disappointed that you got into a fight, but we aren't going to kick you out." Squeezing his shoulder reassuringly, "You are part of this family now. And in this family, we don't give up on each other!"
"Sandy…" Kirsten warned. She was worried he might go down a path that would bring up certain issues from Ryan's past that they were trying to leave there, or at least give them a chance to heal before they were brought up again. Sandy acknowledged her concerns by waving her off, indicating that that was all he was going to say about it.
Instead he got back to the issue at hand, "So that explains why Dr. Kim wants to see us about you, Ryan, but why Seth?"
In an effort to cover for his friend who probably wouldn't have been in this situation if it weren't for him, looking at Sandy, Ryan said, "Probably because he was an eyewitness."
Sandy made eye contact with Kirsten and slowly moved closer to her, standing on the other side of the island, so that both boys obviously had to look straight at both of them. Ryan could tell that they were communicating silently with each other. Even after the short time he had been living with them, he noticed their little looks and smiles they would shoot each other during dinner and other times they were together. He realized they had developed an unwritten and unspoken language; something that he understood came from being happily married for almost 20 years. The love between the Cohens, Seth included, sometimes felt almost tangible. It at times seemed like an exclusive club, of which he was starting to long to be a member, but which he would never admit to out loud.
Sandy and Kirsten's silent conversation lasted for only a moment or two, ending with a nod from Sandy. He turned to the boys and said, "Ryan, you're grounded for a week for fighting. And Seth, I think your involvement in this is a little more suspect then a simple eyewitness, but since we have no evidence of that at the moment, consider this a warning."
The boys looked at each other, and Sandy and Kirsten could have sworn they saw a momentary silent conversation of their own take place. Sandy had to smile to himself at how quickly and how close these two kids had grown in such a short time. They had actually started developing their own silent language, although not as advanced as the one he shared with Kirsten.
Sandy still wanted the whole story and figured neither teen would be very forthcoming under the current circumstances. He decided that he would try a different tactic to get the details. He looked at his watch and brought everyone back to why they were there, "I'm starting my watch….now. I want the whole story, from beginning to end, with all the details, and the truth. For every 30 seconds of silence that goes by, we're adding a week to the sentence."
Ryan and Seth continued to look at each other, with an imploring look on Seth's face while Ryan kept shaking his head slightly and clenching his teeth, indicating an emphatic NO! Kirsten picked up on Seth's facial expression and knew that he was about to pretty much blow the whole thing. Before the first 30 seconds, she prodded him a little bit, "Seth, care to share something with us?"
He couldn't hold it in any longer and told his brother, "Sorry, but I can't let you take the blame for this." Turning to his parents, he continued, "The whole thing is my fault. A couple of the water-polo players walked past me today and made a couple of comments about the fact that I still like comic books and somebody must have told them about Captain Oats. I then may have happened to make a few comments regarding, oh, I don't know, their questionable lineage, and they thought it was on. And Ryan just happened to be walking by on the way to his locker, I think, when he saw what was about to go down. He kindly asked the gentlemen to step back, and one of them just happened to trip on something and landed on Ryan's clenched hand. His friend misinterpreted it as something else, and went after Ryan. So, you see guys, this is all just a big misunderstanding!" Seth finished, rather pleased with himself and his replaying of how everything went down.
Ryan just glared at him and said, "You know I hate it when you do this, man!
"What?"
"Why do you have to editorialize everything? Why can't you just stick to the truth?"
"It's all about the spin, dude."
Attempting to regain control of the situation, Sandy knocked on the counter top and said, "Hey guys, remember us? You know…..the parents…the ones in charge?"
Seth looked back up at his parents and started again before they could say anything else, "Ok, seriously though, this is all my fault. If I would have just kept my mouth shut, we all could have continued on with our happy-merry-little lives and Ryan now wouldn't have to keep looking over his shoulder for the water-polo team, he wouldn't be in trouble with Dr. Kim, you guys wouldn't be mad at him, and he wouldn't be grounded for a week."
Ryan turned slightly towards Seth, still inspecting the counter top, and told him, "Seth, its ok. But, umm…Thanks." At the same time, he patted his best friend on the shoulder a couple of times, after which he folded his hands in front of him again and returned is gaze to his hands, not quite able to make eye contact with his foster parents.
Sandy and Kirsten both sighed, as they took in what they just heard. While Kirsten pinched the bridge of her nose and Sandy brushed his bushy eye brows, they both considered how best to handle the situation with this new information. They were beginning to realize that Ryan wasn't getting into fights because he liked to punch people. It was becoming clear to them that he was defending his brother; according to Seth it was pretty much the same reason for the fight after the fashion show.
Sandy was the first to respond, "I appreciate you both wanting to take the responsibility for what happened yourselves, but I think you both understand that you each had alternatives you could have taken. Seth, since your involvement was more than simply a bystander, you can join your brother in his week." He looked at Kirsten to see if they covered everything, and to see if she wanted to interject anything. When she gave him a slight nod, he finished, "Ok, so, to recap, you're both grounded for a week. No TV, no video games, no phone, you come straight home after school. Capiche?" Both boys nodded silently.
When neither one said anything nor tried to argue, Sandy finished with Seth by telling him, "All right. You know the drill, upstairs. We'll call you down when dinners ready. I just want to talk to Ryan about a couple of things." As Seth passed his father on his way out of the kitchen, shooting sympathetic glances back towards his foster brother fearing that his lecture from the 'rents wasn't finished, Sandy grabbed him and pulled him into a quick hug, saying, "Love you, son." When his father released him, Seth didn't have a chance for a smart reply as his mother also pulled him into a hug with similar statements of affection. As she released him and he was leaving the room, Kirsten told him, "And Seth, remember… To your room. No eavesdropping! Don't worry, we just want to talk to Ryan about a couple of things, he's not in any more trouble."
Once Seth is out of the kitchen, and they are convinced he's in his room, Sandy took Seth's vacated stool to Ryan's left and Kirsten moved to Ryan's right. The butterflies that were flying around in his stomach were now making suicide runs as his nervousness went up a notch due to the additional, personal attention from his foster parents. He didn't know what else they wanted to talk to him about. They had told Seth that he wasn't in any more trouble, but maybe they were just trying to get him out of the room without fighting? Maybe the other shoe was about to drop? Yeah, they may not kick him out, but maybe they had other punishments in mind, in addition to the week's grounding.
Kirsten got his attention by putting her hand on his shoulder, "Ryan, honey, one of the things we wanted to talk to you about is how you handled this whole situation at school. Sandy and I both appreciate and love the fact that you stand up for and want to protect your brother, but there are other ways of doing that then fighting."
Ryan noticed that was at least the second time during this whole thing that his guardians referred to Seth as his brother and it kind of felt good; weird, but good. They were starting to see him as Seth's brother. He was still getting to know the Cohens, so it felt kind of awkward for him to think of Seth as his brother, but it was kind of nice. Not that "brother" had a very positive connotation, after his own brother did nothing but get him in trouble. But in the few weeks that he'd been there, Seth had already turned out to be a really good friend, he thought. Ok, hell, he was probably his best friend. If he could stay with the Cohens for a little while longer, he might be able to start viewing him as a brother. But wait a minute…if they were recognizing him as Seth's brother….did that mean they were also viewing him as…..
Before Ryan could get too carried away with those thoughts, a squeeze to his shoulder brought him back to the matter at hand. Softly he said, "I know. I'm sorry."
"Ryan, you're a smart kid." Pointing to his head, "We just need to get you to start using this, rather than these!" she finished, laying her hand on his and giving another squeeze.
All he could get out was a nod, unable to speak, both from the disappointment in himself for breaking the trust of his foster parents and the uneasiness brought on by the attention they were giving him, the loving attention. He still wasn't used to parent-figures, or really anyone for that matter, who cared about him this much.
Sandy was next, "Ryan, I just wanted to emphasize again, that you are part of our family. Do you believe that?"
Ryan gave him one of his sideways glances and shrugged his shoulders.
Sandy had been dealing with kids like him in the PD's office long enough to know there was a little bit more going on here that Ryan wasn't telling them. "Come on, kid, talk to us. We want to help you, but you have to let us in."
Ryan just looked up at him quickly and said quietly, "Sometimes, yeah, I think I do. But other times, it's kind of hard. I don't mean this to sound ungrateful or harsh, because I can't thank you guys enough for everything you've done for me and given me. Sometimes, though, I think: my own family couldn't stand me. You guys are just my guardians…why should you?"
Both Sandy and Kirsten's heart broke for Ryan at this sudden admission. It dawned on them at this moment just how over their heads they had gotten. Looking at each other for just a moment, they became more determined than ever to help this child realize how special and important to their family he was. They realized that this would not be an easy fix; that overnight they would not be able to safely help Ryan through the minefield that was a good part of his life. While it would be a slow, involved task for both of them, they felt up to the task of helping their young charge….no, their son, to view himself properly in their family.
In an effort to validate Ryan's feelings and start to tear down some of the walls he had put up, Kirsten told him, "I can't even begin to imagine how hurt you must have been by what happened with Dawn. I don't think I could relate to what you're still feeling, so I'm not going to insult you by saying I know what you're going through."
She took a deep breath and slowly released it, as she considered carefully her next words, "Honey, I remember the pain in your face when she waved to you and left, but I also remember the excitement and happiness on your face and in your voice when you found out you would be living with us." Putting an arm around him, she continued, "I think I can share a little insight on why she did what she did that morning. I hadn't told you this, but she told me some things that morning that I didn't quite understand right away; I had to think about them for awhile. Honey, I really don't think that she felt she was abandoning you with strangers. She told me that she was afraid of failing you, of never being able to give you what you really deserved. She wanted you to be with parents and a family who would be able to give you what you needed and deserved, and who could be there for you."
As Kirsten was speaking, both she and Sandy saw him clench his eyes closed a couple of times trying to fight back the emotions that were broiling to the surface, despite the defenses the teen had built up. Ryan was starting to get frustrated with himself because he could feel his defenses starting to crack. Sandy actually saw a tear escape his eye, and Ryan angrily wiped it away, glancing to Sandy to see his reaction. Much to Ryan's surprise and relief, Sandy acted as though he hadn't seen anything.
Sandy tried to steer the conversation slightly away from such a hot topic. "Kid, I'm sorry. I didn't mean for that question to bring all this stuff up. But, thank you for opening up to us about that. The reason I asked that question was so that you could start to see how we view you, and where we see you in our family. We don't see as you as just another teenager living in the pool house, or even our ward. Ryan, we look at you as our son, as Seth's brother. We love you just like we love Seth. And just like we will never give up on Seth or kick him out, we will never give up on you or kick you out. No matter what you do or where you go, you will always be our son and this will always be your home."
Ryan kept glancing up to Sandy while he spoke, and just about every time he mentioned things like love and family or referred to him as their son, Sandy would notice what he interpreted as confusion on his face. It took Sandy a moment or two to figure out where the confusion might be coming from, and then it dawned on him. One of the things he had noticed and admired about Ryan was his fierce loyalty; the thing that moved him to protect Seth. But this time it was loyalty to his birth family.
He was quick to deal with that. "Now, Ryan, by our calling you our son, we aren't trying to push Dawn, Frank, and Trey out of the picture. We realize that they will always be a part of your life and whether you want to continue those prior relationships with them will be up to you, and we will support whatever decision you make."
When Sandy paused for a moment, Kirsten took over. "Honey, we also realize that you may not see yourself as our son right now, and it may take some time for that to happen. But that's not going to change how we fell about you, alright?"
Ryan couldn't speak. All the words of love and family and support directed at him threatened to undo him completely. It was taking everything he had to keep himself from breaking down in front of his new family. Did he just use the word he thought he used? Did he just call these people his family? Even if he could speak, he wouldn't know what to say. Never had words like these been directed at him. Other things certainly had been directed at him, other types of words and fists and the like that caused tears. But never anything like this.
Ryan was downright disappointed in himself. Here his guardians were talking to him about love and family, and all he could do was get into trouble and fights with people. And at that moment, he became more determined not to screw up this opportunity like he had so many in the past. After taking a couple of deep breaths to steady his emotions, he looked up to these two people he was coming to respect and, well, love more and more, sometimes despite himself. Attempting to add a smidge of levity to the situation and acknowledge what his foster parents were telling him, he said, "Wow! Probably a good thing I'm not going anywhere for a week; I think I've got a lot to think about. And, I am sorry. I'm going to try a lot harder to stay out of trouble."
Sandy chuckled softly and ran a hand through his son's hair and lightly tousled it. He then moved his arm down around Ryan's shoulders and said, "Good! Now, before you go to your room, come here, kid." He then pulled him into a tight hug, practically pulling Ryan off his stool. He wasn't that surprised when Ryan returned the embrace. As he held Ryan in a hug for a second or so longer than normal, he dared to whisper in his ear, "I love you, son."
Sandy smiled a little to himself when, instead of tensing or breaking the contact, Ryan whispered back, "Thanks, Sandy. For everything!" Sandy recognized this admission from Ryan for what it was; a small victory already in their battle to bring this boy fully into their family.
After a few seconds of watching Sandy and Ryan hugging, she was feeling too much like she was on the sidelines and wanted in on the action, so to speak. "All right! Enough of the mushy stuff, you two." Sandy chuckled as he released his son. At her statement, Ryan was starting to feel a little relief from the mushy stuff, or minty stuff, as Seth would call it he figured, when Kirsten wrapped him in a big hug as well. She also told him how much she loved him, and he similarly thanked her for all that she had done.
As he made his way towards the patio doors towards his room, he glanced back towards his guardians with a small, shy smile on this face, still trained towards the floor. Once he was gone, Sandy went over to his wife and embraced her in a big bear hug and gave her a long kiss, one like he used to give her years ago after they first brought a newborn Seth home from the hospital. She figured there was something about dealing with family problems that brought out the best in both of them; that somehow it brought them closer together. As they enjoyed each other's companionable silence, Kirsten knew Sandy wasn't going to be able to keep quiet for much longer.
Sure enough, after a few seconds more and another kiss, he told her, "I think we're finally making some progress with him."
She kissed him back in agreement, saying, "I know. I think he started seeing himself as a full-fledged member of the family tonight." She enjoyed being close to the man she loved more than anything, as she realized that, slowly, the family she always wanted was forming right in front of her eyes.
I have an idea for a second chapter, or could leave it as is, depending on the interest and comments.