Noblesse Oblige

He watched the man below and clenched his jaw even tighter. To see him, shouting in rage, opposing him, as if they were strangers – that was more difficult than he would have expected.

They haven't seen each other for months. As a Bann, Teagan had rarely an opportunity to come to Denerim. It was always his older brother, while he had to stay to run things in Redcliffe. It should have been his older brother today, as well. It would have been so much better and easier, if it was. Babbling of that fool he could stand. This, however…

Ever since his wife died, he did not lay with another woman. Compared to her, they all seemed such feebleminded, weak, docile creatures. He couldn't bear the idea of touching them. And then he met Teagan. He was still a lad, one of the young nobles in in Cailan's entourage, living at the court, so there were many opportunities, many excuses to secretly watch him and to admire him.

Because there was something about him that immediately attracted him to the lad. Perhaps it was that the lad was not afraid of him; there was always slight hint of disrespect, of challenge, in his words and behaviour. Or perhaps it was because everyone underestimated him, thinking he was just another pampered younger son, while in fact, he had sharper mind and stronger will than most of the others around him.

He never expected it to be anything more. Then, one evening, the lad appeared in his study, with knowing and provocative smirk on his lips. He tried to look dangerous, menacing, when he looked up and ask him what he was doing there. Teagan wasn't scared at all.

"I thought you might want something from me," he said.

He got up and walked around the desk and stood right in front of the lad. Looking right into Teagan's eyes, he grabbed his head and kissed him. It was not a gentle kiss. It was harsh and punishing, meant to discourage and scare away.

"Leave."

Teagan bowed, and left, without one word. He supposed it finished then, as it should. But the next evening, the lad was back.

"Why did you come?"

"I wanted to."

He wanted to send him away, to tell him to forget it and never come back. Instead, he kissed him again. And Teagan kissed him back. "It was damn time," the lad smirked again, when they parted again.

That night was their first, and it was long and slow and much more gentle than he expected. It was the first time he took a man, but Teagan was quite skilled, and knew what to do. Afterwards, Teagan started to dress himself again, and he felt something cold clenching his heart.

"Stay."

He gently kissed his brow. "I'll come again. I promise."

He did, the next night and then many other in the years that followed. But things changed. He became the father-in-law to the young king, and Teagan became the Bann, and they could not see each other often any more. They always had to plan it carefully, sometimes months in advance, to avoid any suspicion. Their positions required that they keep it in silence. It would not be good for their families, for the country, if people found out about their relationship.

Perhaps that was why they never talked about politics, finance, or anything that was in any way related to their positions. Just for those few moments, they could pretend that they were only common people, free and careless. Maybe it was foolish, but it seemed there was no harm done with it.

Until today.

He understood. This wasn't only politics, after all. This changed everything, the whole country. Everyone will feel the consequences. He and Teagan will not be any exceptions. It was one reason – no, it was the only reason – why he had doubts, why he spent so many sleepless nights thinking if he should not give up the plan. But he knew, he always knew the answer. He was a Teyrn. Above anything else. Ferelden needed this change. And if it required his heart, so be it.

He turned on his heels and walked away, proudly, calmly. Like a general. Like a king. There was no turning back now. He had a duty.

oOo

He watched the man and tried to suppress his smirk. So full of himself, this young Grey Warden. So like him, when he was at that age. Which wasn't so surprising, when he thought about it. The young Warden was also a younger son of a noble family. And judging by the glances that Warden cast at him, they shared more than that.

Too bad he belonged only to one man.

Even though he knew they will probably be never together again. Even though Loghain was traitor now. Teagan was still his. Ever since that first night. Where did he find courage to go Loghain's study? Especially after Loghain sent him away the night before, after that single angry kiss? He never did anything that bold before. Not that he was inexperienced – far from that. He lost his virginity many years before.

It was his sword instructor, a man more than twenty years older, strong and sexy… though at that time, he didn't think about him like that, yet. After one training, the man entered his room and said he wasn't a boy any more and that it was time he taught him some other things. The man kept coming every night, for almost two years, until he left to train some other young noble.

He never told it to anyone. It wouldn't help him, anyway. He knew that there was nothing going on in the castle of which his father wouldn't be aware. Which meant he let it happen, at least. But he wouldn't surprise him if he found out that the man did it on the father's order. Such was the fate of younger sons, after all.

The firstborn were expected to continue the family line and the family business, to be the most excellent representatives of their names. The younger sons were expected to spend their lives in the shadows of their older brothers, as their loyal servants, and, if possible, to die without further 'complications' – that is, without children. That is why they were sent into the Chantry or raised to like men… Everybody knew it, nobody spoke about it. If it became officially known, it would be a huge scandal. Scandals were not good for family name. And every noble child knew – his first and foresworn duty was to his family.

When he became older, many other men took him. Noble partners of his father. Not that his father had ever ordered him to do it. No, there were always only comments and hints, how good it would be for the family to strengthen the ties with the noble X, or house Y. And he was a good son. He knew his duty.

When he first noticed Loghain watching him, he thought it was just another old guy who desired some young flesh. But the man didn't do any advances at him. And there was something different in the way he looked at him, some kind of shyness, and tenderness…. After some time, he realized it wasn't enough, that he wanted, needed to know. So he went to Loghain's study, though it was not easy to sneak in there.

Loghain kissed him, and he thought that it would be the same as with anyone else, after all. But then Loghain sent him away, despite being clearly aroused, his eyes gleaming with desire. Why didn't he take him? Nobody else ever hesitated. So next night, he went back again. When Loghain asked why he came, he said he wanted to. And it was true. For the first time, he really wanted to. For the first time, he didn't feel like a toy, something to be used and thrown away. And when Loghain asked him to stay, he knew he would never let anyone else to touch him.

He didn't, though it wasn't easy. But gradually, everyone accepted his sudden disinterest in sex. There was nothing else they could do, without risking scandal.

Did the young Warden have similar experience? He certainly didn't look like someone raised in the Chantry… so he probably did. Though maybe Couslands were more benevolent. He didn't know Bryce very well, but he certainly seemed to be much softer than his father. That the little snake like Howe was allowed to do something so atrocious – that Loghain would allow something so atrocious was something he still couldn't comprehend.

He still loved Loghain. But everyone else considered him a traitor. Of all the times to come out with their relationship, this was the worst. Tomorrow was the Landsmeet. Alistair will be proclaimed a true heir to the throne. Eamon will become the Lord Chancellor. Young Cousland will officially become the Captain General of the Fereldan army. And Logain will be revealed as a traitor. There was no turning back now. And he had a duty.

oOo

He watched the man leaving the room, and cursed under his breath. Just when he found enough courage to come… After short hesitation, he melted into the shadows and quietly followed him. Surprised, he realized he was going into the dungeon.

"I want to visit Loghain Mac Tir."

The guard did not ask anything, just led the way to one of the cells, unlocked it, and then left. He remained, still hidden in shadow, wondering what was this about. Why would Teagan want to see Loghain? Did he want revenge for hiring that maleficar to poison his brother? Well, if he did, he was not going to let it happen. Riordan told him they will need another Warden soon.

"Why did you come?"

"I wanted to."

That was not what he expected. Neither did Loghain, if the look at his face was any sign.

"Leave."

"No."

It was as if someone petrified him. He couldn't move, he couldn't even breathe, just stand there and watch. This couldn't be really happening. This was just another nightmare. Teagan was not kissing Loghain. Loghain was not unlacing Teagan's shirt. He didn't really hear their quiet moans. No. No.

Not Teagan. Not with him. With the man who empowered Howe. Whose sick ambition was the main reason his family was slaughtered. And his sweet Dairren. They knew each other since they were little boys. It was somehow inevitable, that they started to experiment together. They were each other's first, and they never desired to be with anyone else. That night, Dairren was with him, again. If he wasn't, perhaps he would be still alive.

Ever since then, he wasn't able to be with anyone. Not even Zev succeeded in his many seduction attempts. But when he saw Teagan… He had no idea why this man attracted him so much, but he did. Perhaps because he was so different than Dairren. Pehaps because of the hidden pain in his eyes. It wasn't important. The only thing that mattered was that he loved him.

Tonight, he finally gathered courage to go him, to confess his feelings. Even if Teagan rejected him… He was ready for it. He was ready for rejection, mockery, even anger. He was ready for anything. Except for this. Why didn't he let Alistair to kill the bastard? Why he listened to Riordan? But of course, the answer was clear. He was a Grey Warden now. And Grey Wardens did anything they must to stop the Blight. He invoked the right of conscription, and tomorrow that bastard will become a Grey Warden, too. There was no turning back now. He had to do his duty.

oOo

He watched the man crumpled by the wall, and it broke his heart. He wanted to kill those two bastards right there and then, but it was not possible. So instead, he picked up his dear Warden, and took him to his room. Those two were so absorbed in what they were doing, they wouldn't notice the archdemon itself.

Back in the room, he changed the Warden in the sleeping gown and put him in the bed. All the time, the Warden didn't say a word, still in shock. He wondered for a while, if he should go call Wynne, but what would he say? That the Warden saw the only man he loved having sex with the only man he hated? No.

It would be better to stay there, with his dear Warden, until the shock reaction is over. He had seen something like this already, once or twice, when he was still in Antiva, but then he didn't care about those people. With the Warden, it was different. He did care – more than cared for his dear Warden, and it was more than gratitude or friendship. Maybe it was love? He wouldn't now. He only knew he would do anything, anything to make this man happy.

Even if his dear Warden didn't feel the same for him. It didn't matter. He had sworn his life to this man. There was no turning back now. It was his duty.

The only one he ever liked.