A/N

Hello good people of ! I am so excited to present to you this story. My friend Vanessa and I decided one day in Math that we would start a story, so we've been going section by section and writing this.

It will be a mutli-chaptered fiction and I do hope you enjoy it!

Disclaimer: Harry Potter aint mine unfortunately.

And on you go! Read READ REAAAAD! And whilst you finish, do review.

Eleven nights it's been. Eleven nights since I saw her sweet, angelic smile and curly red locks moving as she did. Eleven nights of nightmares and heartache. But eleven nights, hoping that maybe I would get to see her soon, could not longer happen. Not now, not ever, for these eleven nights I had awaited for just a glimpse of my forever love had become pointless and without hope. Now all was dark, wretched, devoid of any form of happiness. It was a miracle I could even function properly. Depression weighted me down, a choking cloak of never ending suffering.

It was my fault, and now the crushing realization of my rash actions has gripped me by the noose I've imagined would take me from my pit of melancholy self-loathing. I could have stopped it. I could have! The self-loathing had started so long ago, but now that I would never see my Lily ever again, it felt like I would die from this bone-crushing agony.

Seeing her now, broken, limbs bent in awkward and unnatural positions gripped my lungs and it seemed as if they had deflated inside my chest. Or maybe it was my heart that had deflated. Either way, I could not breathe. I fell to my knees before her, and though I wished I could have wept for my love, the tears would not come.

'Get away from her!' someone growled. Looking away from my love's mangled body, I found myself face to face with the werewolf Lupin. He looked like an animal, on all fours, growling deep in his chest as he protected her and her husband's bodies. But I could barely hear him. It was as if I were under water, drowning myself and everything else away.

Gently reaching under the animal's warm body, I pulled her, limp and lifeless, up to a sitting position and immediately felt the distinct difference between Lupin's warmth and her freezing temperature. I held her in my lap and pulled her to my self, laying her head on my heaving chest and finally wept for her, hugging her close. Her cheeks were coloured with the rouge she had put on before her tragic end. If not for her ice cold skin, I might have believed she was sleeping.

I closed my eyes. I should have told her how I felt years ago. If I had, maybe it would have been me dead by her side, but now that it can never be me, I would still lay my life down for her and the child.

Lupin released and angry howl, disturbing and heart-wrenching, in his human tones. As I wept over Lily, he howled over Potter's lifeless, frozen body.

Potter. Why him? Many times we talked of Potter and now much we despised every cell in his body. Why did she choose him after all she had said? I know all the mistakes in my life would never have been good enough for her, but she deserved far more than James Potter ever could have given her. And if it was me, then I would not have to sit here, blubbering over her remains.

Remus Lupin finally stopped his horrid howling, sitting back on his heels with a broken look upon his tear-stained face. He glanced over at me, chocolate eyes confused.

'What are you even doing here?' he growled acidly. 'Shouldn't you be with your lord?' I glared at him, wiping my tears quickly.

'You best not insult me, dog. The Dark Lord is gone. My allegiance lies with the Order.'

I stood, gently placing Lily's body by her wretched husband's. I left Godric's Hollow with a single thought singing through my brain.

If only I could go back in time. If only I could make things different so that she wouldn't be cold and dead, and I wouldn't feel so completely dead and broken inside. My mind raced with the options and the things we could have accomplished if she hadn't died—if I hadn't died. But there was nothing. My mind was a void of empty thoughts and hopes and dreams. I was nothing anymore. Lily's last words to me haunted my heart as I dragged my legs along.

'You can't keep living like this Severus. One day you're going to wake up and I'm going to be gone, and so is everything else you love…'

Why did she always have to be right? I thought acidly before apparating to Hogsmeade. The town looked dreary and soggy, as if it could feel my pain and as if it was absorbing it. I felt no better as I made the trek up to the castle. As I entered through the gigantic doors, and warmth flooded over me, I couldn't help but feel at home.

Walking to my quarters, I contemplated what I would do next. Nothing seemed to have a purpose anymore. Even my new occupation as Potions Master at a place I thought I would never come back to seemed to hold nothing for me.

I was utterly alone.

My old colleagues and peers now working at the school I had once adored whispered accusingly as I walked past.

'What is Severus doing here?' 'Is he not working for You-Know-Who?' 'Who let him in here in the first place?'

They tried to be discrete, but every word dug like a thousand tiny daggers.

What was I doing here? It's my fault the Potter's are dead and I have no right peeking my head around anything good or right.

I quickly made the turn into the dungeons where my quarters resided. The image of an annoyed, apprehensive snake tamer glared at me as I whispered to him the password ('Serpens Argentea'). Once the door was properly shut, wards placed and charms cast, I stopped. A manic grumble of a laugh shuddered through me as I all but ran to my private potions room.

Why hadn't I thought of it before? I mentally berated myself as I searched for the small box that held the answer to all of my struggles.

It would change everything and possibly even ruin my future, but what was to be, was to be.

My hands shook as I found the old shoebox that held every treasure we once shared, from the tiger lily I had pressed for her, to the little silver whistle she had given me our first Christmas at Hogwarts, saying that since I was the one who had first discovered she was a witch, that I should have something to remember that by.

There. There it sat, gleaming its gold shimmer as if it hadn't been exactly three years since I had used it last. The tiny trinket called out my name, and I caressed it, embracing the new life I would have to endure if all things went according to plan.

Heart racing, I turned the dial back eleven times.

Phew! That was chapter one folks! Yes, took us less than a day to write, but it felt like just a whole week of fun! 3 thank you everyone for reading.

Get story alert if you want to know when the next chapters coming! And REVIEW! Thanks!

Happy writings

Caroline (and Vanessa!)