Author's Notes: Wow, I must warn you now. This IS the best fic in the entire world. Forget about all the other fanfics you've ever read, and bookmark this one. Print it off 1,000 times and make it into wallpaper for your bedroom. You will never want to read anything else again.

The Truth About Aurikku

One day, Auron was sitting outside in the sun. Lots of people were walking by, and he slapped them all on the ass with his empty sleeve, gleefully. The elderly ladies didn't appreciate it much, but Kimahri kept on walking past repeatedly for more.

Rikku was across the street watching Auron slap asses with interest. Suddenly, she had the most genious thought she'd ever had before.

"I like to have my ass slapped!" she said excitedly. "I think I'll walk by and let Auron slap it." Rikku got up and walked past Auron, feeling a tingly feeling on her ass as he slapped it. Auron then reached out and slapped it again. And again. And again. This made Rikku happy.

"Out of all the asses I've slapped today, I enjoy slapping yours the most Rikku," Auron told her. Suddenly, Wakka jumped from behind the bush at them. He cut off Auron's sleeve and tied it to his shoulder. He jumped back into the bushes.

"Ummm… I… I gotta go into this bush over here. I think I lost my… Trumpet! I hate it when I lose my trumpet," Rikku said through gritted teeth, digging her toe into the ground.

"Oh, ok. I didn't know you had a trumpet," Auron told Rikku's form that was retreating to the bushes. "Wait… You don't have a trumpet!" He said after a couple minutes and went to the bushes and parted them so he could see behind them. "Oh my god!"

Rikku was behind the bushes with Wakka getting the ass slapping of her life. Wakka just kept on hitting her over and over again with Auron's sleeve. "Slap it harder, yeeeeeesssssss!" Rikku said loudly.

Auron then got very, very angry. "Yoooooooou!" he screamed, and Rikku looked up surprised. "Yoooou only wanted me for my sleeve, didn't you?! I knew this was too good to be true! Women always act like they want me, but as soon as someone steals my sleeve or I have to send my coat to the dry cleaners, they leave me for someone else who can slap their ass!" he said sobbing. "Oh well. If women don't want me just because I can slap their ass, they usually leave when I spring it on them that I'm dead."

"You're dead!? Ewwwwww, that makes you like eleventy billion years old! I can't believe I let a dead guy slap my ass!" Rikku yelled loudly, stating the obvious that every person reading this fanfic should've realized. She pushed Auron away from the bushed, then the loud slapping noises resumed behind them.

The End! Or is it? Wait, yeah it is.

The moral of the story? Never let a guy slap your ass with his sleeve unless you're SURE he isn't dead.

More Author's Notes: What did I tell you? I TOLD you! This IS the best fanfic in the world. Ok, now go flame me you ignorant Aurikku fan, or go give me an awesome review you cool anti-Aurikku christ. Or just give me crap. I like crap. Wrap it up in a nice little box, and put a bow on top of it. A shiny gold bow, I won't open the box unless it has a shiny gold bow on top of it.