Disclaimer: I am not Jane Austen. (Just in case someone mistook me for that lady with the bonnet who has been dead for the past two centuries.)

This is a very short story, just a parody of Darcy's first proposal to Elizabeth. The next one will be from Mansfield Park and I plan it to be longer.

Also, I'm new.

Storyline: Darcy is in Longbourn, and he tries his success with Miss Elizabeth Bennet...

DARCY:

Marry me, you commoner.

LIZZY:

No. And, just to make my point clear, I will not even thank you, in spite of my conduct book's persistent instructions to the contrary.

DARCY:

But… why?

LIZZY:

You wronged Wickam, and you separated Bingley and my sister.

DARCY:

(aside)

Wtf, she and Wickam?

(to LIZZY)

Wickam is a big crybaby, and your sister didn't really love Bingley, according to my observations, which were totally objective.

LIZZY:

The nerve!

DARCY:

Perhaps, Miss Bennet, you would have been willing to overlook these perceived injustices if I have been more guarded in my language towards your family.

LIZZY:

I would never marry you. Ever. Ev-HAR. I would rather have my teeth uprooted- no, all my limps amputated- no, marry Mr Collins…

DARCY:

Alright, I get your point.

LIZZY:

Because you're a stuck-up, rude, misanthropic, insufferable prig.

DARCY:

… woof?

(recollecting himself)

Very well, madam! I shall now say something melodramatic about my feelings and depart forever.

DARCY storms out. LIZZY swoons pathetically on a chair.

Reviews are appreciated.