Author's Unimportant Note: I've been on vacation for a bit. But mostly I just didn't feel like writing. If you want you can pretend I've been saving kittens from ghetto neighborhoods, I totally will go with that. So yes, that's what I've been doing.

Parker walked silently toward her first class of the day. It was something called "Transfiguration" and she was slightly worried. She did not hate gays, and she certainly did not want to study about them being disfigured. "Ah well." She whispered to herself, dragging her feet across the once smooth floor. The lemon drops were weighing her down; it seemed as if the Crown Royal bag was somehow bewitched to carry more than it appeared.

"La de da le da." The Thief sang quietly to herself, doing a sort of jig as she walked. The bell had rung nearly ten minutes ago, but Parker figured that the Transfiguration teacher would understand her not being punctual. Surely all of the staff had tasted the delicious lemon drop? She might even get bonus points by giving them some.

"Doop de blip bot." She hummed, quickening her pace ever so slightly. She was only three doors away from McGonagall's classroom when the lights went out and a chilly breeze filled the corridor. One would probably think of a dementor. But it wasn't one.

Parker stumbled to the ground, clutching the pocket that held her lemon drops. As her gaze slowly traveled upward, she gasped at the sight.

"Where is that damn girl?" Nate looked at his watch irritably, shuffling his feet. It was nearly time for their first class, and Parker was still missing. The third years surrounding him and his non-missing team were looking at them nervously, as if they were going to attack them.

Eliot rolled his eyes. "She's probably already expelled for stealing something."

"The blonde one is a thief?" Hermione scrunched her eyebrows worriedly, looking at Eliot.

Nate interrupted Eliot's response. "HURR HOW LONG DID IT TAKE YOU TO FIGURE THAT ONE OUT?"

Hermione looked somewhat taken aback. "I was just asking. Furthermore, I think she might have stolen my Hogwarts, A History copy last night as I was sleeping. It's gone."

Ron yawned. "Yeah, I saw her lugging something really heavy and boring out of the common room this morning. Oh wait, that was you, Hermione!" Harry looked at Ron disapprovingly; why did his friend have to be so mean? You'd think that Ron would take after he, Harry. After all, he was easily the best person at Hogwarts.

Before Hermione could hex the redhead, McGonagall walked swiftly down the corridor. She shuffled them inside the classroom without a second glance, walking to her desk and picking up a piece of parchment.

"Now, the Headmaster has requested me to read this to all of my classes." McGonagall unfolded the parchment crossly, stretching it out. "I do not exactly, as you say, approve of what is said in this announcement, but unfortunately I have no choice." She cleared her throat.

"Why hello there, my beautiful students! You are obviously in Minnie's classroom right now, as I told her to read this to her classes. If, perhaps, you found this in her trash can or trampled on the floor, make sure to give it back to her, she probably accidently dropped it! She's rather forgetful (but that comes with age, if you catch my drift)."

McGonagall scowled at the parchment and continued.

"Anyhoo, we unfortunately cannot discuss such things for much longer, as I am running out of writing room. The initial point of this announcement is to remind you to be extra extra nice to our five new students(especially you Gryffindors! Go lions!), and don't do anything to hurt their feelings. They are really lovely people, I've talked to them, I would know. Also, there has been a nasty rumor spread around the school. I'm not dating Minerva SO STOP SPREADING IT DAMNIT. I am so tired of her chewing me out about it. She thinks I spread it. May the real rumor starter come forward so she will stop nagging me. You will not be punished. (If you pretend you did it to save my skin I'll pay you ten galleons and give you two lemon drops. Shh).

Sincerely,

Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore."

As McGonagall read the last paragraph her scowl slowly deepened, and before the students could start murmuring to each other she had already set fire to the parchment, watching it burn with deep satisfaction. The class seized an opportunity to gossip.

"Be nice to them? I'd rather eat a Devil's Snare."

"They scare me. I hope I never have to work with them."

"They are SO annoying, I hear they steal, too."

"McGonagall's name is Minerva?"

"SILENCE." McGonagall snapped, pulling out her wand. "Now, as there are new faces in my class today, I unfortunately must explain the art of Transfiguration to them." She sighed deeply. "Transfiguration requires a focused mind. It is the art of transfiguring objects into something else, and very experienced wizards can even transfigure objects from thin air. I-"

"Excccuse me ma'aaaam." Sophie trilled, looking up politely. "So you're basically saying we're going to be like, that movie, Transformers? Because I wanna be Meghan Fox."

A few Muggle born students laughed at her, but McGonagall didn't seem to understand. "I don't know what the hell you're talking about. Moving on-"

Sophie raised her hand. McGongall sighed again. "WHAT?"

"Miss Parker is not currently present, Professor." Sophie looked around the room. "That means, if you can't understand, that you're incompetent for not realizing this."

"DETENTION DEVEREAUX, AND GET THE HELL OUT OF MY CLASSROOM!" McGonagall looked seriously pissed. Sophie huffed, got up, muttered something under her breath that sounded like "Fine, bitch." And strutted out.

And then there were three.

"Miss Parker, why, do tell me, are you not in class?"

Snape towered over her, his robes bellowing in the cold breeze his presence had caused. Parker scrunched her eyebrows in concentration, trying to remember who this guy was. It clicked.

"You're that ugly guy that led us to the room with food and people. Snate, right?"

Snape narrowed his already narrowed eyes. "Professor Snape, Miss Parker. I expect you to call me "professor" or "sir" when talking to me."

"Okay Snate."

Snape turned white with fury, but when he spoke it was merely a whisper. "Detention, Miss Parker, and get back to class. I do not want to see you wandering around during class hours again." He turned to walk away, but she tugged on the end of his robes.

"Help me up Snate."

Snape, in all his years of teaching, had never met a student that did not fear him. Parker blinked at him expectantly, tugging on his robes again. He just stood there, in a state of shock, and finally Parker just clawed her way up his robes, causing him to fall on his ass. "Bye Snate!"

"Parker never made it to class." Eliot growled as he, Hardison, and Nate walked out of Transfiguration. They soon found Sophie chatting animatedly to what appeared to be a ghost. They stopped a few feet from her, watching curiously as the ghosts hovered a few feet in the air.

"Yeah, I can totally relate, I almost got my head chopped off last Christmas. The machete came out of nowhere." Sophie said to the ghost.

The ghost nodded enthusiastically, and to the three men's horror, his head broke off from his neck and bobbed there, as if on a hinge.

"Guys, this is Nick. He's like, a ghost." Sophie drawled, waving her hand through Nick, who giggled uncontrollably. Nick nodded, his head bobbing, before grabbing it with both hands and putting it back on his shoulders with a loud crunch.

"That's REALLY gross." Hardison whimpered, slowly backing up, pushing Nate a little closer to Nick. Nick scoffed with offense before turning back to Sophie, a grin spread across his features.

"Now, if there's nothing else I can help you with, you should probably be getting to your next class. But do call if you need anything else. I'll be there." Nick started to float away ominously, passing over several first years, who screamed and fell to the floor.

"He was terribly boring." Sophie yawned, looking at Nate and the rest out of the corners of her eyes. "We better hurry along, Divination is next." Sophie looked crossly at the door to the Transfiguration classroom. "One day, I tell you, I'm going to get her back. On my honor."

"Well, you DO have a detention." Eliot pointed out airily, looking at Sophie with undisguised amusement. "I suppose you'll probably have to sit in the class and do your homework or something really gay like that."

Hardison frowned at Eliot's choice of word, gay, but didn't push it. Instead, he grabbed Nate and Sophie by the arms and started to drag them to Divination. "I don't know about you guys, but I really need to know what's in store. A little luck wouldn't be bad, either."

They met up with Parker at the entrance to the Divination classroom. She said she was in the Headmaster's office getting lemon drops, but Sophie rolled her eyes and Eliot whistled rather badly as she finished her tale. Parker decided she shouldn't mention meeting Snape in the corridors; they would probably be jealous and skip class to try and meet him alone. So she remained silent on that bit of information, smiled stupidly, and pelted them with lemon drops.

The classroom was hot and steamy, with poofy chairs all around and old as shit tables scattered about. Nate scowled as he gently sat in one of the more stable seats, looking as if he thought the chair would break at any moment under his weight. Hardison screamed as a giant praying mantis came from the shadows.

Eliot laughed at Hardison's fear. "C'mon dude, she's skinny, but she's not a skeleton." He peered at the teacher again. "Well..."

He didn't get to finish because at that moment the bug-like teacher started to speak in a hushed tone, creeping around the room all the while on her toes.

"Welcome. The Fates had of course predicted the coming of five-" She looked almost fearfully at the five adults sitting in her room before continuing. "But one must not dwell on predictions, as I have on occasion falsely predicted an occurrence."

Hermione snorted.

Nate stared at her kind of awestruck. "You're hot." He murmured, his eyes glued to her. Eliot fake gagged and Hardison fell out of his chair. Sophie, however, looked quite unimpressed.

"Why do you slouch so much?" She yawned, blinking her eyes at Trelawney. Eliot kicked her, angry that she was about to piss off another teacher. If he remembered anything from school, it was that crabby teachers always seemed to get pissed at him. But Trelawney merely ignored her, acting as if she did not hear Sophie(which she did).

"Today we will be studying tea leaves." She started, and soon the class each had a tea cup and a partner(Nate, Sophie; Eliot, Hardison; Parker, that creepy kid Neville).

"So we just drink the tea and then look at the grime at the bottom?" Parker raised her cup upside down curiously, the hot tea spilled out and running in Neville's lap. He screamed and winced, hastily brushing the seething liquid off of him and leaving a nasty brown stain all over his pants.

"Ouch! Why'd you do that?" He asked exasperatedly, still wincing from the pain. Parker felt kind of bad, so she poured more tea in her cup and offered it to him. He looked at it cautiously, a somewhat scared expression on his pale face. "Uh, thanks, but I have my own." He pointed to his cup. Parker shrugged and jerked it back, causing the tea to spill all over his shirt and run down to his pants again. Neville cried.

While Trelawney was escorting Neville to the hospital wing, Parker looked down into her cup. A mess shaped like a goat was at the bottom, and she pulled out her book and flicked through the pages. "Goat. It means...it means..." She looked up, a grim expression on her face.

"It means I will die."

Sterling's nose was planted firmly to the ground as he sniffed for the con artist scent, having lost it in the rain. His clothes were muddy and his hair was plastered to his forehead from the build up of grease. But he didn't care. He was close.

Who would have thought that they'd be in Europe? It was ridiculous. Laughable, even. Oh well. He was an arm length's away from getting his revenge, and it didn't help to ponder irrelevant details. He was currently slithering through a nasty European town like a snake, traveling through the sewers and swinging on the cable lines. Ford's horrible cologne was the easiest scent to detect, though the collection of smells were off, like they hadn't actually walked through where their scent was. Oh well. Again with the details.

Sterling lifted his nose sharply, a "paw" in the air as his eyes darted around suspiciously. His gaze fell on a dirty sheet of paper stamped to a telephone post. He cautiously approached it, ripping it off with little effort and reading it quickly. He looked up, a smirk much like Snape's on his sweaty face. That's what he needed. Someone to help him extract his revenge. He crumpled the paper in a ball and threw it to the side carelessly, starting into a sprint and running down the street, his clothes waving in the harsh wind. The idea, so complex, sketched itself in his mind. He needed someone to do his dirty work. Someone who had experience.

He needed Sirius Black.

"Hey Eliot, did you notice how Parker didn't talk much after that Neville kid left? She looked in her teacup and put down the lemon drop she was about to eat."

"In all honestly Hardison, I don't think it's possible for me to give less of a shit about what you just said."

Hardison slumped sadly, but soon brightened and sprinted up to Nate. They were walking down steep steps to the dungeons, where their final lesson of the day would take place. Sophie was ahead of the rest of the third years, eager to see the sexy teacher. "Hey Nate, do you know what's wrong with Parker?"

Nate yawned. "No, and at the moment it isn't one of my top priorities. What IS on the list is how I'm going to get through a lesson with that Snape guy. He really is rude, that man. I should-" Nate stopped. He was staring at something.

"What is it?" Hardison asked, following his gaze.

"That." Nate said, not pointing. He walked over to a dusty corner where a piece of fabric lay, hidden by years of dust and cobwebs. He pulled it up with one sharp jerk and dust exploded everywhere, but Nate kept a firm grip on the fabric. He gingerly brushed the dust off, looking curiously at it. It was a scarf; it appeared to have been a rainbow color scheme, but the colors had almost faded to a dull gray. Hardison stared at it.

"It's a crappy scarf. C'mon we're gonna be late." But Nate didn't move. Something about this scarf, something about it, made him feel like it was powerful. But what it did he didn't know. He shoved it in one of his pockets and quickly followed the Hacker down.

The dungeons were cold as ice and as the Gryffidors reached the entrance to the classroom they started to shiver. Standing with an air of smugness were the third year Slytherins, a blond ratfaced boy standing out in particular. He whispered something to a couple of Slytherins and they all laughed, looking pointedly at the five new students. Parker frowned, and Harry piped up reassuringly. "Don't worry. Malfoy's just Slytherin scum. Pay him no attention."

Meanwhile, Draco was talking loudly to Crabbe and Goyle. "Well I don't think they are who they say they are. Grown people who don't even know they're wizards? Very dodgy."

"Yeah Draco." Pansy giggled, shooting glances at the five. The temperature was steadily dropping, but Sophie's face burned bright red and she stomped up to the pug-faced girl and slapped her clear across the face.

"How about you and Ratface go get a room? Just one question though." Sophie said sweetly. "When he get's you pregnant, can I have one of the puppies?"

"By golly, she's crazy." Ron whispered as the scene unfolded itself. Draco had pulled out his wand and was failing to do whatever curse or jinx he was attempting. Pansy was screeching with undisguised fury, and Sophie just had her arms folded and was looking almost as smug as the Slytherins had.

It was almost a blessing when Snape appeared.

As he scolded the three involved and shuffled the class inside, Parker drooped her head and looked at her team sadly. They did not yet know of her fate. She would have to tell them soon.

Snape assigned them a simple potion and went to work silently at his desk, avoiding the suggestive looks Sophie was giving him. Soon, though, she started to catcall him, and he had to deal with that. "Mrs. Devereaux, I have been informed that you already have a detention. Would you like one more?"

Sophie didn't even blink. "If it's with you, yes." She blew him a rather daring kiss.

Snape's eyes narrowed. "Why , if anyone would handle your punishment, I expect it would be Filch. He's been talking about how dirty the Astronomy tower is. Would you like that?"

Again, Sophie didn't blink. "Would you pick me up afterwards and lead me to your chambers?"

"No. Ten points from Gryffindor for your cheek."

"Well I don't even know what that means so whatever." Sophie yawned, throwing ingredients randomly in her cauldron and stirring with a bored expression. The Gryffindors were all glaring at her while the Slytherins were cheering. ("Continue, Devereaux! I'm sure you'll get him if you keep trying!")

The rest of the class was rather uneventful, except for one moment where Parker spilled her potion all over Neville, who had to be readmitted to the hospital wing.

Snape was finally at peace when he dismissed the class, and he leaned back and rubbed his eyes tiredly. All was well, except for when a rough voice interrupted his thoughts. "Oi! Proffesor!"

"What, Mr. Spencer, would be so important that you had to disrupt my almost peaceful moment?"

Eliot reappeared in the doorway, an unreadable expression on his face. "Listen teachz, I used to suffer with the same problem. But ever since I tried Suave, things have been different."

"What?"

Eliot held up a bottle of Suave shampoo and pointed to the logo. "You can never do wrong with Suave. Ever since I started using it, my hair has been soft and luscious."

"Get. Out." Snape said through gritted teeth, pointing toward the door with a shaking hand.

"I know where the door is. And look, I used to be insecure too, but Suave changes that. It is by far the best hair care product I have ever used."

"Get out! 20 points from Gryffindor!"

"Here's what I'm gonna do." Eliot said, putting the bottle down on a nearby desk. "I'm gonna leave this bottle here for you to try, free of charge. It's my own personal bottle, but I think you should have it." He started to back out of the classroom. "But I promise you, you will not regret switching to Suave from whatever brand you're using right now. Trust me dude, it isn't working."

"OUT!"

Eliot vanished from the door, and as his echoed footsteps started to fade he called out "You won't regret it!" and finally there was silence.

Snape walked over, took the bottle, and threw it in the trash.

Damn metrosexuals.