I CAN'T BELIEVE IT'S NOT BUTTER!!
GOMEN NASAI!!!! I KNOW I HAVEN'T UPDATED AND I'M SORRY!!! I've been REALLY busy working on another fic and school and life and yeah! Forgive me!!!! *offers pocky in a bribe kinda fashion* Yeah…so this is the FINAL CHAPTER!!!! Uhuh…the end…that's right. So everyone has to read it and review! I really hope you like it!
Note: Contains character bashing and some spoilers I don't know about!
~*~*~*~*~*~
Chapter 19…
Tasuki: *blink blink* OW!
Nuriko: *giggles* YOU GOT HIT BY LIGHTNING!
Chichiri: *walks in* What's going on no da? Why is Tasuki a charcoaled corps?
Tasuki: SHUDDAP!
Nuriko: Anyways…on a more important note….it's time for us to end the "I can't believe it's not butter!" saga once and for all!
Chiriko: *walks in* I AGREE! Accoring to my calculations…their hideout is in…oh shit!
Chichiri: What is it no da?
Chiriko: *gulp* Their hideout is in…in…ZELLERS!
Nuriko: SHIT NO!!!
Tasuki: Now now ladies! Nothing as pathetic as a Zellers is going to stop us from saving the planet from "I can't believe it's not butter!"!!! We can do this! WE MUST DO THIS! FOR THE GOOD OF THE HUMAN RACE! FOR THE GOOD OF SUZAKU!! FOR THE GOOD OF- *gets cut off when another pink lightning bolt hits him from nowhere*
Nuriko: *giggles*
Tasuki: WHO THE FUCKING HELL KEEPS ON DOING THAT!?!?!
Hotohori: *walks in* I remember now! The hideout is in Zellers!
Nuriko: *piku* We know.
Hotohori: oh…Really?
Nuriko: Yes.
Hotohori: Oh, ok! If you need me, I'll be wallowing in my self-beauty in my personal chambers. *wobbles off*
Chiriko: *mumbles* Moron…
Meanwhile…
Nakago: YOU!!! BUT!!!! IT CAN'T BE!!!
Tomo: Who did you fucking expect? Santa Clause?
Nakago: Well, actually…
Tomo: *pikus* Don't answer that.
Nakago: So…it was you who unleashed "I can't believe it's not butter!" onto the world?
Tomo: Yes. For years I've been striving to find a concoction of pure evil. Of pure madness. Of pure cholesterol free, drool-worthy, butter replacement substance. I have finally found it! "I can't believe it's not butter!" is so addictive, I even got YOU to be my slave. *insert psycho laughing here*
Nakago: riiiiight…
Tomo: But! You have proven yourself to be worthless! *slaps Nakago across the face*
Nakago: ITAI!!!! THAT HURT!!! *sniffle* Why did you do that! I might be your butter-bitch (A/N: he called him a butter-bitch…*giggles*) but that was physical harassment! Have you any idea how much I can sue! There are laws these days about abusing your employees!!! Don't think I won't take this up with the Bureau of Employees-Who-Want-To-Take-Over-The-World! 'Cause I will!
Tomo: *rolls eyes* You have failed!!! A SHIT LOAD!! And as your punishment…I will make you stay locked in a chamber alone with Soy for a WEEK!!! BWAHAHAHAHA
Nakago: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Chapter 20…
Nuriko: *gulp* This is it…*stares up at the large Zellers department store*
Chichiri: Dewa, hajimemashou…no da…
Tasuki: Allow me! *pulls out his tessen*
Nuriko: *whacks Tasuki* NO BAKA!!! We should sneak in! Element of surprise, remember?
Tasuki: Oh yeah…*pouts*
Chichiri: *pulls a safety pin out of his poncho* Voilà! *picks the lock* Hmmmm no da!
Nuriko: What's wrong?
Chichiri: It won't open no da…
Tasuki: Why not?
Chichiri: I don't know…
Chiriko: *turns the knob and opens the door revealing that it wasn't locked in the first place*
Nuriko:…oh…well…That works too…
Chiriko: I am working with chimps! *walks in*
Everyone else: *follows*
Tasuki: *looking around…the lights are off, giving Zellers a scary/abandoned look* COOL!!! ECONOMY SIZED TWIX BARS!!! *grabs some and stuffs then in his pockets*
Nuriko: Tasuki, what are you doing?
Tasuki: Nandemonai!
Chichiri: *slaps Tasuki's hand* WE ARE NOT HERE TO STEAL MERCHANDISE NO DA!
Tasuki: Sowwy…*puts them back*
Nuriko: AH! *jumps into Tasuki's arms*
Tasuki: WHAT IS IT? DID YOU SEE SOMEONE?
Nuriko: *scared* Re…Request™…Request™ jeans…so…horrific…
Tasuki: *pikus as he drops Nuriko onto her ass* IDIOT!
Voice: AH!!! I see you've made it to my lair!
Tasuki: AH! *now HE jumps into Chichiri's hands*
Nuriko: *looks up rubbing her now bruised arse* Who's there?
Tomo: *lights turn on* It is I! TOMO!
Nuriko: WHAAAA??? WAIT A SEC! WAIT A SEC! Are YOU the one behind all this???
Tomo: Indeed!
Nuriko: PLANT BOY!!! THIS WHOLE TIME!!!
TOMO: PLANT BOY!!!! HOW DARE YOU!!
Tasuki: Pch! Who would have thought Plant Boy could be such a mastermind. Well then, let's just kick his ass and go home…Buffy is on at 8:00!
Chiriko: Buffy???
Tasuki: SHADDUP! BUFFY KICKS ASS!
Chiriko: I am starting to worry about you, Tasuki…
Tasuki: ?
Tomo: AHEM!!! ATTENTION ON ME!!! While you idiots were bickering, you seemed to have failed to notice that I have spread "I can't believe it's not butter!" on the Request™ merchandise, causing them to come to life and tying you all to cash registers.
Nuriko: *blink blink*…*notice she's tied to a cash register* When the hell did that happen?
Tasuki: Seriously…how is this physically possible!?
Chichiri: This is a fanfic for Chrissake no da!!! The author can do anything she wants!
Author: DAMN STRAIGHT! *snaps her fingers and Tasuki finds himself wearing nothing but a black leather thong, a dog collar and matching leash*
Tasuki: AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Chichiri: HIDE YOUR SHAME NO DA!!!
Tasuki: *instinctively covers his genital area*
Nuriko: *pouts* Awwww…ruin all my fun!
Tasuki: HENTAI!
Tomo: Come my living Request™ clothing! Feed them the "I can't believe it's not butter!"
The request clothing approaches our poor heroes who are helplessly tied down.
Nuriko: Only one person can save us now!
Tasuki: Who?
Nuriko: HOTOHORI!
Tasuki: *remembers that Hotohori was last seen glomping over his beautiful reflection* AH FUCK! WE'RE SCREWED!
Unknown voice: HAVE NO FEAR!!! *a figure jumps out of nowhere*
Nuriko: Is that-
Chiriko: MITSUKAKE!!!
Mitsukake: YES!!! IT IS I!!!
Chichiri: How did you find us, no da?
Mitsukake: Tamaneko told me.
Chiriko: Wait a sec! Cats can't talk!
Tasuki: That one can! I've seen it with my own eyes!
Chiriko: Knowing you, you were probably drunk!
Tasuki: Yeah…probably…BUT IT DID TALK TO ME!
Chiriko: riii---*gets cut off as a sleeve from a Request™ shirt grabs his mouth and is about to shove some "I can't believe it's not butter!" down his throat*
Mitsukake: NOOO!! *shoves the article of clothing away form him*
Tomo: GET HIM! *Mitsukake gets doggy-piled by jeans, shirts, skirts, and, I'll be damned, penguin underwear*
Mitsukake: AH!!! I'm drowing!!!
Chiriko: In clothing?
Mitsukake: I CAN'T BREATH!
Tomo: MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!
Another unknown voice: STOP!!!!!!!!!! *the clothing suddenly fall to the grown and become lifeless*
Tomo: *turns to the voice* YOU!
Nakago: That's right! *as you should know, his shirt is half on and there are hickies and/or lip marks all over his face and neck and he looks very traumatized*
Tomo: IMPOSSIBLE!!! How did you escape your locked chambers.
Nakago: Soy let me out when I promised to do something VERY dirty and inhumane to her after this ordeal is finished…*shivers at himself*
Nuriko: Please, by all means, do NOT tell us what it is.
Nakago: Deal.
Tomo: But how?! How can you betray me!? Are you not under the control of the "I can't believe it's not butter!"???
Nakago: Yes I am. But you are not "I can't believe it's not butter!"! You are…well…YOU! AND I WILL NEVER OBEY SOMEONE WHO WOULD PUT ME THROUGH SO MUCH SUFFERING!!! "I can't believe it's not butter!" controlling me or not! *starts untying Nuriko and co.*
Tomo: DAMN YOU!!!
Mitsukake: *emerges from the Request™ clothing* OK!!! I'm pissed now! *pulls out some Lactancia©™ butter from…uh…let's say his pants simply for hentai purposes ^^*
Tomo: Oh shit…
Everyone: *now is untied* GET HIM! *insert giant doggy-pile on Tomo and lots of screaming obscenities etc. here*
So…let's flash forward a bit. Obviously our heroes saved the day, Nakago and Tomo have been freed from the "I can't believe it's not butter!", the gang incenerated what was left of the evil artificial product, and old China is back to normal…right?
In the palace…
Miaka: *gurgling noises form her tummy* Uh oh….ME HUNGRY!!! I DEMAND FOOD!!!! *waits for a response…not even another human breathing can be heard…* grrrrrr…*mumbles obscenities as she wobbles to the fridge* I wonder what's there to eat… *opens the fridge* EW! TUNA!. Let's see…milk, juice, fruit, ick! Healthy food is gross! Uh…cold soup, some sort of green sludge that's been here for weeks, old spaghetti…hmmm…HEY! What's this? *pushes some plastic-wrapped particle of food aside and pulls out a container reading it's label*"I can't believe it's not butter!"??? Where did this come form? *shrugs* Sounds good! I'll have some toast!
Uh oh…the saga continues…BWAHAHAHA!!!
So…the moral of the story? "I can't believe it's not butter!" will take over the world with the penguins and there's nothing you can do about it! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
~*~*~*~*~*~
I hope you all enjoyed my fic…yes this is the end. Don't be sad!!! You know what will cheer you up? IF YOU REVIEW THIS STORY AND TELL ME HOW MUCH YOU LOVE IT!!!! It really makes me happy if you do! And making me happy should make you happy, right? So review with comments. CONSTRUCTIVE criticism, etc. Thanks for supporting this fic. JAA!