"Starvation is control. Control is tough. Bones are beautiful when skinny just isn't enough."

I panted to myself as I repeated my mantra over and over in my head. I looked back at the treadmill and saw I had only burned 224 calories.

Checking my watch, I saw I had only 20 minutes until Spencer came back from the art museum. Calculating the numbers in my head quickly, I figured if I ran back from the gym and just washed the sweat off of me with a washcloth instead of a shower, I had about 10 more minutes.

Raising the speed and incline on the treadmill by two more, I felt more beads of sweat dripping from my hair. With a struggle, I managed to run my fingers through my dying hair and felt I really needed to wash my hair.

I didn't stop my pace as I continued my exercise. When Spencer got home I'd just tell him, "I had a long day of gym and homework and badly needed a shower. I already ate anyways."

104.8 lbs.

"Hmmm. At least you're losing."

I sighed in relief almost to myself. Pleasing Ana was rare and it usually meant no names or pain for the time it lasted.

I slipped on my clothes and brushed my hair. As soon as I removed contact from the brush and my hair, I didn't even need to look at the brush to know it held clumps of my broken hair. I sighed again and threw the stray hair in the trash can deep, so nobody could see it.

I grabbed my backpack and headed downstairs to the kitchen. Spencer wasn't out of his room yet.

I took out a granola bar from the cabinet. Always important to eat something at breakfast. Your metabolism depends on it.

I was eating slowly when Spencer came out of his bedroom, bright and cheery. His pajamas and hair were a mess but his face was all-smiles.

"Guess which two siblings are going to the Cheesecake Warehouse tonight because a little sister got all A's on her report card!" Spencer exclaimed, waving a Cheesecake Warehouse coupon in the air.

"Really?" I feigned excitement. Inside secretly I was panicking. I couldn't eat there! There were probably 1000 calories just in the dinner and the cheesecakes were just a whole different story.

"Say you're already celebrating with Seddie. Have him take Angie instead."

Angelina Harris was Spencer's new and serious girlfriend. She was pretty and skinny and an artist just like Spencer. They met at an Art Convention in which they were both premiering their pieces to the audience.

"I can't wait! I haven't been- oh wait…aw darn it. I already promised Sam and Freddie I'd celebrate with them tonight," I lied.

Spencer frowned and I panicked again. "But the grades just came in the mail today…how'd you guys already know?"

"You made the straight A list of honor. You were one of the first to find out your grades."

"Freddie and I made the straight A honor list. We were one of the firsts to find out our grades." I lied again. I was beginning to think I was lying more than I was telling the truth these days.

"Ooh adding Freddie. Smart Carly."

"And you didn't tell your older brother?"

"I wanted it to be a surprise."

"Well it's an awesome surprise!" Spencer laughed and hugged me. "It's just a shame to waste this coupon though."

"Take Angie!" I suggested helpfully.

"You're right!" Spencer realized cheerfully hugging me once again. I plastered a fake smile on my face as I watched Spencer ramble on about how he and Angie were getting along so well.

Inside my head, I wasn't really listening to Spencer. I'm glad he was happy with Angie but he talks about her all the time. I'm pretty sure I know everything Angie wants me to know about her and even more.

And personally? I really could live my whole life without knowing that Angie prefers Always instead of Stayfree.

"Hey Carls!" My best friend, Sam Puckett, waved to me from across the hall. It was lunchtime and she was sitting at our usual lunch table.

I smiled and walked over to her, my hand clenching a brown lunch bag.

"What's up, Puckett?" I asked her, sitting down across from her.

"Mm, nothing much. Stupid Briggs gave me detention for falling asleep in class today…again…" Sam commented taking a large bite of her pepperoni pizza.

I felt bad for tuning her out but I couldn't help but gawk at the way she ate the pizza. It was like she didn't even notice the disgusting, orange liquid pouring off the pizza. I shuddered at the memory Ana gave me the last time I ever had a pizza.

(Flashback)

I was home alone as I opened the refrigerator door and pulled out a pizza box. I looked inside the box and found three slices of cheese and two slices of pepperoni.

I took out a slice of cheese and a slice of pepperoni and stuck them in the microwave to heat up. As I waited I began drumming my fingers along the kitchen sink. I spaced out for awhile and didn't realize that my drumming caused a fork to fall off the drying rack.

I bent over to pick it up when I felt that awful roll of belly fat again. I quickly picked the fork up and put it back on the drying rack. The microwave beeped and I took out the slices of pizza hesitantly.

"You don't really want to eat that Carly, do you?" Ana asked me, in her fake, sugary, sweet tone.

I had just begun my anorexia and Ana wasn't all familiar to me. All I knew was that she was pretty with her long, wavy brunette hair and bright, electric blue eyes. She had zero acne, zero pimples, zero freckles and zero fat.

I looked back at my figure. I had a pouch of my stomach hanging out in front of my jeans. My thighs were the size of Canada. My calves bulged out like bananas.

But I couldn't ignore the rumbling pain in my stomach. I hadn't eaten lunch earlier and I had a tough workout in gym class. It was beginning to give me a headache.

Ana noticed how I looked longingly at the pizza. "It's such a shame, really. I wouldn't want to see it happen to you. Especially you out of all people…"

"See what?" I asked out loud. Then I noticed how ridiculous that seemed considering there was no one there.

"Pizza makes you fat, Carly dear. It makes your insides rot and your skin grow bigger. Next thing you know, you'll have the most famous muffin top at Ridgeway."

"But…I'm hungry…" I said uselessly. It was dumb to fight with Ana. After all- she's was always right.

"Hunger? Let me show you what hunger does to your poor body." Ana's tone changed into a more icy tone as she began to show me an image.

I saw myself, weighing at least 400 pounds. My stomach stuck out like a beer gut. My calves were the size of glass plates. My thighs had huge amounts of cellulite and rumbled as I walked around a little bit. Don't even get me started on the upper part of my body…

I next saw an image of the inside of my body all orange and moldy green. There were shapes I could make it but all I could notice was the fact that the tube leading to my stomach was extremely large and at least the size of Spencer's 10 foot tall Skybucks coffee cup.

I looked back at the plate of pizza. I made up my mind and quickly threw it away.

"Good girl, Carly. I knew you were special." Ana said to me, as her voice regained it's fake sweetness.

(Flashback Over)

I feigned a smile as I watched Sam stuff the pizza in her mouth, chew it and then swallow. My head began to feel a little dizzy as my stomach quietly rumbled.

"Why aren't you eating, Carls?" Sam asked me, her mouth full of chewed, disgusting, enticing pizza.

I opened my mouth but to my relief, Freddie came.

"Hey ladies," He greeted us sitting next to Sam. I looked at the couple and inwardly sighed. They were the hottest couple at Ridgeway- everybody(including Principal Franklin and the rest of the teachers) called them Seddie- and the most romantic. Gladly, I've never seen them, but I know that when they're alone their mouths are doing more than just talking.

Soon, Wendy and Gibby came along to our table. Gibby began to tell a story of what happened not five minutes ago in English class and humoring all of us.

I take advantage of this time to quickly slip away from the table and run to the girls bathroom- which is always empty because girls only come in here 5 minutes before lunch ends.

Nobody sees me leave which relieves me. I slowly through away all my food into the toilet and hesitantly flush it. It would seem it would clog the toilet but I'm only throwing away a turkey sandwich and a cookie.

I quietly sneak back into the cafeteria after a little bit of stalling and reading the new gossip in each stall.

When I get back to the table, nobody's even noticed I was gone.