Title: What Happens in Vegas
Genre: humor, romance
Pairings: USUK, PruCan, minor others
Rating: PG-15
Warnings: language, drunkeness, Las Vegas
Summary: It's their 50th wedding anniversary and America picked for them to renew their vows in Las Vegas-England knew this was not going to end well, not with a slew of drunk nations, a hotel shaped like a castle and an Elvis impersonator mucking everything up.
Notes: This was a one shot done for our lovely mods of the USUK comm, EverythingIsMagic to be specific, as part of a giant Thank You gift project at the LJ group hetalia_robots by sillyputtie for all of the hard work they do for our wonderful community. I'll likely post the one I did for Abarero in a few weeks ^^ Enjoy and remember that reviews are love!

What Happens in Vegas…

It had all, as usual, been America's blasted idea.

When the younger nation had 'jokingly' asked England how he felt about renewing their wedding vows in Las Vegas while he had been kissing down his body in bed, England had thought he was simply trying to be romantic and that answering 'ye-yes, that sounds wonderful, oh gods America!' would not be taken as anything but a continuation of the silly bedroom banter. But he had been wrong, so very, very wrong and now he was being driven through the busy streets of the Las Vegas Strip wondering what the hell he had gotten himself into and why exactly had America invited nearly every nation in the world to watch them have their vows renewed after nearly 50 years of marriage. Including England's brothers and France; he groaned from his seat on the passenger side of the rental car America was driving.

"Aren't you totally stoked, Iggy? This is going to be awesome! I got us the best hotel reservations AND we're gonna get our vows renewed by Elvis! How fucking cool is that?"

England groaned again and rested his forehead against the passenger window, wishing against all hope that it was just a bad dream and he was currently back asleep at his home in London.

"—and I got the best internet package. It's called the Blue Hawaiian and it has Elvis singing three different songs, and silk leis for both of us, and we'll get Elvis themed sunglasses and we can even get a hula dancer by request! I didn't get that though, we can just get Poland to do it or something."

"America, is all this really necessary?" England had always imagined them renewing their vows somewhere sophisticated and romantic, like one of Seychelles' beaches or in one of Germany's castles. Never, in all his increasingly sappy daydreams, had he imagined that they would renew fifty years of successful marriage and partnership between the United States and the United Kingdom in Las fucking Vegas, the city nicknamed Sin City for all the debauchery that occurred there. It truly was only his deep abiding love for the idiot that kept him from strangling the younger nation.

"Hell yeah it is! Fifty years is a big deal, we need to have a party for it!"

"A 'party' isn't exactly what I'd had in mind." England's words were low and dangerously quiet. America glanced over at him with a grin though, completely oblivious to the death England's eyes were promising him, and gave a loud laugh.

"That's because you'd probably pick something old-mannish. But you promised, England, you got to pick where we renewed at twenty-five years and I got to pick at fifty years! I went through with that whole thing in the Abbey where we had to stand up and sit down and stand up and sit down and stand up—"

"If you're quite finished mocking my choices."

America chuckled and stopped the car at a red light, reaching over to grab one of England's clenched hands, tucking it under his chin with an absolutely adorable, pleading look on his face that made it virtually impossible for England to stay annoyed with him. "Hey, I know it seems kinda silly but I promise, this is going to be awesome. The Graceland Wedding Chapel has been around for years and it's one of the most famous places to get married or vows renewed. I mean, Jon Bon Jovi even got married here! How amazing is that?"

England sighed but swallowed down his annoyance with the situation as much as he could and gave America a small, agreeing smile; he was right, it was his turn to pick where they renewed their vows and if doing this in Las Vegas made America this happy and excited, England supposed he could try his best to make the most of it. Even if it was the barmiest idea the younger nation had ever come up with.

"Thanks, sweetheart! Oh look, there's our hotel!" America had started driving again and was pointing wildly at a hotel and casino shaped like a child's castle, complete with a drawbridge and dragon outside. England read the name as Excalibur and felt his eyes start to twitch again. America had named one of his bloody casinos after a legendary and revered piece of English mythos whose wielder bore England's human namesake? "I picked it because this one's all medieval-themed with King Arthur and the round table and everything! Pretty sweet huh?"

England was going to need a stiff drink before the day was out.

The Excalibur, for as gawdy and terrible as it was outside and on the casino floor, actually had decent suite rooms so England only found himself able to grumble about the historical inaccuracy of the people walking around in costume. Most of the nations had booked their rooms in some of the higher end hotels, such as the Bellagio and the Mirage (France, the git, of course picked Paris, Paris and had hoodwinked a number of other nations into staying there as well), but Canada was staying at Exaclibur with them. Which, unfortunately, also meant that Prussia was staying there as well; England despaired that after some fifteen odd years of partnership, Canada was still shacking up with that albino menace—he thought he'd taught the lad better than that. And, since Prussia was there along with all the other nations to see England and America renew their vows, he couldn't very well be ignored. Which meant that dinner together that night as a double-date was also an unfortunate must.

Why couldn't Canada have chosen someone proper, like Australia or Ukraine? No, he had to pick the most obnoxious out of all the nations to partner with—Prussia was hardly even a nation as it was, kept around solely because of Germany's attachment to his older brother. He took another deep, calming breath as he exited one of the many buffets downstairs, America chatting excitedly with Canada while Prussia had sidled up beside England, his red eyes narrowed salaciously.

"So, after fifty years you're still not bored with America in the sack yet? Wow—you must be getting really old and senile if you think you're still that inventive!"

"I'll have you know that there is absolutely nothing wrong with America and I in that regard, you uncouth pig."

Prussia snorted and shook his head in obvious disbelief; England's cheeks heated, and he felt even more annoyed with the git, muttering curses against the other nation's continued existence for what had to be the twentieth time that evening. England rolled his eyes and inched away from Prussia, pressing himself closer to America who did not look put out in the least that England was closer to him. They were walking towards the Treasure Island hotel where many of the other nations were waiting for them in a bar called 'Kahunaville,' which was supposedly quite a fun time. America had gushed about how delicious their burgers were and that the bartenders did all sorts of neat tricks when serving drinks; England had to admit, the idea of bartenders throwing flaming bottles of alcohol in the air like batons before pouring them did sound quite titillating.

Still, England could have done without a venue that allowed all the nations to get completely shit-faced and make utter arses of themselves in public—he still shuddered when he remembered the week they had all gathered and got drunk in Madrid after the end of the World Cup. He'd thought the hangover he had after the VE celebration had been awful…

"So, which one of you fucks the other one? I bet you guys even have a schedule on when you have sex after being married for so long." England truly wished that murder was as legal in Las Vegas as gambling and depravity was.

"Gil, shut up," Canada said, using his human name since they were in public. He shot an unimpressed look towards his boyfriend, who responded with a childish gesture in return, before giving England an apologetic look that made the nation look impossibly young. "I'm sorry, Arthur, just ignore him. I think it's admirable you've both been married for so long."

"Aww, thanks Mattie!" America grabbed his brother in a tight, one-armed hug with the side not cuddling England, ruffling his hair as he let go. Canada frowned and muttered as he tried to fix his hair, Prussia cackling as he drifted back over to him and wrapped him up close. England sighed and rubbed at the bridge of his nose as they walked into the pirate themed casino, blinking upwards when he felt America bump his hip with his own. "Are you feelin' ok? We can go back if you've got a headache or—"

"I'm fine." England gave him an affectionate smile and squeezed America's hand where he held it in between them. "Nothing to fret over, just a little tired." A white lie; England was absolutely dreading going into the blasted bar but he certainly wasn't going to tell America that when the nation was so obviously excited about going.

America smiled brightly before he leaned in and kissed England's forehead. "You know, we can get Prussia off our backs if we tell him about how we did that one position involving the headboard last night—"

"Shut it!"

America chuckled and pressed another kiss, this time to England's cheek, as they arrived at the bar and entered to a chorus of nations.

England would have been delighted to say he enjoyed himself at the party, but his brothers had challenged him to a drinking game so, unfortunately, all he recalled was a spinning room and twirling bartenders.

Bugger it all.

The Graceland Wedding Chapel was actually quite quaint, England had to admit. Certainly a great deal more charming than he had originally envisioned, with well kept, white-washed wood panels, a pleasant gazebo and an adorable little courtyard with a stone pathway leading to a fountain. Small rose bushes gave the chapel a splash of color along the edges. He probably would have appreciated it more if he hadn't had such a horrible headache—and if America wasn't so blasted awake and cheerful in comparison to himself. He really needed to learn to not let his bastard brothers wind him up, even if they were making disparaging comments upon his character and alcohol tolerance. He felt bloody miserable and it wasn't fair to America—oh wonderful, now he felt guilty. Smashing.

"So, you must be the Joneses!" The women who ran the operations of the chapel was plump, round, and had the largest hair England had ever seen. "Well, you're sure a motley crew! How many different folks you got here with you?"

England scowled at how she addressed the pair of them and opened his mouth to correct her that he certainly wasn't 'Arthur Jones' but America stepped on his foot lightly and flashed the gaudy woman his biggest, friendliest grin. "That's us! I wanna thank you again, ma'am, for letting us use your world famous chapel! I know Nevada still doesn't take to kindly to same-sex marriages and just wanna let you know how grateful we are!"

The woman blinked before she blushed and swatted America's shoulder teasingly, her curiosity concerning their party forgotten in the wake of America's flirting. England turned his scowl towards his husband of fifty years and raised an eyebrow. "Should I leave you two alone? And bloody hell, you didn't need to stomp so fucking hard!"

"Aw don't be like that, Iggy! I was just trying to keep us from getting thrown out before we even have our ceremony—and look, now she doesn't care that we've got a mini world nation summit going on in her chapel!"

England huffed and crossed his arms over his chest. "If Nevada still disapproves of same-sex marriage, a full twenty years after it's been in effect mind you, why did you decide to have a renewal ceremony here?"

"Because it's the best!" America grinned and squeezed England tight. "Now come on! We gotta go get ourselves hitched again!" England heaved a heavy sigh but, even feeling as hung-over as he did, couldn't find it within himself to feel anymore annoyed with his beloved fool—America just looked too excited and too adorable for England to stay irritated with him.

The different nations were already crammed into the relatively small chapel and England smirked when he saw Austria shooing the elderly organ player out of the way with a huff, taking her place with a flourish despite the old bint giving him a death glare. Prussia was currently draped over his seat, sandwiched upright by both France and Spain with Seychelles and Hungary sitting beside them, the latter country's camera at the ready. Germany was trying to keep the Italy brothers from talking too much (or throwing tomatoes at Spain in Romano's case) beside a napping Greece and a bored looking Turkey and Japan was sitting politely up front with China, Taiwan, Hong Kong and Thailand—Korea was currently hanging upside down looking for something under his seat. All the Nordic nations were sitting together near the back and were flanked by Belgium, the Netherlands and Luxembourg; Switzerland and Liechtenstein were grouped together with Lithuania, Estonia and Latvia. Russia was sitting in the second row on England's side, flanked by Ukraine and Belarus, because America had point blanked refused to let him sit on his side with a gruff looking Cuba and Mexico. Two of England's brothers were all slouched in the first row, Australia and New Zealand sitting beside them as well.

Scotland and Canada were both acting as the family members to give both America and England 'away' as it were, so they were standing closer to the entrance of the chapel, Canada looking much more alert than Scotland (whom England suspected was still drunk). Poland had agreed to be the 'hula-girl' so he was dressed in the skirt and coconut bra, ready to place the silk leis around their necks. England's eye twitched when he noticed that Poland was not wearing a shirt or pants underneath his costume. Scotland mumbled a gruff congratulations to America for 'putting up with the whelp for so long,' that smelled too much of whiskey, and swayed as he hooked his arm around England's waist.

Just then, music started to play, a low, bluesy rock and roll sound that was instantly identifiable as Elvis Presley and the 'King' himself shuffled out into the chapel, decked on in his white and gold one piece, lip curl and sunglasses perfectly in place, singing Blue Hawaii in perfect tune. He sauntered over towards England and America, placing a pair of sunglasses on each of them, welcoming them and all their guests to the chapel and for celebrating their renewal ceremony. England had to admit, the impersonator was spot on with his impression; he even got the hip swagger right as he walked up to the altar, Hungary was snapping pictures like a madwoman and Japan quietly recorded as he sang the Hawaiian Wedding Song.

"He's pretty awesome, huh?" America whispered excitedly. England took another deep breath and nodded. "And we're gonna get him to do the Infamous Elvis Wedding vows with us, it'll be so sweet!"

"What do you mean 'infamous' you git?"

England, however, didn't get his answer as Austria began to play the wedding march and they were both escorted up to where their Elvis waited for them, well stumbled up in England's case as Scotland nearly passed out halfway up the relatively short aisle. Canada gave England a sympathetic look and guided Scotland to his seat once they reached the altar before taking his own seat next to Prussia. America took England's hand and gave him a bright, loving smile, one which England couldn't help but reciprocate, before they both turned towards their Elvis as Austria ended the song.

"Welcome, welcome folks, now how many years we celebratin' between these happy couple?"

"Fifty—"

"Fifteen years. Fifteen." England gave America a look and gave the Elvis a polite smile. "We married young."

"Well congrats for sticking it out so long, certainly something to be proud of. Now then, you two lovebirds got your own vows, or are we doing this my way?"

"Your way!" America said excitedly. The Elvis looked to England who nodded with grave dignity before he clapped his hands together and gave a little twirl and dance, taking each of their hands in his own.

"Then let's get to it! We'll start with you sweetheart. Dearly Beloved, we are gathered here today to witness before family and friends the exchange of solemn vows between Arthur Jones and Alfred "WHO LOVES YA, BABY?" Jones," Elvis said. He took England's hand and placed it over America's, turning to fully face England, hip cocked out to the side.

"My name is Arthur Kirkland." England gritted out the words, giving the Elvis a look of pure malice. "Not. Jones."

The Elvis blinked before he shrugged and gave a nervous laugh. "Well then let's start this off right! Dearly Beloved, we are gathered here today to witness before family and friends the exchange of solemn vows between Arthur Kirkland and Alfred "WHO LOVES YA, BABY?" Jones.

"If there be any suspicious minds present in the audience doncha think it's time to speak now or never - their love won't wait." The Elvis waited for someone to say something, but the only sounds that drifted up from the nations were Italy's happy gurgling and Spain and Francis wolf-whistling so he continued, looking straight into England's eyes.

"Arthur Kirkland, repeat after me:

It only took one night to get stuck on you,
and now my wish came true, you big hunka hunka burnin' love!
I thought you were nothin' but a hound dog, cryin' all the time,
but now I know you're my teddy bear
'cause tigers play too rough and lions ain't the kind you love enough.
So kiss me quick and love me tender for I can't help falling in love with you."

England stared, completely speechless in the wake of those ridiculous vows before he glared hotly at America, who was staring back at him with entirely too much mischief in his eyes to be completely innocent. He knew about these vows and had probably chosen to renew their own vows here on purpose, the utter wanker. He could hear some of the nations snickering behind him but knew if he stayed silent much longer it would be impossibly rude, so he gave America one last look promising retribution before he repeated the vows. But he would repeat them properly, none of that ridiculous posturing or accent that the Elvis had given them with.

"It only took one night to get stuck on you, and now my wish came true, you-you big hunka hunka burning love. I thought you were nothing but a hound dog crying all the time, but now I know you're my teddy bear because tigers play too rough and lions AREN'T the kind you love enough." England paused and gave America a less annoyed, warmer look as he repeated the last lines of the vow because as ridiculous as the vows were, the last line certainly rang true between the pair of them. "So kiss me quick and love me tender for I can't help falling in love with you."

There were a few chuckles, a few sniffles (most likely from Hungary) and a couple of scoffs but England couldn't be arsed to tear his eyes away from America, who was looking back at him with every bit of love he felt. London could be on fire and he'd feel all right with that gaze on him. The Elvis did a couple of hip thrusts and swivels before turning to America, trademark smile firmly in place.

"Well now that was just beautiful. Now it's your turn Blondie. Alfred "WHO LOVES YA, BABY?" Jones repeat after me:

"It took a hard headed man to make me king of the whole wide world.
I thought you were the devil in disguise but you turned out to be my puppet on a string.
I used to live in the hotel down the end of lonely street
but now it's viva Las Vegas 'cause I need your love tonight."

America smiled wide and tightened his hand over England's, stepping in closer to repeat back his vows. England felt his cheeks heat up at how much closer America was and how intimate he was looking at him; the ridiculous vows didn't seem so ridiculous anymore, in fact, there were rather romantic if you stopped to think about it. "It took a hard headed man to make me king of the whole wide world. I thought you were the devil in disguise but you turned out to be my puppet on a string. I used to live in the hotel down the end of a lonely street but now it's Viva Las Vegas 'cause I need your love tonight, baby!"

"Beautiful, just beautiful, boys. Please take this moment to exchange your gifts of love."

India walked up with their new rings at the cue, flanked by the two micronations of Wy and Sealand who were serving as the ring-bearers; she paused to give England an affectionate smile before she guided the two child-like nations to their seats, her hand patting his cheek not unlike a sister would as she left the altar. England placed the solid gold band on America's ring finger and America repeated the action, his thumb stroking over the top of his hand softly before gripping it like before.

"Well then folks, by the powers vested in me I now re-pronounce you "husband and husband" but remember, there is no return to sender. You may kiss your cousin. Please join me in welcoming Mr. AND Mr. "WHO LOVES YA, BABY?" Kirkland-Jones. Folks, this has got me all shook up, so please love me tender."

And just as America leaned in to meet England halfway for what had to be the hundredth millionth kiss shared between them, their Elvis began to sing his last song, the fitting Can't Help Falling in Love with You and Austria accompanied him on the piano. The nations, some still drunk (such as Spain and France who had begun singing along in their respective languages with the Elvis in the middle of the aisle) and others just happy, began cheering loud enough to reach the Vegas strip. England smiled at America as they broke away, not caring if he looked like a loon in front of everyone. For as silly an idea as this 'renewal in Vegas' had seemed, England still felt every ounce of pride, gratefulness, and love he felt when they first married and when they had first renewed. Utterly daft vows and all.

"So, pretty good, huh?" America was close enough to whisper the words against his cheek. "Not gonna hold out on the renewal night like you said you would last night?"

England smirked and pulled America down to meet his lips again, flushed and happy and surrounded by the nation he loved. "Well, it would certainly be a waste of that ostentatious hot tub in our suite, wouldn't it?"

America just laughed and kissed him again to the sounds of their Elvis singing in the background.

Finis

Reviews save lives.

As an FYI, the Graceland Wedding Chapel is a real place. I saw my great aunt/uncle get their vows renewed there by Elvis when I was about 10 and my parents are planning to go there to renew at 25 years. Everything from the 'Infamous' Elvis wedding vows to the song choices to the Blue Hawaiian internet package are all completely real and are every bit of fun as they sound here ^^