In depth plot summary: While having a complicated relationship, Miley, Lily, and Oliver try to make some new friends. One of those new friends they make is Joanie, who is unsure of her sexuality. The three of them and their other new friend try to help Joanie figure out her sexuality. Meanwhile, Oliver tries to make some guy friends for a change while Miley stays by his side to comfort him and guide him.

A/N: Sorry this fanfic isn't very long (like my first two), and please forgive me if not all of the scenes flow into each other. This story still follows the story lines of my first two fanfics. Overall, I hope it is decently entertaining for you :).

Disclaimer: The document you are about to read is a parody. The writer of the document is not associated with Hannah Montana or Disney channel in any way. Little or none of the content of this fanfic is from any episode of the show. Anyway, IT'S JUST A FANTASY!

Miley, Lily, and Oliver had a complicated relationship. Miley, who was bisexual, was dating both Oliver and Lily. But technically, it wasn't a threesome (not anymore, at least). Lily was dating Miley, but not Oliver, for she was now a lesbian. Lily and Oliver fed on Miley; they really ate her out (literally!). She was their sweetheart, their sex doll, and their favorite celebrity. She was mainly the center of their universe. Of course, Lily and Oliver were still extremely close to each other. There wasn't much intimate contact between them except for little things like hugging and putting their arms around each other. Although once in a while, there would be a little friendly kiss between them. They would still tell each other "I love you." It was just a little something that happened between opposite sex friends. Oliver was kind of hurt when he first heard that Lily didn't enjoy having sex with him very much, but when he found out Lily became a lesbian, he didn't take it personally.

They started having sex more. Sometimes it was one on one, with Miley doing just Oliver or Lily, and sometimes they did it all together where Oliver and Lily would take turns doing Miley. Sometimes, it still was a little tempting for Lily to do something remotely sexual with Oliver as long as she and Oliver were naked in front of each other. After all, she still loved him. There was a lot of foot rubbing between all three of them. Miley sucked Oliver's dic, Oliver and Lily licked Miley's pussy, Oliver spanked Miley, and, Miley never went all the way with Oliver, but she had with Lily; in which they positioned either of their legs above and under each other and rubbed their pussies together.

This had all been going on for a month.

One day, Miley, Lily, and Oliver were at Miley's house, in her bedroom. All three of them were sitting on the bed, and Miley and Oliver had been making out for 30 seconds. The last kiss parted. "Switch!" said Miley with a smile. Miley then started making out with Lily. They made out for 35 seconds. The last kiss parted, then Miley said "Switch!" Miley then started making out with Oliver again. Miley was really enjoying this!

After only about 13 seconds, Oliver gently pushed Miley away. "Uh, Miley," said Oliver. "Hang on."

"You OK, Oliver?" asked Miley.

"Well, yeah, I'm OK" said Oliver. "But...something's wrong."

"Oh no!" said Miley. "I knew it! Brushing my teeth wasn't enough! I should have used breath spray too!" Miley reached into her nightstand drawer and pulled out a pack of breath spray. But before she could spray it into her mouth, Oliver grabbed her wrist and stopped her.

"No! No, Miley, your breath is fine!"

Miley made a concerned expression. "Then what's wrong, Oliver?"

"I don't know," said Oliver. "It's just that...this is all we ever do! I need more!"

Miley blurted out in a really excited tone "YOU MEAN YOU WANT TO HAVE INTERCOURSE?"

Oliver laughed nervously. "That's not what I'm talking about" said Oliver. "Buuuut...that's not a bad idea" said Oliver flirtatiously as he pointed at Miley. Miley and Lily screamed with joy as they looked at each other. Then they did their secret handshake. "Anyway," stated Oliver. "All we ever see is each other. Just, the three of us. Don't get me wrong, I love you both very much, but..." Oliver's voice trailed off. "I want to meet new people" said Oliver. "Not necessarily lovers, but...I want to make new friends."

"Make new friends?" said Lily. "Well good god! Everyone in our school is so mean!"

Miley turned to Lily. "Everyone, Lily pop?" said Miley scratching Lily under the chin. "Everyone?"

Lily swooned and giggled. "Oh yeah! There are plenty of nice people at our school!" said Lily mesmerized even though she didn't mean it.

"Actually," said Oliver. "That has some truth to it. I mean, anyone who we haven't fallen victim to or witnessed do something bad could be nice."

"Yeah," said Miley. "Or anyone who's given us a friendly 'hello' could be a potential friend."

"Or anyone who smacks our asses" said Lily.

"Aaaaand how many times has that happened to you?" asked Miley accusingly.

Lily looked away and hung her head in shame. "None" she said.

"Lily," said Oliver. "What about Joanie Pulumbo? You did kind of befriend her once. I used to date her, and the breakup really wasn't that emotionally painful." Oliver paused. "Although it was kind of physically painful" said Oliver rubbing his shoulder. "You don't suppose she could start hanging out with us again?"

"Oliver," said Miley. "I hate to get your hopes up, but, one dog is enough!"

"Oh, come on, Miley!" said Oliver. "Can't you just-..." Oliver stopped in mid sentence and smiled. "Hey, wait a minute," said Oliver. "Did you just call me a dog?"

Miley put her arm around Oliver. "I sure did, Ollie pop!" said Miley. "Because you da' man!"

Oliver starred into space and smiled. "Wow," he said. "The guys never call me that, but it's amazing how much it means coming from you."

"Awww!" said Miley. Miley and Oliver brushed their fingers together while making intimate, goofy noises.

"Hey!" said Lily. "I'm a tomboy! How come you never call me a-...what am I saying?

"OK, Oliver," said Miley. "I guess I'll give her a chance. For your sake. Ooo! And I know someone else we could approach too! Lisa, from world history!"

"Ooo!" said Lily. "She's hot!"

Miley and Oliver started doing the finger thing again. Feeling left out, Lily grabbed hold of Miley and started sucking on her neck. Miley giggled as she did this. Then Lily started nibbling on Miley's ear with her lips. Then she just plain bit her ear! "OW!" Miley exclaimed. "Hey! No teeth!"

Two days later, Miley, Lily, and Oliver were at the mall, eating on the food court. They were with Joanie, and oddly enough, Lisa, from their world history class. Lisa was blond and sweet. She was 16, but she looked kind of young for her age. She looked like a middle schooler. One time, Lisa was in a group project with Miley, and Miley ended up telling her about having a fight with her dad. Miley expected her to just laugh and say "Oh, poor you! Poor you!" sarcastically. But she actually showed some sympathy, and told Miley about having a fight with her brother. One time, Lily was starring at her, and Lily expected her to say "What are you looking at?" But instead, Lisa smiled at her! Miley and Lily really overlooked these things before.

As they were eating, an elderly woman walked by. "EW!" said Oliver, Miley, and Lily.

"What's with all the old farts?" said Joanie.

"There must be some kind of bingo party going on, or something" said Lily. An elderly man walked by.

"UGH!" said Miley, Joanie, and Lisa. "Hey, Oliver," said Joanie. "How come you didn't 'ugh' with us?"

"Well, ya' see, Joanie," Oliver stated. "The way you react to ugly people depends on your gender and your sexuality. See, me, I'm a straight guy. So I'm not bothered by elderly men, but elderly women make me want to barf!"

"And me," said Lisa. "I'm a straight girl. I feel neutral about ugly women, but ugly men make me look the other way."

"But me," said Lily. "I'm a lesbian. So, although I'm a girl, it's the other way around for me. I'm pretty tolerant of elderly men, but ugly old women make me go 'GLEAH!'" said Lily squinting her eyes and sticking out her tongue.

"And last, but not least," said Miley. "There's me. I am bisexual. So I can't stand the site of hideous old gas bags period!" An elderly man walked by, Miley shuddered. An elderly woman walked by, Miley shuddered again.

"Well," said Lily. "I guess that just leaves you, Joanie. What's your sexuality?"

"Um..." said Joanie. "I'm..."

"Yeeeeees?" said everyone else as they leaned into Joanie.

"Undecided" said Joanie timidly.

"UNDECIDED?" said everyone else at the same time.

"How could you not know your sexuality?" asked Miley.

"Well...see..." said Joanie. "I'm mostly attracted to guys, they're the only ones I date, but see, one time I kissed my BFF, and I have watched girl on girl porn."

"WOOOOOOOOO!" cheered everyone else.

"I've never really been too sure of myself" said Joanie.

"How else are you attracted to girls?" said Oliver and Lily at the same time. Oliver and Lily gasped and covered their mouths.

"JINX!" said Lisa. Miley, Joanie, and Lisa laughed.

"Ok," said Miley with a humorous smile. "Lily."

Oliver looked at Miley and made an angry sound with his mouth closed. "Just kidding, Oliver" said Miley.

"Thank you!" said Oliver half angry.

"Anyway," said Joanie. "I've also had erotic dreams about girls sticking their bare feet in my face; and I liked it." Everyone else giggled. "I mean," said Joanie with a naughty smile. "Every time I see a person's feet, there's always some kind of sexual element."

"Aw, man!" said Lily. "I should have worn sandals today!"

"Oh, shut up, Lily" said Joanie playfully as she waved her hand down.

"Well, Joanie," said Miley. "Maybe if you become friends with us, we can help you figure out your sexuality."

"Gee, how are you going to do that?" said Joanie. "You and Oliver get naked in front of me at the same time?"

"We'll think of something" said Miley.

The next day, Miley, Lily, and Oliver were at Miley's house out on the deck. Miley and Oliver were sitting down, holding hands, gazing deeply into each other's eyes. Lily was standing up, and was doing something kind of goofy. She did a little chant while slowly spinning around while waving her index fingers. Lily chanted "Miley and Oliver sittin' in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G!"

Miley turned her attention away from Oliver and looked at Lily. "Oh, Lily," said Miley. "Grow up!"

Lily thought for a moment. Then she chanted "Miley and Oliver sittin' in a tree, F-U-C-K-I-N-G!"

"OK," said Miley. "If you don't understand 'grow up', then shut up!"

"Hey!" said Lily assertively. "I'm only saying it because I'm exited for you!"

"You know, Miley," said Oliver. "I'm glad we were able to hang out with Joanie and Lisa, but...I still need some guy friends. About the closest thing I've ever had to a guy friend is Jackson."

"Yeah," said Miley disgustedly. "And he's hardly even a guy to begin with."

"I just need someone to talk about guy stuff with" said Oliver.

"Well, Oliver," said Miley in a concerned voice. "Lily is a tomboy, and neither Lily, nor I, are straight anymore. So, if you ever want to talk about sports or girls, we're more than willing to sit down with you."

"Well, it's like this..." said Oliver. Oliver stood up. "You've never been kicked in the balls!"

Miley smiled and stood up. "True," said Miley. "But can you do this with guy friends?" With that, Miley started giving Oliver a deep, long kiss as she moved her arms all over him very aggressively. Despite the fact that Oliver had been having sex with Miley and Lily, this was still a little overwhelming! Before too long, Miley lifted her shirt up, put her hands around Oliver's head, and rubbed her boobs in his face!

When she stopped, Oliver was vibrating nervously. "HUH!" wheezed Oliver. Oliver stopped vibrating, then put his index finger up. "Probably not!" said Oliver. With that, he fainted. Both Oliver and Lily were shocked that Miley did that right there and then! Because Robbie Ray was home at the time! He was in the living room, but his back was facing them. He was sitting on the couch, watching T.V., and luckily, the Stewart's glass doors were sound proof.

"Hey," said Lily. "How come you never do that to me?"

The next day, Lily was at school, in the hallway, talking to Joanie; trying to help her figure out her sexuality. But Lily was actually kind of cheating. She was holding a clipboard and a pencil.

"Who's more attractive?" said Lily. "Vanessa Hudgens or Patrick Stewart?"

"Uh..." said Joanie with a half disgusted look. "Vanessa Hudgens...I guess."

"Yes!" said Lily. Lily wrote something down on the clipboard. "Allison Stoner or Mel Gibson?"

"Uh..." said Joanie with the same expression. "I'll...have to go with...Allison Stoner"

"Yeeep!" Lily exclaimed. Lily wrote something else on the clipboard. "Ok, Amanda Bynes or Rob Zombie?"

"Lily, this is apples to oranges!" said Joanie. "What kind of test is this? It's stupid!"

"Hey!" said Lily. "I'm just trying to help you figure out your sexuality!"

"My sexuality or yours?" said Joanie.

Lily hesitated. "Pfft! Oh...pfft...chff...ugh...pfft...what are you saying?" said Lily.

"Lily," said Joanie. "Don't get me wrong, I am interested in being your friend, but come on! For the past three days, you've been showing signs that you're attracted to me!"

Lily hesitated again. "What ever gave you that idea?" said Lily sheepishly.

"When we were at the mall," said Joanie. "I told you I'm turned on by girls feet, and you said you should have worn sandals! Yesterday, you smacked my ass in gym class! And admit it, Lily, you intentionally made this test to make it look like I'm not straight."

"Now why would I do that?" said Lily sheepishly.

"I don't know," said Joanie firmly. "Maybe because you're a lesbian, and you think I'm hot, and you want to hook up with me or something?"

Lily made a sad expression. "Well, gee," said Lily. "You're not offended by it, are you?"

Joanie made a frustrated scoff. "Nooooo" complained Joanie. "If I were offended, I wouldn't want to be your friend." There was a moment of silence as Lily gave Joanie a timid smile. "Look," said Joanie trying not to make Lily uncomfortable. "My feelings are complicated. I commit myself to one sex, but then feelings for the other sex keep coming back to me. Sometimes I'm just out of my mind! Considering the relationship you have with Miley and Oliver, you should know what that's like." Lily nodded. "I don't know if there's anything you or anyone else can do to help me with this" said Joanie. "Sexuality is...kind of something you have to figure out for yourself."

Lily's expression started to perk up. "Well," said Lily. "I would think the best way to do that is...social interaction! So..." Lily held the clipboard and pencil back up. "Anne Hathaway or Bugs Bunny?" Joanie looked at Lily offendedly.

For the next couple of days, Miley and Oliver tried to come up with a way Oliver could make some guy friends. Miley wasn't very good at this, and neither was Oliver. They were pretty desperate, so they ended up deciding that Oliver would try out for the basketball team! Two weeks later, Miley and Oliver were entering the gym of their school. Oliver was wearing a uniform. Miley gave Oliver some last comforting words. "OK, Oliver," said Miley putting her hands on Oliver's shoulders. "You may not be very good at sports, and you may not click with the guys," Miley's expression turned bitter as she starred off into space. "And they force you to pretend to be something you're not," said Miley continuing her sentence. "And sometimes they beat you up...I lost my point."

"Get to the positives!" said Oliver.

"But you are into sports," said Miley. "And you're better than the girls, and I'm sure deep down inside you burrrrrns the fury of a warrior!" said Miley in a growling voice.

"That's right!" said Oliver. "I'm a warrior!"

Miley gave Oliver a kiss on the lips. "Go knock 'em dead, Ollie pop!"

"Feel the burn!" growled Oliver.

A moment later, a practice basketball game had started. Oliver's team had the ball, they passed it to Oliver, and it must have been one hell of a pass, because it hit Oliver's stomach so hard that he gasped and fell on his ass!

The coach blew his whistle. "Out of bounds!" called the coach. "East ball!"

"What?" complained one of Oliver's team mates. "How is that out of bounds? The ball is still on the court!"

"Well...it's..." said the coach. "Very unusual that this happens."

Oliver reached out his hand to his team mates. "Uh...a little help?" groveled Oliver.

"Get yourself up, wuss!" said one of the guys. From on the bleachers, Miley gritted her teeth, vibrated, and threw her fist sideways in anger.

A half hour later, the opposing team had the ball, they made a pass, and Oliver managed to intercept it! Oliver ran down to the other side of the court. "WOOOOOOOOO!" cheered Miley from the bleachers. "ALL RIGHT, OLIVER! IN YOUR FACE, DANIELS!" As fast as Oliver dribbled the ball to the other side of the court, the other team managed to get there quickly enough. Oliver tried to get closer to the basket, but there were too many players blocking his path. He tried to look for someone to pass the ball to, but he was so busy trying to keep people from stealing the ball from him! He moved around for about 15 seconds, then he started to loose his breath. He stopped dribbling and was huffing and puffing. This allowed the player next to him to snatch the ball out of his hands. That player dribbled to the other side of the court with no one to block him! He made a shot. Miley made a painful expression and gesture.

Before the next play started, one of the coaches walked up to Oliver and said "Come on, Oaken, you've got to build your endurance."

"Endurance?" said Oliver huffing and puffing. "What's that?"

45 minutes later, the game was over, and everyone was taking free throws. When Oliver's turn came up, he shot, and he threw the ball way too high. It didn't even hit the backboard! It hit the rods that held up the backboard! The other players laughed at Oliver.

A moment later, practice was over, and Oliver collapsed into Miley's arms. Oliver made a series of sissy squeaks as Miley sadly gave him a tender embrace and ran her hand along his back.

"Oh, it was horrible!" complained Oliver. "I got bashed, knocked down, my lungs were going to burst, and everyone kept calling me by my last name!"

"Oohh," said Miley sadly. "Will a pet name do?"

"Sure!" said Oliver painfully.

"I'm sorry, Ollie pop" said Miley gently.

"Ollie pop!" said Oliver breathing a sigh of relief.

After Miley had soothed Oliver enough, she gave Oliver a kiss on each cheek and the forehead. Suddenly, some trouble was headed their way. The guys from Oliver's team came up to them.

"Hey, Oaken," said the guy in front. "Why don't you just let your girlfriend play for you? At least she can hit the backboard!" The other guys laughed.

"No I can't!" said Miley making a feeble attempt to stand up for Oliver. "You're confusing me with Lily."

"You know," said the same guy. "If basketball is too hard for you, why don't you try out for the wrestling team? 'Cause we know you'll look for any excuse to press your body up against a guy!" The other guys laughed.

Regaining his energy, Oliver said "Might I point out that last year, you were on the wrestling team!"

"Wooooooo!" said the other guys impressed by the comeback. They laughed.

"Burned!" said Miley.

At the same time, Lily, Joanie, and Lisa were on the beach, standing barefoot in the sand.

Facing Joanie, Lily lifted her foot up as high as she could without falling down. "Like what you see, Joanie?" said Lily as she waved her toes.

Joanie inhaled deeply and laughed. "That's cute, Lily! Really cute!"

"Come on!" said Lily with a crazy smile. "Cute? That's all I get? Not 'hot'?"

"Don't push it, Lily" said Joanie sternly.

Lily made a stern look and closed in on Joanie. "I'll tell you one thing," said Lily. "I'm definitely jealous of your BFF."

"Still not sure of yourself, huh?" said Lisa with a smile.

"No, I'm not" said Joanie. "I mean, I definitely like guys, but at one time or another, I have feelings for girls; and generally, I'm scared to death to carry out those feelings. In fact, half the time, I'm afraid to make the slightest physical contact with girls. I'm afraid of becoming a lesbian." Joanie turned to Lily. "No offense" said Joanie.

"None taken" said Lily.

"Joanie," said Lisa. "You shouldn't be afraid that you'll commit yourself to something you just try. I mean, there are 'spur of the moment' things, and we all feel extremely close to a girl at one time or another. But you don't have to worry about your sexuality being engraved into you. And you shouldn't be afraid to make playful, physical contact with girls. It doesn't always mean romance. I mean..." Lisa fixed her eyes on Lily and started walking around her. "Just because Lily and I are both girls..." said Lisa smiling. "Doesn't mean we can't do...this!" Lisa got behind Lily, wrapped her arms around her stomach, and started shaking her side to side.

"Whoa! Whoa! Whoa-ho-ho-ho-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!" said Lily laughing.

"Or, this!" said Lisa as she lifted Lily's shirt partway up and started tickling her. Lily laughed hysterically and blissfully in a high pitched tone as she kicked her bare foot in the air once or twice. "Or this" said Lisa as she embraced Lily intimately with her chin on Lily's shoulder. "Or even, this" said Lisa. With that, she gave Lily a kiss on the cheek! Lily sighed blissfully as she fainted, sliding down Lisa's body into the sand. "Annnnnd," said Lisa. "Just because a girl is straight doesn't mean she never takes a swing in the other direction! Not too many girls are strictly straight! Get what I'm saying?"

Joanie thought for a moment. "Say!" said Joanie. "That actually makes sense! I suppose I could be straight, but not 'strictly' straight! If a straight girl like you can do that with a girl (a lesbian, no less), then I guess I can live by that advice too!" Joanie hugged Lisa. "That you so much, Lisa!" said Joanie. "Hear that, Lily?" Lily didn't answer. Joanie looked down at Lily. "Lily?" said Joanie. It was no use. Lily was in a trance of bliss, laying down in the sand with her eyes closed and a smile on her face.

Two hours later, Miley and Oliver were at Miley's house, in Miley's room, sitting on the bed. "I'm so sorry the whole basketball thing didn't work out for you, Oliver" said Miley.

"Yeah," said Oliver. "I can't believe I can't have guy friends just because I'm not athletic." There was a brief pause.

"But," said Miley. "Girls are pretty comforting, aren't they?"

"You bet they are, Miley"said Oliver as he and Miley hugged.

"You know," said Oliver. "Sometimes I wonder if maybe I just wasn't meant to have guy friends."

"I don't know," said Miley. "Maybe you're just...more charming to the opposite sex than to the same sex."

"Who am I, Jesse Mcartney?" said Oliver kind of disgusted.

Miley playfully hit Oliver. "Well, Oliver," said Miley flirtateously. "You may not be able to have fun with the guys, but I do have some people you can have fun with."

"Who's that?" asked Oliver.

Miley lifted up her shirt and pulled one of her boobs out from underneath her bra. "This one's name is Ellen," said Miley bouncing her exposed boob. She pulled her other boob out from underneath her bra and bounced it. "And this one's name is Miley junior!" said Miley in a goofy voice.

Oliver laughed. "Aw hell!" said Oliver. "Who needs guy friends?" Oliver started playing with Miley's boobs.

The next day, Lily was in the park, pulling petals off a flower. "She loves me," said Lily pulling off a petal. "She loves me not" she said as she pulled off another petal. "She loves me...she loves me not." There was one petal left. "SHE LOVES ME!" Lily exclaimed. "Oh yes! I knew it! I knew it! Oh, I can't wait to be with you for real, Lisa!" With that, Lily kicked her bare feet in the air up and down and cheered "WOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! I'm walking on sunshine!"

The End

Coming soon: "Hannah Montana Comic Strips", A collection of very short Hannah Montana stories in the form of text only comic strips.