It was the phone call Burt Hummel had been waiting for, and dreading. "Dad, would it be okay if Blaine defiled me tonight?"

All right, so that wasn't exactly what Kurt had said.

It had actually been Burt who had phoned. He and Carole had taken Finn to visit her sister Betty in Columbus. Kurt had begged off citing homework, lack of blood relation, and Betty's house smelling inexplicably of cheese (Burt had had to admit that given the fact that Betty was severely lactose intolerant, the smell was strange and off-putting). So Kurt was alone in the house when a sudden spring snowstorm made travel back to Lima too dangerous to manage.

Except that Kurt hadn't been alone. After Burt had explained that they'd be staying over night in Columbus, Kurt had been silent for a moment. He'd inhaled deeply (which Burt thought was odd), then basically said the defiling thing. "Blaine is here. If it's snowing too bad to get here from Columbus…."

Kurt didn't have to finish, Burt knew that it was pretty much the same road back to Westerville for Blaine. Burt really, REALLY wanted to say that Blaine would be fine, that Westerville was a lot closer to Lima than Columbus was. But Burt would never be able to forgive himself if anything happened to his son's boyfriend.

And he'd been clearly thinking too long. Because Kurt had found his voice enough to say the wrong thing again. "I know it's asking a lot."

THAT definitely didn't sound like an innocent crash on the couch. "Kurt, exactly what is this 'a lot' you're asking. Because this has gone from sounding like an errand of mercy to a booty call."

"DAD!" Burt Hummel had gotten used to the varied tones that Kurt used over the years, and could decode them fairly easily. Kurt was clearly embarrassed to be talking about sex with his dad again. But it was more to it; Kurt sounded like he'd gotten caught.

"Look, I know you and Blaine have been seeing each other for a couple of weeks now," Burt allowed. "And I get that you'd be interested in spending more intimate time together. But what kind of dad would I be if I just told you to have fun and signed off on this."

"The kind I would love forever?" Kurt asked, nerves ruining his playfulness.

"Funny," Burt deadpanned.

Kurt sighed, clearly aggravated but also sounding resigned. "Dad, I don't know what's going to happen tonight. Blaine and I are taking things slow and letting them happen organically. I need that. Up to this point I've always been plotting and planning everything in my life. And as we've already learned from the Finn debacle, that leads to disaster."

Burt wanted to point out that the problem with Finn was more about orientation than poor planning, but that was hardly the point. "He isn't pressuring you, is he?" He didn't think that Blaine would do something like that, but the boy was clearly impulsive. It wasn't too hard to believe he didn't realize he was pushing-

"No!" Kurt insisted, now clearly annoyed.

"I'm not saying he'd do it on purpose," Burt backtracked. "But I don't want you saying yes just because you'd feel guilty saying no."

There was a long pause on the other end of the line, long enough to make Burt wonder if he'd lost the signal. But eventually Kurt did answer, though it was quiet. Burt wasn't sure if it was just the connection, Kurt being nervous, or if Kurt simply didn't want Blaine overhearing. "Dad, honestly- I think I'm ready. Emotionally, and well- I've done my shopping. Please don't be mad."

Burt, far from being mad, was trying to keep from having a panic attack. Shopping? That was giving him images that he didn't want of the baby boy he'd paced night with. "I'm not mad. This is all happening a lot faster than I was expecting, and I'm trying to get used to the fact that it's probably going to happen whether I like it or not."

"That's not any better than being mad," Kurt pointed out. "Would it help any if I told you I'm really happy right now?"

Well, it made Burt a little less worried. And Kurt hadn't been happy for so long. "As long as you don't feel like you HAVE to put out." Burt paused, wondering if Kurt would throw a hissy fit if he asked, "Can you put Blaine on the phone?"

"You still can't kill him over the phone, right?" Kurt worried.

"Not yet."

"Okay." Kurt sounded almost breezy.

Blaine was far less so. "I'm sorry to be inconveniencing you, Mr. Hummel."

"I don't have any problem offering you my home for the night," Burt bluntly replied. "It's offering up my son that's making me uncomfortable right now."

"Mr. Hummel, I would NEVER do anything that Kurt was uncomfortable-"

Burt cut him off. "I know. And if I find out otherwise you know damn well that they'd never find you."

"I realize that, sir," Blaine gulped.

"The other week when you asked me to give Kurt the sex talk. The week RIGHT BEFORE you asked him out," Burt reminded. Kurt insisted that it was a coincidence, but Burt wanted it clear that he still wasn't happy about the timing. "You sounded like you had personal experience in getting in over your head. So you're going to tell me EXACTLY what you've already done with some other guy. And if I find out you've left anything out, I'm going to make sure this is the last time you're ever equipped to have sex."

"I- I understand."

Burt paused, hearing a worried Kurt on the other end. And Blaine insisting it was all right. When Blaine came back he was quieter, the same way Kurt had been when he hadn't wanted Blaine to hear. "What do you want to know?" Blaine asked.

"How many?" Burt asked.

"I've only ever kissed two guys, and the first one punched me in the face. The second one-" Blaine paused, and when he carried on he was quiet with shame as well. "We made out. It got to the point where we both shirtless. He had his pants open, and I was giving him a hand job."

"How long had you known this guy?" Burt asked, trying to hold his anger in check.

"I met him at the party," Blaine admitted, sounding miserable. "I hadn't had much to drink, but he was so nice. I'd never had a guy tell me I was sexy before. If Wes and David hadn't been there to let me know what a mistake I was making, I would have probably let him- You know."

Burt flinched, wondering if Blaine has just admitted he liked to be 'on the bottom' in these things. Somehow knowing that didn't make him feel any better. "Well, everybody's got someone they regret hooking up with. You're lucky you've got some good friends to look out for you."

"Believe me, I know," Blaine replied, sounding a little absolved by the conversation. "At the time I talked to you all I'd wanted was to be as good a friend. Honestly."

"Okay." Burt breathed in, rallying all his self control to say the hardest thing he hoped he'd ever have to say. "Please try to be a little dressed when we get back there tomorrow."

There was a stunned pause at the other end of the line. Blaine finally gasped, "Yes, sir!"

Burt probably should have talked to Kurt again, but he hung up the phone. He'd said what he needed to, and didn't have the strength to make meaningless chit-chat when he knew his son likely wouldn't be a virgin after tonight.

"Burt is something wrong?" Carole had been helping her sister make up the spare bed (and couch for Finn) but obviously she'd finished.

"No. No, everything's fine," Burt sighed. "I guess."

Carole took Burt's hand and led him to sit with her. "Is everything okay with Kurt?"

"Yeah, for him," Burt grumbled. "Blaine is snowed in at our place."

"Ah." Carole was quiet as she took that in. "Well, I know that Blaine would never do something Kurt was uncomfortable with. So I guess you're more upset about what Kurt IS comfortable with."

"Did I ever tell you how I knew Kurt was gay?" Burt knew he'd had this conversation with Kurt, but couldn't remember if he'd said anything to Carole.

"No. But I'm thinking it was probably obvious for a while."

"Since he was three. Wanted some sensible heels for his birthday." Burt shifted his weight, growing more uncomfortable as he approached what was really bothering him. "That was the day I knew I wouldn't have him very long. That someday he was going to decide he'd had all of Lima that he was going to take. And he'd leave and never come back."

"Oh, Burt," Carole breathed. She moved close enough to take him in her arms.

As much as Burt wanted to break down he knew it was stupid, and wouldn't let himself do it. "It seems like Kurt's growing up faster every day, and I'm not ready for him to be gone yet."

"Burt, you know Kurt's never going to cut you out of his life," Carole insisted. "You're his home, and he's always going to keep coming back to that."

Somehow as much as that logically made sense, Burt didn't feel any less like he was losing his son. "You promise?"

"Absolutely. It'll be okay."

"Yeah, I know," Burt sighed, starting to calm down. "Did you know that Kurt had gone 'shopping' for protection?"

Carole's smile barely contained her wince. "Well, the alternative is a lot worse. Believe me."

Burt nodded, conceding the point. Not that Kurt could get pregnant. Or Blaine for that matter, since that seemed to be the way things were progressing. "Carole, do you think I treat Kurt like a girl a little because he's gay?"

"Kurt's very… delicate," Carole noted. "It's hard not to want to protect him."

"I hope that's all it is. Kurt hates it when I treat him like a girl."

Carole chuckled. "You need to stop dwelling on this. Come to bed."

Burt shook his head. "I'm too wound up. I don't think I could sleep right now."

"Good." Carole smiled naughtily at him as she unbuttoned two of her blouse buttons. "Finn and my sister both sleep heavily. And Kurt's not the only one who went 'shopping' this week."

Burt didn't have another thought about Kurt having sex until well into the next day.

END