You can all thank Dr. Blind for this chapter. It would probably still be festering on my computer if I hadn't been (unintentionally) guilted into posting it! Thank goodness for that. Enjoy.

Alec wasn't sure how long he had been lying here, on his bed, trying to figure out how it was that the thing that should have made him want to yell with happiness was instead making him want to start screaming at how horribly wrong everything had gone.

It wasn't often that Alec felt sorry for himself, but if there was ever a time for him to indulge in self-pity, it was now. He buried his face into his pillow, and realized it had become soaked in tears. He felt guilty for showing any weakness, even when he was alone. True, between the two of them Jace was always more vigilant about keeping his emotions in check (and punishing himself when he couldn't manage), but Alec had picked up the habit out of fear that Jace would look down on displays of strong emotion.

He sat up and wiped the tears from his cheeks. When he pulled himself together and went into the bathroom, he winced at his appearance. His clothes were wrinkled, his hair was sticking up in every direction, and his face was hectic-looking—flushed, a bit swollen from so much crying. The eyes that looked back at him in the glass were red-rimmed.

With a sigh at the way he had gone completely to pieces, he splashed some water on his face and pushed his hair into an acceptable imitation of compliance. Then he went back to his bed and sat on the edge, thinking about what he should do now.

There was one hard knock on his door, and it opened. Unprepared, he scrambled for some way to hide the obvious signs that he had been crying. Before he could make a single effective move, Isabelle poked her head in and announced shortly, "Dinner."

She was about to pull her head back out and return to finish the food up, and Alec was thanking the Angel that she hadn't noticed anything, when she paused, studied him for a second, and frowned. She opened the door a little wider, walked in, and closed it behind her. Alec looked down, hoping she wasn't about to comment on the clear signs that he had been crying.

With a sigh, she sat down on the bed beside him and said, "Why have you been crying?"

So much for hoping she wouldn't notice. Resigned, he looked straight at her and said, "Me and Jace had a fight. It's no big deal."

Fights with Jace were not unheard of at the Institute—in fact, they could be counted upon at least a couple times a week. Normally, however, those fights didn't end with tears.

Isabelle looked skeptical at his attempted nonchalance, to say the least. Alec could tell she wasn't buying it, but knew him well enough not to push the topic.

"I'm sure you can manage to forgive each other by the end of the night," she said. Whether or not she had confidence in her words, Alec didn't know. He wanted to believe her, but knew it was probably impossible for him to have any hope of it happening.

When he didn't reply, she got up, and left, saying, "Come to dinner whenever you want. Or not at all. I can tell them you don't feel well."

Alec didn't seriously consider staying in his room. That would only make the situation worse. Better to go downstairs and face Jace than to stay up here and make him realize how much his abrupt arrival had affected

He straightened himself up—better to look normal and be miserable inside than to have his parents know there was something wrong—and then went to the dining room.

A rare sight greeted him—a totally normal family dinner. He couldn't remember the last time there had been a "normal" family dinner in their house.

His parents were sitting, talking quietly, and Isabelle was listening to them intently, probably about to offer some unsolicited comment. It was so typical, the way she was paying such close attention, ready to offer her opinion. They were all eating pasta in the red sauce that Maryse occasionally made, Alec's favorite. It was so rare that she cooked, but when she did, it was great. Much better than anything Isabelle had ever managed.

The only one who acknowledged his late appearance was Jace—who did so by giving him no notice at all, in a very studied, calculated way. Alec had no choice but to take the seat directly next to Jace, but there wasn't a single twitch from him. Their eyes didn't meet for even a single half second.

Somehow, Jace was able to keep this up for the next fifteen minutes, and Alec didn't know whether to be happy about it, or frustrated. More than anything he wished he could rewind, and go back to when Jace was totally clueless as to his attraction.

The tension was incredibly thick between them. Alec could barely eat anything. He felt like his stomach had turned into lead which had then been drenched in acidic demon blood, and left to boil in the cavity of his body in order to torture every cell that he possessed.

And that was just the nausea. His own personal feelings about this entire horrible situation were giving him an unbearable headache.

Seventeen minutes. Alec knew because he'd been glancing at his watch every few seconds it seemed, hoping that the engrossing conversation his parents were having was going to die down soon, and they would all be free to leave.

In fact, he was about to ask that he be excused, when he reached for his water, just as Jace went for the last piece of bread in the middle of the table.

They bumped hands, and automatically Alec looked right at him and mumbled, "Sorry." He froze when their eyes met. His abdomen seemed to drop three stories, and a high-strung hum started throughout his body. Jace's were blazing with a peculiar intensity that Alec had never seen before—it was almost like it was causing Jace pain to look at him. Never mind the usual jolts of electricity that seemed to attack Alec's entire body whenever he looked at Jace.

Then Jace narrowed his eyes, and turned away, and Alec felt even worse than before. How was that possible?

Finally, mercifully, the dinner was over. Before Jace and Alec could dash out the door though, to flee in opposite directions, maryse saw them, and delivered what Alec thought might as well have been a death sentence.

"Why don't you two go and get some training? When was the last time you had a good session, just the two of you? It would do you good to get some relaxed exercise in." Only Maryse would refer to training as "relaxed."

Alec's only opinion on the idea was that it was a terrible one. "I don't think that's such a—"

"Good idea," Jace said, not looking at Alec. His voice was tinged with what sounded like…excitement. Glee. As if training with Alec was all he could have wanted right now.

Alec was so shocked, he didn't know what to do, and obediently he followed Jace to the training room.

Jace strode to the center of the room, bouncing lightly on his feet. His expression was familiar to Alec—he was ready for a fight. Before they trained though—if they did—Alec needed say something.

"Jace," he started, uncertain. "I'm sorry."

The look of surprise that he got was expected. "Sorry?"

"I just…I fucked up." It looked like he was going to get a chance to continue. Jace didn't say anything.

"You don't understand," Alec said with resignation. "I don't know if you ever will. You probably will never feel the same way about me, and can't even imagine feeling like this. "

Jace stared at him with an unfathomable expression, and didn't say anything.

"But I need you," Alec continued, marveling at how these words were spilling out, and it was almost like he couldn't stop them. "You remember how you told me about the first time you went alone to hunt demons? You said that you got trapped in that room in the back of Pandemonium, and it was completely dark. You couldn't see anything, and there was only one door, with a demon between you and the way out. You said that you were so scared, but you knew you were going to be dead if you didn't kill it, so you got out your blade, and named it, Cambriel. You said that before you did that, your whole body was frozen, with fear, and you could feel the demon, or the darkness creeping towards you. But when you saw the light from your blade, you regained your courage, the bravery I know you hold in yourself always, because I see it every day. I think you pretend it's just recklessness, but it's your own—it's your courage. The light restored you, and brought you out alive. Maybe you can understand this: you're the light. For me, you're the light."

Through Alec's recount of his first solo fight, Jace had kept his impassive expression, standing as casually as if Alec had simply asked for a spare pair of socks, instead of make this long declaration, the most either of them had heard Alec say all at once to anyone.

With a look that was almost angry with its intensity, Alec met Jace's eyes, and said, "I love you."

Jace's eyes flashed with something indecipherable, and he lunged forward. For a split second Alec thought maybe it was an act of passion—that one more time he would get to kiss Jace. He was wrong.

There was barely enough time for him to prepare himself before Jace attacked. The intensity of kicks and punches he received was much more than Jace had ever directed at him.

Slowly, he was pushed backwards towards the wall, managing only a few blows of his own against his opponent, and blocking most of the ones that came at him. The ones that did get through were painful, and he knew he would be in a lot of pain in the morning.

Jace caught his cheekbone in a powerful punch, though he was still holding back enough that nothing seemed to break. It went slightly numb, and as Alec was still reeling, he clumsily blocked a kick to his chest that knocked the wind out of him.

He was so caught up in the fight, that he didn't keep track of how fast Jace was advancing until his back hit the rack of weapons, which dug painfully into the muscle. Thankfully whatever he had hit had a blunt edge, but it was going to bruise nonetheless, the way Jace was still pushing him into it.

Alec tried to keep his gaze level, but once again, the very look on Jace's face was too much. It spoke of pain—and a danger to whoever was under its gaze. He glanced away, and then back again.

Too much. Too much to deal with, and interpret, and agonize over. With or without his confession of love, Alec was ready to ask Jace to forget it all, to forget everything.

Then Jace's lips found Alec's and he forgot every insane thought that had been going through his head. He didn't know what to think, so he didn't bother. With something akin to violence, Jace pushed him harder against the edges that still pressed against his back. Fingers threaded through his hair and pulled agonizingly, eliciting a groan from Alec that he had a hard time believing had really issued from his mouth. Jace broke away and took a sharp breath, darting back in to start kissing Alec's neck, undoubtedly leaving marks that he would have to explain later. There was a pain that edged this entire encounter, a bit of agony that made it even more pleasurable. He groaned again, gripping the other boy's shirt as Jace bit his earlobe gently, and then returned to his lips with more passion than before.

And still, there was always this anger seeping through, from the way Jace seemed to want to hurt him, even as he made him feel so good. With desperation, Jace grabbed Alec's hands, never stopping to break away, and guided him none to gently underneath his shirt, so that Alec could feel Jace's Marked skin under his trembling hands.

He almost froze when Jace moved his hands somewhere else—somewhere that, if he was Simon, he might be inclined to call the Final Frontier. Alec's finger convulsively dug into Jace's back, making him moan a little in return. Alec couldn't believe how hot that was.

Before anything could continue further, the last sound Alec wanted to hear floated down the hallway, and through the door of the training room that was cracked open. It was the clicking of Isabelle's distinctive boots on the floor.

The two of them sprang apart as fast as they possibly could, with Jace practically on the other side of the room before Isabelle entered. There was absolutely nothing to suspect from the point of view of an outsider—yet Alec thought his heart was never going to stop pounding, both from what had just happened with Jace and the fear that Isabelle would notice something amiss.

She saw them, flushed and sweating, and smiled. "Wow, you guys were doing some pretty intense training, huh? How are you not exhausted from those demons we got today? Jeez. Well, at least you got over whatever was up earlier. So, who wants to practice some archery with me?"

Alec politely excused himself, and Jace declined as well. Isabelle looked disappointed, but Alec didn't think he could have concentrated if Jace was within fifty feet of him, and his pulse was still racing from what had been interrupted by his sister. He hardly dared to imagine what would have happened if she hadn't come in. He doubted that he would manage to sleep tonight.

If you liked it, review!

(By the way, smut to come soon. Very soon.)