Author's Notes: This is my first fanfic for the iCarly fandom and if it wasn't already obvious, it's based off of the first season episode, iWant to Date Freddie. I actually started writing this about a year ago, but I've only just now finished it. I love constructive criticism, reviews of any kind aside from flames are highly appreciated, I don't own nor am I in any way associated with iCarly, and last but certainly not least, I really just hope anyone reading this story enjoys it.

iHate Your Stupid Skunkbag Girlfriend

"You stole Freddie and that hurt our show!"

Sam would never admit it, but what she really meant was that it hurt her. The show suffered too, of course, but that didn't bother her nearly as much as Freddie's frequent absence did. Ever since he started dating Valerie, he was hardly ever at Carly's apartment. Even when he was present, Freddie didn't respond to her insults in quite the same way, and his positive attitude in the face of adversity made Sam feel like a jerk.

It was like chemistry- they had a formula; she insulted him, he would either dispute her outrageous claims or insult her right back, she would ignore him and continue to mock him mercilessly and Carly would eventually break up the fight. Freddie wasn't supposed to bypass steps 2 through 4 by ignoring her outright. Sam thought back to when Carly first told her the news:

"Freddie quit!"

"Quit what? Sucking his thumb?"

"He quit iCarly!"

Her stomach had dropped. She couldn't think straight, and she responded the only way she knew how. She tracked Freddie down and beat the crap out of him, dragging him to Carly's apartment to confront him.

Hearing Freddie talk about Val, between throwing around dumb excuses like 'She's my girlfriend, what am I supposed to do?' and leaving in the middle of conversations just to kiss her, made Sam regret ever stumbling across the skunkbag with the stupid "blab cam". If nothing else, Sam was really wishing she hadn't pushed so hard for their first date. Sam loathed to admit that she liked Freddie, let alone that she liked him. She had hoped that watching his first date would bring her to her senses and remind her of everything defective about the nub. Unfortunately, it served the opposite purpose. And Freddie was worried Carly would be jealous…

Luckily, it wasn't long before Val proved to be the skunkbag she was by offering Sam a position as her co-host in an effort to destroy iCarly. What Sam hadn't counted on was the fact that Freddie wouldn't believe her. If she was the kind of girl who admitted to having feelings, she would have to admit that hers were rather hurt right about now. Honestly, Sam didn't think she could handle another webcast courtesy of "Germy"- she needed Freddie to believe her. Carly was backing her up, even, only to have Freddie talk about how he 'liked being used'-gross! Thankfully, Freddie eventually listened to reason and dumped Val, and if Sam had to hug him to keep him with the show… well nobody else had to know she liked it. She managed to give Freddie a wedgie during the hug, so it seemed to be a win-win for everybody. And the status quo remained.