Author: Belial

Title: Something New

Disclaimer: The BtVS universe was created by Joss Whedon, I'm just borrowing the characters for a while. I don't claim any of it, it's not mine, I think you get it.

Summary: Set post 'Beer Bad' and written from Willow's POV, W/O and W/B. One difference in the events of 'Beer Bad' begins changes in Willow and Buffy's relationship.

Feedback: Anything, please. Just… try to be nice. I'm fragile.

Spoilers: None unless you're new to the show. Set in S4, so nothing new.

Notes: I know this has been done before in one form or another, but I don't think I'm overly ripping anybody off. If you disagree, let me know and I'll take this down and apologise to whoever I need to. Mild B/W, so if that offends you, you're in the wrong place.

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Well, now I've gone and done it. Totally and completely done everything I could to ruin my life.

Oh yeah, go me.

Okay, so maybe I'm over-reacting, but can you blame me? I haven't even seen her again yet, and I don't know if she remembers. Oh, god. What if she doesn't remember?

What if she does?

Oh, that one's definitely a double edged sword. I can't make up my mind, and I need to before I see her again. I can't talk to her when I'm all confused, it's fairly likely I'll say something I really shouldn't, and then everything's all messed up again.

Okay, Will. Calm down. There's no need to panic. This is something you can deal with. Just think. Think, damn it! Work brain, work!

Now I sound like Xander.

Fantastic.

I'm just so confused, I don't know what to do. I thought everything would be fine, I told Giles and Xander to leave Buffy with me, that I could handle her in all her prehistoric glory. And I did, for a while. Everything was fine, it was actually kind of fun. It was so sweet, the way Buffy was fascinated with everything in the room. She spent ten minutes on the doorhandle alone.

It was about when she started being fascinated by me that I began to get worried. At first it was nothing, harmless, just her sniffing me a bit and playing with my hair and my clothes. No big deal, right?

So how the hell did we get to kissing and some quality full-body groping?

I don't know how long I let it continue for, but eventually I managed to control myself enough to get her to stop. No easy task, I assure you. After I told her to stop I had to calm her down because she thought she'd upset me, but at least there was no more, well… whatever it was that we'd been doing. Anyway, I think she fell asleep beside me, but when I woke up she wasn't in the dorm any more. And now I'm driving myself insane, because I don't know if she remembers and can't stand to see me, or if she doesn't remember anything and just went out.

What am I supposed to do?

This wasn't meant to happen. I have Oz. I'm happy with Oz. And Buffy wasn't even herself. She was… something that wasn't Buffy. That's the only reason it happened. Right?

Right.

Buffy would never feel that way about me. Sure, she loves me and all that, but it's purely in a best-friends capacity. Nothing more. And I feel exactly the same. So why am I freaking? It doesn't make sense. Plus, there's the whole feeling bad factor that once again I've managed to cheat on my boyfriend. Great. I've gone behind his back with my two best friends.

I wonder if they have groups for this?

Probably not.

Guess I have to deal on my own then. There's no way I can ever tell Oz about what happened. I love him, I do. I don't want to hurt him again, and I definitely don't want him breaking up with me again. Bad. Very bad. Nothing but badness there.

So. No telling Oz, forget anything ever happened. Hey, that's it! I can just pretend it never happened, and if Buffy remembers, I'll… I'll… damn. I'll deal with it if it happens. First, I need to work myself out. Why am I so upset about this? So what, it shouldn't have happened, it was a mistake. But there were reasons. Buffy was like, cave-slayer or something, and I was all upset because Oz has been acting so distant lately. Yeah, that's it. Neither of us were acting rationally.

How come Buffy gets the better excuse? I'm the one with a boyfriend I can't tell the truth to.

Alright, now I'm just being childish. That's got to stop. I'm a big girl now, I can handle this mess I've gotten myself into. I'm smart, I'm in college, I'm… late! Damn, damn, damn. The clock on the table shows 10:24, I've got about a minute to get over to my psych class. Oh god, Walsh will kill me if I'm late.

I wonder if Buffy'll be there.

Hey look. It's that sword again. On the one hand, I need to see her, but on the other, I'd really rather put off that conversation as long as possible. As I race across campus my mind is whirling, and I don't even care about the glares I'm getting as I shove past people in the halls to get to class on time. I skid to a halt in front of the doors and try to walk into the class as though I hadn't just been sprinting across half the campus, and slide into my seat just as Walsh starts the class. I get this look from her that promises me a lecture later, but at the moment I don't really care. I grabbed the first seat I saw when I came in, so I don't know if Buffy's here or not. I risk a quick look around, but I can't see her anywhere. Oz, from his position a few rows back gives me a quick wave and I flash him a smile, but I'm still preoccupied.

Where is she?

---------------

"Will! Hey Will, wait up!"

The call comes from behind me as I'm leaving the building to head back to the dorm. I'd know that voice anywhere, and it is with some trepidation that I turn to face her. I force a smile onto my face and hope she won't notice anything.

Play it cool, Willow.

"Hey Buffy," I reply cheerfully. "Back into the twentieth century I see."

She nods. "Hundred and ten percent. Actually, I think I came back so far I'm stuck sometime in next year."

I laugh a little, and we start walking back toward Stevenson. "So is Xander still dating Anya then?"

She shakes her head. "No, he's shacked up with Harmony now."

I laugh a little more genuinely at that one. It's certainly a rather disturbing image. Still, time to get on to the real issue. "So where'd you go this morning? I got kind of worried when I saw you weren't there. Thought maybe you had gone out hunting for a deer for breakfast or something."

She smiles at me and somehow I can feel that it's all going to be alright. I don't think she remembers much, if anything, so I think I must be safe. "No, no hunting. I went to see Giles, just wanted to know if I'd missed anything while I was going cave-slayer on you. I thought it was best not to wake you."

"Fair enough," I reply. It's a good enough excuse, and I might even believe her. Still, I need to get a straight answer. "You were a bit of a handful. It was kind of funny actually. I should have taken pictures. How much do you remember anyway?"

"Since I first started with the drinking?" I nod, and she continues. "Most of it at first. It's a bit blurry, but certain parts stand out. After the first night I remember looking at the TV, and then you asked me if I had group sex…" I can't help but flush, and she smirks at me. "I remember almost going to class in my pyjama's, thanks for stopping me by the way, and then stealing that girl's lunch." She pauses, and groans. "I really made a fool of myself in psych, didn't I?"

I laugh, and she whacks me lightly on the arm. "Hey, don't laugh," she sounds all indignant. "Would I laugh at you if you made yourself look stupid?"

"Of course you would Buffy," I grin at her before continuing, "But we both know you'd never get the chance." She scowls, and I laugh again. "So what else do you remember?"

She has to think for a minute. "Well, after that there was another night of drinking, and I think Xander kicked me out of the bar. Pretty much everything after that is missing, but I do remember that there was a fire, and I'm pretty sure I hit Parker over the head with a big stick," she pauses for a second. "Or that one could have just been a dream. Please tell me that that part actually happened."

"It happened," I reassure her. "Actually, I think you did it twice. Served him right, too. Oh, and thanks for the whole saving my life thing you did."

"The what?"

"You don't remember that?" I'm surprised, actually. I would have thought she would remember something to do with me, but then she would remember what happened later, so I suppose it's for the best. Really, it was kind of a big assumption that she would remember saving my life. At the time I was probably just someone who needed help, nobody special. I guess that's fair enough, but for some reason I can't help feeling hurt.

"You pulled me out of the fire that your cave buddies started. Even if you can't remember it, I guess we can add another notch in the tally on how many times you've saved my life."

She grabs my hand to stop us walking, and lifts my chin with her fingers so she can look directly into my eyes. "You know I don't keep score, don't you Will? I need you, so I guess I keep saving you for purely selfish reasons. I'd die if I lost you, so if you're keeping count, you save my life every day."

I swear, if I was the type, I would have started crying then and there. That has got to be the sweetest thing anyone has ever said to me, and I suddenly find myself regretting, really regretting, that she can't remember what happened last night. For an instant there, just an instant, (I love Oz, I do,) I wanted to feel her arms around me again, her lips on mine. And that's just crazy. I love Oz. I'm happy with Oz. And I'm not gay. I can't be, because then I'd be in love with Buffy, and she's totally straight, and I have a boyfriend who I love and…

Oh my god I need to slap myself. Who knew I could ramble this much in my head? Right, well, that's it. No more silent babbling to myself, especially since Buffy's staring at me like I'm crazy.

"Something wrong Will? I'm sorry if that sounded-"

I cut her off. "No. Don't apologise. That was the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me. It's just… well, you know how my mind can grab a tangent and follow it. I just lost myself in thought, that's all." I smile at her to show her that it's okay, and she reaches out and pulls me into a hug.

"Good. I'd hate to have scared off my best friend because I love her too much."

"Never happen," I reply with a smile.

-------------

I don't think I'll ever stop crying.

I can't. It hurts. There's just pain, and more pain, and this hollow feeling inside of me like someone's stuck their hand into my chest and pulled out my heart and everything inside of me that makes me who I am. Who I was. I'm nothing now, and I can't take it. Why do I hurt so much?

What did I do to deserve this?

Well, at least I know the answer to that one. Even if he didn't know it, I guess it was only fair that Oz cheat on me. After all, I've done it to him. Twice. Of course, I never had sex with Xander (and definitely not with Buffy), but he doesn't know what he does when he turns wolf. I shouldn't blame him, but I just can't bare the pain.

He's gone.

He just… left. Told me he couldn't be with me anymore, and took off. Said it was for my own good. God, now I know how Buffy must have felt when Angel told her he was leaving. I though I understood, but… I guess you can't really know until it happens to you. I just… oh god, I just want to die.

I'm curled up on my bed sobbing when Buffy comes in, and without saying a word, she settles herself next to me and pulls me into her arms. I latch onto her like I'm never going to let go, and she holds me tighter, doing what she can to comfort me. After a while, I couldn't say how long, I finally start to relax a little.

When Buffy feels it, she loosens her hold, but doesn't let go. "I love you Will," she whispers into my hair. "You know that, right? I'll always be here for you, if you need anything, just ask. I know how you feel right now, and I know that the pain is unbearable. But it'll fade. It'll never be completely gone, but you'll wake up one morning and find that life goes on, and you have to let it go. It might take a while, but it will get better, I promise."

I don't say anything, and I think she gets that I don't want to talk right now. I like this - curled up in her arms, it takes away some of the pain. I could dwell on that, but now really isn't the time. I can't think about anything, thinking will just lead to him, and I don't want to remember him right now. I want to forget, and I want the pain to go away.

-----------

I've stopped crying.

Good, right?

Not really. I think I've just run out of tears. I'm still screaming inside, and I need to do something about it. Maybe talking would help, but Buffy's off on Slayer business, and I know that that's important. She can't really afford to stop doing her duty because I want to regale her with tales of woe.

I wish she could.

But she can't. No matter how much I need her right now, she's not here. So, I have to do something alone. I just can't take this pain any more. I tried the drinking thing, but the drowning of the sorrows only work as long as you're drunk, and even then there's a limit. Drink too much, and you're even more depressed that before, and you manage to piss off your friends.

I had three options for dealing. I tried alcohol, and Buffy's not here to do the friendly comfort thing. So, there's one thing left to try.

Magic.

Bring on the candles, incense and chanting, because damn it, I'm gong to get rid of this feeling inside of me.

The spell's fairly simple. It requires a bit of power, but I think I've got what it takes.

It only takes about five minutes to set up, and once I've locked the door I'm ready to begin. As I sit in the centre of the circle of burning candles, I can't help but feel that I shouldn't be doing this. I shouldn't be using magic to solve my problems. And I worry that something might go wrong. I've got the power for this, I know I do, but my spells seem to have this habit of backfiring and causing rather unpleasant side affects.

I push the doubt out of my mind. I have to do this. There's simply no other way to get rid of this pain inside me. I can't take it any more, and it gives me a new understanding and appreciation of just how strong Buffy really is.

Drifting, Willow.

Right. I just have to get this done. Nothing will go wrong, and I won't have to feel so bad any more. This is just what I need. No more pain.

I shift a little, just to get a bit more comfortable. That done, I settle myself down and close my eyes, clearing my mind of everything but the task at hand.

"Harken all ye elements, I summon thee now. Control the outside, control within. Land and sea, fire and wind. Out of my passions, a web be spun. From this eve forth, my will be done. So mote it be."

For a second I wonder if nothing's going to happen, and then suddenly bolts of electricity flickers all around me and the flames on the candles flare brightly. That's got to mean something, right?

As quickly as possible I clear away the elements of the spell, blowing out the candles and placing everything in the trunk at the foot of my bed. A quick glance at the clock tell me Buffy could be back any time now, and I don't want her to know what I've done. At least not yet. I'm not sure why, but I can't stand the thought of her knowing about yet another one of my failures. I'll wait and see if it works, and now's as good a time as any to test it.

Or not.

The noise from a key turning in the lock of the door alerts me to Buffy's return, which just means I'll have to wait until morning to try out this whole 'will be done' deal. The spell wasn't perfect for what I was after, but it should effectively end up with the same results, if by a rather roundabout way.

I manage to be on my bed with a book open in my hands by the time Buffy opens the door. I look up and smile at her, but she just raises an eyebrow. Dumping her bag on the floor, she comes over and sits next to me on the bed.

"Okay Will," she says. "Fess up."

"Huh?" yeah, that was intelligent.

"Slayer hearing, remember. I heard you scrambling around. So come on, what were you doing?" She pauses for a minute, and tries to come up with an answer on her own. "Now, I know you weren't going through my stuff, 'cause there'd be no point. You were with me when I bought most of the clothes I have here, and the only other things I have are weapons, and I really don't think you'd have been going through them. So, you were either watching something really stupid and embarrassingly brain-dead on the TV, or you were looking at something even more embarrassing on your computer. Am I close?"

She smiles at me to show me that she's joking, which is good, 'cause otherwise I'd have had to get seriously worried about the places her mind was going in relation to things I do when I'm not around her. What could I possibly have been look… oh.

"Buffy!" I exclaim, slightly shocked. "Your mind has been visiting gutter-type places."

She shrugs. "To much Spike time, I guess."

I nod. "Yeah, that'll do it. So has he fessed up anything interesting on those commandos yet?"

"He's not talking. Thinks I'll stake him as soon as we get the info or something," she stops, and smiles a little. "Which is valid, really. I'm sorely tempted to do it right now, and to hell with whatever he knows. It's obviously not much, and I'd be saving myself a major headache."

"There is that."

A concerned frown suddenly crosses Buffy's face, as if she's just realised something. "Oh, Will. I'm sorry. I didn't want to leave you here, but Slayer business, you know. But I'm here now, and we'll do whatever you want. Talk, watch TV and eat chocolate, make prank calls on Professor Walsh. What do you think?"

"What?"

Where'd this come from? Why'd she suddenly… I think back over the last few minutes of conversation and realise that I've been kind of short with her. Completely unintentional, but I think I've been making her feel bad.

"Buffy, no. I mean, that'd be great. But I didn't mean to make you feel bad, I understand that you had stuff to do. Sacred duty and all that. It's cool, really."

"No it's not. The world can take a back seat to my best friend for once. You're in pain, and I know how you feel. And I'm going to be here every step of the way to help you through it."

She sounds so determined, and for some reason that warms something inside of me. So rarely in my life have people cared about me, and here's someone who was there for me from day one. Now, I know there's other people out there who care about me, Xander and Giles are some of the best people I could ever hope to have met. And despite how I feel right now, I know that Oz still loves me. If he didn't, he wouldn't have left.

How's that for twisted logic?

My point, anyway, is that despite these people who care about me, there's just something different about Buffy. And never mind what she just said, she always puts me before the world. If I'm in trouble, she'll come for me without a moment's thought for the consequences. When the mayor and Faith had me hostage, I had accepted the fact that I probably wasn't going to get out of there alive. Buffy had the one thing she needed to stop the ascension, and all she had to do was destroy it. Instead, she traded it for me. If we hadn't come up with another plan, she would have ended up letting that monster cause unimaginable amounts of destruction all to save my life.

There's just nothing that can compete with something like that. To know that someone loves you that much, that they're willing to give up the world for you - the feeling is indescribable.

And I get it every time I see Buffy.

I really need to address my issues.

I flash Buffy a smile and pull her into a hug. "Thank you," I say, trying to convince myself that I've got no ulterior motives to want physical contact with her. It's too close to Oz to even think about something like that. And to think that way about Buffy… well, that's a one way ticket I probably shouldn't buy. Plus, I think she's heading towards a relationship with Riley. At least he seems like a nice guy.

New territory, Buffy-wise.

She hugs me back, and it might just be my imagination, but did she hold on longer than she needed to?

"So. How's Riley?" I ask.

Way to go, Willow.

She shrugs. "He's okay, I guess. Seems solid, dependable." Okay, she's doing that thing where she talks like she's trying to convince herself.

"Boring." I say, nice and blunt.

She grimaces. "Just a tad," she frowns again, then suddenly smiles. "Still, I did get him to admit he was a lesbian the other day."

I almost choke. "What?"

She laughs. "He was helping hang some sign for some lesbian alliance or something, and I called him on it."

"Oh. So, are you going to-"

She cuts me off. "I don't think so. He's a nice guy, but I don't think I'd last, you know? Plus, normal guy, solid jock type, probably thinks he's pretty tough. How's he going to take it when he finds out his 'half-his-height' girlfriend is stronger than him?"

I can't help it. I giggle at the image that pops into my head. It's in little mini-characters, like in some of those cartoons, and there's a little Buffy holding a normal size Riley above her head and twirling him around so he keeps going faster and faster until he's just this blur, and Buffy's standing there balancing him on one finger with a bored look on her face.

"Penny for the visual Will?" Buffy asks.

I shake my head. "It's nothing."

She crosses her arms across her chest. "Nothing. Right. That's why you're still laughing."

I'm still laughing? Well, what'dya know. I crack myself up.

Deciding to share the wealth, I describe the scene to her, and for a second I think she's upset or something, because she doesn't say anything. Then her face cracks into a wide grin, and she falls down beside me on the bed laughing.

"You get creativity points for that one," she says when she calms down. "He's not so boring like that."

I smile at her, glad that for once someone finds my jokes funny, and suddenly notice that we're pretty much face to face. I don't think Buffy's noticed how close we're lying yet, although I can't really see how she's missed it, since she's virtually on top of me. Maybe I'm just hyper-sensitive or something considering the new turn my thoughts have taken recently, especially where Buffy's concerned. It's just… this entire situation. Gods, I'm so confused.

I just can't work this out. Okay, so there was the one-off make out with cave-Buffy, but what else? So I enjoyed it, who wouldn't? Buffy's a great kisser, even in all her prehistoricness. Maybe that's all it is. I miss Oz, and I'm just transferring my feelings onto Buffy. As soon as I get over things a bit it will all go away. Everything I'm feeling is because of Oz.

Yeah. That's it. Oz.

Buffy has nothing to do with this. She just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. And even if it was real, she wouldn't ever return my feelings.

So why is she still lying on top of me with her face inches from mine?

Wha-huh?

I give a small start, and she smiles. "Back with me yet?" she asks, and I nod somewhat breathlessly.

Uh-oh. Now I'm in trouble.

"Good," she continues. "Because there's something I just can't work out, and you're the perfect person to help me with the problem." She shifts a little, settling herself against my side, but somehow managing to keep her eyes locked with mine.

"What problem?" I manage to say, and I'm proud when my voice sounds almost normal.

"Well, here's the thing," she's moved her hand onto my hip while she was speaking, and she's playing with the bottom of my shirt. What the hell is going on here? "I keep dreaming something, and I'm pretty sure it's a memory. But my problem, you see, is that if it's a memory, you've been hiding something from me." She says that last part in a but of a sing-song tone, and now I'm seriously beginning to worry. I'm not ready for this.

"Buffy," I say, but I stop when I catch the mischievous look in her eyes. I know that look. She knows what she's doing and what she's doing to me, and she's going to keep doing it until she's satisfied.

I'm in trouble.

Yep. Big time. Her hand's moved under my shirt now, and she's softly raking her fingers over my stomach. The muscles there quiver at her slightest touch, and I can see it clearly in her eyes that she's enjoying this. But I can't let her continue. If she's just playing with me it'll kill me. But that would be cruel, and Buffy's not like that. But that would either mean she likes me, or she's influenced by something.

What though?

It suddenly hits me, and I fly off the bed so fast that I don't think Buffy even saw it. She looks up at me from her position on the bed, and the hurt in her eyes almost breaks my heart.

"Buffy, I can't."

The pain in her eyes intensifies, and it's almost enough to get me back on that bed. "Will? What's wrong. I'm sorry, I though you wanted-"

I cut her off. "I do." Oh god, I really do. When did that happen? Oh stop kidding yourself, you know exactly when that happened. You've been lying to yourself for years. It's time to try honesty, and hope she can still be my friend after all this.

"I do, Buffy. I want this, I really do. But you don't."

"What do you mean?" Her eyes narrow, and her tone is dangerous, but I ignore the warning.

"I didn't mean to, really I didn't. But something must have gone wrong, or maybe I did it right but thought something wrong, it's just that I've been thinking about you so much recently and I'm so confused, and then there was the beer kissing thing, so maybe I thought something I shouldn't have and my spell was too powerful and now you're caught up in it and I'm so sorry and please don't hate me!"

Damn babbling, I wonder if they have medication for that.

Buffy's looking at me blankly, and I'm wondering if I've really blown it this time. She looks at me for a minute before sitting up. "Okay Will, three questions. What spell did you do, when did you do it, and what would have gone wrong?"

"A will be done spell, just before you got back, and I may have made you want me." I shoot the answers off quickly, probably in some obscure hope that she won't be so angry if this happens really quickly.

I think my logic system's gone on a holiday.

I close my eyes, waiting for the yelling and Buffy's voice telling me how stupid I am, none of that happens. A pair of arms wrap around me and pull me into a warm embrace, and a pair of lips kiss me softly on the cheek. I keep my eyes closed, knowing that this can't stay good. I hear a light chuckle in my ear, and I can't stop my body from stiffening.

"Shhh, Willow. It's okay," Buffy murmurs softly in my ear. "You didn't do anything wrong. Your spell hasn't done anything to me. I'm completely in love with you of my own accord."

My head snaps up and my eyes shoot open. Buffy did not just say that to me. We were talking about her possible boyfriend not ten minutes ago, and now she says this. This can't be real, and now it's turning my life into a nightmare.

"Buffy," I say, but once again she stops me.

"If you don't believe me, just reverse the spell."

God, could I be any more dense?

Buffy smiles confidently at me, and I pray that's she's right. If not, this entire situation is going to be incredibly awkward.

Without breaking eye contact with her, I say the words to reverse the spell. "Let the healing power begin. Let my will be safe again. As these words of peace are spoken, let this harmful spell be broken."

For a few tense seconds I'm left wondering and fearing that maybe I was right and Buffy's about to bolt out the door when suddenly she reaches out and pulls me to her, wrapping her strong arms around me again. I'm shocked when I feel wetness on my shoulder. She's crying.

I wrap my arms around her, trying to offer what comfort I can. I'm not sure what's wrong, but she's my best friend, and she's crying. "Shhh, Buffy. It's okay," I say, unintentionally repeating her words from earlier.

"Oh god Will," she sobs, "I was so afraid you might be right. I couldn't stand the thought of not being in love with you."

I let out a ragged breath as what she's saying sinks in. There's a brief moment when all I can feel is happiness, but then the confusion sets in again, and my mind fills with questions. It's all I can do to verbalise one of them.

"H-How?"

She smiles, and I don't question the warm feeling that rushes through me.

"Silly question, Will," she says, her voice affectionate. "It's always been you, since before I knew it. I don't think I even knew how much you meant to me until that night I really thought I'd lost you. When I thought you were dead… a part of me died inside. When I saw you alive, it was the happiest moment of my entire existence." She takes a deep breath, and I can see tears forming in her eyes as she remembers the night she thought I was a vampire. "Since then… you're all I want. I tried to deny it for so long, I mean, there was Angel, and you had Oz, but I need you. I've traded the world for you before, and I'd do it again, because you're what keeps me fighting. The world isn't worth saving if you're not in it."

And damn me if there's anything I can say to that.

As I look at her I can feel my own eyes fill with tears. I don't know how it is that Buffy could possibly feel this way about me, but I'm not about to question my good luck. It wasn't my spell, and I'm not going to lose her over the thoughts I've been having recently.

I think Buffy mistakes the emotion behind my tears. Her smile disappears and she takes a leaf from my book and starts babbling. "Oh, Will, I'm sorry if that was too much, but you're so sad, and I just thought, you know, with Oz gone now, maybe we have a chance, I could help you stop hurting. I love you so much, and I know it's soon, and probably unexpected, but I thought, what with what happened with the beer - I know I said I didn't remember, but I do, and I wouldn't have brought it up but you mentioned it first, I just thought that maybe you might not be too wigged about the girl-girl thing and that maybe you had feelings for me too, but I'm sorry if this isn't what you-"

Okay, this is too cute. But, she's probably going to be embarrassed as all hell when she realises what she's doing, so I better help her out. While she's in the middle of a sentence I lean forward and press my lips to hers, wrapping my arms around her waist and pulling her close. For a second she tries to keep talking, but then I think her brain must have kicked in or something, because she's suddenly kissing me back with all the emotion and passion that she just tried to convey with words.

The instant that she responds to my kiss, it's like my mind clears and I understand what I want. I want her. I love her. And as scary as the thought is, I wouldn't give up this knowledge for anything.

I break away from the kiss and we both whimper a little. I press my forehead to Buffy's and notice that we're both breathing a little heavily. I smile, and she laughs a little.

"Thanks for stopping me from embarrassing myself further," she says.

"Pleasure," I reply, and she grins. I pull back a little, just enough so I can look her in the eyes when I say this so she knows that it's the truth. "Buffy, I love you. I think I fell for you a long time ago, but I was so confused. I loved Oz, and despite what he did, I guess I still do, but that doesn't matter now. When I was with him I could pretend that I only loved you as a friend, but since he left, you're all I can think about. I know I'm not that good with the talking thing, and this is probably going to turn into one big babble if I don't stop this soon, but I want you to understand how much you mean to me. I'd die without you, and not just because some nasty would eat me."

She crack a smile at that, and I decide that that's as good a place as any to stop before I really do start with the babbling.

After a short silence in which I think we're both still dealing with new developments, Buffy's the first to speak. "So, what now?" she asks.

I shrug. "No idea. Whatever we want, I guess."

She looks a little apprehensive as she asks "What do we want?"

Aww, she's so cute when she's timid. I tilt my head a little and lean forward to kiss her again. "Answer your question?" I ask when I pull away.

She nods. "Exactly what I was hoping for," she pauses for a second, thinking. "But, I know this is sudden. If you need time, it's okay. I'm happy to wait now that I know we can have something. If you don't want a relationship so soon after-"

"How about we just take things slow," I suggest. "Let me get used to Oz being gone, and it'll give us both some time to get used to the idea of us being together."

"Good idea," she says, and pulls me into a hug. Before letting me go, she whispers "How slow is slow?"

"I'm not sure," I reply as we disentangle ourselves. "Why don't we just do whatever feels right?" She nods, happy with that suggestion. "So, do we tell the others?"

Buffy pales, and I'm not sure about that reaction. "I don't know Will. Not yet, I think. Put a bit of distance between you and Oz so they don't think I'm taking advantage or something. Oh, god," she looks horrified. "I'm not taking advantage am I?"

I can't help but laugh a little. There's just something about this whole situation that's kind of funny. "No Buffy," I reassure her. "You're not taking advantage. Look, it's late. Why don't we just get some sleep and we'll talk about this in the morning."

She nods. "Yeah. That sounds like a good idea."

Neither of us move for a moment, and suddenly I realise something. Despite what just happened between Buffy and myself, there's still this pain in my heart from the hole that Oz used to fill. I glance at the beds, and turn to Buffy. "Stay with me?" I ask, wondering if she'll understand.

I can feel almost instantly that she does, and she pulls me into her arms again, her face buried in my hair. "Always," she whispers, and for one of the first times in my life I feel truly safe and loved.

*****************

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