Title: The Good Girl

Author: Mindy35

Rating: K+, some adult themes

Disclaimer: Characters belong to Tina Fey, NBC etc. Lyrics are from Damien Rice's "O" (with one minor alteration) and are used without permission. No money made, no infringement intended.

Pairing(s): Jack/Liz, Jack/Avery, mentions Jack/Bianca, Jack/Nancy, Colleen/Milton

Spoilers: "Hiatus", "Mamma Mia", "I Do Do", "Christmas Attack Zone".

Summary: Post-ep for "Christmas Attack Zone". Milton and Colleen continue to yell at Jack.

-x-

"Silent Night, moonlit night.

Nothing's changed. Nothing is right,

I should be stronger than leaving alone,

You should be weaker than sending me home,

I can't stop you fighting to sleep.

Sleep in heavenly peace."

-x-

It was after Liz had left to join her family, as had Avery, and when Colleen was in the bathroom adjoining her hospital room that Milton scooted his chair a little closer to Jack's, murmuring in a voice that implied he had something important to impart:

"Jack, I'm thrilled about becoming a grandfather, really I am. You have my whole-hearted congratulations."

Jack smiled at his father. "Thankyou, Milton."

"And listen," he went on in a slightly conspiratorial tone, casting a glance at the bathroom door, "I know your mother raised you a Catholic and I respect that. And perhaps you still feel some obligation to those values-"

"Not really, no," Jack replied lightly.

"Ah," Milton paused then went on again. "Well, as you know I was raised in a far more liberal environment and as a result have a whole different set of values and beliefs. So I want you to know that whatever you decide to do is okay with me."

"Oka-ay…" Jack bobbed his head, sensing more.

"But I feel I must tell you that there is no need to rush off and marry this girl unless it's truly right for you." Milton held up a hand to forestall him. "No, hear me out. The world is a very different place now, Jack, to the one your mother and I knew. These days, you can create your family however you want it to be. As long as there is unconditional love and honest communication at the center then everything will be fine. So if you wish to continue on with your relationship with Liz-"

Jack interrupted with an uneasy laugh. "Ah! I'm going to stop you there."

Milton, however, continued blissfully on: "I mean, you two seemed so happy last time I was in town. So in sync, so suited."

"Milton-"

"And I don't know what falling out has occurred or how this other girl came into the picture, but I'm sure it can be worked out to everyone's satisfaction. In fact, there's a whole chapter about such complex modern-day situations in my book, if you-"

"Milton, please. I think you've misunderstood." Jack let out a breath, telling him evenly, "Lemon is my friend and colleague but she was never at any stage my girlfriend."

His brows lifted. "She wasn't?"

Jack wagged his head. "No."

"Oh." His brows collapsed. "I was so sure, I mean I just assumed. You two seemed…so close."

"We are. Sort of."

He waved a hand at Jack. "And her finding me for you, Jack…that's an incredibly generous and intimate act."

"Perhaps it is," Jack murmured, "But she's still just a friend."

Milton smiled, scratching his head. "Well, I seem to have everything backwards, don't I?"

"It's understandable," Jack told him smoothly. "To be honest, it's not the first time that assumption's been made."

"So then…" he stalled a moment, looking confused, "why was she here tonight? I just assumed she was here…for you."

"She was, in a way. I invited her. Her boyfriend – he's a pilot – he's away a lot."

"So she's seeing someone."

"Yes."

"And you're seeing someone."

"Yes, and let me assure you, Avery and I are very much in love and very happy together."

"Well, that's wonderful!" Milton exhaled after a pause, his face splitting into a warm grin. "Why on earth haven't you mentioned any of this before? Why didn't you introduce us when I last visited?"

"It's still relatively new," Jack said carefully. "We only met…about seven months ago."

"And Avery's how far along?"

"Seven months. Or so."

His dad chuckled, elbowing him good-humoredly. "Well, you two certainly didn't waste any time did you?"

Jack's head bowed. "I guess not. It wasn't exactly planned."

"Oh, it's fine, Jack," he muttered, waving a hand. "I'm not one to judge. Sex – even sex between complete strangers – is a natural part of our existence. We all need to get a little from time to time. Don't we?"

"I suppose so," Jack agreed, squirming in his seat.

Milton became serious suddenly. "Of course, you might want to consider some form of birth control in the future."

Jack gave a pained laugh that stuck in his throat.

"I mean, I realize the Catholic church-"

He held up a hand. "I know all about birth control, Milton. We used birth control, in fact. It just didn't work out."

"I see."

"That's not to say we aren't thrilled about the baby."

"No, no, of course not. A new life is always wonderful news." Milton paused momentarily then leant back in his chair. "And listen, you certainly picked a pretty partner in Avery. Feisty, too. Not afraid to take on Colleen. Or you, I imagine."

"No, she is not."

"That's going to make for some interesting family gatherings, isn't it? All those strong personalities in one room." He grinned as he added: "We'll have to invite Liz just so I'm not completely outnumbered, eh?"

"Perhaps we will."

"And maybe the two of us can sway this precious new addition to be on our team, hm?"

"Ha. Maybe."

"I'm only teasing, Jack." He drew a breath, then pointed out as if it had just occurred to him: "You know…it's probably just the pregnancy hormones."

"Actually, that's just Avery," Jack told him with a half-smile.

Milton nodded a few times. "…Oh."

The bathroom door creaked open and Colleen began to shuffle out in her robe and slippers. "What are you two girls talking about out here?"

Jack and Milton opened their mouths to answer.

"Never mind," she muttered dryly, heading for the bed. "I could hear every word. And I wouldn't bother, Milton."

"Bother with what?" he asked, getting up to assist her.

"I've already tried talking sense into the boy," she said, leaning on his offered arm. "I told him that girl was perfect for him the first time I clapped eyes on her. He didn't listen though, he never does. He didn't listen when I warned him about Bianca. So I can hardly expect him to listen to reason when it comes to Bianca Part Deux."

"Excuse me?" Jack muttered, eyes narrowing at his mother. "What does Bianca have to do with any of this?"

"Who's Bianca?" Milton asked, glancing between the two of them.

Colleen's gaze, however, was fixed piercingly on Jack. "Jackie's first wife," she drawled. "And this girl is every bit as treacherous, mark my words - only with a quarter of the class." Milton helped her into bed, where she dropped her hands against the neatly folded sheet with a sigh. "Still-! I refuse to interfere anymore. You're big enough and ugly enough to make your own mistakes now. So go ahead and marry her. But you're going to have to stop making googly eyes at the Lemon girl at some point."

"I'm not sure what googly eyes are," Jack replied haughtily, "but even if I did, Mother, I wouldn't be making them at Lemon."

"Oh, come on," she spat back, "Do you think the whole world just stops and no one notices when you two take time out to share a little mushy moment with each other?"

Milton raised a hand. "I noticed."

"See?" Colleen hooted, before wagging her head at him in disapproval. "And in front of your wife!"

"She's not my wife yet," Jack answered edgily.

"No excuse," she mumbled, turning away.

"And Mother, I'm aware that you view Lemon as a friend and peer-"

"A peer? How could I possibly view her as a peer? The woman is half my age! She's younger than my youngest child!"

"Well, Lemon doesn't exactly act her age."

"And you do?" She ran an eye over him, giving a mordant snicker. "You're hardly a spring chicken, my boy, and if you think bedding a girl twenty years younger than you-"

"Sixteen!" Jack hollered, launching out of his chair.

"Whatever!" she hollered back, watching him begin to pace the floor. "It doesn't make you look younger, Jackie. It does the opposite! Am I right, Milton?"

"I…wouldn't like to say," he mumbled, hovering at her elbow.

Colleen waved an accusatory finger at her pacing, fuming son. "And you know very well how I view Liz, don't pretend like you don't. I view her as family; I've always viewed her that way. I hoped one day you'd come to your senses and make her family. Instead…she's leaving on a bus, a parrot pooping all over her shoulder, and I'm stuck here with you two imbeciles, talking about birth control. Hardly a subject either of you is able to claim to be much of an authority on, incidentally."

"Now, that's unfair-" Milton began.

"Wait, how do you know anything about a parrot?" Jack overrode him, waving a hand at the bathroom door. "Were you just in there talking to Lemon?"

"She called me! To check on me. She's a good girl! And we often chat. Unlike my son who won't take my calls and lies to me about the existence of grandchildren!"

"Give me strength-"

"That girl-!" she declared dramatically, sniffing into a tissue, "was the only one…who was nice to me. Through all of this!"

Jack rolled his eyes and continued pacing. "Oh, good God…"

His mother turned to Milton for sympathy, laying a hand on his arm. "I mean, can you imagine my disappointment after all these years? Being saddled with such an impudent daughter-in-law instead? The first words out of her mouth to me were an insult!"

"You were being irrational!" Jack accused, eyes wide.

"Doesn't matter," Colleen retorted stubbornly. "Blondie was disrespectful. Liz would never talk to me like that."

"It is true," Milton soothed, patting her hand, "Liz is a very special girl."

Jack stopped, facing the two of them. "Correct me if I'm wrong, but was it not Avery who diffused this whole situation?"

"Actually," Milton offered in a calm voice, "Not to stir the pot, but I believe it was your friend Liz who was trying to calm things down all long."

Jack's eyes narrowed at his father. "Thankyou, Milton."

"Your father is right," Colleen said, pouncing on the words with gusto. "She told you to be honest, she told you to be kind. And she was right! Why, Jackie, why must you let things escalate until they are so out of control that everything blows up in your face?"

Jack gave a defeated sigh. "It's the Donaghy temperament."

"Well, maybe it is," she answered after a moment, her voice and face both softening. "But, don't you see, that's why I wanted you to have someone different than that, different to you. Someone who didn't have to be forced into be honest, someone who didn't have to be tricked into doing the right thing. Someone good. Someone kind. Someone…someone like I didn't have."

Jack was wagging his head, expression incredulous. "What? What are you talking about now?"

Colleen cocked her head to one side, eyeing him sharply. "You think you kids would have turned out so rough if I'd had someone to keep me honest, someone to calm me down? Someone like Milton here? Someone strong and grounded and accepting of all those namby-pamby leftwing parenting techniques? Of course, I wished for that. Instead of what I got. Someone like your father - the other one - who just riled me up, drove me deliberately crazy. Or he'd just shut down on me and bolt when it all got too damn hard." She paused, looking hard at her son who looked like he was at last listening. "Two people like that in a relationship becomes hard work fast, Jackie. Be warned, it won't last. It doesn't even stand a chance at lasting. But…go ahead and marry the girl if you must. You've made your bed, so to speak. Now you've got to sleep in it."

Jack drew himself up, replying with as much patience as he could muster: "Mother, Avery is not a bed I'm being forced to sleep in. I love her."

"That's right, Colleen," Milton nodded, stepping closer and laying a hand on Jack's shoulder. "He told me he loves her very much."

"Oh please." She rolled her eyes in exasperation. "How many times have I heard that before?"

"She's the one for me," Jack insisted. "The one I chose over everyone else. How about you just accept that?"

"Is that so?" she mused, sly and slow. "Avery's the elusive One, is she? And what about…Nancy Donovan?"

"Who's Nancy now?" Milton murmured, attempting to keep up. "Another ex-wife?

"No," Colleen answered before her son could. "She's the other woman Jack was dating when he knocked up little Blondie. In fact, my sources at the bridge club tell me that it was her he chose. That is, until he found out he'd got the other one into trouble."

Milton turned to his son. "You never told me that."

Jack turned his back on both of them, walking away. "Okay, I'm no longer enjoying the simultaneous parental yelling."

"We're not yelling at you, Jack," Milton told him, his tone mild. "We're discussing, sharing our thoughts openly. That's what families do. As a father, you're going to need to get used to engaging in open communication."

"The kid isn't going to talk for a few years yet, Milton."

"Then you should probably start developing some communication skills now."

"Especially since your girl has none!" Colleen snapped at him.

"What I'm hearing here," Milton pressed on, his gaze shifting back and forth between mother and son, "is that your mother is concerned."

"That's right! I'm concerned!"

Jack turned to face her, his face impassive. "Well, you can rest easy, Colleen, because you are hereby uninvited to the wedding."

"What?" Colleen sat up straight and indignant in her bed. "You can't do that."

"I can," he replied, throwing his coat over his arm. "And I just did."

Milton reached out to him with one hand. "Jack, come on now. Let's try to resolve this-"

"No." Jack headed for the door and opened it. "Mother, if you can't bring yourself to support us then you're not welcome at the wedding."

"Fine!" she called after him, a note of desperation in her voice, "I'll be there for the divorce instead! It'll give me something to live for!"

"Go to hell, Colleen," was the reply hurled back at her from her determinedly departing son.

-x-

Some minutes later, Jack was joined by his father on the hospital steps. For a moment, the two simply looked up at the moonlit sky, their breaths making miniature clouds of the chilled air.

"I'm sorry, Milton," Jack said eventually. "I apologize for this whole evening. I'm sorry for dragging you into all this drama."

"Jack…" Milton smiled as he turned to face him. "Your family drama is my family drama now. Liz was right; I wouldn't want to be anywhere else. I'm just so happy to be a part of your life. And I'll love you and stand by you, no matter what you say or do. That's my job." His smile widened as he held his arms out wide. "Right?"

Jack stepped into his dad's open arms and hugged him back. "Right."

When they pulled back, Milton looked at him a moment. He touched a finger to his lips, before adding in a tentative tone, "I hope you marry the girl who will do the same." He held out his hand. "G'night, son."

Jack shook it. "Goodnight, Dad. Merry Christmas."

"To you too."

Jack watched Milton flick up his collar and head down the steps, leaving him alone in the crystal-clear, silent night.

END.