There are many things I should be working on right now, but I watched the last few episodes of iCarly with my niece and nephew the other day and this idea just wouldn't leave me alone. A little romp through the past three iCarly episodes with Sam to try and make some sense out of her rather sudden crush. You need be fairly familiar with those episodes (iHire an Idiot, iPity the Nevel, and iOMG) to make sense of this. Have fun!;-)

Human Error

So it begins with homeroom and a victory (hers, as always). Carly used count out loud, but that wasn't precise enough to celebrate Freddie's microscopic improvements in time, so they switched to the stopwatch a few weeks ago. Sam doesn't really care, because she still wins.

She pushes Freddie's hand down on the table in, according to Carly, just a shade under 2.5 seconds. Freddie hoots- he's been trying to break two seconds for a while now- and Sam musters a low "Yeah, well, happy birthday, Fredwart." He squeezes her hand once before he lets it go.

"The times are a-changin', Sam." He quips with a smirk.

A smirk!

Fredward Benson thinks he's somehow now man enough to smirk at her. He's not. He's just a dumb boy who's wearing three shirts with his name embroidered on each of the tags.

She's so caught off guard by it that she doesn't even punch him.

Later though, at lunch, she slides her plate of spaghetti into his chest, claims that the combination of rain and her sweater makes her arms slippery, and by the way, that's also why she didn't maintain her usual near-instant defeat this morning too, thank you very much.

Freddie glares and sighs. Sam pulls half of his sandwich out of his hands and continues to eat like nothing happened. She lets him keep the other half because it's his birthday and Mama's classy like that.

The sandwich is a BLT, but with ham instead of lettuce. Freddie's not entirely un-trainable.

During this exchange, Carly only briefly stutters in her story about Spencer's latest catastrophe to frown in the direction of Pete and Billy across the cafeteria. Sam turns over her shoulder and lifts an eyebrow; Pete and Billy are not-so-subtly elbowing each other in that way that boys think is cool, obviously staring at their table. She makes a note to go regulate. Her lunching habits are not for the amusement of the masses.

When she turns back around, Carly is giggling and Freddie has his hand lifted and open. "Well?" Smirky is back. "Don't tell me you're afraid of a rematch, Puckett."

She obviously missed something between them but she'll never turn down an easy victory, and two seconds later, it's officially just that.

She doesn't know why either of them keeps trying, really. For her, it's kinda fun and none of the other guys in her class are even willing to try anymore. He's always had a thing about getting good grades, and she thinks that maybe it really is some kind of compulsion that he has to get things right. Freddie likes to be good at things. It's a little annoying, most of the time. She's a little jealous, too. If it were her, she'd just quit and save herself the embarrassment.

The lunch bell rings and they all stand; Freddie and Carly to AP Lit and Sam to anyplace which isn't that. In fact, Sam decides she is going to find Pete and ensure he doesn't amuse himself with her lunch anymore.

The thing about Pete is this: he's an okay guy, but not great. He deals in betting and weed, for one thing (Carly freaked out and insisted she dump him when she found out, although it's not a thing that really bugged Sam) and is a nail-bitter, for another (that was a deal breaker).

Sam has her mother's tendency to go after guys she knows she doesn't really have to commit to. Either because they'll take off on their own or because Carly won't allow it for some reason or another (Carly's got an aversion to tattoos that Sam doesn't understand) or because Carly likes him too. Carly is her safety net, really. She doesn't need to change because Carly loves her anyway.

So Sam's on the hunt for Pete today, and make no mistake, it isn't hard to find him. Anyone who's ever skipped fifth period knows that Pete can be found behind the second stall of the Boys bathroom right next to the school counselor's office.

Keeping your friends close and your enemies closer, or something, Sam guesses.

She beats him there today. She's been here during "business hours" before; it was the first place they ever met, though their romantic relationship was short lived. Pete's desire for girls that can kiss and throw a punch is limited to girls that will enforce his collections, and if Sam learned anything from her Cousin Tanya's mistakes, it's that you never mix cash, romance, and bathrooms.

Pete nods as he sees her. "Puckett. Though you might be by today."

"Moi? Did you miss me?" She bats her eyelashes fetchingly.

Pete grins. "Word is that Benson is about to get a leg up on you. Or are you putting your legs up on him?"

She tilts her head and doesn't skip the punch this time.

Pete winces, but to his credit, doesn't cry. "I'm just sayin'. This is what I hear."

Sam puts an arm to his throat and leans them both up against the wall. "What is it exactly that you hear?" Her voice is low, dangerous. Pete has a wet spot on the front of his pants that has nothing to do with the rain.

"Uh, just that Freddie's into you. 'Cause, you know, he takes so much crap from you, but he never does anything about it. So we figure, you know, he's gotta be getting something in return, right?"

Sam merely growls in response. Pete continues shrilly. "And then, like, everyone in your homeroom said that you let him almost beat you in arm wrestling, and that's pretty big coming from you. I mean, you guys have to have something to stick around each other for so long, you know? Are you saying you two aren't, uh...?"

Sam screams and grabs Pete by the collar. "No!" He'll probably have bruises from her forearm-to-the-larynx but she doubts he'll say much about it. "You've made Mama very angry, Petey. You had better make this conversation worth my while."

He does, so she lets him go with a stern warning, a hoarse voice, and a slight limp.

So, it's the next week, and Sam strolls into the Shay's living room having just finished indulging in the last of Pete's generosity. Carly's too innocent to know what the smell is, but she's sure that Freddie is purposely tormenting her by keeping his delicious pizza to himself in the kitchen when she's obviously starving. Or maybe she's asleep; it's hard for her to tell. All she really wants to do is lie on Carly's couch and think about saying things dirty enough to shock her best friend (it doesn't take much), but damn, Freddie's pizza smells good. Did she eat all hers already?

Rehearsal was a wash. They're supposed to be hammering out some segment for the show, but Sam's finally feeling relaxed and she knows that most of the good stuff is all improv anyway. Freddie's saying something, but she doesn't really care. She doesn't. She's been watching for the past few days, wondering if there was any truth to Pete's confession. She's pretty sure there isn't- she's started more than one false rumor herself, just for fun- but if there was, she wasn't about to miss the chance to torment him with it for a bit. She's got a couple one-liners at the ready.

But realistically, Freddie's too good for her. Not in the way that she's sure Carly would say "Oh, Sam, no one is too good for you!" but the in the he's-never-seen-the-inside-of-a-jail-cell-and-would-no-help-in-an-escape-attempt kind of way. If he'd just drop an f-bomb or scuff his shoes or snap her bra or something a little more often, well, maybe then…

But he doesn't, so there you go.

It's not like Freddie and her are really even friends. She made sure he knew it too, because she wrote "I hate you" on his birthday card, just to help clarify the issue. He wouldn't even still be around, except for his big fat crush on Carly, and when they all graduate and he and Carly leave for college, she'll at least know that when they never speak again it was because she didn't want to be friends with that little nub. She hates him. She told him so a bunch of times. And damn, that pizza smells good. How long is going to stand in the kitchen with it, instead of bringing it to Mama?

Freddie's a dork and she hates him. And the first chance she gets to prove it again, she jumps on it. She's doing him a favor really. Freddie's gotta be into you. Even if that nonsense is true (it isn't), she really ought to do the right thing and turn him down hard, straight away. None of Carly's namby-pamby, oh, you-saved-my-life-now-wait-while-I-don't-mention-my-infatuation-again sort of thing.

Cort is in fact dangerously stupid, but that's still better than Freddie. Her preference for him says, in a way that words really can't, that she will never-ever-ever-in-this-lifetime find anything remotely attractive about you, Freddie Benson. Not even the arms, which Sam can't help but notice, have really started to look nice lately.

She cuts her eyes to Freddie every so often in the studio, when Cort has been wearing a shirt for a long enough period of time that she's bored with him, to see if there's a twinge of jealousy there.

She doesn't care, mind you, but it would be a little flattering.

She's a bit taken aback when Freddie trots out his own she-Cort. A little annoyed too, but whatever. Then he calls the girl things like 'smokin' hot' and argues with Carly about it near-constantly, and Sam gets it, she really does.

Maybe he is a little jealous, but if so, it's not of her. He's been crushing on Carly for years. Maybe that's over and maybe it's not, but he's still probably offended (out of habit, at the very least). And he's obviously enjoying himself as he and Carly stand face to face arguing one minute and congratulating themselves on the power of their own portmanteau the next.

Still, it all works out exactly how they knew it all would and they fire Cort and she wastes no time in giving Ashley the boot too. But then Ashley turns out to be a pretty smart cookie and Freddie stands there with that goddamn smirk on his face and his arms all crossed, revealing his inner darkness that who would have thought really existed anyway? And suddenly Sam can't breathe.

All she does is stare at him because out of nowhere, for a moment, Fredward Benson is so damn hot she can't even believe it.

…How did that happen?

No, wait...It needs to be more like...

…How did that happen?

It's the taint of evil that does it, she's sure. This isn't Freddie defending himself in a prank war or grudgingly accepting being pulled into trouble by her or Carly.

This is Freddie lying and manipulating to get his way. He didn't care that Cort might have lost his internship credit, and he was possibly an accomplice to stealing a baby. It's absolutely delicious. She kind of wants to tackle him and give his face a lick.

For a moment, anyway. Then Cort re-appears and Freddie starts whining again and walks off sullenly, despite the fact that he won, and that moment is over.

Sam laughs to herself about it later, wondering what the hell is wrong with her and if Freddie ever had ridiculous moments of attraction like that and maybe that'sreally why their twisted un-friendship has survived so long. Maybe his version of teenage rebellion is to listen to his mom starching his underwear and feel naughty with the knowledge that he was turned on by Sam Puckett gnawing on bacon or something.

So, at first, she thinks her fleeting lapse of judgment will be the first thing she tells Carly the next day, to start the morning off on a humorous note. But Carly and Spencer had some kind of magic 8-ball induced movie marathon that led to three straight viewings of Twilight last night, and she's brimming with ideas for a sketch, which Sam has to admit sounds pretty funny.

They sit down in homeroom to flesh it out, writing down parts of lines and guessing at the amount hair product they'll need. Carly glances at Freddie, standing with Brad and some other drip across the room and idly wonders if he can pull it off; Sam literally bites her own tongue when she stares in the same direction and replies "He's got it in him" before she can stop herself.

He's not the only one with hidden depths, either. The whole 'fall of Nevel' thing is really enjoyable, though, no lie. She's ditching seventh or eighth period (okay, so she's ditching both) by hiding out in plain sight in the computer lab. It's a strategy that took her awhile to hit on, but the lab is constantly full nerds doing whatever it is nerds do during the day, and no one thinks to look for Sam Puckett there.

But the point is she's killing time and getting a little frustrated that all her latest proxies are now being blocked by the school's content filter again- how's a girl supposed to check her Splashface, after all? - when Freddie walks up behind her and types in another address over her shoulder.

Damn him, his works. He smells nice, too.

"The district updates the blacklist every Tuesday." Is his explanation. "Anything you've used to get around the firewall from the previous week is shot, after that." He shrugs and Sam discovers that the casual display of mischief is really turning her on.

Determined to put him off-kilter as well, she smiles. And then pinches him. "Hmm...Feels like Freddie. I didn't know you were so...Illicit, Fredenstein ." She draws the word out, making it dirtier than it needs to be. It's a good cover, though it's becoming very awkward to find Freddie so attractive when he's being naughty.

Maybe now that's Sam's accepted the faint, minuscule, teeny-tiny possibility that Fredwarp is capable of showing small glimpses of un-lameness, well, maybe she's also kind of accepted that her bar for said un-lameness is getting lower and lower.

Anyway, Freddie inadvertently restores order when he stops rule-breaking and blathers on about how she should actually go to her next class, so Sam's not sorry when he takes off for eighth period shortly thereafter. It's too bad really, because about ten minutes later she spits chunks of fudge onto the monitor as she discovers the video that will Never Be Forgotten. She actually laughs full out without regard for who might hear her, and it's just her luck that Mr. Stern is passing by and gives her detention.

It makes her later than she wants to be getting to Carly's that afternoon, but it's worth it to be the bearer of the news that Nevel is hated by everyone. Freddie cackles marvelously and insists they celebrate.

It's actually aggravating, a few days later, when he becomes so popular for the vampire bit. After all, she found evil!Freddie hot way before it was on iCarly, okay ladies? So you can all back off.

In hindsight, she should have seen it coming.

"Drink from the shoe."

It's hardly poetry, but it makes her swoon a little. It's a mix of Freddie-being-Freddie and Freddie-pretending-to-be-badass. It's commanding and malevolent and magnificent. But most importantly, it's the first time that Sam smiles just because he is smiling. He's enjoying this moment, and even though Sam doesn't care at all what happens to Nevel and ew! Nevel-mouth is going to get on her shoe, lording over this is making Freddie smile so she keeps it up.

So, from that point on she's forced to admit she's crushing mega-hard on Fredward Benson. Ugh.

It's not great. She knew it couldn't be, of course, because it is Freddie after all, but being in love really sort of sucks. She can't tell Carly, for one thing, which is way outside her normal M.O. There's all that business with the first kiss issue and secrets and stuff between them, and Sam just can't imagine going there again. Carly doesn't like-like Freddie, but she doesn't always like other people like-liking Freddie either, and Sam's not sure how to navigate that (She's not even sure what she just said). Worst of all, Freddie is suddenly very popular. Girls throw themselves at him left, right, and center whenever they go anywhere. He puts on his broody face and plays it cool, and the really terrible part is that Sam finds herself wanting to use words like 'adorkable' and preferring his puppy-face "Can I please do more vampire stuff?" to anything else.

Consequently, it's just best if she keeps her mouth shut about the whole thing.

She has some pride left, for now anyway, so she refrains from throwing a smoothie at a hussy who has the nerve to interrupt Nevel's free smoothie repentance segment. Instead, she calmly reminds Freddie that his evil-tortured voice doesn't work on them and leaves the "because I've already gone under and Carly doesn't care" part unsaid.

The vampire thing fades, and by April, it's been awhile since they had a good arm wrestling match. A month at least, maybe six weeks. Spring break pretty much blanked last week, and midterms made Freddie too tense for even Sam to suggest a match before that.

Pete is actually the one to bring it up. He approaches them in the cafeteria one day, complaining loudly that he took a bath on March Madness bets and wouldn't Sam like put down a few overeager JV football players to get his cash flow going again?

No, she would not.

But nonetheless this does get her thinking, and she kind of wonders how hot it would be to watch Freddie do something like that. Maybe with a smug glare and a sarcastic comment. She dimly recalls his biceps weren't half bad...

This week all their teachers give lip-service to things Sam still doesn't care about, like impending AP exam dates and Comprehensive Learning project deadlines. The difference is no one else really cares either. She's sure that when the lock-in was first started it was probably meant to act like a warning, but now everyone knows not to start their projects until then. If you have to stay up all night anyway, why not enjoy your free time?

Sam certainly intends to. She looks at Freddie and tells him to have his mommy pack extra tissues tomorrow, because her mad arm-wrestling skills are reserved just for him, and Mama's feeling the need lately.

Freddie shrugs and nods. "Sure, Sam. You're on."

He's talking it up the next morning and it surprises her. It's a rude thing to do, really, Sam muses as she sits. This is a thing that's just between them, and how dare Freddie act like- holy shit, those are Freddie's arms!

She nudges Carly along to start the match before she can devise a way to get his shirt off. She's talked boys out of their shirts before, but at the moment she'd just as soon avoid that.

It's a victory, of course (hers, as always) but Freddie uses a surprising amount of strength and Sam can feel her wrist fall back a bit for the first fraction of a second. It takes some real effort to win, though the result is never in doubt.

"3.2 seconds" is Carly's official call, and Freddie celebrates like that's something to be proud of. It is the longest he's ever lasted, the longest anyone's ever lasted, and Sam thinks it her right to be a little upset. With herself, mostly, because Freddie is really embarrassing with his little nerd victory dance, and she's the one crushing on that. Lord, how wretched has she become?

Damn Freddie and his stupid dorky celebration and his arms and his pulling chairs out for her and stuff. Who does he think he is?

Has she mentioned that love sucks?

Word about it travels fast. Sam actually goes to her first class but only because there's a substitute in AP Psych today and she won't need to pay attention. Carly and Gibby are yakking away about details for their project, and she's just about ready to turn on her PearPod and take a nap; but, from her seat in the back row, she can overhear Patrice and Rebecca shrieking to each other and it's annoying as all hell.

"Omigod! Did you really see? He almost beat Sam!"
"Those muscles! I just about fainted."
"I know! He's gotten so strong!"
"I"ll wrestle with him any time!"

Sam needs a moment to compute that they are, in fact, talking about Freddie. She know that Patrice was into him a little while back, but Freddie lamed-out of that and it's rather shocking news to her that this even a topic of conversation.

Curiosity piqued, Sam actually goes to most of her classes (okay, fine, she caved and went to all of them. Don't tell anyone.) and hears this conversation more than once. It's practically an epidemic.

Freddie is like, a catch now or something, and it's all her fault.

So, it's a sign of how desperate she's become when she picks up the phone that night and hides in her closet. It's not like she'll be overheard- her mom's been gone since Tuesday, on a mission with her latest boyfriend to ride down the PCH- but the darkness is comforting. No one can prove she's blushing.

The phone rings one and half times before a perky voice answers. "Good evening!"

Sam turns to actually look at the phone and sighs. This is possibly the Worst Idea Ever. But she needs to do something before one of the vapid horde makes off with Freddie, and with Carly out of the question, there's only one other place she can go.

"Hello?" Confused, but still cheerful. "Mom? Is that you? Helllooooo?"

"...Hey, Mel."

"Sam!" Ugh, the squeals grate on her nerves already. "Omigod! It's so awesome to hear from you! How are you? How's the show? I never miss it, you know. Moonlight Twi-blood was soooo good! You guys really don't give yourselves enough-"

"Can it, Melanie!" Melanie just laughs. Why does she have to have sister who's so nice all the time, anyway?

"Oh, Sam, you haven't changed at all. What's up?"

"...Umm, I have this thing. To ask you."

"Do you need to make bail?" It's an honest question.

"No! Do you remember, that one time? With the stripes, and you thought he was adorable, and you were all cute and nice? But then it was just a thing but not really, y'know, real?"

Melanie waits patiently for Sam to make sense. When it becomes clear that's not going to happen anytime soon, she takes a not-so-wild guess at what might be the problem. "Are you talking about Freddie?"

Sam heaves a sigh a relief. "Yes." Would Melanie understand if she just threw up right now?

"Did you two kiss again? Is that what this is about?"

If it were possible to choke someone over the phone, Melanie would be some real trouble right about now. As it is, Sam can barely breathe enough herself to respond. When she does, it's all but a scream: "How the hell did you know about that, Melanie Puckett?"

Melanie giggles again. "He told me. More or less."

Sam cringes. It's now or never, really. "I think I...have a crush on him." It's the first time she's ever said the words, and even though she's still in the closet, Sam checks over her shoulder to make sure he's not there to hear it.

Melanie, to Sam's surprise, catches on that this isn't really a happy call. "So what's wrong? Did you and Carly get into a fight about it?"

"I can't tell him. Either of them. I can't. But...still- I need to...be-" She thought she could make herself say the words, but in the end, she just can't. I need to be more like you.

It's just not in her.

"You listen, and you listen good, Samantha Puckett." Melanie's voice is stern, and Sam smiles because she can just imagine her sister stomping her foot and wagging a finger towards the phone as she speaks. "You are amazing. And if this- this- Fredward kid thinks otherwise, I'll... pinch him. You go after and get what you want and don't let anyone tell you that you can't."

There's a pause, and Melanie continues. "But maybe, and this is just a suggestion, give him some time and lay off abusing him for a while? That's a romance-killer, sometimes. Maybe try, you know, just having fun."

"Fun." Sam repeats. She's pretty sure that her idea of fun is very different from Freddie's. "Sure, no problem."

"I'm sure you'll work it out." Melanie is nothing but totally sincere. "Oh, and Sam?"

"What?"

"Happy Almost-Birthday."

"Happy Almost-Birthday, Mel."

So, Brad's first day on iCarly is a smashing success, and Sam's positive that's not just the fudge talking. Not only was the show totally hilarious, but Freddie is wearing a Penny-T ringer than nicely accentuates what is rapidly becoming her favorite feature of his, and he even gave her sincere sounding compliment as they wrapped (she refused to look at him, in case it made her blush, the weakling that she's become).

She's in a really good mood, and she doesn't want it to end.

In case you haven't heard, Sam Puckett gets what she wants. It's more obvious than she really wants to be, but she invites herself over to Freddie's to join in his semester project. Even though they're going to be working on school stuff, it's Freddie in his element so Sam kind of okay with that (it doesn't hurt that Brad keeps her well supplied in fudge and being involved is pretty much a guaranteed A). She's a little bit proud that he doesn't cave right away (she'd be distrustful of herself, too) but when he echoes her previous taunt from the computer lab ("It feels like Sam…") she knows she's in. Freddie's knows her well enough to know that she's plenty capable with computers when she wants to be.

Mrs. Benson won't do anything too over the top in front of company that she actually likes (which is Brad, and definitely not Sam) so they all get handed sugar-free, egg-free, gluten-free cookies and ushered into the study for homework. Freddie beats Sam to the punch stomping on Brad's foot when he tries to decline the cookie and suggest fudge before Freddie's mom leaves the room.

Smart boy.

Sam smiles at that, but thankfully the boys are going straight into the geek-talk and don't notice. Instead, she picks up Freddie's PearPod and browses through the mock-ups they've already worked on. It's an interesting concept, but according to the tête-à-tête going on behind her, initial readings haven't been going well.

Freddie turns to Sam with a suspicious look on his face. "What are you doing?"

Sam briefly considers telling him she's downloading porn, but decides it doesn't suit her ultimate goal. Lay off him. Have fun. She tries a new (for her) track instead. "I'm just looking at what you guys have done." She and Freddie stare at each other for a moment, each daring the other to start an argument, but Brad interrupts.

"So, Sam, here's the gist of what we're aiming for: The software is in two parts. The first part takes your picture and separates your features and facial cues. That part's pretty easy. The second piece runs those things through a database and matches them up to examples. But there, we're having some problems."

"Like what?" Sam thinks she nailed the 'politely interested' tone until Freddie scowls her way. He answers her question warily.

"We've got the code on the second part pretty much set up. We've been feeding it randomly selected pictures from the internet to make sure it's working, but it's only getting around 60% correct."

"Can I…" Sam is unusually hesitant now. She's pretty sure she's done well at leaving Freddie alone, but her plan doesn't seem to be working very well. She could be digging her own grave here. "Can I see what you've got?"

Brad hands over the tablet and Sam scrolls though it. It keeps her busy for quite a few moments (And good Lord, is it boring) while Freddie and Brad start blathering about eigenfaces or something equally uninteresting.

"I think I have a suggestion."

Freddie turns around slowly and lifts an eyebrow. "Oh, really? Does it involve eating ham as a test or did you just find a way to delete all our work?"

Sam shrugs. She doesn't want to cop an attitude with him, but damn Freddie is not making this easy. She decides it's gentler to go the guilt trip route instead of hitting him. That count's as laying off, right?

"I might be lazy but I'm not stupid, Freddie. You should know better."

It has the intended effect: Freddie closes his eyes and bites the inside of his cheek. "I didn't mean-"

Sam smiles. Gotcha! Freddie realizes he's been had and rolls his eyes, but it's good-natured now.

"What'd you find, Puckett?"

"I'm not good like you guys are at coding and stuff," She looks at Brad while she says it because it's embarrassing how much she wants to stick in the compliment and if she catches Freddie's eye she might give in to that horrible blush she's still fighting. "But I think this is a sampling problem." Both boys move quickly to stand behind her.

"You've got cases here to make sure it samples multiple people and multiple features from the photo database, but there's nothing help it deal with overlap. It needs a method to sort multiple features from the same person from a bunch of different faces." The boys stare at her for a moment, and Sam's stomach drops. She's usually not bad with computers, but she's must have really screwed the pooch just now-

But then Freddie's off and running with the thought. "You're right. So we need a system…To match them…" He dashes over to the laptop and starts typing furiously.

"A matrix could work….It's pretty simple." Brad picks up.

"Separate matrices though," Freddie adds, still typing. "One for features and one for the whole face. Then all we'd need to do is…

"Synch them up!" They finish together, and Sam applauds sarcastically.

"Man, that was a lit-tle scary." Brad hands her a large chunk of fudge, and she takes it mostly because she's hungry but also because Mama really does deserve it. Freddie stops typing and swirls around in the chair.

"Thanks, Sam."

She takes a bite of fudge and can't avoid the blush this time.

So, the next day Carly waits for her after detention and they go over to Bushwell together afterschool. It's more common than not, actually, but she can't help feeling a tad bit out of sorts because she's technically going to Freddie's and that's weird. Carly teases her a little for her interest in joining the MoodFace project, but Sam plays it off as a grade issue (and for reals, she does need that A) and they make plans for dinner and a bad television marathon later that evening. She threatens Carly with very painful things if she tries to do anything like the humiliating birthday party from two years past this weekend. To anyone else, it all sounds very normal.

Brad's already there by the time Sam talks her way past Mrs. Benson, and the boys are making jokes only they think are funny about vectors, which Sam immediately ignores. She plops down on the couch and helps herself to a piece of fudge from the container in Brad's hand.

"You're in luck today, Sam." Freddie smiles and Brad chuckles. Sam feels very left out until he continues. "We were able to modify some open source software for the facial detection part, so it took way less time than we thought."

"Um…great?" Freddie's going somewhere with this and she can't follow.

"So, all we need to do now is test live subjects." Sam circles her finger in a 'move it along' motion. Freddie sighs. "We were just saying that's probably a good part to save for the lock-in, since they'll be so many people around."

"You're saying we're done?"

"We're done. Until tomorrow, that is."

"Oh." She can't believe it. The one time she was counting on school stuff to take forever…

Freddie stands up, and Brad leans over to replace the lid on his fudge.

"So, you can go hang with Carly or whatever you want tonight. Brad and I are heading out to a movie."

"What are you going to see?" It's desperate, and…well, it's just really, really desperate. But Freddie is still guarded where she's concerned, and it's driving her crazy. She wants the chance to prove that she can be fun. The smart thing would be to go over to 8-C, face the Carly Inquisition and forget about everything until tomorrow.

Sam wants to go to the movies.

"We're going to Source Code." Brad offers. "Do you want to come with?"

"Yes. Yes I do."

So, they meet Saturday morning to pack up and set up camp at the school to grab a good spot in a classroom (arrive too late and you get stuck in the hallway). Freddie is making long lists things he swears they'll need (he's added Red Bull and Food in Tamper Evident Packages this year, much to Sam's amusement).

They set up the equipment and Sam suggests they run a quick test on the whole package. Freddie disagrees, at first, but Sam points out that if it totally blows up, wouldn't he rather have the afternoon to fix it than risk such epic fail in front of the entire school? Sam fires up the video camera, partly because it's probably good science, but mostly because Freddie is pouting right now and it's adorable.

It only takes a moment for the answer: Subject: Freddie Benson. Mood: Annoyed.

Brad chuckles. "I think it's working."

Sam walks around him with the camera and smiles too. "Let's see…What would you say your mood is right now, Mr. Benson?"

"Irritated." Freddie responds dryly.

"Yes!" Sam jumps up, and then stops awkwardly. "I mean, that's what it said… Soo… Who wants lunch?"

They regroup back at the school at 8 that night. Brad wants to make some changes to the user interface to prevent subjects from being shown their mood on the PearPod while they're testing, and Freddie thinks they should mount it in a standard place to keep lighting from becoming an issue. Sam makes hums of agreement, and dives into the food cart first thing (the Fatcakes go quick and Mama doesn't mess around).

It's just after ten, everyone's there and the place is humming. Sam is enjoying herself about as much as she can while in the school building, when Freddie lets out a cry of great distress.

"Oh, nononono!" He's tearing through their bag of stuff, looking a little frantic. Brad is nearby, checking under tables and behind other projects.

"What's your problem, Benson?"

Freddie winces for a second. "We forgot the camera and the hard drive with the database on it."

Sam looks his way. "Those are both pretty important?"

"Pretty important, yeah." Freddie is definitely back to feeling annoyed.

"Don't get snippy with me." Sam is proud of herself for not insulting him. "Are they at your place? Just go get them."

Freddie glares at her. "This is a lock-in Sam. The doors are locked."

Sam sighs. Boys are so helpless. "Fine. I'll go get them."

"Aren't you listening? The doors are lock- Oh."

Mama's not found a door at Ridgeway yet that can keep her in (or out, although that case is rarer). She makes short work of an exit in the biology room, and is halfway back when she remembers the dwindling supply on the food cart. While she has no qualms about cutting out again later, she might as well make this trip worthwhile.

So by the time she gets back, Freddie and Brad have finished ironing out all their little bugs, and Sam already finished a bag of cookies and two hot dogs (She's a got another ham sandwich hidden away and can't open the guacamole and eat it with just one hand free, so she'll give that to the boys). Brad's already tried his hand at test subject, getting a rather generic-but-correct 'Happy', and they're ready to move on.

She plays it cool whilst Freddie unhinges himself over the guac. It's surprisingly easy because, helloooo, if she wanted to knock him out she'd either be way more devious or way less. Offering up a mickey in plain sight like that is just degrading. She curses at herself for wondering if he's suspicious because he's planning doing something similar himself. Freddie creating dirty graffiti would be pretty hot…

Anyway, he seems agreeable enough when she suggests getting back to the project. Sam's relieved. She underestimated his suspicion of her, and it's surprisingly hurtful how deep it runs.

But it's nothing compared to how she feels watching Freddie look at her in horror and run out of the room a minute later. Something's obviously gone wrong with her test and she vaguely wonders if he interprets inconclusive to mean she's some sort of psychopath about to kill them all. There are a lot of things it could have said about her- is hungry, loves you, hates you, is a raging bitch- and Sam sort of feels like she got off lightly with an uncertain readout.

She and Brad stare at each other for a moment, unsure of what to do. Freddie took off with the laptop they need for the testing, so there's really no sense in pretending that they can keep going. They agree to grab some food and see the sights, then try to regroup in a little bit.

She's enjoying her ham when Carly emerges from nowhere, all bouncy and excited and asking about Brad. Sam gets excited too, for just a second, because this would solve her problems perfectly. If Carly likes Brad, they would totally be an awesome couple. And that would mean that Carly wouldn't feel bad about Freddie dating someone else, so Sam could tell her everything and Lord, that would be such a relief.

Well, that conversation takes a turn for the worse pretty quick.

"I know you love Brad!"

Sam is totally confused, because really, like, what? But then Carly continues with some nonsense about MoodFace and Freddie and somehow all that adds up to her being in love. It's not wrong, except it is wrong and it stings a little that Carly and Freddie have obviously talked about this- about her- behind her back.

It's probably best to just let Carly have her fun, admit nothing, and wait for the whole thing to blow over. Carly will undoubtedly want to focus on her project and will forget the whole thing by tomorrow. She's good like that.

Sam believes this is true for exactly one half hour. Then she's awkwardly standing in a dark room alone with Brad, and it's all Carly Shay's fault. She tries to straighten her out, but the girl just won't listen and it's a little disappointing that Carly's so willing to take the word of an unfinished computer app over Sam's own.

It's not the worst fight they've ever had, but it stings because, really, Carly and Freddie are all she's got and neither one of them have exactly been on her side tonight. She doesn't cry- not yet, anyway- but her stomach is all twisted up and shifty and her chest hurts. She decided right then and there that she hates being in love. It's not exciting, no matter what Carly says. It's awful.

She rushed to the bathroom to splash some water on her face and feels marginally better afterward, but the bathroom is way too hot and even though she's the only one in there, it feels like there are eyes on her everywhere. Questions and worries roll around her- what did Freddie see? What did Carly say to him about it? What are all of them going to do now?

The door from the bio lab is still open and Sam bolts clean through it, ignoring the looks of confusion that follow her. There's a chill in the air outside, and it's exactly what she needed. The quiet isn't half-bad either; that is, until…

Boom. Boom. Boom.

Sam looks up at the sound, then down at her watch.

Boom. Boom. Boom.

Midnight. Happy Birthday, Samantha Puckett. Worst one yet.

Boom. Boom. Boom.

She could celebrate the way she arrived- jump on a city bus and just go somewhere. Anywhere but here.

Boom. Boom. Boom.

But then Freddie spoils what was a very attractive plan by coming out after her.

The End

We all know what happened after that;-) This isn't meant to re-tread the entire set of episodes, but to shed some light on Sam throughout. I thought her crush was a little abrupt in iOMG;-) Please let me know your thoughts!