"It's no big deal."

Easy for her to say.

"I mean, honestly, it was kinda funny."

Hmph.

"C'mon," she cracked a smile, her American accent popping through, "You know that was freaking hilarious, Lily."

I smiled a little, only encouraging Rylie as her boyfriend walked into the Heads Common Room, Jeremy suppressing laughs as he tried to analyze my face. Finally he started laughing extremely hard, looking up at me after he got his breath.

"I can't believe you did that!" Jeremy grinned.

I grinned back, only I seem a little less sure about it.

But then I feel bad when the door opens and slams shut.

"Evans…" somebody growls out.

I freeze.

Oh Merlin.

He's going to kill me.

Bugger.

"Sirius!" James and Rylie both scream, Rylie rushing in front of me and then James twisting to block Sirius's view.

"SIRIUS!" Remus screams, rushing forward to protect me too as he comes in, abandoning the books we need to study with.

Huh.

I thought they were his friends?

Anywho….

"I'm killing her, I will kill her," Sirius growls out.

I think I manage a very pitiful 'eep' as a retort.

"BLACK!" Rylie screams, pulling out her wand, "I swear, I will kick your ass all the way to Dumbledore's office if you even try!"

I look over at Jeremy, who is on the couch and looking quite amused at our little scene. I nudge Rylie and point this out to her, telling her that we should charge for popcorn. This only makes him grin more as she rolls her eyes and ignores him.

Stupid Ravenclaw.

Shouldn't even be dating Rylie.

Not that I don't like him or anything.

Nor am I saying that she's not smart enough to date a Ravenclaw.

I'm just saying that a relative of Potter shouldn't be dating my best friend.

But that's not what we're talking about. We're talking about Sirius Black wanting to off me for something I didn't even do….

On my own free will, anyway.

He made me. He gave me coffee – which he knows makes me do very stupid things – and made me. He convinced me that I needed to do that. Yes. Let Black kill him.

"So, what, you can't handle a prank targeted at you?" Remus was frowning at him.

Sirius paused before glaring at the lot of them, even poor innocent Jeremy. In a way, Rylie was innocent too, being a bystander. She's like my policewoman. Guarding me from psychopathic homicidal maniacs. Thank you for serving our country, Rylie, even though you're not from it.

"Alright, Padfoot, chill," James is trying to calm him down before a piece of the goop drips down into his eye.

I mean, it's no big deal.

I only turned his hair a little bit pink.

Alright, so, James the-toerag Potter is Head Boy, while I, Lily Evans, am Head Girl. We are forced to share a dorm, his room waaaay over there and my room waaaaay over here. Since Rylie, my best friend who was born in England but grew up in America, started dating Jeremy, I have been inclined to at least try to be nice to Potter, seeing as Jeremy is Potter's cousin. I don't even know Jeremy's last name, so I just assume that it's Potter as well.

But it's been hard.

Because, see, James is an idiot and thinks I'm secretly in love with him – which I'm not – and asks me out every chance he gets.

And then there's this little war my brain has been having recently, one half being the normal side, telling me that I hate Potter in all ways possible, and the other half being the hormone driven side. That side doesn't need any further introduction.

Hormone driven side plus coffee plus Potter convincing me to prank Black equals my life being threatened.

Let's put that in numerical form, shall we?

/3 + …coffee + …J0m35 = X_X

…I know that wasn't very impressive.

But I have an excuse.

I'm currently hiding behind the couch.

Yes. I have just magically flown over the couch – and Jeremy – to hide from a crazy homicidal younger-male-version of Mrs. Black with bright pink hair. Or maybe a male version of Sirius's sister.

…

It's the caffeine, I swear, I didn't take any drugs.

…

I'm not even sure if he has a sister. I know he's got a brother who's in Slytherin.

Anyway – now to sneak off to my room. Quietly now, don't hit that squeaky floorboard.

"OI! WHERE DO YOU THINK YOU'RE GOING, EVANS!"

"SIRIUS!" several people yelled at him.

But I was too busy running for my life to go hide underneath my bed, clutching my stuffed hippo.

And now that's exactly what I'm doing.

Oh wait….

James got me this hippo. Last week. I chucked it underneath here. Hmmm. It still smells like him. Weird. Potter actually smells nice.

"Its okay, Lily, Remus and Jeremy got him out of here," he says.

"Your friend's a…wait, hold on, I'm trying to remember the British equivalent for it," Rylie tells him.

"I'm not coming out," I tell them, holding the hippo tighter and making a cloud of James-smell attack my nose.

"Fine, we're coming in," Rylie says, my door already opening. Her and James's feet stop once they're in my room.

"Err…Lily? Where are you?" James asks.

Oho, wouldn't he like to know?

Not a sound, Evans.

Man, it's dusty under here.

Oh no.

Aaaah - !

"Choo!" I squeak. I hate my sneezes. They're girly little squeaks. Rylie sneezes normally. I freakin' squeak. Life's unfair.

Rylie sighs, "Are you really hiding under your bed from the mutt?"

I flick the hippo's ear. It's a lovely lavender color and very soft and cuddly. "Nooo."

"So…" she says, "You're just underneath there…."

That sounds like I'm crazy, "…Yes."

"…For no reason?"

That sounds like I'm insane, "…Yes."

My hippo needs a name. Something cute that fits him. Quidly. That's his name.

"Lily, quit acting like a bloody toddler," she tells me, strangely sounding British. She's been hanging around us too much.

James sits down next to my bed and I glare at his knee.

"Lily…" he says gently, "I know you're mad at me."

"No!" I gasped sarcastically, only I suck in a mouthful of dust and begin coughing.

"Why would she be mad at you?"

"I…gave her coffee and convinced her to prank Sirius…" he admits.

She gasps, "You idiot!"

"Tell her it was intentional," I add.

She flings something at him, "You hate her don't you?"

"On the contrary," he says smoothly, "I'm very much in love with her."

I throw Quidly at him. I'm sorry, but I had to. The prick needed it. And Quidly's not the prick.

"What the - ?" he starts, picking up Quidly and making me pout, since I was just about to reach over and bring him back to apologize to him. Now he'll never know I'm sorry. "Hey, it's that hippo I got you last week!"

"You got her a hippo?" Rylie asks, "Wow, such a romantic you are, James."

"I know," he sounds like he's grinning before he pauses, holding Quidly underneath the dust ruffle, "You want 'im back?"

"I hate you," I tell him. If I say no, then I don't get Quidly back. And if I say yes, then that will tell the prick that I like something he gave me. And that just certainly won't do. So Quidly has been sacrificed. My poor baby lavender hippo. In the clutches of a toerag. It makes me cry. Sniff, sniff.

James chuckles, "Do not. But, seriously, Lily, do you want him back?"

I glare at his hand and mumble, "Yes."

Quidly disappears back into the outside world, "Then come get 'im."

I growl and glare at his knee again.

…I want my hippo.

I push myself on my stomach out, glaring at Potter and ignoring the disappointed look on Rylie's face. I sit across from him, holding out my hand.

"Gimme Quidly," I tell him.

"Quidly?" James repeats with a smile before giving me back my cute ickle hippo. I clutch him to my chest.

…The hippo.

Oh wait. Oh crap. What has he done? Now Quidly has been rescented by the toerag! The smell is now ten times stronger!

And it still smells good!

I hate him.

With a passion.

"Lily," Rylie reminds me that she's there, "Believe it or not, you need to apologize to Padfoot."

I freeze before leaning back my head to look at her, "Hypocrite."

Ha.

Ha ha.

I called her a hypocrite while I'm holding a hippo.

Ha.

Ha ha.

"I agree with Lily –" James starts.

"Oh yeah, there's a shocker," she snorts. Her nostrils get very big from this angle when she does that.

"I want s'more coffee," I announce. My buzz was wearing off.

Suddenly they jump up and barricade the door.

Tcht.

I hate them.

"No more coffee," Rylie glares at me, "Or else you really will die today."

"Will not!" I cry out.

"You will too."

"Will not!" I pout and cross my arms over my chest, Quidly hanging limply from my hand.

James starts smiling, although he's fighting it down.

…Oh….

I uncross my arms and go back to frowning. She crosses hers and proceeds to becoming intimidating.

"I'm not scared of you," I tell her.

"You should be," she says calmly before quickly grabbing Potter's arm and throwing him at me and slipping out of my room as she locks my door.

…Crap.

"I'm very sorry!" she lies, "And I'm only doing this because I love you!"

James gasps, "Rylie! What will Jeremy say?"

"Talking to Lily," she sounds like she's frowning.

He thinks about this for a moment before purring loudly, making sure she hears. I make a disgusted sound with her before throwing Quidly at him again.

"Just preparing you for my family, Rylie!" James announces as he easily catches my hippo, "Seeing as though Jeremy should be proposing to you any day now!"

"WILL NOT! TOO YOUNG!" Jeremy yells. Hmm. When'd he get back in?

"Oh cousin – just admit it that you marrying Rylie is inevitable at this point?"

"Shut up," he says.

"Or what? You'll tell my mother?" he chuckles.

"Yes, that's exactly what I'll do."

"Hmm," he hums now, "That'd hurt you more than it'd hurt me, seeing as she wants to help plan the wedding."

There's a pause – no doubt Jeremy and Rylie are sharing looks – before two groans are heard.

I sigh, "Why must you be a prick, Potter?"

"Why must we play this game, Evans?"

"I hate you," Jeremy tells him before walking off. Rylie gives a short laugh before following him.

"Wait, wait," I say frantically, "Rylie – Rylie come back!"

"Nope!" she then gives a very maniacal sounding laugh.

…Well…

…That's what it sounded like to me. It was probably just a regular sounding laugh to Potter, seeing as he is now perfectly content with swinging my hippo from his hand as we are trapped in my room.

…

Now he's examining it, seeing if I poked any needles in him or something.

Tcht.

I'd never do that to Quidly.

That's what my James-Potter-Voodoo-Doll is for!

…Kidding. I was kidding.

"So you really like this thing, huh?" he asks as he squints into Quidly's black glass eyes.

"Maybe," I mutter.

Now, James Potter didn't just outright give me the thing. I woke up one morning and opened my door, only to step on Quidly. Needless to say, I freaked out for a second before realizing that it was a stuffed toy. And then I saw the crumpled up note that had his name written on it.

…Quidly went flying under my bed and had stayed there until today, where he rescued me from the terrors of Sirius Black. Such a forgiving little hippo. And thusly, I forgive him for smelling like Potter.

Potter only grins more, "Uh-huh. So you do like him."

"Maybe," I say. Leave Quidly alone!

He frowns now, "So you don't like him."

I want to say that I hate the little thing but – obviously – I don't. And if I say that, then my hippo will leave me. I'd be a widow.

"…Maybe," is my only response.

He arches an eyebrow at me before leaning forward on his knees, flattening Quidly's arm slightly. My hippo! He's crippling it! I'm going to have a disabled hippo!

"Then why'd you name it, Lily?" he asks.

…Why did I name it?

"It needed a name," I respond. Oooh, clever.

"Uh-huh," he hums again, "Why'd you name it Quidly?"

I shrug, "It fit." A cute little name for a cute little lavender nice-smelling hippo. I mean – terrible-smelling. Yuck. He'd have to go in the washer. Yes, that's what…I meant to say…earlier…yes.

"Quidly," he muses, "Quidly."

"Yes…?" I say skeptically. Where on Earth is Potter going with this?

"Quidly. Quidditch." I look over in horror at him and he grins.

"Admit it, Evans," he holds Quidly out just inches from my arm span, "You like the hippo."

I pout and look over at Quidly's face before sighing and dropping my head, "I like the hippo."

Something soft is now in my lap. I open my eyes and see Quidly sitting there, smiling up at me through my tunnel of hair.

"See?" Potter sounds like he's grinning, "All you had to do was say it."

I raise my head and arch my eyebrow at him. He is indeed grinning. Stupid jerk, tormenting me with my own hippo. He will pay…someday. I'll turn his own hair lavender, which is a very girly color. I tell him this and he just beams. Stupid Potter and his stupid, charming grin. I've come to the decision on who I hate most at this very moment.

"I hate Rylie."

Oho, thought it was Potter, did you? Ha! No! Amazingly, Potter is in a very close second today. Rylie is the one who trapped me with him. Dumbledore would be in third place for making him Head Boy.

"Why?" he asks, still smiling, "Because she stuck you in here with me?"

"Yes, that's exactly why," I frown.

He just starts laughing, actually ending up on his back and grinning up at me.

"What's so funny?" I ask him.

He snickers again, "Two things, Love."

"Don't call me 'Love'."

He smiles and rolls his eyes, "For one thing – you keep pretending like you hate me, when I know that you don't. In fact, I know a lot of things about you."

"What do you know about me, Potter?" I glare.

"I know that you love rainy days, but you're terrified of thunder storms," he begins.

"Rylie could've told you that."

He doesn't falter, "I know that you're terrified of Friday the Thirteenth because you think something bad always happens to you."

"It does! I met you on a Friday the Thirteenth." Okay, no I didn't. But it just helps me prove my point.

"I know that you cover your actual feelings with carefully planned out sarcastic comments, but only when I am around."

I stare at him like he's got a unicorn horn sticking out of his forehead before glaring at him again, "And the second reason?"

He starts laughing again, "Are you a witch or aren't you?"

I stare at him again before blinking and grabbing my wand, pointing it at the door and saying, "Alohamora!" The door clicks open easily and I basically run out of my room.

Wait.

I walk back and glare at him as he's still lying on his back and grinning up at me, "Get out of my room, Potter."

He laughs and gets up, pausing next to me to whisper in my ear, "Anything you say, Love." And walks back out.

I want to yell at him.

I want to hit him.

I want to curse him.

But most of all.

I want to kiss him.

Stupid hormones.