A/N: I am really sorry for the late update. But it's a new beginning for this story which I am quite excited for :) I hope everyone will like it XD I am sure that there are a lot of mistakes and a lot of rushed moments. Also there is my really really poor attempt at a make-out scene *sobs* it's terrible I'm sorry... but I tried my best. So it will be great if you readers can tell me how I can improve :3

Please leave me a review to keep me motivated and some criticism will be nice as well (but not too harsh please!)

Also, if there are any readers who are interested in my other stories, please PM me which stories you want updated. I will try my best to finish those stories :)

Thanks so much!

-Miaicegirl

Chapter 17: I can't say I Love you

Blinding lights flashed onto Ciel's lonely form. Everything else was dark around him expect for the lights that was spotted on him. He looked left and right, hoping to see someone in the darkness. But he found no one, he was alone. Ciel gasped when he realized that there was a sword in his hand. He was quite sure that he didn't have it with him just a minute ago. Suddenly, cheers and applause erupted around Ciel like a thunderstorm, frightening him. He frantically searched the darkness but found no audience in sight. The whistles and cheers grew stronger and stronger causing Ciel to drop the sword onto the floor to cover his ears.

"Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!" Ciel screamed as he shut his eye tightly. Ciel bit his lips until blood dripped from the small cut he made. He tasted the bitter taste of blood in his mouth which made him fear for something much bitter.

Then the noises suddenly stopped. Ciel slowly lowered his hands from his ears as his eye fluttered open. He lifted his head and to his surprise found Sebastian standing in front of him with a sword in hand. What surprised Ciel more was the tears Sebastian was shedding which Ciel never saw him do before.

"Sebastian?" Ciel whispered, he continued to stare at Sebastian who kept shedding tears.

"Ciel." Sebastian choked back as he looked at Ciel with the saddest eyes. He just stood there as he tightened his sword. "I love you." He whispered before he gave Ciel a gentle smile causing Ciel's heart to twist painfully.

"Why are you saying this now Sebastian?" Ciel asked. He slowly approached Sebastian but was surprised to find the sword in his hands once again. Ciel was sure that he dropped it but he was holding it as if it has always been there. Ciel threw the sword in fright but grew more terrified when he found the sword back in his hands again. "W-why?" Ciel stuttered he stared at the sword with fright before he peered up at Sebastian. "Sebastian where are we? Why are we here?" Ciel asked skeptically, his eyes wide with fear.

However, Sebastian said nothing. With that gentle smile still on his lips, Sebastian threw the sword into the darkness. He looked at Ciel and whispered, "Kill me Ciel. You have to kill me or else we won't be free."

"I-I don't understand…What are we doing here?"

"Kill me Ciel. That's the only way."

"I don't understand…"

"Ciel…"

"What the fuck are you saying?" Ciel screamed in fury, growing more afraid at each passing second. "I don't understand what is going on! This is not funny at all!"

"I don't want to kill you Ciel. I would rather go to hell than kill you."

Tears started to spill from Ciel's large eyes. He did not know what was going on and it was terrifying him to the very core.

"Sebastian, can you please tell me what is going on?" Ciel asked desperately. "I'm so afraid and this sword won't get away from me. It keeps coming back and back again."

"I love you." Then a gun shot rang and Ciel watched in shock as Sebastian fell backwards. The only thing Ciel saw afterwards was blood…

"Sebastian!" Ciel woke screaming. It was a terrifying scream, a scream that would have shook everyone's soul. But his screams soon died down when he found himself in the arms of the one who he called out for.

"Ciel calm down, I'm here…I'm here…" Sebastian whispered soothingly as he sat up in the bed and carefully pulled Ciel along with him so that Ciel lay on top of him.

Ciel was shaking and hyperventilating from the shock of the nightmare. But the strong warm arms that held him and the hand that stroked his head calmed him that he soon found himself no longer shaking. His breathing eventually calmed that he found himself embracing back. They stayed in that position and none of them said a word. Sebastian listened to Ciel's calmed breathing as if he was listening to music. Ciel's presence, his breathing, his heart beat…everything about Ciel soothed Sebastian. Trying not to startle Ciel too much Sebastian pulled Ciel up so that Ciel was straddling him with his head tucked under Sebastian's chin. Ciel cuddled himself into the curve of Sebastian's neck with a sigh.

It has been five days since Alois's birthday party. And every day nightmares haunted Ciel during his sleep. Every time Ciel woke up screaming, Sebastian will rush into Ciel's bedroom to calm him. But by the third night, Sebastian slept in Ciel's room on the same bed so that he can be there for him as soon as the nightmares came. For Ciel, nothing was more soothing than Sebastian's presence.

"You were crying." Sebastian muttered into Ciel's hair, his arms around Ciel tightening slightly.

"Was I?"

"You were…" Sebastian said. He kissed the crown of Ciel's head before he nuzzled his head into Ciel's midnight blue locks.

Ciel hummed into Sebastian's neck as a reply.

Sebastian chuckled and smiled. Then he took Ciel's face into his hands and lifted his face towards him. Sebastian slowly leaned in to gently kiss Ciel's scared right eye. After the kiss he studied Ciel's face carefully. Dried trails of tears were on Ciel's cheeks while the rim of Ciel's good cerulean pupil was red. With his thumbs, Sebastian tried to wipe off the trails on the boy's cheeks. Again he slowly drew their faces closer to one another until their lips were only a breath apart. Their breaths mingled as they both breathed slowly, evenly. Their eyes searched for the other, staring into each other's pools of midnight blue and crimson red.

Then Sebastian spoke, their lips almost touching, "Don't worry Ciel, we are free..."

With his own words, he watched Ciel's eyes flash. A sort of flash which Sebastian often seen in Ciel's eyes when they were young. When they were ignorant and innocent.

"No, not yet." Ciel hissed as he pushed Sebastian away from him. "We aren't free yet. We have to start moving."

Ciel's eyes were narrowed as he stared at Sebastian with much intensity. Sebastian stared back trying to keep up with Ciel's intensity but he eventually gave up. Ciel's determination was real.

Sebastian sighed, "If you so say Ciel, if you say so…" Then Sebastian took Ciel's chin and lifted his mouth towards his to share a seething kiss.

XxXx

Sebastian could not believe his ears.

Both he and Ciel were at the dining hall eating late brunch with their only servant Tanaka present in the room. When Angelina had died, Sebastian immediately let go of all the servants except for Tanaka who was with the Phantomhives even before Sebastian was adopted into the family. During their meal, they were discussing what they should do from now on. And what Ciel had suggested was something Sebastian did not expect and did not like, at all.

"Can you repeat that again for me Ciel?" Sebastian asked, hoping, wishing that what he heard was wrong.

Ciel was calmly sipping his tea, ignoring Sebastian's inner conflict. His one eye was half closed but he peered up to stare at Sebastian due to his question. He slowly set the cup down and repeated what he said a few seconds ago, a bit irritated with Sebastian's cautious manner. "I said, we should ask Claude Faustus to join us. After all, he was the one who suggested a slave rebellion. I am sure he has plans far ahead from ours." Taking the tea cup again he added with a mutter, "Well the reality is we don't even have a plan ourselves…"

"No! No! No! No! No!" Sebastian responded like a child with a tantrum. "I refuse to have you and I get associated with that bastard!"

Ciel had expected Sebastian's reaction but he never thought that he will act so childishly. "Sebastian…" Ciel began, "The Faustus family has a large slave trading port. Not as large as the Trancy's but to have the heir of the Faustus family on our side will be a large gain."

"But Ciel, you can't trust a guy like him. He's-"

"Also he seems to have close ties with Alois Trancy." Ciel interrupted without any guilt, "If we can persuade Faustus then I am sure that we can eventually shut down the Trancys."

"Ciel…I really don't think-"

"I am planning to invite him over to the mansion sometime next week. So Tanaka can you-"

Losing his patience, Sebastian slammed his hands against the dining table causing some of the tea to spill from the impact. The room grew silent from Sebastian's sudden outburst. After a few seconds of silence, Sebastian straightened himself before he turned towards Tanaka and ordered, "Tanaka, can you leave the room? I have something I must talk privately with Ciel."

Tanaka nodded before he gave them a bow and silently left the room. Even after a few minutes Tanaka's departure, both of them said nothing. Sebastian was glaring at Ciel while Ciel avoided any eye contact, the tea cup still in hand. To break the intense silence Ciel sighed as he placed the tea cup back onto the slightly dirtied table. Slowly he looked up at Sebastian, his eyes locking with fury flamed eyes. Then he spoke, "Why did you let Tanaka leave? If we are talking about our future plans then we will need him to hear them."

Ciel literally felt the room turn few degrees colder as Sebastian's glare on him intensified. Ciel was not dumb so he knew that these words would trigger Sebastian's anger. But Ciel simply did not want to monitor Sebastian's mood and play along with it. Ciel was too proud to play nice just because someone was in a bad mood. No, he never wanted to be controlled in such a way.

"I forbid that man to come near you Ciel." Sebastian hissed, "Even if you invite him here I won't let him into the house!"

Ciel gave a childish pout. He had expected this result but to actually have Sebastian this reluctant was upsetting.

"Also, didn't that bastard say that he is pursuing you to become his lover? How can you let someone like him get near you? Who knows what he might do to you!" Sebastian rabbled in a slight state of panic. A few days ago Sebastian heard from Ciel about what happened during the parties with Claude. Having to lose Ciel once before, Sebastian was weary of any threat that might take Ciel away from him. And Claude was not a simple threat. Ever since they were young, Claude always rivaled against Sebastian even though Sebastian himself had no such interest. Claude always followed him around during parties and always took away his dance partners forcefully. It was nothing much but it still unnerved Sebastian enough that he never allowed Ciel and Claude to meet each other. However, the day after Elizabeth's engagement party, the mention of Claude from Ciel's lips terribly scared Sebastian that he thought he would lose all his senses.

Sebastian was just that afraid of losing him.

"I don't think he sees me in that way Sebastian." Ciel reassured him with a rare small smile. "He's just using me to get rid of the Trancy brat. He had no interest in me since the beginning."

"I don't agree," Sebastian replied coolly, "I know that he has an inner motivation."

Ciel sighed and returned Sebastian with a cold gaze from across the table, his cerulean blue eyes shimmering. "But I won't back down Sebastian," Ciel said coldly, "Even though you disagree I still plan to have him join us, whether you like it or not."

"Fine." Sebastian sighed in defeat, "I will agree with your plans but under one condition."

"It matters with the condition."

"Tell me that you love me."

Ciel immediately blushed. He inwardly cursed his paleness as he tried his best to hide his blush without looking too obvious.

"W-what are you saying?" Ciel stuttered, his blush deepening as Sebastian walked around the table and kneeled next to where Ciel sat.

"I'm serious." Then Sebastian took Ciel's hand and placed them over his cheeks. His crimson yet gentle loving eyes looked into Ciel's cool midnight blue. "I love you," Sebastian whispered as he turned his head to kiss Ciel's palm.

"S-Sebastian I don't…I can't…"

"Then I will forbid you from seeing Claude. No matter what I will never let you see him."

Ciel gritted his teeth. He then grabbed the back of Sebastian's head and pulled him towards him until their lips crashed. The surprise caused Sebastian to gasp and Ciel used that chance to plunge his tongue into Sebastian's mouth. Sebastian moaned with pleasure causing vibrations to echo between them. Sebastian was enjoying the sweet taste emitting from Ciel. Wanting more of the sweet taste, he gently sucked Ciel's tongue which made Ciel moan in response. Sebastian had the upper-hand as he twisted their tongues together. Both of his eyes were opened to watch Ciel's flushed face that was both amusing and beautiful at the same time. But Sebastian pulled away when he heard Ciel whimper into the kiss. A string of saliva attached their lips but was broken off when Sebastian licked it away.

Ciel was breathing heavily, his eyes misty and dazed. Sebastian smiled as he watched Ciel slowly gather his senses before he said, "You have to breathe through your nose Ciel."

Sebastian's words made Ciel snap out from his dazed state. He looked away before he muttered, "I-I know that…"

Sebastian chuckled before he stood up and lifted Ciel up from the chair. Then Sebastian himself sat onto the chair and had Ciel sit on top of his lap with their faces facing each other. Then he crashed their lips to have their tongues curl against each other once again. The watery sucking sounds from their intense kiss echoed in Ciel's ears, causing him to blush even more. Sebastian sucked onto Ciel's tongue then started to nip at Ciel's soft lips. Ciel moaned as he felt his body heat up, the kiss becoming too much for him to take. Sensing Ciel's overdrive, Sebastian pulled away their lips with a wet pop. Ciel leaned into Sebastian's chest, his breathing ragged. He listened to Sebastian's rapid heartbeat that matched with his own, allowing Ciel to cool down.

Sebastian hugged Ciel tightly. He breathed in the scent from Ciel's hair as he closed his eyes.

"I love you. I love you…"

Ciel said nothing in reply but large tears flowed from his eyes onto his cheeks, silently hoping that Sebastian won't notice his tears…and his pain.