A/N: And I bring you the fourth and probably final part of 'For J.' I wish I could tell you for certain whether or not I plan to write an epilogue. Honestly, I am pleased with the way this ended. I feel like the theme of this fic was properly tied up and that Derek found his footing in a way I see as realistic (though I don't claim that it is). I think an epilogue would simply be too self-indulgent at this point, as a way for me to cling to characters longer than they want me to. So, take this as its ending and I hope you're happy with it. It's by no means perfect and I struggled with all three scenes, trying to keep with the vision in my head and the tone of the story. Hopefully you won't NOTICE that I struggled, but oh well.

Finally, some people are asking me why it's called "For J." Two reasons.

1. I wrote this for a friend who was going through difficult times. Her name is Jay. She is CP Coulter Writes my Canon here at and forgivemeannabelle on tumblr. I"m sure most of you dedicated Joganners know her. I wanted to write her something and I toyed with the idea of using 'J/Jay" considering Julian is sometimes called J. It was named before I even began, and quickly turned into a fic, not about Julian as I originally planned, or even Logan and his redemption, as I originally planned, but a fic centered around Derek and HIS redemption- and redemption, I suppose, in general.

2. I tried desperately to keep everything centered around Julian so my title would still apply. But the main idea really, in the earlier chapters at least, is that the characters are desperately trying to do what J is telling them to do. And so in my head, all their actions are in a way, for him, in attempt to save him- and to honor his memory if he is really gone.

Righty-o. This is absurdly long now. You're probably not reading this. ;) So on with the good stuff, eh?

Disclaimer: I'm seriously not CP Coulter so I don't own Dalton or these characters. But sometimes I pretend I do and we have little tea parties 3

Julian. It was Julian.

Logan was the first one to act. He furiously kicked open the door and rushed into the cabin, despite Derek's warning shout, and Casey's shriek. Derek had no choice but to follow. That was Julian in there—Jules, that dumbass with the sunglasses, that asshole who made him run lines and helped him out with his English homework. And something looked horribly wrong with him. Derek had to—he had to do something.

He stumbled in toward his friends and shined the light on Logan and Julian. He collapsed onto his knees next to Logan, who was bent over the actor's body, trembling and cursing. Julian was not moving, but he was breathing. He was alive.

"I'll look for a light," Casey's quivering voice came from behind and her footsteps echoed in his head, as she searched along the wall for a switch. Derek clumsily kept the light on Julian, hand shaking.

"Jules…fuck…say something," Logan ran his hands in Julian's hair, pressed his forehead against Julian's. "Please, please tell me what an asshole I am."

"What's wrong with him?" Derek asked hoarsely. "There's blood all over him."

"His head," Logan ran a hand lightly over a gash in their friend's forehead, where the dried blood caked. "Give me the flashlight, Derek, I—I need to see this better."

But Derek didn't have to. The lights came on with a tiny click.

"Casey—" Derek lifted his head, and his heart dropped. A boy stood on the other side of the cabin, an arm crushing Casey into him by her neck, the other holding a gun to her head. Casey did not struggle—she was too smart for that and probably too terrified. She simply gripped the boy's arm with her hands tightly, her eyes wide, staring at him.

And he—he could only stare back.

"Logan," Derek's voice was tight. His chest felt like it was going to explode. "Logan…"

Logan looked up from where he was tending the bleeding, dazed—but now conscious—Julian Larson, and his body turned to stone at the sight of the gun and the boy and Casey in his arms.

"Julian, you said you didn't tell them you were here," the boy sounded very upset, like he was going to cry. "You promised me you didn't tell anyone! That we would be safe!"

Julian was stirring, and his mouth moved, but no words or sounds came out of them.

"Move away from him," the boy advanced, gun still pointing. "Both of you. You heard me."

Logan did not back away. "And who the fuck are you?" He spat. "Why the fuck have you been keeping Julian here?"

"I'm not keeping him here. He wanted to come. He suggested we come here. He told me no one would find us," the boy smiled wide, eyes bright. "And he was right—I've been alone with Julian Larson-Armstrong for two whole weeks. Of course you'd want to come and ruin it though."

Shit. Of course. Oh shit. Derek ran a hand through his hair as it hit him, full speed. This boy was Julian's stalker—and not only that, but he was the Hanover boy. He was the boy who saved Julian at the Valentine's Fair, who had acted so kind and considerate and had managed to weasel his way into Julian's "Okay-you're-not-horrible-I'll-tolerate you" category of people. And out of all the people in the whole world, it was him, the smiling boy bearing a simple sandwich.

"Look…Adam, isn't it?" Derek said slowly and flinched as soon as Adam's attention turned to him, though the gun stayed pressed against Casey's head. "Am I right?"

"Yeah," he said bluntly.

"We didn't come to take Julian away from you," he spoke as slowly and clearly as he could. "We were just worried about him. Since he didn't leave any notes for us—nothing at all—we've just been checking his different residences. We're his friends, that's all."

Adam's eyes flashed. "I'm not stupid, y'know! Please! Friends!" He exclaimed, laughing madly. "You're not Julian's friends! You're the assholes who he has to put up with! You don't understand him at all—you don't appreciate him—and that's why I had to get him away from you."

"You're insane," Logan stood up, eyes glinting dangerously. "And you're fucking wrong. I understand Julian more than you will ever hope to." The gun turned to him and he lifted his arms out wide. "Go ahead and shoot me, motherfucker. You've already taken Julian away from me and put me in hell for two weeks. I'm sure I can handle a bullet after that."

"Logan, are you crazy? Shut the fuck up!" Derek hissed.

"No," Logan breathed in deep. "I'm not scared of him. I'm not scared of anything," he reached into his pocket and pulled out a phone. "See this, Adam? I'm calling the police."

The gun turned back to Casey without a word and Adam simply smiled. "That's really not the best idea, Logan. Of course, you would gamble someone else's life away. You're that type of person. You only think about you, you only care about you. But this isn't about you."

Logan dropped the phone immediately and it clattered to the floor, where Derek's heart lay

"What's it about then?" Logan asked. "Is this about you and your fucked-up fantasy or something?"

"It's about Julian, dumbass! Of course, who else?" Adam chuckled. "It's why we're all here! For our good friend! For our Jules. For J. All for J," he cocked the gun and looked down at where Julian was lying like a discarded doll on the floor. "Doesn't he look beautiful?"

For J. Yeah, it had been all for him. But not anymore—now it was all for Casey.

"Tell me what you want," Derek pleaded hoarsely. "What do you want us to do, Adam? I'll do anything at all, if you just let Casey go. Please."

"Just shut up, Derek," Casey was shaking and she squeezed her eyes shut. "I can take care of myself, remember?"

"Yeah, well I can't."

Adam looked annoyed and shifted his weight from foot to foot. " It doesn't matter what I want. It's not about me, remember?" his face contorted and he gripped the gun even tighter. "I…I'm going to have to kill you all. I…I have to—I don't want to but—it's for Julian."

Time instantly slowed down and no one dared to move.

"Look, you don't have to do that," Logan spoke carefully but his voice was filled with obvious fear. "You have a choice, Adam. A choice to let us go."

Adam tightened his grip around Casey, squeezing a whimper out of the frightened girl. "I don't think you understand—You don't get it, do you? You don't get it!"

"No, I really fucking don't," Logan said.

"I'm in love with Julian! I will do anything for him!" Adam's voice rose several pitches, until he was shrieking. "He loves me too. He's told me over and over these past two weeks. And to think, Logan, he thought he was in love with YOU! Of all the potential people at Dalton, he picked you. I had to wake Julian up and show him what real love was. And now that he realizes how foolish he was, he'll do anything for me. That's love! You wouldn't know it, of course, but that's what it is! And this is what I have to do, to protect us!"

Logan swallowed. "…you're right. I don't know what love is. But I care about Julian in ways that I never knew I would. You taking him away from me was the best possible thing for me, you know? You made me realize how much I needed him. You forced me to see all that he is. And I hope Julian can…forgive me…for not seeing it before."

"It doesn't matter! It's too late!" Adam cried. "You're two weeks too late! You're three years too late, actually! Julian gave you his greatest gift and just because you see it now doesn't mean you get to keep it. It's mine now. "

"It's never too late to try and save someone you love," Logan said calmly. "It's not too late for anything. You don't have to kill us."

"Y-yes," Adam's eyes were as large as the moon, his face white—but Derek could see he was determined, no matter how much his hand shook. "If I don't k-kill you, then Julian and I can't be together." He put the gun back to Casey's head, his finger trembling over the trigger. "I'll kill you first."

Casey shrieked, gripped at his arm tighter, her fingernails digging into Adam's skin as her tears—tears that she had been holding in, with her breathe, her heartbeat, her fear—finally rolled down her cheeks.

Derek collapsed onto his knees. "NO! No, Adam, please, I'm begging you, don't," he sobbed and pounded the ground pointlessly with his fist. "I will give you anything—"

Adam shook his head. "I'm sorry. I have to. I'm sorry…" His finger rested on the trigger and he took a huge, sweeping breath.

"I forgive you."

Adam blinked. "Wh-what did you say?"

Casey swallowed and her eyes fluttered open. Taking a shaky breath, she shook her head a little. "It's okay, Adam." She hiccupped and smiled softly. Sadly. "I—I forgive you."

The expression on Adam's face was indescribable. "I—b-but I'm… going to kill you."

"I know, I know," And the tears ran faster then ever down her face, but she was still smiling and her hands no longer desperately gripped and clawed at Adam's arm. "And I'm f-fucking scared out of my mind. I don't want to die. I don't want you to kill me. But I forgive you for it, okay? J-just don't…fuck it up, o-okay? Please, just make it f-fast."

"I don't understand," Adam simply whispered. "I'm going to blow your head off. You're supposed to hate me.

"No, no, no. I love you," Casey cried harder. "I love everyone in this room more than I've ever loved anyone. I don't want to die," she wept, "I love you all so much."

The air in the cabin felt heavy and still. It clung to everything—to Derek's skin, to the gun, but especially to Casey's words. They were the only things that breathed and moved and lived; everything else was frozen. Derek's own tears grew cold on his cheeks and he gazed at Casey, still the strongest person he would ever know, especially now, when she loved the worst of them. The damaged, the obsessed, the cowards and the ignorant. They were all in this room and Casey cried for them all.

Adam white, pale face rushed with blood. Tears sprang to his eyes as he cocked the gun again, breaking the silence and dashing Derek's last surviving crumb of hope. With a strangled sound, he pulled Casey close to him, his arm crushing against her neck, obstructing the sounds of her weeping and jammed the gun against her skull. This was it. Adam breathed heavily and his body quaked violently, his eyes closed—

He dropped the gun.

"I—can't."

The gun clattered to the floor and Adam went with it, sliding down Casey's frame, sobs ripping from his chest as he tore at his face and his chest with anguished cries. The air moved again and Derek could breathe.

"Julian!" Adam cried over and over as his own hands went tearing into his face. Casey grabbed them and he quickly clung to her, burying herself in her lap.

"It's okay," Casey whispered to him and her trembling arms cradled his head close to her breast.

It was over.

The cops arrived only three minutes after. Julian, lying bloodied and supposedly helpless on the ground, had been fucking acting, and he had dialed them on Logan's dropped phone.

His injuries, however, were real. When he thought that Derek and Logan had not understood his messages, he had attempted to escape on his own and Adam had beaten him with the gun. The ambulance took him and the rest of them all away to the closest hospital available.

They had to pry Adam away from Casey. And she was still whispering to the boy long after he had gone, as they wrapped a blanket around her and placed her into Derek's arms.

He held her throughout the ride, arms loose around her body, lips lost in her hair as he kissed and kissed the darkening bruise on her temple, where the gun had rested coldly. Thinking of it made his arms tremble. He wanted nothing more than to hold her as tight to him as possible and never let go, but he was much more scared of scaring and breaking her if he tried. But she folded into him, curled so close to him that she thrummed with his heart, and she didn't move until they arrived.

He lost her then. They took her away, rushing her into a room and assuring him that she was in capable hands. He was handed the phone and asked to call his parents, his teachers, and then to stay put and answer questions from the police.

It passed in one endless blur, auto-pilot from start to finish. He couldn't recall his conversations with half of the people with whom he had talked. He didn't care to.

Finally, he was escorted to Julian's room, Logan already inside.

"You look like you've been held at gunpoint by a crazy, obsessed fan of mine," Julian commented dryly and at Derek's raised eyebrow, he shrugged."Too soon?"

"You have a lot to explain, you goddamn drama queen," Derek sighed and sat down in a chair by Julian's bed. "You have no idea how worried we were about you."

"I'm sorry, Mom," Julian mumbled.

"Julian, seriously," Logan murmured on the other side. "I'm tired of your games."

"I know," Julian sighed. "I know, I know. I'm sorry. It wasn't my game," he crushed his hands against his eyes and blinked blearily. "But I've been fucking playing along for two weeks and I don't know how to stop. I don't know…what's real. I keep…seeing him a-and hearing him, and I've got to say my lines right and convince him that I mean every word or... "

They all fall silent. The "Golden Trio" was in ruins, Derek could see that. Julian didn't just get his head bashed in, Adam did other things too. Horrible things. Who knew what. Derek was scared to think about it.

"You're safe," Derek whispered. "You can be real with us."

"How do I fucking know that?"

Logan tensed on the side, his fingers lacing together tight. He bowed his head. "What do you mean?"

"This isn't real. You guys feel like a dream right now…everything before Adam…feels like it happened to someone else," Julian stared down at his hands.

"Everything?" Logan lifted his head. His green eyes were dark and desperate.

Julian did not look up. "Pretty much, yeah…"

"Jules," Logan said, voice strong. "Look at me."

Julian did not move.

"Julian."

His eyes darted to the side and back again.

Logan's hands clenched. "Julian, look at me, you asshole!"

Julian turned his head and glared, "Leave me alo—"

Logan was out of his seat in that second, capturing a kiss from the unsuspecting Julian, his hands on either side of the actor's face. Julian gasped softly into the prefect's mouth.

"Holy shit," Derek leaned back in his chair, just as surprised as Julian was by Logan's…pounce. He was unsure what to do—if he should cover his eyes or leave or…applaud them or something. He gripped at the arms of his chair and waited until Logan pulled away.

"Sorry, J, but I'm terribly in love with you," Logan whispered, brushing Julian's hair out of his face. "I hope you remember that you love me too. Because fuck…nothing's ever felt more real to me."

Julian gripped Logan's arm harder, making it impossible for the blonde to pull away. "Don't—don't leave" He whimpered. And he tugged Logan back down and kissed him again.

Okay, shit this really was getting awkward now. Derek squirmed in his chair. He was definitely happy for them, but he had not thought about what was going to happen if Julian and Logan ever did end up—well—doing what they were doing. He realized now that he had suddenly become a third wheel and that watching his two best friends make out was like watching the Brightman twins sleep. It was unnerving, too calm and nice to possibly last. He kept waiting for Logan to…bite Julian and for Julian to bite back.

After a minute, Derek could hardly stand it anymore. "GUYS!" he bellowed, making the two jump and separate. They looked at him, both of their eyes dazed, expressions lost in a place he was not invited to.

"Look…sorry, I mean, this is awesome and all—I'm seriously happy you finally got on with it—but we still don't know what the fuck happened, Logan, and I really want some answers."

Julian's face blanched all over again. "I…really don't want to talk about it."

Logan intertwined his fingers with Julian's. "Just tell us what you can. How did it start?"

Julian shuddered and breathed shakily, gripping at Logan's hand like it was his lifeline, keeping him from sinking back to the places where Adam haunted him. "He threatened Logan," he finally said with a heavy sigh. "That's when it started. I got this…this note. I'd always gotten notes, but this one was different. He had gone into Logan's room and gotten all these pictures of him and the Warblers, and him and Blaine and the fencing team—as many as he probably could carry…and—they were all over my room. He scattered them all over the place and they were all ruined. Written on and torn and burned. And on my desk…" Julian's eyes grew dark at the memory. "There was the note. It had a time. A place. He said that if I didn't show up, he was going to kill you."

Logan's jaw was clenched in frustration. "You didn't even think about telling us? Or, at the very least, an adult?"

"I didn't think, okay? I thought he was going to hurt you—I had no idea who this asshole was, what he could do, but I knew he...he would try to hurt you if he could," tears sprang to Julian's eyes and he ran a hand over his face. "I should have told someone. But I didn't. I went to the bench between Stuart and Windsor after lunch, hoping to just face the person and kick his or her ass. But it was Adam and he had a gun and fuck, I couldn't believe it. And he told me we were going to leave. It got out of control so fast—he forced me back to Stuart and I was packing up before I knew it. He asked me where we could go where we would be safe from everyone—Forgiveness just popped into my head. And while he was looking for directions..that's when I wrote the note for my room, shoving it in my drawer when he asked for a piece of paper to write things down on."

"And what about my note? How'd you get it in my room?" Logan asked quietly.

"I didn't. I set it in a stack of your sheet music that was sitting in my room. The song you had practiced with me," Julian murmured. "I knew you'd come in and get it after Warbler's practice."

Logan cursed silently under his breath and Derek could see the guilt on his face. Logan hadn't gone in to retrieve that sheet music for the six days Julian was missing. He hadn't even thought about that particular song until then, and it wasn't even for any important Warbler function. He subtly pulled his hand away from Julian to rub his eyes, but did not set it back down again. He kept his hands hiding his ashamed face.

Derek looked away from Logan. Guilt was never a pretty sight on a face, even one as pretty as Logan's. He still has questions. And the most important one of all was coming up.

"What about Casey's note and mine?" Derek asked. "No way you went all the way to Dobry—"

"I mailed those," Julian broke in tiredly. "Adam drove. I sat and wrote. It wasn't unusual for me, he didn't think I was thinking of ways to get the hell out of this situation. But I used my phone—I was getting all those texts from you, Derek, so I convinced him I should get a new one, so you two wouldn't invade the perfect life Adam and I were going to have," he was smiling at the thought, in a strange, fond way, like it was an old friend he was remembering. "When we stopped to buy me the phone, that's when I dropped it in a mailbox, with the number included."

"Why'd you tell Casey to wait a week before calling me?" was his next question.

"I had to make sure we were going to get there before you came looking," Julian answered.

Derek nodded. "Just one more question…why Casey?"

This was not a question that Julian was expecting. He frowned. "What do you…mean?"

"You could have sent the letter to Bailey or Justin or, hell, even a Windsor—but you sent it to Casey. You got Casey involved," why was his voice suddenly shaking and why was he mad at Julian? He tried to still the bubbling rage, but it was already too hot. "Why the hell did you get her involved?"

Derek's rage didn't bother Julian. It only made him half-smile in his curious-cat kind of way, a glimmer of his old self appearing in his eyes. "You wouldn't have listened to anyone else, Derek. I knew you were going to…to need someone else if Logan didn't come through…" his eyes awkwardly slid toward Logan's hunched form. "If Logan ended up…not caring or not taking it seriously, I knew that Casey would help you through it."

It was then that the door opened abruptly. Derek looked up and saw a nurse.

"Phone call for Mr. Logan Wright," she said. "It's your father on the phone."

Panic exploded in Julian's eyes. "No—don't—don't leave. Please."

Logan slowly stood up "I have to talk to him. I promise, I'll be back in a minute." He leaned down and kissed Julian again, long and loving, intertwining their hands once more. He was gone right after the kiss was finished.

Julian stared after him and after a few seconds of silence, he went back to staring at his hands.

Derek wished he knew what to say. Part of him really wanted to ask Julian what the hell Adam had done to him, but he was scared of the answer. The other part wanted to know if he was going to be the same ever again. The look in his eyes, scared and unstable, was haunting and not the Julian that Derek knew.

"So where is Casey?" Julian asked after a minute. "And why aren't you with her?"

"I'm with you right now," Derek answered easily, though it was a lie. If he could be with her, he would be.

Julian knew that and he let out a derisive snort. "Believe me, Derek. I know what it's like…to be in hell," he paused, licking his dry lips, "and to know it would hurt a whole lot less if that one person was with you. I'm not that someone for you."

"Casey doesn't want anything to do with me," Derek said.

Julian half-smiled again. "I think you're wrong."

He went looking for Casey, but he could not find her anywhere. Even when he asked, he could not receive an answer from any of the doctors or nurses. He began to think that she had been mysteriously checked out by her parents and taken home, but just when he gave up, there she was.

He walked outside and found her sitting against the wall of the hospital, blankets wrapped firmly around her, an abandoned cup of coffee a foot from her body. She simply stared in front of her, exhausted, worn to her bones. He cautiously slid down next to her. She did not react.

Ten minutes passed before she spoke first.

"Remember when," she looked straight on still, "when we were running? You ran behind me the whole way."

She meant right before they headed out to Forgiveness. "Yes, I remember."

"You never tried to pass me. You always did that before."

Before. Before when they were a them. Yeah—mornings of him speeding ahead of her, mocking her, tennis shoes pounding on the gravel, chasing her through trees, catching her and holding her and kissing her under morning skies. He remembered before.

"I realized right then, when you weren't passing me…that you're as scared of me now as I am of you."

Derek's heart began the inevitable sink to heartbreak. "Scared of me?"

She nodded. "Whenever you're around, I become this…this person I don't like. This girl who needs to impress you. I feel so pathetic and ugly and not good enough when I'm around you, like I'm not myself. Like I can't even trust myself because I still really, really, really, really like you."

The sky above them was starting to grow lighter, the sun stretching upward. It made no sense, the sun rising when it should sleep. To Derek, the night was still not done.

"I want to get over you, " Casey whispered. "So, so badly. I don't know why I can't."

They sat in silence again. She pulled the sheet tighter around her body and still did not look at him.

"Why did you cheat on me, Derek?"

He stared at the ground.

She kept talking. "I…kept looking for reasons myself. I wasn't pretty enough for you…I wasn't sexy enough. I wasn't funny enough or fast enough or smart enough. For a while, that's all I would think about, and it made me feel—" her voice caught in her throat—"it made me feel horrible."

Derek wanted to go drown himself in a lake. She was crying again, silently, and he did not know what to say.

"I think I just need to know," she whispered. "I need to know why. I don't even care if it will hurt me more, I just want the truth. If it's because she was sexier than me or—"

"No," Derek said immediately. He bit his lip, shook his head and stared at her. "It wasn't because of that. Any of that. It was because everyone was expecting it," Derek wiped at his own tears in the corner of his eyes desperately, but he couldn't get rid of them. "I was that type of guy and everyone kept asking me when I was going to fuck it up and I got really scared that they were all right, that it was only a matter of time before I ruined it all. So I fucked it up. Because I'm a dumbass. Because I'm weak. You deserve so much better than me, Casey, but I want you," His voice broke. "I've wanted you ever since I saw you running my way and I'll never, ever stop."

Her hand reached out and took his gently, her skin smooth and perfect in his rough and calloused hands. "You are a dumbass," she said, sniffing and wiping her tears on the blanket. "We're both dumbasses."

"Can't we be dumbasses together?"

Casey squeezed his hand. "I want to. But I can't trust you, Derek. Even though I really, really want to right now, I know I'll…just get myself hurt in the end. Because that's what we do. We hurt each other."

And here it was, the down-spiraling of it all. No matter what he said, or how he hoped, it would not heal the wound, the plague of his past deeds. But still Derek did hope. He couldn't give up. Not so long ago, he had been hers, and if there was even a minute chance he could make it happen again, he would. Derek wouldn't give up morning jogs and long car rides and citrus and gas station runs and moonpies and drinking games and love. Love love love. It had taken him two weeks and twenty hours in a car to find his way to it, but he had arrived. He was fucking in love, and for once, he wasn't going to hide it away inside another girl's mouth.

"I love you," he told her.

She wiped away a tear from his eye with her other hand. "I love you too."

"I'm so sorry."

She leaned in and pressed her lips against his cheek for a delicate moment, a whisper of emotion. He could feel here there, on his skin, smiling.

"I forgive you."

Thank you so much for reading! I do hope you enjoyed this in some way, shape or form. If you want, you can review and tell me what yer thinking!