I sat there, arms resting on my knees, head resting on my hands, which are (obviously) attached to my arms. I sighed and I realized that the height of the order's highest roof top was the least of my problems. 1) I had no idea how to get down, 2) I had no idea WHY I was up here, 3) I had no ide HOW I got up here in the first place, and 4) KANDA YUU.
"I can't get the man out of my head. Why? The hell if I know. I can't stand having him on mind 24/7! It's driving me crazy! All I think is Kanda this, Kanda that! Can someone PLEASE tell me WHY?" I screamed at the open sky, feeling as if I was going crazy. Then a small voice whispered to me from the back of my head. 'Maybe it's because you're in love with him.' I shook my head, trying to clear the thought from my mind. "There is no fricken way in HELL I'm in love with that self-absorbed, self-rightious bastard!" The more I tried to shake that miniscule seed from my head, the more it stuck. It was like it had sprouted roots and was trying to corupt my brain with sick fantasies. 'But what if I do?' I thought to myself in distress. My mind was spining, and I couldn't understand half of the thoughts that flew around my head. "No.." I whispered. "That can't be possible. Why would I fall for him?" I tried to push my feelings down, not wanting anyone else to know that I might have feelings for Kanda, but tears came over my eyes like there was no tomorrow. I was so confused, so scared, and abnormaly mad all at the same time. I just sat there, crying my heart out, for hours. "Allen?" A voice sounded behind me. "Is that you?" I couldn't stop crying long enough to answer her. "What's wrong, Allen?" Lenalee came and sat next to me, a worried air about her. "Allen? You can tell me what's wrong, if you want, that is." She said shyly. I managed to shake my head, still crying for god knows what reason, and making myself feel like a heartbroken teenage girl. I leaned on her shoulder, trying to cease the endless cascades of tears, but failing miserably. After awhile, the tears started to slow enough so that I could speak. "I'm sorry, Lenalee..." I managed to spit out weakly as she turned too me. "Sorry for what?" I could tell I was blushing behind my coat of still-flowing tears, but i couldn't care less at the moment. "For letting you see me like this. I hate when people watch me cry, so I'm sorry." She looked at me, her face tensed with worry. "It isn't like you did anything wrong, right? Why are you crying, anyway?" I shook my head, unable to find the words to explain all my might-be feelings to Lenalee. "It's...Complicated." Even though I could tell she was bursting with questions, she didn't pry, and I was very thankful for that. It took a little bit longer for the tears to stop completely, and I was very embarrased that Lenalee had seen me like this. I turned to her, my eyes pleading. "PLEASE, don't tell any one about this! I'm begging you not to!" I couldn't believe how childish I sounded, but I couldn't have people knowing that I sat on the roof crying all day and half the night. She giggled like a little girl at this. I could tell just by looking at her that she liked me, and I felt so bad for her. "Lenalee, I need to tell you something, but I aslo need you to promise not to tell anyone, alright?" She stopped laughing at my serious tone and responded quickly. "I promise not to tell. What is it?" I looked down, trying to piece togther the strenght and the words to tell her with. "Well, you see...I, ummm..." I stuttered, my face turning as red as the flames of hell."I-I'm g-g-gay." Lenalee laughed again. "I knew that, silly!" I stared at her, truly and utterly dumbfounded. "How? Who else knows?" She shrugged. "I could just tell. I didn't tell anyone, though, because I thought that if you didn't tell us, you didn't want us to know." I wrapped her in a tight hug and gave her a small peck (of friendship) on the cheek. She blushed as she stood up and grabbed my hand, forcing me into a standing position. "Come on!" She exclaimed, grinning. "Let's go back inside! I promised Kanda and Lavi I'd join them for a game of cards!" I stiffened at the thought of Kanda, and for some strange reason my heart ached like hell. "Lenalee?" I asked. My voice was shaking, and I was on the verge of tears again. "Hm?" Said Lenalee, pausing and turning around to face me. "D-does Kanda r-really h-hate me as m-much as he s-says he d-does?" My voice was barely a whisper, and I was too upset to be suprised that she heard me. "Allen," She said softly. "Do you like Kanda? As in love-like?" I shook my head, obviously in denial. "No. I-it's just not possible. I can't be in love with him! I can't! But," I said, the tearsstarting to drip down my cheeks again as I fell to my knees. "If I do l-l-l-love Kanda and he still h-hates me, I don't know what I'm going to do." Lenalee kneeled down, wraping her arms around me and rubbing my back as I sat and cryed on her shoulder. "Shhhhhh, Allen, it's alright. I don't think he hates you. It's alright, okay? Just go up to him and ask him, or, if you want, I'll come with you, alright?" I nodded, trying to stop crying, and suceding this time. As Lenalee lead me to the exit on the rooftop, it was painfully silent. I was stumbling along on the suprisingly dark stairway, which wound down the side of the building. As we got closer to the ground, searchlights became visible. "Shit." I mumbled under my breath. My face was still bright red, and I bet you anything that my eyes were puffy and raw. As we got to the bottom of the cast iron stairs, Lenalee called out to the other groups. "Hey, Guys! Over here, I found him!" As people started gathering around us, I could pick out the familliar faces pushing their way to the front of the crowd. Lavi was dragging Kanda behind him, forcing him to see the me. Because they got to us first, I took a step towards Kanda and Lavi, my legs trembling. When Lavi finally let Kanda go, I took another small step towards them, feeling small and insignifigant next to all the people gathered around me. "K-Kanda, d-do you h-hate me?" I asked hesitantly, my face flushing a deeper red than before. Kanda glared at me in annoyace, and I could already tell what his answer was going to be. "Yes." He spoke simply and bluntly, and it felt as if he was tearing my heart out and thourghly burning to the point that it was nothing but ashes (after stomping on it and crushing it into hundereds of pieces.). I just stood there as Lenalee walked up and slaped him across the face. "What the hell was that for, Lenalee?" Kanda asked indignantly. "Can't you tell he likes you?" She screamed at him, her face only inches away from his. "Now look what you've done!" I heard her scream as I ran away, tears swarming my eyes. "What if he goes and offs himself because of you? You won't feel so high-and-mighty then, will you?" I heard the soft thud as Kanda fell to the ground in shock, and the loud smacks everyones shoes made as they ran after me. I ran faster, ignoring them as they called my name over and over. I heard a single set of footsteps running towards me as everyone else stopped, their breathing harsh.
I ran faster, heading blindly for a close forest. The footsteps followed my deep into to forest, and I could hardly breath anymore. I forced my feet to keep running, tearing away from the footsteps that were speeding up. I began to tumble as my foot snagged on the edge of my foot, sending me down a steep hill. I winced in pain as I heard my ankle snap, but when I reached the bottom of the slope, I tryed to keep running. My ankle gave underneath me and I plummeted down towards the ground. I could see my arm bending into an akward position right before I landed on it, causing it to snap like my ankle. "Allen?" Called a shockingly concerned voice. "Allen, can you hear me? Allen!" I lifted my head up as much as possible to find the source of the voice. K-Kanda?" I called out hoarsly, my voice raw from sobbing. Kanda raced down the hill with inhuman speed, coming up right next to me. "Are you okay?" His voice was worried, and that shocked me, but I shook my head all the same. "What hurts?" He asked, histeria creeping into his usually calm tone. "My arm and ankle are both broken." I told him. " I can't walk, I already tried." I was shocked as his hand struck my face. "You complete idiot! Can you not see how many people care about you?" He screamed at me, obviously livid. My eyes spread wide as he kissed me angerly, but with passion. 'Kanda. Just. Kissed. Me.' Was all I could think as he yelled at me again. I blushed like hell, my broken limbs momentarily forgotten and my inner desires disgusting me. "Kanda?" I said softly, interupting his lecture. "What?" He snapped, still pissed. "Could you...Kiss me again?"
"I can't get the man out of my head. Why? The hell if I know. I can't stand having him on mind 24/7! It's driving me crazy! All I think is Kanda this, Kanda that! Can someone PLEASE tell me WHY?" I screamed at the open sky, feeling as if I was going crazy. Then a small voice whispered to me from the back of my head. 'Maybe it's because you're in love with him.' I shook my head, trying to clear the thought from my mind. "There is no fricken way in HELL I'm in love with that self-absorbed, self-rightious bastard!" The more I tried to shake that miniscule seed from my head, the more it stuck. It was like it had sprouted roots and was trying to corupt my brain with sick fantasies. 'But what if I do?' I thought to myself in distress. My mind was spining, and I couldn't understand half of the thoughts that flew around my head. "No.." I whispered. "That can't be possible. Why would I fall for him?" I tried to push my feelings down, not wanting anyone else to know that I might have feelings for Kanda, but tears came over my eyes like there was no tomorrow. I was so confused, so scared, and abnormaly mad all at the same time. I just sat there, crying my heart out, for hours. "Allen?" A voice sounded behind me. "Is that you?" I couldn't stop crying long enough to answer her. "What's wrong, Allen?" Lenalee came and sat next to me, a worried air about her. "Allen? You can tell me what's wrong, if you want, that is." She said shyly. I managed to shake my head, still crying for god knows what reason, and making myself feel like a heartbroken teenage girl. I leaned on her shoulder, trying to cease the endless cascades of tears, but failing miserably. After awhile, the tears started to slow enough so that I could speak. "I'm sorry, Lenalee..." I managed to spit out weakly as she turned too me. "Sorry for what?" I could tell I was blushing behind my coat of still-flowing tears, but i couldn't care less at the moment. "For letting you see me like this. I hate when people watch me cry, so I'm sorry." She looked at me, her face tensed with worry. "It isn't like you did anything wrong, right? Why are you crying, anyway?" I shook my head, unable to find the words to explain all my might-be feelings to Lenalee. "It's...Complicated." Even though I could tell she was bursting with questions, she didn't pry, and I was very thankful for that. It took a little bit longer for the tears to stop completely, and I was very embarrased that Lenalee had seen me like this. I turned to her, my eyes pleading. "PLEASE, don't tell any one about this! I'm begging you not to!" I couldn't believe how childish I sounded, but I couldn't have people knowing that I sat on the roof crying all day and half the night. She giggled like a little girl at this. I could tell just by looking at her that she liked me, and I felt so bad for her. "Lenalee, I need to tell you something, but I aslo need you to promise not to tell anyone, alright?" She stopped laughing at my serious tone and responded quickly. "I promise not to tell. What is it?" I looked down, trying to piece togther the strenght and the words to tell her with. "Well, you see...I, ummm..." I stuttered, my face turning as red as the flames of hell."I-I'm g-g-gay." Lenalee laughed again. "I knew that, silly!" I stared at her, truly and utterly dumbfounded. "How? Who else knows?" She shrugged. "I could just tell. I didn't tell anyone, though, because I thought that if you didn't tell us, you didn't want us to know." I wrapped her in a tight hug and gave her a small peck (of friendship) on the cheek. She blushed as she stood up and grabbed my hand, forcing me into a standing position. "Come on!" She exclaimed, grinning. "Let's go back inside! I promised Kanda and Lavi I'd join them for a game of cards!" I stiffened at the thought of Kanda, and for some strange reason my heart ached like hell. "Lenalee?" I asked. My voice was shaking, and I was on the verge of tears again. "Hm?" Said Lenalee, pausing and turning around to face me. "D-does Kanda r-really h-hate me as m-much as he s-says he d-does?" My voice was barely a whisper, and I was too upset to be suprised that she heard me. "Allen," She said softly. "Do you like Kanda? As in love-like?" I shook my head, obviously in denial. "No. I-it's just not possible. I can't be in love with him! I can't! But," I said, the tearsstarting to drip down my cheeks again as I fell to my knees. "If I do l-l-l-love Kanda and he still h-hates me, I don't know what I'm going to do." Lenalee kneeled down, wraping her arms around me and rubbing my back as I sat and cryed on her shoulder. "Shhhhhh, Allen, it's alright. I don't think he hates you. It's alright, okay? Just go up to him and ask him, or, if you want, I'll come with you, alright?" I nodded, trying to stop crying, and suceding this time. As Lenalee lead me to the exit on the rooftop, it was painfully silent. I was stumbling along on the suprisingly dark stairway, which wound down the side of the building. As we got closer to the ground, searchlights became visible. "Shit." I mumbled under my breath. My face was still bright red, and I bet you anything that my eyes were puffy and raw. As we got to the bottom of the cast iron stairs, Lenalee called out to the other groups. "Hey, Guys! Over here, I found him!" As people started gathering around us, I could pick out the familliar faces pushing their way to the front of the crowd. Lavi was dragging Kanda behind him, forcing him to see the me. Because they got to us first, I took a step towards Kanda and Lavi, my legs trembling. When Lavi finally let Kanda go, I took another small step towards them, feeling small and insignifigant next to all the people gathered around me. "K-Kanda, d-do you h-hate me?" I asked hesitantly, my face flushing a deeper red than before. Kanda glared at me in annoyace, and I could already tell what his answer was going to be. "Yes." He spoke simply and bluntly, and it felt as if he was tearing my heart out and thourghly burning to the point that it was nothing but ashes (after stomping on it and crushing it into hundereds of pieces.). I just stood there as Lenalee walked up and slaped him across the face. "What the hell was that for, Lenalee?" Kanda asked indignantly. "Can't you tell he likes you?" She screamed at him, her face only inches away from his. "Now look what you've done!" I heard her scream as I ran away, tears swarming my eyes. "What if he goes and offs himself because of you? You won't feel so high-and-mighty then, will you?" I heard the soft thud as Kanda fell to the ground in shock, and the loud smacks everyones shoes made as they ran after me. I ran faster, ignoring them as they called my name over and over. I heard a single set of footsteps running towards me as everyone else stopped, their breathing harsh.
I ran faster, heading blindly for a close forest. The footsteps followed my deep into to forest, and I could hardly breath anymore. I forced my feet to keep running, tearing away from the footsteps that were speeding up. I began to tumble as my foot snagged on the edge of my foot, sending me down a steep hill. I winced in pain as I heard my ankle snap, but when I reached the bottom of the slope, I tryed to keep running. My ankle gave underneath me and I plummeted down towards the ground. I could see my arm bending into an akward position right before I landed on it, causing it to snap like my ankle. "Allen?" Called a shockingly concerned voice. "Allen, can you hear me? Allen!" I lifted my head up as much as possible to find the source of the voice. K-Kanda?" I called out hoarsly, my voice raw from sobbing. Kanda raced down the hill with inhuman speed, coming up right next to me. "Are you okay?" His voice was worried, and that shocked me, but I shook my head all the same. "What hurts?" He asked, histeria creeping into his usually calm tone. "My arm and ankle are both broken." I told him. " I can't walk, I already tried." I was shocked as his hand struck my face. "You complete idiot! Can you not see how many people care about you?" He screamed at me, obviously livid. My eyes spread wide as he kissed me angerly, but with passion. 'Kanda. Just. Kissed. Me.' Was all I could think as he yelled at me again. I blushed like hell, my broken limbs momentarily forgotten and my inner desires disgusting me. "Kanda?" I said softly, interupting his lecture. "What?" He snapped, still pissed. "Could you...Kiss me again?"