Okay this is my second attempt on writing a fanfic; the first one didn't work out so yeah, I deleted it. But this I hope will be better :D this story is gonna be mostly Tommy's Pov soooo yeah; I really hope you like it and I hope it doesn't suck as much as my first one. Enjoy! :D

Chapter 1: I miss you

Nothing makes sense anymore, nothing. I just walk around pretending like I know what I'm doing, but everything is getting out of control. I should've told him when I had the chance, I should've told him everything, but I didn't. Well, let me fill you in a little bit. First off let me start off by saying, I'm an idiot, why am I an idiot? Well probably because I let the love of my life slip away without telling them how I feel. I mean yeah for a while I kept denying my feelings toward him, just telling myself over and over 'no Tommy you don't love him, you're straight' but I could only lie to myself for so long. But once I finally opened my eyes it was so all obvious to me. When he and I would hang out, cuddle, kiss, just plain look at each other, it just felt right, you know? Like when we were together it felt like we were the only two people in the world, he made me feel complete, happy, and just plain amazing. He'd let me cuddle with him whenever I wanted, he'd always be there when the stress started to get to me, he could just make everything better without even trying, yeah he's that amazing. Then, when I sort of started to accept my feelings towards him it was a little too late. It was the end of the tour then, and my plan was to once we all said our goodbyes and such once everyone else left I would go up to him and tell him let I loved him, of course let didn't work. After we all said goodbyes and blah, blah, blah I went straight up to him and opened my mouth to speak, but nothing came out. Eventually I just told him that it wouldn't be the same not living together on the bus and I'd miss him and I gave him a hug, and that was it I let him walk away without telling him. So that is why I am here, lying on my floor, wishing I would've told him while I had the chance. Ever since the tour ended we haven't talked much, he's been really busy with friends, family, other people, interviews, working on his second album. He doesn't have time for me. I've tried to ask him to hang out before, but it's the same response every fucking time "Sorry I can't, too busy, but we should really hang out soon." I don't know what he means by soon, but it's been over a month since he's spoken to me. He's probably forgotten all about me, all about his tiny little bassist, he doesn't have time to talk to me, he doesn't have time to hang out with me, I don't matter anymore. He's found someone else anyway, his new boyfriend. I mean his boyfriend isn't a bad person or anything, he's actually really sweet, he's cute, he's funny, and he's everything Adam deserves. I shouldn't be upset about Adam having a boyfriend, Adam deserves to be happy, I just wish that I could've told him everything, I just wish he would've loved me too, I just wish I could have what he and his boyfriend have, all I want is Adam, but I am fully aware that I never can. But the least I deserve is a friendship with him right? I just want my friend back, I'm really tired of being ignored by him! Maybe I should call him, maybe he might actually have some time to hang out with me, maybe we could catch up, he could tell me about his album, and how his friends are doing, how, how his boyfriend is doing. Okay, maybe that's not a good idea, I love him, maybe it is bad for us to be friends, I don't know if I'll be able to handle it. I mean seriously, would you want the person you love talking to you about the person that they love, who is obviously not you, and them not even knowing how much it's hurting you. Well maybe I could tell him that I love him, just get it off my chest, and then we could go back to normal, and he just won't talk about his boyfriend around me, but that would never work. Me telling him that I love him would just put a whole lot of stress on him that he doesn't need, he would probably start avoiding me more if I told him, but then again, I'll never know unless I try. I pull out my phone, shit what time is it? 1:00 am, and I've been lying on my floor for how long? I looked back at my phone, I dial in Adam's number, now do I press talk, or do I press off, 'Make up your fucking mind Tommy!' I take a deep breath and I press talk. 'Ring' my heart beats faster, 'don't pick up, don't pick up' I tell myself. 'Ring' what the hell am I going to say to him anyway? 'Oh hey Adam just wanted to call you and tell you I'm in love with you, ok bye!' Yeah that's defiantly gonna work! Shit, this was a bad idea I should just hang up and-

"Hello?" Fucccckkkkkk! "Hello?" he repeated, 'oh shit, oh shit, oh shit!' What the fuck do I say? Okay stay calm Tommy just stay calm! Just say something simple.

"Hi." I said softly.

"Tommy?" his tone was

"Yeah?" I said, shit I probably shouldn't of called this late.

"What's up, are you okay?" He asked softly. 'No Adam I am not okay, I've never been okay without you.' I took a deep breath.

"I-I" my voice cracked, "I'm fine." I am trying really hard not to cry right now, just hearing his voice can bring tears to my eyes.

"Tommy…." He said, "I know you better then you know yourself, you are not fine, now tell me what's wrong." I just couldn't hold all of it back anymore , I started sobbing into the phone.

"Tommy?" his voice was dripping in concern, "are you still there?" I tried to speak between sobs.

"Yeah." I said softly.

"Tommy, I'm coming over there." He sounded so worried.

"Y-you d-don't have t-to." I said softly.

"I'm going to," he said, "I'll be there in a few minutes, just hang in there, I'll be there soon." Then he hung up and while I was lying there on my floor waiting for Adam Mitchel Lambert to show up at my door one thought came to mind. 'What the hell am I supposed to tell him?'

Well there ya go Chapter 1 :) I'm just gonna say right now that I love Adam's new boyfriend, Sauli :) and in this story I am in no way ahting on him, it's just I love writing for Adommy and yeah, I would write for Saulbert, but I don't know enough about Sauli, so maybe someday I will. I really hope you liked it!

~Sarah :)